Whatever you do whatever happens if that kid gets put into the dungeons get him out. They're not going to listen to me I can't do it myself and I'm afraid he's going to say something he shouldn't
Because he's a terrible liar and he made a dumb mistake that they might treat as a crime and they might call him in because of me which is completely unrelated to what he's actually done
I've earned a plus one so we'll see how your warding on the room is
Or there's always the Horizon, which frankly might be better. Regardless Lucifer returns to their room, makes fingerguns at his guard now on duty, and spins into the room like a rock star that quickly dissolves once the door is closed.
He just looks at Istredd and holds up his arms in the worst approximation of a shrug. "Ehhh. So that was fun."
Istredd really bristles under the appearance of a new guard although he is impeccably polite, understanding that it is hardly a soldier's problem what else is going on in the situation. He is surrounded with his notes currently, sitting cross-legged on his bed. His plans on going to the Singularity have gone up a step but this is annoying. All of the pages of his work are actually illusions to eyes outside of his, he's been somewhat secretive about it, even though there is nothing particular special about them.
"My wards are already very strong, if I add anything right now they'll suspect we are being particularly questionable. If we go into the Horizon, they'll also think you're hiding something."
It is his instinct, to protect them further from whatever is going on, but he knows it's unwise if Lucifer is under close watch at the moment. Anything additional will throw a flag, and they have to assume he is being watched by more than a guard. Istredd frowns and raises his eyebrows at him.
"We'll have to assume they hold. What in the world is happening?"
"Apparently dragging another Summoned in distress through Thorne isn't a wise thing to do if you don't want anyone to ask questions," Lucifer says, with a touch of irritation because what else was he supposed to do? Just leave him?
Well.
Six months ago he would have, actually.
"And I may have ahhh... tweaked a nerve when they were questioning me about maybe if they had just given us actual information on the gods then maybe things like this wouldn't have happened." He knows that was a bad play. He is very much aware that the comment was what sealed his fate because in order to scramble back up out of it he had to go heavy-handed with the truth. He claps his hands together and presses them tightly, tapping them at his pursed lips. "Soooo I told them the complete and whole truth and now I'm on house arrest for three days with a guard outside."
Can he leave it at that? No, unlikely. Is he going to try? Yes. So sue him, okay. He isn't purposely trying to be difficult it's just not exactly easy for him and he's already had a lovely conversation with Wilhelm on the way here so he's just a tad off-balance on top of the interrogation. Getting back to their room is the first chance he's had to actually breathe and he still hasn't even done that, not really.
"They're being extremely sensitive right now. Anything is suspicious."
Not only because of the start of the war but followed by the Heralds. Although he feels as if claiming the gods were to blame was reasonable enough of an excuse or any sort of odd behavior, it's not as if the Summoned alone experienced the effects. He puts his papers into a pile, in an order that only he really understands, and shrugs at Lucifer's confession.
"It may surprise you to know that back home I have a bit of a reputation for not shutting my mouth when frustrated by people in power spreading ignorance. My former mentor Stregobor really hates when I'm around to call him a liar in public."
Stregobor, who has been haunting him a great deal recently. Istredd means surprise in terms of him seeming so calm and centered at all times, and he mostly is. Especially in an unknown place surrounded by unknown people. He is playing the quiet game here.
"That being said, I do that in my home, surrounded by mages that I know. Not the precarious situation we find ourselves in. We're not going to get any information that way, Lucifer. The only way to get anywhere here is to suck up and earn their trust. Not something that I think either of us will excel at."
"I am typically good at keeping my mouth shut when I know I need to!"
Apparently not when he's concerned with the safety of others. What's up with that? Why are people so up in arms about connections when it provides them with such weakness?
"Their new brand of sensitivity is why I'm worried. They might pull the kid in to corroborate our story and he definitely doesn't have a handle on his emotions on a normal day. He's got... Other things he needs to keep from them." A sharp look, reminiscent to when he talked to Wanda. Lucifer will not elaborate on that any further. "And I talked to him before I talked to you. For all his hatred for me, I think I got him to listen to what was important, which is to focus and lean into what I did."
And worst case throw Lucifer to the wolves. He gave that weapon to a timebomb and the kid might lob it off even if he doesn't need it. He likely should warn Istredd about that, but it must be better not to know. Safer for Istredd's reputation, anyway, right?
Istredd sighs and gets to his feet, noticing the sharp look and mostly ignoring it because he doesn't care about stepping on toes. Whatever is going on, he will eventually get to the bottom of it, one way or another. For better or for worse they really are in each other's pockets and he has no intention of getting out of it.
"Lucifer. Listen to me."
He puts his hands together in an almost prayer gesture but he is not praying so much as really hoping he can get his friend to shut up for a few seconds. They are in a high-pressure situation but he seems as calm as ever. This is close to how he handled Wanda in an emotional state too.
"We are not going to let anything happen to the boy. If we can't help him, I will ask Yennefer and Stephen for help."
They have the power to do so and Istredd sounds very confident in his ability to get at least one or both to be willing. Yennefer is far more difficult to get, it's unlikely she'll stick out her neck, but he knows angles for that. Stephen is far more empathic. Either way, he is focused on calming his friend down.
"The Summoned will not sit there idly while they put one of our children into a dungeon. If the worst happens, we'll handle it."
Edited (OUR not YOUR jeez dee) Date: 2022-12-01 10:44 pm (UTC)
Getting Lucifer to shut up is something that would usually take prayer of a high order. He puts his hands on his hips and very much looks like he wants to do anything other than shut up and listen, but the restraint is there, if barely.
At least one of them is calm, though he thinks he's only really seen Istredd out-of-sorts once. The growing number of people who have seen Lucifer out-of-sorts, more than once, is rising at an alarming, uncomfortable rate.
Yay Abraxas.
The boy is hopefully going to do the selfish thing and help himself before he gets thrown into the dungeons and then Lucifer is going to be the one who's screwed. He should have worded things a little differently so that he didn't also get himself shot in the foot in the process, but it isn't as though Wilhelm would use a kinder option.
Wanda can't split open reality to another of his cells when she's all the way in Solvunn.
"He'll be fine," Lucifer says, but he doesn't sound at all like he's successfully convincing himself.
He remembers Yennefer in her alchemy lab. He thinks of them as similar people. He thinks of how he would be, unchanged, significantly injured because of a defensive spell gone wrong. Doesn't matter that Wilhelm didn't mess it up on purpose. He would have previously let the kid rot for his it.
He'd like to think Yennefer wouldn't, but he's not so confident in that. Stephen was supposedly the kid's teacher; how does that failure reflect on him? Would he allow it to?
It's cute that Istredd thinks they'd come to the kid's aid but Lucifer is only beginning to have sparks of trust in others. Asking him to, what, bank on faith in others? To do the right thing? What a joke.
Lucifer is easier to read than he probably thinks. Istredd doesn't need to be a telepath or read minds to see through him. They may not know one another perfectly, but they do know one another a little. And like many quiet people, Istredd is very observant while keeping to himself. He understands it is a hard sell, but that is mostly because the Summoned are a small group, and they have been thrown in the dungeon before. Their influence no matter what the size is still that of outsiders.
"We'll figure it out. There is nothing we can do until we know if he is taken in or not. I sent him a message and will try to reassure him."
Istredd wonders if it would be best if he at least attempts to play the game at some point so he can have some sway. But it simply is not his best skill. Yennefer and Stephen are good at it, he can see that easily. So is Rhy. They have key people who are trying and succeeding. He has to focus his attention on where he believes it matters, the big picture. So most of this concern is on Lucifer's behalf.
"It would be helpful to know what he did outside of be upset in public, as that seems hardly a big enough deal for true difficulty." Lucifer did give him a look but Istredd does not actually care for looks in search of logical truth.
He finally wanders fully into the room and thumps down on his bed, rubbing a hand over his face. The spelled logs have significantly improved his life, a comfort even now.
Is he really about to do this?
"I can't tell you that," he says, more to his hand than Istredd. He can't trust the warding that far. His hand slides away and he leans back and meets, and holds, Istredd's gaze. "But."
This might be a very bad idea. Whatever minds Istredd is used to actually dipping into, they still aren't the minds of an archangel.
But, he slightly reaches up and taps a hand to the side of his head in indication, continuing to maintain that eye contact. Lucifer knows exactly what he's offering.
Istredd's eyes widen at the implication as this is a clear line they made between them and he has not crossed in the slightest. A sign of wary trust or at least understanding no matter what there are ears here. No one would be able to listen in on his telepathy, it is the most warded skill that he has. His mind is the toughest part about him.
He inclines his head in understanding and sits on his bed. Eye contact actually helps since it requires him moving past Lucifer's defenses and doing that through the eyes makes it very smooth. It's one of the very first magical lessons he had.
Depending on how Lucifer's mind conversations or telepathy has gone before, he'll find this is just as gentle as he would expect from the quiet mage. Gentle but strong at the same time, wielding it well, although he knows little of what he'd find, but Istredd is as steady as he seems.
It's through the static of Lucifer's basic protections that Istredd hears: "It's not so simple as that."
Because this is more of a show versus tell scenario and for Lucifer to do that he has to pull Istredd in; those memories are far too fortified for anything else.
It'll prove just how tough Istredd's mind is.
Considering the last person to root around in his head was Apocalypse Michael, this is way better at least on Lucifer's side.
Istredd though... The problem is there's too much there, even with Lucifer allowing this to happen. Drawing down his own mental defenses further than he would like, but the information Istredd needs is so ungodly layered that they have to crack through the membrane of his mind.
This is not something Lucifer would ever do under normal circumstances.
But Istredd's right, and those words? Cannot be spoken aloud, cannot be written down, and the Horizon is still too risky.
His usual obfuscating white noise rises up like thousands of insect wings buzzing before that layer draws away to impossibly molten heat, the white-hot fires of Hell crumpling to the ever-expanding, ever-twisting unholy nebula. Neurons firing off, sparking radiance, so much contained power and yet everything is just a little dim, like some of the lights had burned out.
He's so far from what he should be in power.
From there, after getting deep into the alien mind, the rest is easy. A memory swept out of a cosmos and brought forth in offering. Murky at first except for Thorne's gardens, the other figure blurred, but rapidly coming into focus as his irate mood grows with a fire Lucifer feels a kinship towards.
And then the memory becomes crystal clear. It plays through the scene, death threat and all, and breaks away after Kell says 'He lit it on fire, that's what happened to it' and then it too burns away from hellfire, quickly replaced with a clipped second one.
Istredd will be able to recognize Wanda easily standing before Lucifer. There's no more than a hum of exhausted thoughts directed towards her. But the man sitting in the background that Istredd would not recognize... he has dozens of unrealized, incomplete thoughts circling him.
'He did something. A mistake, but it's Thorne. Age doesn't matter to them. A Summoned is a Summoned. They'll destroy him.'
And that memory falls away, not on fire like the first, but simply fading, accompanied by the slow roll of distant thunder.
It's very clear that Lucifer has no belief that being seventeen and making a mistake will offer Wilhelm any protection, and that's emphasized by the last, also brief, memory.
This is a strange one, as it's Lucifer talking to Istredd himself, the simple sentence that's been fished out encapsulating all of Lucifer's... concerns: 'Thorne was looking for any excuse real or fabricated.'
They don't need much to hang a Summoned out.
All they need is a scapegoat, and a narrative to spin. Lucifer's favorite kind of story.
That memory remains as simply an echo between them as Lucifer pulls back into himself, the layers all packing in nicely. If Istredd doesn't take this unusual opportunity to "weigh in" Lucifer will pull around the final layer, that faint droning nothingness, and take to rubbing at his temple, quiet.
Istredd is very strong and controlled in his mind but this is certainly different from anything he's had to do before. Usually going through minds or communication is a smoother experience for him, but he has never experienced a mind like Lucifer's, and it is startling at first. He already knew his roommate was not human, and that should have been a concern from the start as he's never directly gone into inhuman minds, but in this case, he steels himself for it.
His mental shields are what spares him the real danger that could happen because they've been in place and fortified so consistently that it would take a lot to chip them away entirely. His personal wards are protection although he does experience the white noise, the confusing heat and visions, but he is wrapped up and parses through. Slower than he would a human mind, though, but still managing.
In fact, once he gets to the memories, that is far easier. The other parts are confusing and curious, but memory sharing is familiar to him. Even under this amount of pressure, as he continues pushing power into his shields. He'll likely have a headache after this, to say the least, but he manages to balance.
The memory with Kell at least gives him the clearest answer, he picks up on the suggestion that Wilhelm set fire to the card instead of using it. So he accidentally led to Yennefer's shield not being as strong as it should be. It was unintentional, but the consequences still happened, and that leaves him with the understanding it won't matter. The queen's lover died after that situation, which led to the start of the war. Lucifer isn't concerned about the heralds, it's about what could be revealed after further questioning.
Istredd doesn't take advantage of the moment to go deeper or hold them there, he can feel Lucifer pulling back, but what he does do before he retreats is use his own telempathy to push something back at him. Not a memory, not thoughts, but feelings. Understanding. A shared concern for Wilhelm now that he saw. And something he gave Wanda before: support. A warm unconditional and undefinable sensation of care that is similar to the hand on Lucifer's back from the wall that day.
And then he pulls back and he's back to his own mind. Istredd does wince after a moment and rubs his temples, mostly as his mind rights itself and adapts to what was surely an alien and bizarre experience. He's shared memories and feelings easily his whole life, but it is different this way. Blue eyes fix on his friend, pensive.
"I think it may be a wise idea for more of the Thorne Summoned to meet not in a public ballroom, but in a warded space that exists." He means Kylo Ren's room, which still stands even without the man here. The only space he knows of that is protected.
"At least as far as public spaces go it could be worse," he says. Enough bodies, enough moving around. Keep things low, keep things quiet, under the guise of a fun little shindig. "But it may be wise. Even if it was further down the road, after they've settled in." Lord, he's actually going to say--"Team Meeting. They can't fault us for that, right?" Can't be mad at their right to assembly.
... problem is, Thorne very much could.
He hums, shaking his head, already partially dismissing that. For all intents and purposes he's loyal to Thorne, only out of necessity, and only until they no longer serve a purpose to him. "A meeting to make sure everyone is on the up-and-up." Doesn't have to be what it is, just what they say in case any officials ask; and they don't need any officials present because everyone would be much more likely to "fix their mistakes" if it was Summoned Only.
He just wishes he knew if there were any other "untrustworthy" Summoned other than, well, himself. He doesn't care if someone is going to sell them out to Free Cities or Solvunn; he just needs them to be safe from Thorne.
"I am not thinking when the new people all arrive, no. There is no way of knowing at first if they are potentially loyalists. But those of us who are trustworthy to talk in one space."
Istredd is daunted by the public meetings of course, and he knows they are very carefully watched and spied upon, which is simply expected. They have the study that Kylo Ren created, and it would be possible for a group of them to meet there as one. Not only in their quiet side talks. There is too much fear and threat hanging over this place.
"The Horizon is an option, obviously, but I am not thinking of a situation where other factions should come. Respectfully, there are topics very Thorne-centric, given our circumstances, that only we would understand."
They are the ones more or less being held under close capture. He knows in the other locations they can move around freely, easily go to other cities, and even if they are watched, it isn't the aggressive way it happens here. It also wouldn't be wise to concern the other factions while they still have yet to talk about it.
"I feel as if unity would be very useful among the Summoned here. The boy should not be your sole concern, he should be all of our concern. But we are disconnected more than from what I've heard of the others."
Which makes no sense as they are all living literally next door to each other, not spread around. But they cannot meet safely. That is a major part of it. Istredd sighs and rubs his hands over his face, that migraine definitely starting. Lucifer's mind was strong. He feels heavy.
He picks and pulls a thread out of the blanket beneath him and wraps it around his fingers as he fidgets with it, unaware he's even doing so as he thinks. The Horizon is certainly a problem. As much as he doesn't want to risk Thorne officials getting suspicious, he'd rather that than other factions eavesdropping about their shit.
"I don't think the other factions really understand the trouble we have here." Wanda didn't. He could see it on her face when he explained his concerns about Wilhelm. For as much as Lucifer acts he's quickly come to terms with needing whatever he has in Thorne to be stable. One wrong move from a Thorne Summoned could be catastrophic for the rest of them.
Even Lucifer can't afford that.
"There's still many of the Summoned here I haven't," bothered to, "interacted with." He'd like to think he has what he needs. But then... while Lucifer isn't exactly loyal to Thorne himself, there's a time and a place for disloyalty. And if he hasn't interacted with all their Summoned then he doesn't know where any of them stand.
That's dangerous.
"Unity would serve to do us well. Trust is a problem though." And Lucifer knows he's just at fault for that. "It'd be nice to think that even if we all had different goals that we wouldn't get each other killed." Look, he hasn't tried to kill Jack outside of a nightmare space! And he's very, very much wanted to!
"No, they can't understand. They've been captured, we're trapped." It is an important distinction in his opinion. Yes every one of them has been taken from their worlds, but from what he hears from the others, they can have jobs of their own, homes of their own even. In Free Cities they can make actual businesses. They can live peacefully in the farmlands. They aren't caught in a castle with an increasingly unhinged and distrustful royalty.
He rubs at his temples, there is a lingering ache from Lucifer's mind. It reminds him of times he's pushed himself too much that way, so it's interesting to feel like he pushed to a breaking point with a single mind. Fascinating, really. He would ask more about it, but the whole reason they had to do it that way was to avoid eavesdropping.
"Gods, I really don't want to have to start becoming social, Lucifer. Logically it is a good idea, we should move to align goals and to find a page we can all survive from, but I am not built for this."
Istredd rarely is this blunt or honest about his shortcomings although that's because he rarely has anyone to talk to about it. He has been in his own company too long, with no one really to answer to, and he finds himself in a situation where he should've paid more attention in his court classes. Yuck.
"You're charming and charismatic, could you tone down the attitude?" One of them can maybe be functional!
'No, they can't understand. They've been captured, we're trapped.'
That will stick with him.
"No."
It's a whine. Hundred-percent a whine. He drops his hands from their fidgeting and for a moment looks like the most petulant child, not a billions-year-old entity.
His "attitude" is what keeps him sane.
"I socialize strictly out of necessity to get what I want from people." He's told Istredd that people are easy. That they're a game. He'd stopped himself from saying more on that branch, but he doesn't feel like he has to anymore if pushed, even at risk of being overheard. Thorne knows some of what he is now; they shouldn't be surprised by his methods. "I don't do small talk."
Istredd rolls his eyes at the whine. It is fine to say no, it is a big ask for Istredd to try and force his friend into being the social one because it's uncomfortable for him to do it. So that's perfectly reasonable. It's the petulance that makes him wonder if he shouldn't have said charming at all.
There is a pause after that and he stares at Lucifer for a few long seconds, the wheels in his head turning. "What is it precisely that you want out of me?" Istredd is not asking if this started because he does want something. He assumes that he is not the exception. Lucifer wanted something so he tolerated the quiet nerd living in his space. That's fine.
If his Father and brothers couldn't get him to not act like a child, Istredd is going to have no choice.
Really, if Istredd should ever have the unfortunate luck of meeting his Father one day, he would see the uncanny similarities between the two. Like Eternal Creator, like Satanic Son.
But then Istredd asks the question that Lucifer did in fact walk himself into and he, still in that childish sort of behavior, thumps his back down onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling with a bit of a groan. In the way that Lucifer's attitude is a constant pendulum though, the behavior is dropped in an instant, like it was physically sucked out of the room. Lucifer is holding one arm up perfectly straight, tracing a symbol in the air that Istredd wouldn't recognize and is simply another nonsense sigil connected to Lucifer.
"Honestly, you were simply a placeholder," he starts, his voice devoid of much of anything. "The simplest of uses. Far less 'diabolical' than Wilhelm." He continues drawing air symbols until Istredd might recognize Abraxas' Devil arcana, and maybe might make the connection to the rest. "I had to move rooms constantly in order to avoid something absurd like having a roommate. It was exhaustive. You held up decent, worthwhile conversation, and I doubted you'd stab me in my sleep. Win-win."
He drops his hand and drags himself back up to a sitting position, slow, like the walking dead him and Kyle had fought off. Unnatural. There's a soft, almost firelight glow to his eyes and he tilts his head and looks to Istredd, and despite the two enchanted logs providing them heat, for a moment there is nothing but cold. Ice particulars creeping up the window. He leans in, voice a brittle whisper, "What if I told you I was using you to get to Yennefer?"
Lucifer, always trying to find a way to shatter a good thing. Some useless, archaic piece of him innately telling him that the devil isn't deserving of nice things.
Istredd is calm, still sitting up and watching him, blue eyes narrowed. He has no doubt there were reasons to start, and he is not inclined to be offended. Lucifer has acknowledged that there is a shift in their relationship since then, so it doesn't necessarily matter what his first opinions were. Although perhaps it was, because he makes a face at him.
"I'm slightly annoyed it wasn't the obvious. I'm a mage and can make wards, I can be useful and add a layer of protection. Placeholder. Disappointing." Not that he thinks the initial want to have a roommate he can tolerate was a bad one. But he's always been underestimated, and maybe back home there were reasons for that, but here he has turned out to be more useful. His power and control of it very strong.
It's strange how Lucifer is acting then, so cold and closed off, and Istredd isn't particularly sure why this revelation is supposed to matter more. "I would say first that you don't understand our relationship, because I am extremely low on her list of priorities or concerns." That is a mixture of his bitterness and low self-esteem talking. He doesn't think she would care whether he lives or dies. But he didn't indicate their exes state at first.
"And I would say second that I hope you don't mean get as in trying to kill her or ... woo her. Because that would be far more offensive." If Lucifer wanted Yennefer dead, that did make him an enemy, and Istredd does not like that idea at all. He would be far warier about this. Yennefer may not give a fuck about him, but he does about her. And then there would be the sting and slight jealousy of being used to get with her.
"I only knew your expertise a few months ago, idiot," he snaps. Sure, it's because Lucifer never bothered to ask because he hardly saw the importance. But despite the tone there is an attempt to make Istredd feel better about that because look. Look. Mages alone didn't matter to him, okay?
The man is still an idiot, he thinks. He revealed his connection to Yennefer almost immediately and while innocuous the continued information about their world and structure provides a value in itself. Nothing more than barbs to be used as weapons, but all you need is a single one to land just the right way for it to make an impact. Yennefer, while keeping herself closed up, has a leak that she may or may not realize to be Istredd.
"Do you know how many people share worlds?" he says, having not yet cracked, because this is important. "It isn't about relationships. She's a guarded personality and you're a thread about her life that she can't control." He doesn't know if that's enough to make Istredd understand. It's all Lucifer is willing to outright say.
He will not voice the true value of Yennefer to him. That's too weighty, almost as much as Wilhelm for different reasons. Yennefer is the closest to the queen of any Summoned, and a constant insult to High Mage Ambrose as someone that had deemed many of the original Summoned as "mistakes" to be locked up. That position Lucifer lauded as the most important cog in Thorne.
Now though...
It isn't until Istredd suggests that it was about wooing Yennefer that Lucifer breaks, a loud, almost disturbed scoff jolting his frozen posture and the glow to his eyes cutting out. The room temperature is immediately swallowed up by the heat, but the frost takes some time to recede.
"Woo her? God, no. I am not interested in this hooking up thing humans do." Ugh. Ugh! The mere suggestion. He knows they're exes and good on them for whatever but nope. No thanks. "I'll tell you some other time." A Nocwich trip, maybe. Away from here and untrustworthy walls. "It doesn't matter now."
For the moment, anyway. That could change down the road, just as much as anything. And maybe that's why part of him does want Istredd to know, eventually. But the in-the-moment is what matters.
He smooths a tired hand over his face. "I'm worried about her, Istredd." Which had better never get back to her. "She's too much like me." All that survival no matter the cost, all that bundled emotion, all the razor-edged wrath like Lucifer in this room, all the breaking points that they hope aren't there if they just ignore them hard enough.
Istredd almost replies that they're not the only people here from their world, but luckily, he has actually done some soul-searching lately and tries his best to think before he speaks. They do plan on doing a spell on him soon as an extra layer of protection for Ciri, but there he is, almost making that connection. Without knowing if it's one already known. He opens his mouth and then closes it, which may indicate to Lucifer that he almost said something and thought better of it. See. Attempts have been made.
He looks relieved at the reassurance no wooing was happening. Istredd has a bias since he's been in love with Yennefer most of his life, so he assumes everyone wants her. He suspects she has lovers and/or admirers here, and that is only reasonable, he wouldn't say a word about it or against it. It's her life. But he is very glad it doesn't include his roommate. He does have limits. He notes that Lucifer indicates he's not interested in people like that in general, a fact to remember.
Istredd knows at least one or two major things about Yennefer that would make her very vulnerable, and he would never say a word about it. That he doesn't need a spell to shut his mouth for. His devotion and love for her is absolute, and the situation with her magic is something he is hoping to help fix. He won't stop trying to fix it.
"Gods, if that's true, it is just my luck to be wrapped up in both of you." If they are that much alike, and they are the two most important people to him, what does that say about his taste in the people he's drawn to? He is so different from them in every possible way. "She will be fine. Both of you will be fine. If I have faith in anything, it's that if the worst happens and the Singularity is destroying everything, somehow the two of you will survive."
He would say like cockroaches if he knew what they were. But it isn't an insult or anything. Yennefer's ability to survive is something he's glad for, it is why he had such a hard time accepting she was dead before, and then he turned out to be right and she was still alive.
"You don't have to get so defensive. I'm not mad that you had reasons for tolerating me. Don't we all."
Good. He can learn. Lucifer may have actually throttled him if he had slipped anything, just to teach him a further lesson, posted guard outside be damned.
He glances away from Istredd to the window, the last of the frost melting away.
He almost tells Istredd that being so close to the two of them will no doubt get him burned one day. He doesn't. Istredd likely already knows, if he's been around Yennefer for as long as he has. Add Lucifer to the mix, well. There's a wildfire.
But he does bristle at being called defensive, like it makes him even more defensive. He sniffs, shaking it off. "Truly, it's a wonder you tolerate me." Is his self-loathing showing? Ha, ha, ha, hilarious.
Istredd suspects that he'll get burned someday, yes, but it's not as if he really has a choice in these things. He's permanently attached to Yennefer and he isn't going to stop being friends with Lucifer because things might get complicated. It is pointless to worry about. Things will happen as they happen.
"I don't tolerate you, I like you. Even if you did just give me a bad headache and told me you saw me as a placeholder."
He is going to just be annoying as fuck by countering Lucifer's defensiveness with honesty and teasing him about his cold explanation of why they started interacting. Istredd is fairly certain this headache is going to last him until tomorrow but that is fine. He'd love to go back into his head, to be honest, but he is definitely not going to saky as much.
"At least I didn't try to turn you into a spy!" He folds his arms with a huff. You know, the whole reason they are currently in their room like this. Which--no, that's not the reason, the reason is Lucifer got whammied and his control stolen from him and then tried to be a good guy regardless about it.
It has nothing to do with his original actions!
(Give it time and maybe he'll come to terms with the truth.)
"Be happy you only got a headache." Is he glossing over the 'I like you' comment? Yes. Yes, he is. "I assumed you might turn out to be braindead." He says it like it's a joke but there is the barest visibility to actual concern there, but they didn't have much choice.
Istredd actually laughs. "Me? A spy? How very glamorous." The very idea is genuinely hilarious. Istredd with his inability to keep his mouth shut. Very little subtlety. Disliking people and crowds. There would be ways in which he'd be a good one, but he simply doesn't have what it takes.
"Someone less qualified than I am very well could have." He is still being careful not to indicate what it was that they did in case someone is listening in. Although he very much doubts they are. He would feel the brush of spells if that was the case, but it's better to be safe. "It was fascinating though. Beautiful, in a way."
"You'd make it work." But even as he says it he makes a face because no... Istredd's inability to keep his mouth shut is completely a problem. "Eh. I'm sure you'll lead your glamorous library life instead."
It's been a long time since anyone referred to any part of him a beautiful. The angels, despite everything he'd done to them, still saw something there. Maybe spitefully. But he's been sunk so far from his own kind that everyone else only sees the monster. The demons, Sam, Rowena.
It was his true form and multiple faces that followed him in mockery, and because of the proximity to that event he doesn't just flippantly say 'of course it is.' Instead, Istredd gets the extremely eloquent, "Uh. Thanks."
"Honestly I hope if I make it a few more centuries I just fake my death and retire to a library somewhere and stay out everything." He's not a century yet so he is still young by mage standards, but he has an old and grumpy soul who is often tired of everything. As it is, he can't just disappear without people going looking, they want all mages accounted for. But once he's older, he could probably swing it.
Istredd pauses when he realizes what he said and that it might be, well, bizarre. He flusters a little, having not (as usual) thought before he spoke. "Sorry, I know that must seem like a strange compliment."
"No it's--fine." He waves Istredd off. For him honestly it's not bizarre. It didn't used to be, anyway. "Thank you in... general, really." For more than tolerating him, for Wilhelm, for whatever partnership they've found themselves in that Lucifer is still learning how to handle.
Istredd is getting anxious when he thinks he maybe misspoke, so he relaxes at Lucifer's wave off. He generally believes he would tell him the truth, so it was probably him getting into his head too much. As per usual. He isn't that good at having friends either, even if he's found it very rewarding so far.
"You're welcome in general, really." He smiles faintly along with a slightly teasing tone. "I ... like having someone count on me. It's new."
"You have no idea how much I can relate to that," Lucifer says, though perhaps that isn't completely true. Lucifer hasn't told Istredd what he's done in his world, but he has alluded to an extent what he is. The storybook villain--much of it true, much of it very wrong.
Emotionally wrung-out, he flops down to his side. Better than the last time he dropped back, but Lucifer is very much more cat than bird most days, and his constant ways of movement prove it. He might sleep. He might dip into the Horizon anyway. He has some books here but three days in confinement is enough to make him twitchy, even if it's their room, even if he gets Istredd to bring him something.
He's going to be hell to live with towards the backend of it, regardless.
"Say hello to the outside world for me," he says, as though he actually has much of a social presence on a good day.
"I'll go get you more books." If he is going to stay there, he will have the Horizon or he will have that. And Istredd does not want an excuse to get those claws into him, which feels inevitable. "And yes, yes, they won't be my kind of books." He says before Lucifer can make a face at him and ask for something not as dull as Istredd's mountain of history textbooks and spells.
[It's a mix of 'make your own ravens' and Lucifer's mounting stress between everyone he's had the displeasure of encountering and the negotiations that had Lucifer, at one point, in Istredd's domain.
Crafting animals even for him isn't easy and it would take time, so these are more animate objects than creatures.
But the next time Istredd comes to his domain it will be full of ravens.
They asked to be blessed with a prosperous new year. I doubt this is the outcome they expected, given we're not being asked to butcher the beasts for consumption.
I expect that will depend which god is listening when next they call. The natives have history from before our arrival; these rituals can't be entirely self-destructive.
As far as I can tell though, these rituals have only been making drastic changes due to our presence here. The Singularity is different because of us. So they might be able to try things they couldn't before.
Yes it would, which is why my organization forbid anything of the sort. But they still knew how. Perhaps it is for the best though, I would not want to encourage Thorne to get any more power than they currently have. Only more opportunity for them to control us and the rest of this place.
They turn their nose up to it now, but if they get wind that it's all successful, that might change things. Any chance they get to take power they will. Lucifer wants to see if there is a way to rescue some of the others and get them out of Thorne before things get worse.
If they learn to control the flying leviathans, it won't matter how far away anyone is. Don't make the cleanup seem too effortless.
[He's thinking of the golden serpents glimpsed during their recent sea voyage, coiling up from the waves and out into the stars. They'd seemed formidable creatures.]
I have a strong suspicion that you may be in the faction that actually presents the most potential danger to the rest of us, Michael. Please be careful.
So the kid got "put in timeout" for trying to use his definitely-now-confirmed emotion-transfer-whatever ability when guards pulled him aside for questioning but he's fine.
He just started being willing to use his magic intentionally and this is how he decides to do it? I didn't realize I also had to communicate that the guards here have magical defenses.
Why do you think I was so worried about him getting pulled?
He's not in the dungeons at least; he said they put him in some room until the morning. [Lucifer really wants to know about that room but there's no way Wilhelm will be able to figure out anything about it.] So it could've been much worse.
[Now that Lucifer's initial flare of panic is gone, he.............. may or may not be laughing mentally at Istredd.
All in. Good humor, really.
Look, he's been dealing with this kid since Day 1 of Abraxas. Alllllllll the drama and angst and stupidity.
Welcome to the party, Istredd! You basically chose this, twice over. Once because of general magic-instructing bullshit and twice because you chose Lucifer and therefore inherited Lucifer's Problems(/people).
[It might actually be the first time Istredd's shown him something rather than felt.
It's just. Vaguely surprising, is all. Lucifer's the one that operates with imagery when he can, easier than to lead down the tumbling rabbit hole of his thoughts.]
Glad you didn't become an eel.
[This is, unfortunately, followed by an odd imagination of a slithering eel in Istredd's bed with a very concrete placeholder?, laughing thought.]
[ Istredd does lean more toward cerebral and talking over images, but it really cannot be overstated how large that pool is or what it contains. Some things do need visual aids.
He smiles at the almost sweet reply and then laughs at the image. There's amusement in their bond. It's ridiculous. ]
Would you like me better if I was silent and slithery?
You know that I don't want the young people here to have to grow up like I did, but there has to be a middle ground because this is a mistake they're only going to overlook once.
You can be the one to tell him the disastrous idiotic mistake he made because I sure as hell didn't. Last thing I need his him spinning with negative thoughts stuck in a room.
You're his teacher and I'm smart. [Smarter. Because he knows how he'd react to someone telling him he was an idiot when he couldn't do anything about it now, it basically could be an overlay to their own conversation after Lucifer was interrogated. And maybe he shouldn't be basing all his reactions and judgments towards Wilhelm on himself but
He's gotta have some shortcomings. No respect for your magic rocks. Is that teenage rebellion? I don't know. Few people, really, respect your rock love. [Lucifer has been one of them since before Istredd so. There's that. Right?]
If it's a teenage rebellion, everyone I know is in the middle of a teenage rebellion. I'm used to being the only one. At least here there are other people interested in the Singularity.
I only figured out the truth about the monolith because I was talking to someone who was completely different from me. The way he thought was nothing like how I did, so we managed to somehow branch off each other, and stumble upon a truth. It's probably how we'll figure it all out, if we ever do.
[there is a clear struggle in him remembering that they do have access to the bond again, just as there had been a struggle in the beginning. relearning. ugh.]
[ And in typical Istredd fashion he leans on it first rather than second, as natural as breathing. Especially now that they have this back and it's like a security blanket to him. ]
I know, apparently it is supposed to be in the Free Cities. I have a suspicion who left it here, so when we leave, we will drop it off to that portal.
[ After a beat, a little wistful. ]
But no reason it has to go back this minute, right?
[Because it's fluffy and Lucifer thinks it's trying to stare into a soul he doesn't have.
There's the mildest breakthrough in his static--which has improved in clearing up slightly now that Lucifer's slept a significant amount. Not nearly as much as he needs though. Rocking that displeased cat vibe.
However. There's a very, very begrudging response. Certainly someone that Does Not Believe emotional support animals are a thing.]
It's not bad company. More pleasant than my other feline-like companion.
[ Meaning yes, somewhat. Istredd has spent a lot of his time since returning back in the Horizon or writing notes, he's seen almost feverishly distracted by his details, so having a purring creature grounding him in his body, not the worst thing. He did leave to check on some of the other Pit survivors. The feline-like companion meaning Lucifer himself, obviously.]
That's the sense I got. Well if you want to step into the uncle role, you can always use your experience from Wilhelm to make it easier. Although he is far less surly of a teenager. I nearly got stern at Wilhelm down there.
[ Istredd has no idea that he has the wrong information about Jack, who told him he was Castiel's son like everyone else. He did almost young man Wilhelm in the pit. ]
[well now you're dealing with a surly devil who is not at all holding this fuzzy moth cat thing in outstretched hands, remembering the mothhares, and wondering if it can actually do anything useful like keep all his damn thoughts quiet
'uncle role' what a load of full-blown crap this isn't fair
he's fine]
I ran into Jack a few days ago. So, maybe. I don't know.
How was Wilhelm? You said something about 'handling it.'
[ Istredd is good at reading Lucifer even when he's giving him static, he can sense something is off, and that confusion seeps through the bond. It could just be that he's bad at family relationships. He hesitates in indecision but then decides to let him off the hook for now. ]
When he went through the ritual, he became indoctrinated. He started thinking they were the good guys and trying to convince people to join them. I don't know why it was different for him, but it made taking care of him harder. I don't know how much of it he remembers.
I don't think he managed to. That guilt would be very hard to combat even if everyone was unwell and did things they may regret. I managed to heal Kell early on so he was more capable during the escape. I believe he managed to help clear some of Wilhelm's head himself.
[ He doesn't know that Kell felt bad about leaving him behind, as it was his choice and insistence. ]
I saw him. Them. About as good as to be predicted.
[fortunately for Istredd he has Lucifer to tell him all about Kell's Issues!!]
Yeah speaking of guilt though, Kell by the way was ridden with it when we found him. Thought he should have done more to save you even though you were dead set on dying if it'd get them out. [mm, bit accusatory there, whoops, backtrack] I logic'ed him around but I'm sure there's going to be a resurgence of it again at some point.
Oh, trust me, I told him all about your deathwish. [That's not really... quite how it happened, but it may as well be.] He clearly did not "understand." I was able to be derail him by asking if he took care of Wilhelm, because obviously he did.
I don't have a deathwish. I am very glad to be alive.
[ Semantics. Istredd didn't think that Kell would hold onto guilt about that since it had been his request, and concern floods through him. He'll have to check in with the boy, make certain he understands it wasn't in any way his fault. ]
I'll talk to him. I can understand that leaving someone to die isn't easy no matter the reason.
[He's going to lean into the hope that Istredd doesn't know the extent of Lucifer's Ambrose Incident. Re: actually getting imprisoned in the dungeons for a day.]
The benefit of teenagers is that their bodies will shake off the physical damage quicker than you'd expect.
It's the emotional damage that will take time.
[This is all laid out very methodical. Neutral, informational. Not so much a closing off of emotions as it is that alien nature of someone that knew how to break down souls.
Likely how his tone would have been when he told Istredd to weigh his pros and cons in the pit, had they access to the bond at the time.]
I'm an expert on inflicting extensive mental trauma. There's a difference.
[If Istredd is implying Lucifer's own mental trauma heeeeeeeeeee........... wouldn't really call himself a survivor, nor someone ANYONE would want to take his "methods" from.]
[ Istredd can tell by the dimmed static that Lucifer unconsciously knows that he's back so he quietly closes the door and locks it.
The cat creature does decide to come to him only to sit very flatly on his chest so any attempt from Istredd to move will only bother it. A very wise choice to get someone to sit still, whether intentional or not by the lazy beast.
He does shoot a look over at his sleeping friend that has all the softness and adoration that he usually tries to dampen where he can see, and then he too sleeps. ]
Istredd. I believe you may have gotten my letter for a standing invitation. I'd understand if you would like to keep what happened in the pit in the past.
Did I tell you I was in the middle of an interview detailing my life that came into vampirehood when I first arrived? Giving you parts to preserve at your domain to record what happened to us tickled me. I know. Coping. I already have in mind what book to add. Please, come if you wish, and if not my doors remain open to you in the future regardless.
I saw you went in to talk to Josselyn. Could we put together what all those who talked to her managed to get out of her? I think—
I think it'll be good not just for us to know what happened, or what to expect. Understanding the why this happened at all. I think it might help those who were taken.
[like istredd himself, but wanda knows he's got a strong mind and a strong will. she's more worried for... the younger ones, those who still find a hard time pulling out of the darkness even now.]
Make it so that the findings are shared with those who are ready to know about it. I'm sure the both of us can make a mental block on the communication so it doesn't intrude on anyone who doesn't want to read about it.
[a simple hex to divert their minds, distract them from it all, so they can pretend it was never there to begin with. thus, no threat of being reminded of the situation.]
We could do that, yes. Kyle, Lucifer, and I already talked about what we learned from her separately. I wrote it down in the library although it's only readable right now to people who know where to look for it.
[ Meaning she could easily find eachoftheir conversations if she wanted to. ]
I hadn't considered telling everyone but I suppose that would only be fair. Hiding that kind of information isn't helpful.
I went to speak with her along with Henry, another telepath here in Solvunn. We didn't poke into her mind. We just had direct questions, thinking she'd be too arrogant to not answer them.
I'm just — worried some people will not be able to get closure. Many didn't get it from her execution.
I found her very quick to answer truthfully too, to my surprise. I connected with her mind thinking she would be harder to crack.
[ The two of them could not be fooled by anyone, so she really was just who she said. ]
If you think it will help, we can ask the others who interrogated her and have everyone available to answer questions. Not that we know everything, but so it's all clear.
I was disappointed she had no idea who the original shrines were to. Further ignorance though.
I'm of the mind that she was on the verge of delusion, and way over her head. She used ancient texts and consulted rites that suggested the possibility of making a connection with the gods.
For all we know, she might have done a lot of damage for nothing.
[and that sits foul with her. the gall to try and do something like this without much certainty of what the goal was.]
But, let's do that. If we have to retell what we uncovered while looking for you guys and what we found out after from Josselyn, so be it.
I want there to be transparency.
[a selfish thing, maybe, but she knows what it's like to be part of something and be left in the dark, questions unanswered.]
It's possible, she was definitely unstable. I don't think she was entirely incorrect, they did tap into something during their vision. But she was incorrect that the people of this world can take it from us. Thorne has attempted that before, and Free Cities probably has too quietly.
I don't think anyone's been avoiding transparency, it's just not easy to talk about. Even I need breaks from re-reading about the experience.
[she doesn't think 'transparency' is the word she's looking for, but wanda's always... struggled a little bit with communicating how she feels cohesively. she just hopes someone else can understand what she feels, put those sentiments into words for her.
wise words, hopefully.]
Maybe not so much... talking about it, but a report of sorts. So everyone knows. I don't want to make it more upsetting for anyone who was taken.
No, I agree, I think even if remembering it is difficult, knowing the whys could mean something to people. I wouldn't have interrogated her myself if I didn't think finding out why she did it would be a relief. I don't know if the whys will be reassuring or start new questions, but if it does the latter, maybe they are answers we can find ourselves.
[—is what she offers. maybe they really won’t be able to have immediate answers to certain questions, but knowing that those questions exist beats not even having the slightest idea of what to expect.]
We can write up a new chapter afterwards with those questions.
Agreed, just let me know how you want to tell everyone.
I am hoping we can find the shrine monster eventually. It was talking to all of us, manipulating us into releasing it. It seemed like a giant creature in the end, but it's clearly sentient and smart. We don't know where it went.
We can’t exactly write it down and hand out copies. What if we compiled the information from others, and made it a very simple and short list, then shared it with our mental connection?
If it’s as big as many have described, it shouldn’t be so hard to find. Right?
[though the ocean and the skies offer a vast space to hid in, certainly.]
That works for me. It also won't invite too may follow up questions if we make it clear this truly is all we know. Not that I mind asking questions, it's just likely to lead to 'I have no idea' responses.
The ocean is very large and deep and that is where it went, so probably not. Unless we get a ship and sail around hoping to get its attention.
Yes. That sounds alright by me. And I think what we might need more than a ship is a submarine, but I don't think even the Cities have technology like that yet. I may be wrong.
Giving this some more thought, I think that... perhaps... we could open the floor to things that can only be investigated in each different faction. If this situation with Josselyn taught us anything, is that while a lot was done in Thorne and the Cities, a lot of the answers we needed were in Solvunn. We should touch base more, I think.
[maybe something for the representatives of each faction to converse over...]
I agree. There is a huge gap of information between the factions, and the Summoned really need to be as informed as possible going forward. Looking back at what Sam and Natasha put together in the Horizon while we were taken, nothing would have been accomplished if all of you didn't push one another and communicate. I don't want that to be lost now that we're back. That won't be the last time we're in danger.
I hate that I agree with you that it won't be the last time we're in danger. As we learn more about this world, we have no choice but to remain more vigilant. We know now that our position as Summoned has its benefits, but it also makes us very easy targets for these kinds of things.
We're aliens here. It makes it very easy for people to 'other' us, like Thorne putting us in prison early on or the experiments to try and take our Singularity connection. Now it's just showing up in the other factions more clearly.
This is why I've encouraged Lucifer to make a ceasefire with his enemies here. We don't have the time to get held up on past world conflict. We need to be allies here if we're going to survive it.
[don’t put too much of a cage on lucifer, istredd…]
Agreed.
Should we gather some information and then meet in your Horizon afterwards? Might be worth for the new batch of Summoned to also be aware of what happened.
That is true, although the people that go to the meeting could communicate to the people who didn't what went on. But yes, we can address it in multiple ways. As more things happen, it becomes clearer to me that the Summoned should stick together.
[Istredd will, unfortunately, be hit with an unprecedented wave of mixed emotions from Lucifer. Sorrow, regret, a complete and utter annoyance at Fate and the Singularity and Life.
You know. Completely normal things from the devil.
But hey. He couldn't hide it from Istredd even if he tried.
But he's also Not Talking About It in the immediate timeframe.]
[ It throws him completely off because while he is used to Lucifer sharing feelings, both reluctantly and intentionally, this is a mix that he has never felt from him. Istredd is in the middle of teaching and his spell goes awry, although he manages to get it under control two seconds later, but he rarely wavers so it does get some momentary confusion from his class.
He shakes it off and says even experts can have an off moment. It can be a part of the lesson. Istredd gives it time before he reaches out since he knows his partner, and when he does brush up against Lucifer's mind in the bond, it's tentative. ]
[He can't bundle it down and what's the point anymore, anyway. He reaches tentatively out to Castiel but he knows--he knows down to his bones, woven through his grace, the call and familiarity that had been there when Jack arrived, is gone. The kid wouldn't have hidden himself. No one would know to hide him from Lucifer, not so long later.
He knows and it wasn't even like Wanda's problem--where she didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react to a version of her son. Lucifer was willing to try. Jack was willing to try.
The universe didn't allow them.]
Gardens.
[He could move. He's not particularly willing from where he's bent himself into a shadowy viney patch. Essie even watched him for a few moments, considering, but didn't bite at him before darting off to a new hiding-nap spot.]
[ Istredd could have found him easily on his own but asking was giving Lucifer the option to rebuff him. He probably would have shown up sooner or later to check in, but this at least gives Lucifer a warning that he's coming. It's obvious that he could have simply gone there considering he knows exactly where in the gardens to go.
He doesn't actually care that they're in a semi-public place since they are off to the side, and none of that avoiding PDA matters in a situation like this. Istredd reaches out very gently to put a hand on his shoulder when he gets to him, crouching down. He doesn't ask what happened. That is up to Lucifer, he knows when to not push. ]
Can I?
[ He shows Lucifer that he'd like to hug him and give him some more physical comfort, but he is respectful of his lover's boundaries and doesn't know what mood he's in right then. ]
[It's barely there but the agreement comes through clearer in the bond, despite Lucifer's nearly-burrowed over, hunched state. When Istredd does hug him, the tension and unusual emotional spikes don't fade, but they don't worsen either, so it's clear that Istredd isn't A Problem.
It might be..... awhile. Lucifer's got his knees up, arms folded over, head down. But eventually, Istredd will get a murky answer.] Jack's gone.
[Lucifer has no care for Jack Townsend. So it should (hopefully) be obvious that he Does Not Mean Thorne's Jack.]
[ Istredd does embrace him to the best of his ability and simply exists there for him, running his hand along his hunched back, kissing the top of his bent over head. The only time he's felt something similar to this from Lucifer was his fears for Istredd or Wilhelm, but this is a true loss, not only the fear of one.
He waits, he doesn't push. Istredd surrounds him with the love and support that's become natural to share with him now. When Lucifer does eventually speak, he's confused at first. He knows it's not their Jack, and there is only one other Jack he knows of. ]
Your nephew?
[ Istredd met Jack too and he seemed like a very sweet and innocent creature, also an angel considering his father. Of course, Istredd thinks Castiel is his father, not Lucifer. But in his current ignorance, he can still see why that would happen, as Lucifer's grown close to Wilhelm. Maybe he reached out to a family member without so much baggage. ]
Lucifer's arms shift to bracket his head without dislodging Istredd and he's shaking with laughter but there's nothing humorous about it.] He's my son. Not Castiel's.
[ Well that explains it a lot more. Istredd's shocked, although Lucifer did say he briefly took a human lover so that must be the answer, but all of those details don't really matter. What matters is that Lucifer has a child, he was here, and now he's gone. He is curious about a few things but that really doesn't matter. Instead he only squeezes his grip on Lucifer. ]
He was sent back.
[ It's the only obvious answer. If anyone was being captured they'd all know, although Istredd doesn't know that Cirilla is being kidnapped so they can do just as much damage within their own ranks truthfully. But the gone seems very final. Lucifer's never told him exactly that he's dead or destroyed or whatever it is in his sphere, but Istredd already guessed. Which means this was his only chance to be with his son.
It's a terrible reality. ]
He could come back.
[ It is the smallest of fleeting hopes but it has happened here a few times. It's possible. ]
I felt him when he arrived. When he was here. And now I don't. He wouldn't... hide himself from me, we were supposed to meet in the Horizon.
[Istredd's hope is more laughable than what Lucifer's already feeling.] Sure, yeah. I've already been allowed one more second chance for myself. Clearly I can't have another for... more. For more than just myself. And Michael. Hell, Castiel, of all the dullard, abysmal angels. Why should I be allowed this. The kid wouldn't even tell me what I did to him and yet still...
[ They were supposed to meet in the Horizon and maybe have that second chance. It is bitterly disappointing, no doubt, and Istredd knows his hope was the weakest of offers. The only thing Istredd really can do at this point is listen and give what comfort he can, to no real avail. Only time would help this kind of pain, and even then, it might never.
Istredd's never wondered about his parents or cared to find them, but he knows family, even if complicated and negative, is vitally important to Lucifer and his perception of the world. ]
He was willing to meet with you, whatever you did, it wasn't unforgivable.
[ Jack seemed like a sweet person so maybe it would have been unforgivable to most, but not to him, and that's all that really matters. ]
He was a... stupid child. Cowering under the distress of what his so-called 'family' would do to him if they knew the truth.
[It's really a testament to Lucifer's disatrous mental state that he cannot maintain speaking one way or the other--thoughts or aloud--in even a single sentence.]
[ It must have stung that he intentionally lied about Castiel being his father, apparently to fit in or out of fear from the Winchesters. And Lucifer let that lie stand despite his obvious feelings about it. Especially with it being Castiel of all people.
Istredd sees the break of him being unable to stay in words or telepathy as a concern and leans his own head down on top of Lucifer's.
It's a risk to talk freely out here so Istredd puts up his instinctive audio bubble around them but with an extra spell. An illusion also blankets the two of them out of view. It's the best he can do to shield Lucifer's visible breakdown and words from any outside attention for now. It's some protection he can give.]
That's as much about their issues as yours.
[ Meaning the fact they'd be the kind of people to threaten the life of their enemy's child puts them as much in a villain role in Istredd's eyes. It's unfortunate. ]
Doesn't even care, really. Thorne can screw themselves.
What are they going to gain except for one more thing to use over Lucifer, now gone? When they have so many more known, pressing outlets? Lucifer can't hide his connection to Istredd. He can't hide Wilhelm. Maybe Kell is fine, but he's more connected to Istredd so it just webs on through.
Isn't this, really, how Thorne wins over all its Summoned? Lucifer thought he'd be above it, separate from the web, the spider dancing atop.
What a joke.
That even he was susceptible.
Maybe Thorne does know what they're doing with their Summoning Ritual after all.] I don't know how bad it was for him originally. I never met him before here. Bad enough, from what I could tell. We were separated when he was born. Myself thrown into another world. [That he didn't even know existed. How great! It was! To find out your Father drafted multiple worlds by literally being trapped in another one and then having an alternate abomination of your older brother, cheerily proclaiming killing 'his Lucifer' to Lucifer's face. Good, great times.] None of them here would have known him. I only even got his name from Michael before he showed up I-- [He actually leans in, presses up against Istredd's side, ever a cat as much as some winged creature, brushing into him. Affection, maybe. Necessity, more likely.] I know what I did to him even without him saying.
[ To try and exist in this situation and with these people, it's inevitable to make connections. Lucifer tried not to but he failed, and they all failed. Istredd wouldn't want to change any of that and he suspects outside of a few moments of frustration or angst about it, neither would Lucifer.
He puts his arm around Lucifer and holds him close, that silent leaning in toward his affection being reassuring, since it is more open than simply letting it happen. This is what he can offer and it means something. Istredd did know about the alternative worlds, Michael mentioned that they existed when discussing their father's creations.
He doesn't need to ask why Lucifer kept this secret. The mess of complicated feelings and pain wouldn't be easy for Lucifer to express even to him. Plus, it's Istredd. He would have a hard time not meddling and trying to convince Jack to reach out. ]
What did you do?
[ Usually he would not push but it feels like Lucifer wants to admit to it. ]
[Strangely, if Istredd had asked, the answer would have been so impossibly simple: Jack's safety.
Because at any other point maybe it would be fine. Just simple pain. But there was Dean, and the Mark, and the First Blade.
A combination Lucifer feared for himself, not to mention his own son, in the same faction as Dean.
And Lucifer's own answer, allllll coupled together ringing its own similarities:] I glutted his power. [Just as Dean would have, though likely without being able to use it.] Michael had been confused and surprised we were on speaking terms when I was referencing Thorne's Jack. The kid was........ cagey, around me. [But not hopeless. Not without growth. Without.... understanding... that Lucifer himself didn't understand.] My power. Born through him. And me, so lacking. I wasn't weak at his conception, nor at his birth. His little homegrown family no doubt turned him against me and I... well. I bet you I saw opportunity. I saw a battery, greater than me. Cut out. And torn. Into myself.
[Somewhere along the way he's leaned back, one of his arms outstretched, making a grasping and squeezing motion, all aggressive lines in his face but his eyes--his eyes always lie, almost as much as his mind. Lucifer is following a script, a path he can easily see for himself, but he's seen just as much--if not more--while being here the last year that Istredd will easily make out the parts of him shadowing between the lines.
He knows what he would've done, pushed. He never did it here, just as he never went for Michael, nor Castiel. Part of him thinks without an angel blade it wouldn't cut the right depths. Another part knows it wouldn't be enough, not really.
And maybe there's just the slimmest, most useless part of himself, that simply doesn't understand what the point of it all is on another world.]
[ Istredd reaches up and takes his outstretched hand, holding it with a gentle squeeze back at him. He moves to the side of him and puts the other arm around his shoulder, leaned up right against him so he can do the same back when he needs to. ]
This you did not do that. Maybe that's why Jack wanted to see more of you, you've changed.
[ Everyone has acknowledged that Lucifer changed, including Lucifer himself. It was gradual but it's a solid foundation. Istredd can only guess at what Jack saw, but it makes sense to him. He probably wanted to believe it but if they had the chance, he knows Lucifer would have proved it to be true. That is a cold comfort, or none at all, because they had the option but never got to do it. ]
You have it in you to be a good father, separated from the downfalls of your sphere, look at Wilhelm. He would have seen that eventually.
What's it matter? He's gone, maybe he'll remember that he saw... whatever in me to give me a chance, but what's the point in him, anyway. [It's what he kept asking himself. Gone was the time where he needed the kid to be by his side, untainted by outside influence. He missed that opportunity instantly.] I don't need to keep having more of these... these kids looking to me.
It doesn't matter. It's safer for him to not be here.
People don't need to have a point to exist. Nor does there need to be a point in having them around, outside of wanting them to.
[ Istredd knows that Lucifer has a tendency to hunch back into his former self when in an emotional state of mind like now. As if he can somehow make himself go backwards to not caring when all he's doing is caring very strongly. ]
They look to you because you treat them like people, not like kids. At that age, everyone thinks they know better, but you're more willing to listen to them.
[ Lucifer's open-minded about others in a way not everyone is. Istredd can see why their youths are drawn to him. He holds Lucifer's hand still, running his thumb back and forth along his knuckles. ]
Maybe you're right that it's safer, but I am sorry that you lost him.
[It's the first time Lucifer uncoils a little bit and it's to give Istredd a look equivalent to his 'do you know how utterly insane you sound' and really, it's not Istredd's fault, it's just Lucifer's concept of reality.] People exist, born into a tapestry of Fate and Time and I can fight against the grain as much as I want but it doesn't change that every person has some noose around their neck, the ability to create a domino effect by them being pulled out. There's a point to everyone, regardless how useless and pathetic they are or the choices they'd prefer.
[Purpose and duty and still so heavily woven through him no matter how much he's shaken it off.]
[ Istredd gives him a neutral look back because that is not his experience or his belief, and his sphere and how it works is different from Lucifer's. Nothing he says changes his mind, but he does understand that is how Lucifer feels, so it may as well be true. ]
You're the one who said 'what's the point in him,' so if you believe that everyone does have a point, so does he. What's his point, Lucifer? To you.
[And that's the real crux of the problem. Always coming back to a selfish view on life. How and what a person is and should be to Lucifer, not the rest of the world. Jack may as well have been a cardboard cutout. Not a person on his own, not a being. An accessory, to Lucifer.
He sinks he chin down to his arms, staring out at the plants around them, sun on leaves, a breeze pushing up under vines.] There is none. [A repetition. If he keeps saying it, it'll have to stick.] He was supposed to be a change. Someone that didn't know my story. That had to follow me. [He knows what it sounds like, okay. He knows. He's telling Istredd, anyway.] I got plenty of that here, I don't need him, already watered down by Castiel and the Winchesters. He didn't need me as a parent and I couldn't use his power so he would've just been one more problem.
[ Istredd listens without comment or judgment because he knows that the way Lucifer thinks is not always what he actually believes or wants. Unlearning billions of years is near impossible, but he does try. His next question is gentle. ]
[Istredd's question could have been no more than a whisper and it still would've cut right on through.
His reaction is instantaneous, glaring daggers at Istredd, a near-snarl to his voice.] I'm not-- ['Upset' gets lost just as quick and there's a buzz of power to his skin, the hairs of his arms standing up. He jerks his gaze back away, not saying anything, but mostly managing to stuff the upsurge of energy into a box that wouldn't harm Istredd by proximity. Not that it should on a normal basis anyway, but. Well.
[ Istredd is aware that he probably doesn't actually know how many times Lucifer may have almost killed him accidentally. He has a lot of power that he has to control and as he regains his grace it'll continue. But he has faith in him which is why he doesn't even flinch. He meets Lucifer's dagger glare with understanding and runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair when he looks away. ]
Why bother pretending with me? Your son was here and there was potential to make a relationship, enough that you agreed to meet in the Horizon. He's gone and that opportunity is lost. You're allowed to feel sad and regretful and mad about it. I am the last person you have to pretend with.
[Because he's so impossibly, agonizingly, truly upset, Istredd, that's why.
It's not about trying to pretend with Istredd. It's trying to pretend with himself.
He doesn't want to. There's no reason to, so why does he have to?! This wasn't even him screwing up. He didn't fall into Dad's playbook. This wasn't even... even like Istredd and the kids, who he nearly lost to the happenings of this worlds itself. It was just machinations of the universe still making him always wonder in the back of his mind if God was in the background pulling his strings and making Lucifer dance to his script.
This time Istredd does receive a full snarl.] Shut up.
[ Istredd's eyes narrow and he does his mental math, his side thought process when he decides whether it's worth it to push Lucifer or better to back off. He has to consider what his motivations are and the best way to it. Sometimes even when it comes to the most emotional of things, his mind mixes it with logic. ]
I have an idea that might help.
[ A complete turn in conversation, an abrupt detour. He is an expert at taking the winds out of Lucifer's sails and he suspects fighting will do no one any good. At least not each other.]
We shouldn't do it here. Come back to the room and meet me in the Horizon.
[ Still completely unafraid, he touches Lucifer's face despite his snarling. ]
[It's not the 'trust me' that does it. It's that Istredd still touches him when Lucifer very well could actually sever his hand at the wrist with his teeth. That the venom is there, the want to just simply lash out at this fool of a mage even daring to reach out to the monster under everyone's bed.
His raised hackles don't ebb but his reddened gaze meets Istredd's and there is no vocal agreement, barely even a mental agreement. But the feeling is there. Understanding and acknowledgment and acceptance.
He does not go back with Istredd though. It's... better that way on a multitude of levels. He blinks out of the garden, the sound of billowing wings, and then Istredd is alone.
But Lucifer will be in their room when Istredd arrives, pacing a hole in the floor between the beds.]
[ If Istredd was afraid of Lucifer, this wouldn't work. He isn't willing to be 'smart' about it the way others might urge him to, because this is his relationship and he believes they have a foundation of trust. He's already made it clear he loves the monster as much as the angel, since they're one and the same. He does decide to walk rather than portal to give Lucifer a little time to breathe.
When he comes back to find Lucifer pacing, he walks over to Lucifer's bed, mostly their bed these days, and sits on it, back to the wall. ]
Meet me in there.
[ If Lucifer wants to sit next to him or somewhere else, it doesn't matter, because Istredd simply slides his way into the Horizon without anything else. When Lucifer comes into the library he'll find it drastically changed. The tower is still complete but there are no books or shelves, it is a large empty space. Floors of it. Istredd has control over his space more than most, he thinks owing to his psionics.
It will not be easy to fill everything in, but it's all saved and somewhere else. He simply moved all of it nearby. It does feel strange and the ravens are outside with the books. The tower is sealed from the inside though, no one can come in. He waits.]
[Lucifer might always suspect that one day... one day will be too much. One day there will be a breaking point, that Istredd can't stomach what Lucifer is completely. He isn't even trying to find it anymore he's just... himself. Trust is an extremely hard concept for him to accept.
He stops pacing at stares at Istredd's figure on their bed. Hesitates. Considers. And just sort of slides down to the floor, legs sprawled out, his back to Istredd's bed. Stares up at the ceiling and thinks of layingin a cave with Castiel, drawing out invisible silvery shapes in their green bubble. He closes his eyes and tilts his head forward and skips his consciousness a little left of center.
The restless energy hasn't left him when he appears, but he is momentarily thrown for a loop at the change of scenery. His lips twitch.] What's this, then?
[ It is the first thing he says when Lucifer arrives. Maybe jumping ahead to where a denial might come from, but Istredd is only confident every once and awhile, and at the moment he does think he could have an idea. Enough to convince Lucifer to come here. ]
When you feel that strongly, it's like you can barely control the power, and you said that if you had held onto your feelings that first night, it would have exploded out of you eventually.
[ This is a different type of angst but in a way it comes from a similar place. Fear and loss. They've talked out all of that but really what this is about is Istredd taking lessons from their iffy moments to get to the other side. ]
There is nothing we can do about it in Thorne, and we still have to wait until this weekend to hunt.
[ So if Lucifer wanted to get out his violence, it was too far away from then to be instant gratification. It might feel good then, but it's not enough for now. Istredd is in his scholar mode which he uses when he's breaking down a thought process bit by bit. Lucifer can't do anything violent in Thorne so he has to keep squashing it.]
What if in this safe and contained space, you fill it with whatever you want, and then just destroy the shit out of all of it. Let loose, get out some of that anger you're holding onto.
[ Istredd thinks the lack of release of rage is something that at least some semblance of freedom of violence can help. As an example, Istredd makes a glass statue, and it is a replica of Stregobor himself, who he's talked about a few times with increasing tension. The mentor looks pretty much perfect and he telekinetically strikes it. It flies backward and hits the wall and shatters into quite a lot of pieces, maybe intentionally more than usual because it's more satisfying.
Istredd isn't a violent person but Lucifer is. If he can't talk about his feelings regarding Jack, maybe he can destroy it out. ]
[He blinks. Slow. A weird mix in his head thinks he's not in the mood to play student and boy is he undergoing the same lessons as Wilhelm? Cool, that's fun.
It's not that he doesn't get what Istredd's setting up for him. An outlet, one that won't wind him like even reality would.
In an ideal world Lucifer would in fact have created an entire room's worth of something to just shatter through. Unleash his anger. Because there's so much of it.
But rarely does Lucifer cooperate and some of that maw needing to snap is still there and they're in the Horizon and--
Lucifer holds up a hand, a deadened look to his expression. He can't do this at all outside of the Horizon. Barely usually would be able to in the Horizon. But the wisps of radiance come when called to his palm, a glowing molten bomb, and he twists his wrist in one fluid motion.
It sails in whizzing, meteor-strike fashion, mere millimeters by Istredd's head, burning at skin as it goes.
It does actually shatter into some kind of stalagmite crystalline structure behind Istredd. Oh. Look. Supposedly he was aiming for something.
Lucifer only tilts his head, a flicker to the destruction beyond Istredd, and then looking back.
Well. Istredd does make a good point. He could let loose, get out some of that anger he's holding onto.]
[ It is somewhat inspired by Wilhelm, but he wasn't the first person either. It's a common enough training for some of the more tempestuous mages. They couldn't afford to get out of control. He thinks it is a logical solution and Lucifer has to get it out or else this is going to be worse.
He is trying to help, sincerely, he wants to do what he can. He hates feeling helpless and going back to the well of logical suggestion is what he does best. Istredd doesn't like the look on Lucifer's face though, wondering if he miscalculated, and the answer comes firmly when he throws a ball of light at him.
Istredd is surprised and so barely manages to move aside, feeling the burn just on the edge of his face. The look he shoots him is startled and then hurt and then resolved. ]
Have it your way then.
[ He says sharply and then disappears, although he's not actually leaving. Instead he creates many versions of himself in that space, of all kinds of matter. Metal, glass, marble. All of their expressions is that patented annoying eerie calm when Lucifer tries to get a rise out of him, intentionally wanting to get a rise out of Lucifer now. He makes a few Castiels too. If Lucifer wants to get a fight out of him, he refuses on principle to play. It's unclear where he is now even with their bond but he hasn't left. ]
[Despite his mood, he still deliberately missed Istredd with the strike. He might feel bad about it sometime further down the road.
It's clear he doesn't right now, something else checked in, because now, now Lucifer is on the hunt. An chilling golden blade finds its way into his hand, not unlike the angel blade he had showed to Kyle and Istredd. This is different, the metal twisting slightly around itself before it comes to a point, and an actual grip that is more than just smooth surface. It sings on the air as he flicks it in his grip.]
Come onnn, Istredd. [The blade may sing, but his voice is dull as he moves, stepping around each sculpture, sinking the blade into the back of one Istredd's glass neck, twisting, cracking, and beheading it. His mind wanders the space, idle motions, searching for any sign of where the man flitted off to as he rounds a marbled Castiel and straddles it, blade tantalizing over a cheek.] This is a safe and contained space, after all! [He slides the blade across the Castiel's front, through its nonexistent heart. It likely only breaks apart more from his willpower than the archangel blade actually destroying marble.
He finds another one, slips the blade right into the back where the Castiel's spine should be, whispering over its shoulder.] Right where I killed him the last time. Little nuisance is the entire reason I didn't get to be with my son in the first place. [Light shines up through the glass, mimicking veins of an angel's death, white bled out of eyes and mouth and where the blade comes out through the chest.
Wherever Istredd is he'll get a brief flash of Castiel's actual death as it happens to the fake one, sent out like a cobra bite of a psychic attack. The glass clinks to the floor in a pile. Lucifer crunches his foot over a piece and sneers.] Stole the little incubator of a woman while I was trussed up by the usurper of my throne.
[He laughs. Teeters. And hurls the blade across the room, into a metal Istredd's chest.] And I stiiiiill didn't tell him the truth. Kept the kid's secret soooo there could be no risks. No bleed. No threat. [The room hums. That telltale high-pitched whistle pierces the air. Head splitting, ear bleeding. Lucifer laughs. His shadowed wings mantle around him, drawing up his full power.] Castiel thinks he's the father and I could crush him one last time. One real, final blow. But I won't. [He doesn't yet know that Castiel... already knows from reasons outside of them. But still. It wasn't Lucifer to land that blow.
The sound upticks a notch. Istredd will need a protective layer to not feel the effects.
Lucifer screams, an earth-shaking sonic attack, and everything in the room explodes.
The sounds slowly fade. He passes out from the excessive use and before he even hits the ground, whether or not Istredd would've interfered, he's blinked out of the Horizon, and he is out of their room like a shot, gone.
He's not so fucked he slams the mental doors between them, but it's a near thing. Keeps them open. Were Istredd to look for him in the nearest future to hours later, he'll be hunched in on himself on that High Point in Thorne where they had maybe their first disastrous conversation.
He has a string, a thread of sorts, ends tied to make a large loop. He's playing Cat's Cradle again and again and again, staring at nothing, his thoughts not static but very blank.]
Edited (edit edit edit but also check my plurk because I'm paranoid LOL ) Date: 2023-06-05 07:16 am (UTC)
[ Istredd removed himself for a few reasons, although the biggest one is knowing that Lucifer's in a mood where he might do something he regrets later. That they both may regret later. Throwing a ball of energy at his head was enough and now he has versions of him to shatter if he wants to take out his ire on the person who keeps picking at his heart. He is safely somewhere else although watching, and it is his domain so he can't be found when he wants to be invisible.
He watches in case anything truly upsets him and he hears all of his explanation of the circumstances surrounding Jack. But again, none of this explains why Lucifer protected Jack, why he is so upset that he got to this point, outside of the obvious. He wanted the relationship, the boy meant more than that to him, and now it's gone. Whatever he needs to say or do right then, he can.
Istredd does feel the build up of sound and shields himself. He probably wouldn't fully be able to block it in the real world but this is his domain so he successfully does. He's startled by Lucifer's immediate passing out, although perhaps he should have expected that as he's said how weak he is in comparison.
By the time Istredd makes it down there, Lucifer is gone, and gone from their room. He expected that and so didn't go immediately after him. Istredd took the time to redo his library, everything back in its place, before coming back, and he thinks it may have been good to give Lucifer space too. He is relieved that the connection is not being blocked between them. He gives him a good half hour to himself before taking a portal to that exact place.
Istredd doesn't have to use their bond to look for him. He knows. They had their first real breakthrough here, becoming closer. It wasn't a disaster to him. He sits down next to him without hesitation, the side of his body pressed into Lucifer's so the contact is deliberate. ]
Maybe I miscalculated.
[ He hates being wrong but he can't always be right either. Lucifer is still this upset but then again, nothing can make him feel better right then. The fact Istredd's there and sitting close is a tacit acknowledgment that he isn't mad about the attack or anything. There is no anger coming off him, mostly sadness. ]
It feels like it was years ago, the first time we were here.
[He thumps into Istredd's side almost immediately, head on Istredd's shoulder, eyes closed, almost looking asleep though his hands are still going through the shapes of the string game. The contact is just as much for himself as it is Istredd, he thinks. Hopes?
He doesn't think Istredd entirely miscalculated. It should have been a good idea, and maybe had Istredd just left him in the space without speaking it could've worked on instinct, but Lucifer saw person and red and there was his outlet.]
It happens. It's allowed to happen.
[The dullness is gone and now he's just tired, even from the Horizon, likely more than would be normal. It was still a full expenditure of himself and so much of it was mental energy. In a way Istredd's method did work, Lucifer just took it and shredded it into something else.
If he knew the reason he was so upset this would be easier, maybe. But he really doesn't.]
I've been here a year now.
[Abraxas. Him and Wilhelm, around the same day. Jack had been maybe only a few months. He doesn't really remember. He just remembers seeing him in Nocwich during the recovery period. He's lost a couple acquaintances in shorter amounts of time but he didn't really think... time is often not an archangel problem. It isn't like he sat back and waited though, either. They were in contact. He reached out. It's just...
Ah.
His thoughts are scattered about. Like maybe if he throws a dart he'll find what his problem is, but he thinks it's just everything, tangled together.
But maybe he's landed on something.
His lack of control. Their lack of control. To keep anyone here, really.]
I wanted to tell you. [God, he really wanted to.] Only Wanda knew, and that was... circumstance. Before the kid was here. She was... rather displeased when I told her she couldn't tell anyone the truth. Might've been more upset than me about everything. [He doesn't know what Istredd knows about her kids.
He's gonna have to give her an 'update' at some point and he can imagine how that's going to go, her own gaping sadness.]
[ It is a relief when Lucifer leans into him and he automatically turns to press a kiss onto the top of Lucifer's head on his shoulder. He reaches out to take Lucifer's hand and threads their fingers together, holding it and these small gestures of reassurance for both of them. Being able to touch Lucifer is integral to expressing his love for him, stronger than words. ]
Ten months for me.
[ He arrived not that long after Lucifer, who was the first person he met here. A roommate on a whim. He doesn't know where he'd be if that connection hadn't been made right away. Istredd's tendency to ignore others and isolate would have made it longer before he made these friendships. It changed when Lucifer went looking for him when he was stuck in the Horizon. When someone cared about where he was.
He suspects this is about their lack of control, and it is something he fears too. One day either of them could wake up and the other one is simply gone. And they can't reunite in their spheres, this is their only chance. It puts a lot of weight into finding an answer to keeping them there.
It does make him feel better, that Lucifer wanted to tell him even if he didn't.]
I would have meddled. [ He admits readily enough. ] I already tried to convince him you weren't as bad as they said, when I thought he was your nephew. [ Istredd can't help himself. He always tries to advocate for him. ]
I'm glad you had Wanda. I don't want you to go through anything alone. [ Lucifer's been alone for billions of years. ]
[Physical reassurance is growing as a good thing for Lucifer but he knows how much it helps ground Istredd. It's less an apology and more a thank you. He'd assumed Istredd would come to him eventually, assumed he likely wouldn't even have been upset with Lucifer. But still. Thank you, just the same. For continuing to roll with Lucifer's punches, or in this case a whizzing ball of holy fire.
He doesn't do anything alone, and that is a surprising realization. Even his treasonous ploys go through a handful of people. Committee. He values other's opinions because while in the past he'd do whatever he felt like on a whim, consequences be damned, he can't anymore.
Whatever happens to him affects the rest of them, one way or another. Whatever happens to any of them. Whatever they do.
And that matters now.] Yeah? [A chuckle.] And how'd he take that?
[ Lucifer will find that one of the best ways to calm him down or make him feel better is as simple as a physical gesture. A hand on his back, putting Lucifer's head on his shoulder like now, even leaning into his personal space. In a way, Istredd's as touch-starved as Lucifer is. His withdrawal from the world led to there being years without any type of closeness. It also is a part of their relationship that is special to them. ]
We didn't talk long. He did mention you hurt him, but now how. He seemed like a kind person and very young, I think he would have opened up.
[ Perhaps too naive, and willing to make some kind of peace with the father who disappointed him, but that isn't always a bad thing. Second chances happen for a reason. Lucifer has made the most of the ones he got. He leans his head on top of Lucifer's briefly, looking out at Thorne. ]
I am truly sorry, Lucifer. The situation we're in, even with its upsides, can be terribly unfair.
He said I shouldn't be blamed for the actions I hadn't personally committed yet. [Which while what he'd prefer, is not something he is accustomed to. The Blame Game is strong when you're him, though he thinks it's lessened substantially here. He has enough of a footing. Enough of a structure of people around him that if someone tries to shake him he's less likely to overreact.
He sighs. An exhalation of being, pushed out. Bone-limp. The only movement is still his hands and fingers, held down between his knees, the thread constantly in motion.
Under the outside, over the second, pick up the third. Under, over, pick up. Under, over...] I don't like acceptance. [Shocker. Accepting that Jack is gone, that he never really had a chance, that their control is so frail, that this was ultimately just a blip of a moment in time.]
[ It's something Istredd agrees with strongly, so he thinks he probably had a good read on Jack. It's unfortunate that neither of them really got the chance to do the kind of healing they deserved. The closure they might have been able to find. Would it have hurt more to have that time and then lose it, or early before any of it happened? He's in the camp of having it even briefly is better than not. Considering their entire relationship.
He lets Lucifer do whatever he wants with his hands, it's clearly a coping mechanism of some kind, one that Istredd doesn't recognize. ]
I know. [ After being powerless and stuck for billions of years, any feeling of helplessness is bound to trigger him. ] The good news is you don't have to do it right away. It's okay to be upset and feel whatever you do about it first.
[He's silent for likely awhile. Long enough that the sun's starting its decent, the bleed of color over Thorne. Lucifer can feel it, and it's what gets him to open his eyes for the first time, watching from where he's still pressed into Istredd's side.
Abraxas doesn't have the same beauty as Earth but that's also 100% biased.
Eventually, meaningfully, doesn't need to be said but he says it anyway:] Sorry I threw a ball of energy near your head. [Basically at his head. But. Semantics.]
[ Istredd didn't pay enough attention to the beauty of his continent. Too distracted by work and his books and sometimes barely leaving. So Abraxas is impressive for him, as he's required to stop and look at it. He assumes there are places as beautiful in his sphere, he's just never known them. Seeing some of Lucifer's wonders in his Horizon was amazing.
But sitting there with him, watching the sunset, it's lovely visually, if deeply melancholic.
It doesn't need to be said but Istredd's glad that he did. Lucifer is getting fairly good at apologies, thanks to his practice. He hmms and runs his hand up and down Lucifer's spine. ]
We both know it was at me. It was a fitting time to attempt self-sabotage on us, but you know how stubborn I am.
[ Lucifer was pushing at him, trying to provoke him, and Istredd assumes he is always testing boundaries, looking for weak spots. Doubtful that Istredd's love is absolute so close to running away. Istredd was a target who pushed Lucifer when he snarled. Lucifer's communicated before how much he's afraid of hurting him accidentally, hurting him intentionally would take extreme feelings. Like today. He's not afraid.]
Apology appreciated. I'm not mad. I wanted to give you an outlet.
I wasn't trying to break us. [Considering he's tried it a lot, he can tell the difference. It might be better than the actual truth though.] I was just mad. And you were there. [Not entirely healthy and he'd like to think he wouldn't have tried similar outside of the Horizon, but the don't really know. He thinks he would've just flew off before he attacked Istredd on this plane, no matter how angry he was. Kyle and Istredd aren't the same.
It could've been anyone on the other end to provoke the same reaction. The difference is there's no certainty that anyone else wouldn't have just backed down and not come after him later, or ever again. He was, maybe, banking on that stubbornness of Istredd's.] Technically your plan achieved the right results. [There is the barest lilt of humor to the words, tentative.] ... Just some off-kilter means to get there.
[ Since Lucifer does have a habit of self-sabotage and he's tried to push Istredd away before, that seemed like the obvious answer as to why. But Lucifer's reasoning seems correct. He does know when he's trying to make a problem rather than a temper incident. Istredd sighs and puts his arm fully around his waist, turning to kiss Lucifer's head. ]
The point was to let you be mad. I don't want you to explode later. You'd regret it. You can always do that in the Horizon safely.
[ If he would have eventually emotionally exploded later because of their feelings for each other, it seems obvious it would be much bigger and harder at the loss of Jack. The last thing Lucifer needs is to get mad at anyone around him and cause mayhem in the castle. Istredd's always quick to get his back when he can. ]
I'm glad you're talking about it with me and not blocking.
[ Istredd smiles wryly and bumps Lucifer's shoulder with his. ]
I also know that while it's not the same thing ... you have Wilhelm and Kell here. And you've been good to them. Chosen family can be stronger than blood. [ A pause. ] Or grace, if that's the equivalent of blood for you.
He does have them and it is part of the many reasons he didn't want to do anything with Jack. He'd already put in the hard labor for raising dealing with a teenager. One was waaaay bad enough for his sanity.] Logistically? ... Scientifically? I guess grace.
[ Their friendship formed in the strength it is now in part because Istredd was a non-judgmental listener and was easy to bounce ideas and feelings off of for Lucifer. In exchange, Lucifer encouraged him to be stronger and less isolated.
Istredd thinks he probably could have built a rapport with Jack given the time, but it wouldn't take away from the relationships he already made with the 'kids.' He can grieve that loss while also seeing what he does have. ]
Right so they don't have to be full of grace to be yours.
It's true, few people could make annoyance their likeable trait. [He stops with his string game, winding the thread about his wrist, not tightly, for later.]
Oh they are definitely not full of grace. [He says it with an amused laugh, pointedly using the other meaning of grace. It's the first thing he's spoken aloud since Istredd found him up here, a testament of his exhaustion more than anything else.]
[ Istredd's already grumped a few times about how attractive he finds Lucifer when he's being annoying. They like getting under each other's skin, it's just how this goes. He smiles at the remark and then gets a sudden realization. ]
Oh that's what you meant by us both being graceless in Hayle.
[ At the time he wasn't thinking much since they were stripping their clothes off, but he is still learning what Grace means in particular, although he thinks he has a much better idea now. If it's somewhat blood or DNA or something like that for angels, spiritually. Lucifer had laughed when he said it but he hadn't gotten the reference.
He turns his head to kiss Lucifer's cheek gently.]
You're exhausted. Do you want to go to bed? I can bring you food this time.
[Lucifer bursts out laughing, crossing his further-away arm over himself to throw it around Istredd's front, snorting with the laughter against Istredd's shoulder as he turns his head into it.] Oh holy hell, you didn't know! Ha! I mean, sure, why would you really, but! [It's a rare occasion that Lucifer actually, for whatever reason, thought Istredd would've gotten the joke. Never even considered that he didn't.
He continues to chortle, pressing a lazy kiss where his head rests and lets the laughter feed through him for a little bit before answering.] Yeah, you know. Yeah. That's a good idea.
[ Istredd smiles because he loves when Lucifer laughs, especially if he's the cause, even if it's laughing 'at' him. He gets a little thrill when Lucifer embraces him that directly and the lazy kiss on his shoulder makes him warm inside. ]
You hadn't talked about grace in detail! And I wasn't going to stop what we were doing to ask.
[ He was very focused at the time on getting his hands on Lucifer. Istredd chuckles and keeps an arm around him, pulling him close for something much closer to a full out hug. He kisses his head again and lets his nose dive into his hair for a few seconds, breathing him in. The love he has for this angel is unparalleled. ]
Cover yourself in our blankets and you don't have to come out until you want to.
[Oh there will be plenty of times in the future that he'll openly laugh at Istredd.
Kindly?
Kindly.]
So I was certain I had, I've lost track of everything you know and don't know! [Considering that Istredd likely knows more than anyone about angels in general, not even just Lucifer. They need like. A diagram. A mental checklist. But then, Lucifer doesn't know what would go on it.
He's just being. Just is. He doesn't know how to break it down for another person.] I bet you I could have explained in great [he pushes into Istredd's grip] excruciating detail and still not put a dent in the mood. [But hiding away under a mountain of blankets for a little while does sound appealing. He'll have to really deal with other aspects of this at some point. Talking to people, eugh. But it can wait.]
Lucifer, you're billions of years old, I'm fairly certain if we make it to centuries, I'll still not know everything about you. [ He runs fingers through his sandy blonde hair. ] But I love a knowledge challenge.
[ Istredd will never get tired of learning about him. He's like that with everything that fascinates him. He doesn't get bored like other people do, he just keeps searching, keeps learning. He knows a lot about angels now and he sorts out whatever he learns to the side. Istredd casually referring to them as being close for centuries, if they stay here, is not even thought about. He doesn't really get over people. ]
You could have, yes. I was very in the moment.
[ He flusters and then chuckles. Istredd had wanted Lucifer a long time at that point, he was starving for him at that point. He's not certain what could have broken the mood but he's glad nothing did. He squeezes his arm around Lucifer in a half-hug. ]
All the blankets, food, something to drink, what else do you want?
Cool, when you figure it out, lemme know. [Because he doesn't know what needs to be learned!!]
I don't need anything else, really. Just blankets. [The logic center of his brain wants him to say silence. To be left alone. Maybe just that innate familiarity, calling out for normalization.
He wants to be considered a logical being, but anyone that knows him knows what a load of crap that is. Since the Dawn of Creation he's been an emotional creature.
So the rest of the answer comes just as quick, no actual thought, no actual hesitation.] Just you. [....... pause.] ... If you're quiet.
[ He will keep all that knowledge for himself, thanks. Istredd's a little greedy when it comes to being Lucifer's Special One. He is kidding though. (Mostly.)
He does really intend on getting a list and taking care of Lucifer that way, and he would have left him alone if that's what he asked for without taking it personally. His heart aches from that admission and he nods, kissing the top of his head again.]
I'll be quiet, I promise.
[ Most people would call Istredd very quiet. It's only certain people who know that he sometimes never shuts up. He finally lets them unravel their limbs from basically clinging to each other, since when they go to their bed they basically just do the same thing.]
Uh huh. [It's not disbelief that Istredd will stay quiet as much as it's Lucifer not actually caring because he's going to be asleep one way or another. If he gets up at some weird hour of the night with a quiet murmur to make sure Istredd knows he's snagging food, so be it. Sleep is more important.
That is how they find themselves back in their room, Lucifer a useless lump covered in blankets (and Istredd), out like a light.
He'll show Istredd how to play Cat's Cradle some other time, when he actually works out the 'how' behind two players (because he's never had a partner) and when he's not hurting from whatever reasons the loss of Jack hit him with.]
It shouldn't be that unexpected to hear from Lucifer from the actual terror that had slammed through their link, unable to be stifled.
Meet me in our room.
Immediately.
He does not care what Istredd is doing, he will bodily pull him out of a lesson if he must.
Lucifer had dropped out of the Horizon as soon as Dersti had her snack. He doesn't imagine Dean actually died in his domain and could have easily been back to continue to thrum with that constant burning, toying with Lucifer's weakness like a cat with a bit of string.
He waits, unsurprisingly pacing. He'd kept still and disinterested with Dean, it needed to spool out of him.
Istredd has only felt that terror twice, when he was taken and when Lucifer couldn't find him in the bedroom. He's thrown off entirely by it and doesn't even walk toward their bedroom from the library, he portals directly to it out of deep concern. Something terrible must have happened and he can't imagine what. His instinct is to be worried for Lucifer, not for himself, so he is afraid of any number of things being wrong when he steps out of the portal into their room.
"Lucifer, what happened? Are you alright?" He can almost still feel that terror in the back of his throat, and Lucifer pacing only makes him more nervous.
Lucifer is already going before the portal has vanished, "It was stupid, careless of me, why didn't I show you what he looked like? I can do that. But you should've been safe, you should've been fine--why is he roaming the Horizon, anyway?"
His ramblings have paused only for him to pass into Istredd's space, a hand to the side of his face that would be a comfort if not for the scenario. He doesn't need touch for what follows but he uses it regardless. Have you seen this man? he asks, and shows Istredd an image of the lazy could-care-less human-now-demon. The barest hope that maybe Istredd hasn't actually and Dean was just rumor hunting.
"Lucifer, what the fuck?" Between the terror and just rambling without any clarity, Istredd goes from concerned to deeply confused so it feels like a reasonable response. His eyebrows furrow as he starts to ask more but Lucifer touches his face and he sees a recently wandering Summoned.
"Yes, he's a new Summoned named Robert?" Except he's kind of getting now that it is not correct. He did seem a little strange but no more so than most. Istredd reaches up to take Lucifer's hand off his face and holds it. "What is going on?"
"Dean's actually alive?" Listen, he wanted to be supportive of Castiel, and he knew that Lucifer said the man was hard to kill, but Istredd did think this entire time there was no way he did survive. He was pulled underwater after being speared by a sea creature, apparently. Maybe an angel would have survived that, but a human? So he looks genuinely shocked by that.
"I know you are worried, but Castiel promised me that he wouldn't let Dean hurt me to get to you." Istredd is very much not in the know right now, so his instinct is that Lucifer was afraid of the same thing as before, with the Mark. Dean knowing Istredd's identity was a concern for him, fine, but Castiel was very sincere about his promise.
"What part of telling everyone he was unkillable wasn't clear?" he snaps. Sure they all, Lucifer included, hoped that the Singularity being involved might change things, but that's all it was: hope. Futile prayer, as prayer always was. "He's a demon now," whether or not Dean actually died and then became a demon or he just was melodramatic and decided becoming a demon was the equivalent of dying, Lucifer was uncertain, "which is truly fascinating, but cutting out the last sliver of his humanity that may've had a chance of holding him together."
He'd still made that offer to Dean, as though maybe there was someway for him to come out of this, with Abraxas' resources.
Foolish, really. He never would've made it if he was out of the Cage during the original Mark incident, and maybe that's just because he never had to really confront that mirror and so staggeringly accept it.
"Castiel couldn't keep someone safe from a slug," he says, continuing in the same snapped-tone. "And Dean very much wants to carve his wings up--I've already informed him, you're welcome." He steps away from Istredd to put his back to a wall, needing the hard surface against his spine, arms crossed. "Dean found me in the Horizon," he says. "It went swimmingly.
"A demon?" Istredd is definitely going to need a few seconds to catch up. "How would he become a demon here?" Truly a question that is more prevalent in his mind than anything involving his own safety. Demons can possess intelligent species in his sphere, so it's not that he's never heard of it, it's more that it happened here in Abraxas. He also knows Lucifer created demons within his realm so he would be the only person to truly understand how it could, if anyone does.
Istredd's gratitude is felt when he says he warned Castiel, because months ago Lucifer probably wouldn't have bothered. Istredd's worry for his friend won't go away at that though, this is going to be very bad for him. His mind is racing, also thinking about Geralt, who must already know, Castiel would have told him. If Dean is threatening people, it won't stop here.
He thinks about the fear Lucifer felt and follows him to the wall, reaching up to cup his cheek gently. "He knows, doesn't he?" About Istredd and Lucifer. Now that he knows it was Robert, he has a guess as to how that happened, which makes him feel guilty because it was such a small slip up. Istredd didn't know to be careful. But it doesn't matter. He knows.
"He was hiding in the Horizon, he's not going to get here."
"No idea. He was definitely one of mine, but I don't know how. We didn't particularly chat long. I had Dersti eat him after he oh-so kindly threatened you."
Thus this entire conversation.
"He does." Know, that is. "It's not your fault," this is the first softer thing that he's said. "I should've considered the possibility of him around the Horizon." That kind of idle wandering seemed unlike a non-cursed Dean, so really, a cursed one... "I should've made sure you knew what he looked like."
He'd been careless, as he'd rambled off at Istredd's arrival.
"We don't know where he washed ashore. He's more likely to gun for Castiel and his brother, but if he ended up in Thorne's territory there's no saying he won't make a pitstop on his murder tour." Though Thorne's warding had better prove to be useful for something.
"Could his death have triggered the Singularity bringing another version of him here? If he had ever become a demon in your sphere." It does sound like a crazy concept, but if the Singularity wanted to pick and choose who got to go, his death might have triggered something like that. It's a wild theory but if Lucifer has no idea how he became a demon, probably no one will know for sure.
"It's not your fault either," Istredd protests. "It's not like you could have seen this coming. And you're not responsible for what other people choose to do." Including threatening his loved ones, even if yes, he's what caused all this friction in the first place. But Istredd has already explained his opinions about people holding onto grudges from their worlds into this one.
He's not more dangerous than everyone in Thorne. Istredd may have issues with Thorne, but he does have faith that their obsession with keeping their Summoned here will make them xenophobic to the outside after the pit happened. He drops his hand to take Lucifer's hand again and holds it gently.
"Do demons have strong mental shielding? I can loosen my protections against other people and have a passive search open." Istredd intentionally keeps himself from reading other people's minds. If he doesn't do that, it's the kind of the thing where he could pick up on a threat.
"Perhaps, but he seemed too knowledgeable to be 'new.' Rebooted?" He doesn't know, he's unaware that he's ever interacted with anyone that's gone through that--and hilariously, it was Castiel. "I'd more likely chalk it up to not knowing the full array of the Mark. I never died. Cain was already a demon."
Dean was something new.
No bars held and all that.
No amount of Istredd telling him it's not his fault will make him think otherwise. He should have seen it coming. He knew Dean was a threat far better than anyone, even before he became a demon.
The benefit is that they all witnessed the queen ordered a city nuked and really, that makes him at least agreeable that Dean is in fact not more dangerous than everyone in Thorne. Small mercies.
"Depends on the demon. How much does that open you up to other problems?" Or is it all just... noise. "I can sense him from a nearby distance. The Mark leaves him with near-supernatural sense of perpetual burning, and now sulfur from the demon side of things."
"If the Mark is a corrupting influence, and the humanity left Dean between that and his death, this might be what was left." Istredd doesn't know if that means that Dean is in there or if this is an entirely different person. He doesn't know how it goes with demons from Lucifer's sphere, but he would know best. It probably is a mixed reality of yes him and no him at the same time. Nothing is ever easy.
"It just opens me up to headaches." Istredd can still be careful with the native Thorne mages, not to set any of them off, but he will be more sensitive to things out of the ordinary. It's noise, a lot of noise. "If one of us senses him, we can alert the other one immediately, and we can teleport somewhere far away. Remove ourselves from the situation and he'll have no one to hunt."
If he could teleport himself he probably already would have and wouldn't just be messing around in the Horizon, as far as Istredd knows. Both he and Lucifer have the ability to portal away instead of causing conflict. He runs his thumb along Lucifer's palm.
"Promise me we'll leave and not fight." If Lucifer gets instigated into a fight with Dean, Istredd will back him up, they both know that, this is where it all began. Giving up his revenge plan.
It makes Lucifer wonder what would have happened to him if he had managed to die with the Mark. If that corrosive mess would have just overtaken him, too.
Yeah, y'know, theory doesn't matter in this case. He doesn't need to know that What Ifs. Point is, Dean was someone a demon and he went from being mouthy to an aggressor with a problem.
"Rare can I ever promise anything," Lucifer says. "But as far as I know, he doesn't know anything about the kids, he only knows about you." Because he'd probably stand between certain death and the duo of brats he's come to like, but since they should be out of any radar, it'll be fine. "So that? That I can promise. I want nothing to do with that psychotic man." And all things considered he extracted himself from their Horizon meetup rather quickly.
"Well obviously we'd stand between him and the kids." That's a whole other topic and considering all they've gone through to protect them, of course they would continue to do so. But it doesn't sound like he threatened anyone other than Istredd. "But he found out about me by accident. I wasn't thinking."
He knows that Lucifer didn't blame him, in fact he blames himself, but it does seem so stupid now. But he'd never seen Dean and no one told him he was alive and wandering the Horizon. It happened, there is no going back now.
Istredd sighs, still in Lucifer's space, it's hard not to be these days. "All this time I tried not to be a weakness for you, but I've been ready to shout it off the rooftops since we got together." It is a little pathetic but he is happy and in love and he's already admitted to not thinking rationally when it comes to Lucifer.
Dean's presence in Lucifer's domain had been just as much a surprise.
He brings up Istredd's hand from where they're grasped together, shifting the hold. "He didn't do anything to you? Mess with you?" his voice is low. "Touch you?" Lucifer, who has proven to be fine in terms of Yennefer, is extremely possessive when it comes to Anyone Else, as it turns out. That possessiveness is a warm thrum between them, where Lucifer is usually so typically frigid by nature.
He's not caring at the moment about Istredd being a weakness for him.
Istredd felt possessive and jealous himself when Kyle so much as got into Lucifer's personal space, so he understands. And also why he feels a little guilty now, but it was not hiding things in his mind, he really brushed it off.
"He did," he admits. "I told him my partner made the ravens. They were acting strangely when he arrived so I said I'd ask you to unmake them. He heard it." At the time Istredd had just been casually muttering at them. Obviously this was such an off-hand remark, it didn't stick with him until now.
"After that it was small talk but he flirted with me at the end. I can see now what he was doing." Istredd is so unused to being flirted with that he was confused. But many Summoned are like that, it never struck him as strange. "He kissed my hand and implied he'd be interested if we ... weren't working out. I insisted I was happily involved and pulled back my hand, and then that was it."
And now he feels bad about it because it struck him as insignificant so he didn't mention it. Robert in his mind was a new Summoned just trying to figure it all out. Now he can see that he wanted Lucifer to know just to mess with him.
"At least the ravens are actually useful for something."
If Istredd were to listen to them, anyway. They were certainly smarter than Lucifer gave them credit for.
His fury is alive, though not towards Istredd. He said he didn't blame Istredd and for this, too, he can't, because frankly he knows Istredd. He can work out how he got into that situation, especially not knowing he was prey.
He tugs at Istredd's hand somewhere along his breakdown of the event, claiming his mouth in need, not a reminder that any of them require. Lucifer knows, Yennefer knows. Istredd belongs to them. It's just fact, no question, not a single thread of doubt among the hundreds of thoughts woven through Lucifer's mind.
I change my mind, promise rescinded. Well, we'll still leave. He bites at Istredd's lip before pulling away. "But I'm punching him first." Or throwing something at him. Something that won't get him immediately stabbed. But the intent is there.
Istredd frankly wouldn't have noticed any kind of flirting until his hand was touched, then he went 'oh' in his head, bewildered. Lucifer is the only person he has actively tried to flirt with for years, with Yennefer it's how they've spoken to one another all their lives.
His breath catches when Lucifer pulls him in for a kiss since he rarely instigates and he leans hungrily into it. Yours. He reminds gently; not that Lucifer needs it, necessarily, he does know, but Istredd wants to make it clear all the same. With every beat of his heart, he belongs to them.
"Lucifer," he says on a sigh. Istredd cups his head in his hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. "No you're not. We can throw something. Less dangerous." He kisses his forehead, pulling back to look at him.
"Are you okay?" Seeing Dean like that, being accosted in his Horizon and then his partner threatened, he must be in a place.
He hums, delighted, even when Istredd makes to squash his need to pummel Dean just a little.
"Fiiiiine. I'll make something squishy and gross to throw at him, maybe incurs blindness? Blindness and smells like bad fish." The blindness would piss Dean off more than the fish smell.
"I'm fine." He is.
Just disconcerted.
He slumps back into the wall, more loosened and relaxed than he had before. "Dean as a demon is much less entertaining than when he's human," he says, extremely put out by that fact. "I've made some works-of-art demons, met others that churned out of the Hell Machine, that didn't absolutely suck. He's just boring," and had Lucifer very much wanting to just bolt out of his own domain from the off-tune wrongness of his presence, but, "and I couldn't even mine him for information. All-in-all it was a very short conversation."
Istredd chuckles and nods. "Deal, we will be very irritating before we portal away." That's if Dean ever comes here, which he suspects he has no intention of. This is most likely a problem for Castiel and their group, which includes Geralt, so he makes a note to talk to Yennefer about that later. He might not be close to Geralt, but she may like to be informed.
He puts his back to the wall next to Lucifer since he knows this is a comfortable pose for him and he doesn't mind. He reaches out to snag his hand and hold it for now.
"I doubt he's going to feel boring to the people who care about him. I don't know that I fully understand demons from your realm, is he someone entirely new or is the demon just him with less humanity?" He's uncertain if this is a possession situation or not. He suspects it isn't, it seems more likely the latter is true, but it's important to know for the future. Or when talking with Castiel.
"Oh, he's still boring. A dull knife, knowing exactly where to cut."
Honestly he'd likely be easier to ignore, once they just turn off everything he says as useless. When you only spit vitriol Dean and nothing of substance, people stop listening. Word of Advice from Lucifer.
"He's not particularly new. It's not unheard of for a human to become corrupted on Earth and become a demon, it's just extremely unlikely these days. Typically they're made in Hell, and then they possess a human. They get exorcised, they just hop into another vessel; they don't need permission like angels do. Dean just is. His soul, if there's anything left to it, must be more tattered than it was when he was in Hell."
Pause.
"Oh yeah, he was in Hell, once. It was... mmmmm... kind of a long story, actually. Prophecy is like that." Locks and their requirements are like that. "But eventually he broke and took up torturing other souls so that he wouldn't be tortured anymore. Learned under the Grand Torturer himself." Why he knows exactly where to spin his knife and his words. "Excellent student, so I've heard." Wasted potential until now, apparently.
Lucifer divulges this information like he's discussing the weather. It's just normal to him.
"Would the Mark be enough to corrupt him into one? When he died, or came near to death, he may have given up on fighting it, so it took over." Lucifer is an archangel so the corrupting influence wouldn't do the same thing to him. He doesn't know if a normal human just hasn't gotten it before, so this would be all new territory if so.
He logs all this away as information to remember about their world. He knew angels possess vessels obviously, but now the demons do too ... but not every single one is a possession if Dean is an example. Complicated mess. The mages were far more focused on the problems of people than anything like this.
As for the torture, well, who is he to judge on that? Who knows if he would do the same as Dean, in the same position? He probably would.
"Even if it is irrational to hear what the demon is saying and not know the human wouldn't mean it, that is how feelings are sometimes. If you weren't yourself and were saying cruel things to me, I wouldn't be so strong as to be immune to it."
Logic all day long and it still probably would hurt.
"The Mark would need him to be alive. It just needs a living body for it to be a parasite to. It wouldn't be out of the question for it to kickstart Dean as a demon if it's what it took to get his body moving again."
It is all very complicated and it should be remembered that Lucifer is the sole creator that crafted that revolting mess.
An affront to humans, an affront to angels.
... Lucifer was extremely angry when he made demons, clearly.
"Well." What does he say to that? That's Istredd's weak, then? But no, maybe if it was the reverse, Lucifer wouldn't do so hot either. Call him a monster with the mental chords to back it and see what state of the devil came out the other side. The bond would make a scenario much worse in that regard, I suppose.
"That may very well be what happened. Are there any cures for demons? I assume Castiel already knows what it could be on your sphere." The curious thing is if there is any difference considering it happened here, but there are no demon possessions here as far as he can tell, so it's best to go with what makes sense for their sphere.
Istredd's really only asking out of interest and to offer Castiel sympathy later on, he has no intention of them getting involved outside of advice or compassion. This is not really their problem and they would only make it worse at this point, of that he feels sure.
Istredd has a great deal of emotional power over Lucifer which he is aware of. It's a double-edged blade and a two-way street. We know all the things to say to each other that would hurt the most. He squeezes his hand. So good thing neither of us is likely to be possessed by a demon.
Which turns out there are several things Lucifer doesn't know, but hey. It'll be an interesting surprise whenever someone feels like telling Lucifer, on the bottom of everyone's list, the truth. Istredd is more likely to find out before Lucifer, courtesy of pitfriendshipismagic or whatever t-shirts the trauma crew are making for themselves.
"I had a demon possess my vessel once--who just happened to be Castiel at the time. It was disgusting."
So. Y'know. It is actually possible, just hopefully unlikely to be possible here.
"I'll check in with Castiel. I know you already told him." Which means he would be checking in more as emotional support than actual information, as he has no experience or skill to help with a demon run wild. He probably will end up finding out some details before Lucifer, and he can always tell him after. If nothing else, so he knows whether to expect Demon Dean more than once in his Horizon.
Istredd's eyebrows furrow and his nose scrunches. "Your sphere is a confusing and violent place." As if Lucifer doesn't already know that, but still. His sphere is cruel and cold, and it has monsters and supernatural things within it too, but he doesn't think it's quite this mad. Or he's simply outside of the madness.
"They're not going to give up on him. I wouldn't." Istredd stayed in love with Yennefer while they were separated for sixty-ish years. He is not someone who gives up easily. "Geralt has handled many monsters and creatures, he can probably handle this."
"Dog eat dog world," he says plainly. "Hell functions heavily on humans wanting to sell their souls for absolutely anything they think they need and can't get themselves. Whether they think they can't, actually need support, or are just too pathetic to lift a finger, looking for that easy solution."
Lucifer may've made demons but humanity endlessly keeps the machine flowing, just as predicted.
He thinks Istredd should give up, if it ever came to it. But no amount of telling him would ever make a dent and Lucifer's only hope is Yennefer forcing him, violently if necessary, because otherwise Istredd is just doomed to go down with him.
Istredd tilts his head to look at him, contemplating. "How do you grapple with the reality in your mind that you're romantically involved with someone from a species you loathe? Do you think I'm an exception and that's how it's rationalized?"
There is no judgment in his tone as of now, he is genuinely curious. It's not as if he likes humans much either, but he also thinks all people, species, races have their own issues. He doesn't have a bad opinion of angels for example, since they don't exist in his sphere (as far as he knows).
But the question does give the kind of 'you may want to be careful in your response' energy.
"I think you're the exception for me being romantically involved with anyone," he says, and it isn't an attempt to mislead, or distract Istredd with something he'd want to hear. It's just an important fact to note. "It's easier to think of, mm, different 'spheres' having different branches of humanity, certainly."
He slides down the wall, entirely so that he can crouch and set his elbows to his knees, taking his hand back so that he can press his fingertips together in thought. He is not being careful with his response but he's still thinking about it, so that must count for something?
It is the most basic of his rationale, that initial lattice structure that kept him going for so long. That if enough other universes exist, potentially outside of his Father's hands, then maybe he could acknowledge them as other.
But for all he knows there are people than just the Winchesters and his brothers from his world.
He's had something like this conversation with Kyle, with Castiel. It never gets better, although maybe it has to an extent. He has yet to acknowledge how helpful the Castiel Cave Conversation has been for him.
But even separated from his Father, his world, and those pesky little creations still cause Lucifer problems. Ignoring the corruption, getting them kicked out of Eden probably did them a favor. God likely would've done much worse to them, eventually, when he got bored.
"I never quite knew how hard they had it," he admits, and that sting can be felt mentally. "Oh, sure, the ones in the Garden? They had everything given to them, their Paradise. I-I mean how did they even know they had perfection without a shadow of darkness, huh? It makes sense that after, all their descendants, were just over-saturated with pettiness, ugh sickening. Wanted their hand held for everything, cried at a slap of the wrist... never-ending."
A huff. He taps his pressed-together pointer fingers to his lips a few times. "But. Their whole... soul-thing." He makes a scoff. "Never understood the breadth of it. Angels could never know--we weren't allowed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not--I'm not saying I think they've changed. That they've gotten better in thousands of years. Truthfully, I think they've gotten worse, as a whole."
He looks up at Istredd. Castiel didn't tell Lucifer 'I told you so' but he may as well have. "But watered-down as I am, even with the scope it... gives me," congrats he didn't say cursed, "it's still incomparable to that force of a soul and you, and them, and all of it, go through it every day and keep going where it would take down the whole of Heaven if they had to experience it."
'The depth and breadth of their emotions, the power of them. It's overwhelming. We think of ourselves as stronger, more resilient. But we aren't carrying a storm around at all times. If that's the force of a soul, I understand why they're so powerful.'
Tch.
He looks away again. "I hate the whole of Earth. I hate the whole of Heaven. I hate the whole of Hell. But with all three--wait, no, scratch Hell off that list--but with the first two, I can acknowledge tiny pinpricks being something else. Unexpected, carrying a storm I could never handle but they do it again and again, or being the ones to weather it." Humanity, and angels. "So that's how I grapple with it."
In summary: he doesn't actually understand humanity (nor does he want to) and some of y'all don't suck and That's Okay because damn your lives are a bit harder than he gave anyone credit for. Except the humans of Eden. They deserved to be kicked out.
"Right, I am special, point well made." He is teasing a little bit, to show that he isn't coming at this from a tense angle. Istredd will always be the exception when it comes to that point. He doesn't think it speaks to the greater question of how Lucifer views the fact he cares for some humans vs. the hatred he also displays for them.
Istredd is very used to Lucifer's favorite physical poses so he lets go of Lucifer's hand when he starts to slide down the wall. He uses his hands a lot when he's being expressive. Istredd listens in his quiet, contemplative way, when he hangs on every word but also lets them get all their thoughts out instead of interrupting.
He slides down the wall himself as Lucifer talks about souls, something he has never given much thought about until becoming involved with an angel, but he doesn't crouch. He sits comfortably with his long legs stretched out and his head tilted toward Lucifer, watchful, open and interested.
"I have my own complicated feelings about humanity and my place in it. I'm technically human but I was born something else too. The average human wouldn't really see me as one of them." And since Istredd puts so much emphasis on being a mage, it's easy for him to see that more as his identity. He doesn't love humanity, in fact he has pretty bad opinions of many of them himself. He's just never really been interested in painting everyone with one brush. Mages are corrupt, humans are corrupt, elves are corrupt. They're all capable of a variety of things.
"I don't think ... I really understand the difference the soul makes. We share a psychic bond, I know you have thoughts and feelings as strong as mine, so what is powerful about mine that you don't have?"
"I could touch yours for proof of its existence but it would be excruciatingly painful for you," he says. But he knows it's there. It's not just some thing of faith. "A single soul can produce an equivalent amount of light to a hundred suns. They hold substantial power. To the supernatural world they're better currency than any form of money. A tiny radiant nuke, unable to be broken by anything. Together? Castiel used something-upwards to fifty-thousand souls to kill one of my brothers, Raphael. An archangel." And then he went to play God but that's quite a tangent.
"Without it humans are... shells. No concept of right or wrong, no ties to hold them back, no emotions, feelings. Just emptiness." And then comes some of Lucifer's own confusion because he doesn't have a soul but, "I don't know what happens to angels when they lose their grace. I don't know why it opens up... more. We're not human just... I don't know, adjacent, but... all I can figure is it opens up a gap where God would've tacked on a soul if he ever thought to give us anything. Some dregs of our grace just getting tacky and unreasonable."
"You don't have to prove anything, I know they exist." Souls, he means, in a general sense. They just don't exist in terms that Lucifer is using now in his sphere. Probably there are people who think souls are powerful, but to this specificity, it is something new. Istredd's never given it this type of thought, but he also isn't from a sphere where it is this big of a subject.
Castiel using fifty-thousand souls to kill an archangel is a surprising bit of information, and it does give some semblance of scope in power levels.
Istredd reaches out to touch Lucifer's cheek and gently try to turn his head to face him, caressing his cheekbone. "Is that why you're afraid you'll lose all of this when you get your grace back? Because you're only like this since you're lacking?" It is a tough position to be in, to want him to get his power back so he can be happy, even if it comes with a potential personal loss.
"I don't disagree with you about humans in a general sense. My sphere is cruel and violent too." He traces the curve of Lucifer's jaw. "But I am human, Lucifer. I may be your crying ape, but I still am one."
Ah, how he'd love to dance around such a question, but the sudden damn eye contact and the very direct question makes it extremely hard to say anything but the truth, "Yes." Because that is the trade off, as far as he knows. All his power back, all his newly-learned emotions gone.
"You're just one of the ones that don't suck," he says. He continues, now treading very carefully, voice soft, knowing he's entering risky territory, "But you--your organization? Your Brotherhood? Who kidnap children, regardless of it being for 'their protection', and rob them of a life, make them fear for death or transformation, that only are useful as a power source if they fail? That 'whole'? Is terrible. There may be a handful, like you, that shouldn't be," mmm, he won't say hated, he doesn't know enough to make that allegory, "ah, that don't suck, but the entire scope?" He tilts his head. Istredd did say his own sphere was violent and cruel. "That's my feelings on humanity."
It's tragic and just like them, to probably only get one or the other, Lucifer in all his power but lost to them, or Lucifer damaged but loving. Istredd asked the direct question because he knew the answer already but it had to be said. "I guess just enjoy it while we can, then, right?" If they get a few decades before it ends, it's better than none.
He is already feeling slightly vulnerable because of that, but there is a flicker of warning in his eyes when Lucifer brings up the Brotherhood. His hand drops away. There is no easy way to feel about it. "That's just ... how it has to be. It's necessary." Something twists in his stomach. "I know that sounds like I'm defending them but I am one of the rebellious ones. I push back." And yet he comes back when they call. Like all of his class, and the classes before him. The biggest rebellion he can accomplish is arguing, not actually escaping.
This is a testy subject because childhood brainwashing through fear and control, not always easy to shake. And he knows that, logically, but again, emotions. Difficult. "It's best to not dwell, that's all. What happened, happened." Obviously a thing he's told himself before in order to move on and focus on his life.
So much Lucifer can be a hissing cat when touched wrong that he's likely risking similar when he clicks his tongue and turns in his spot of the floor to face Istredd, folding his legs before reaching out both hands to clasp hands on Istredd's shoulders. They're both so great at running away and putting distance and then itching at each other's boundaries.
"'It's necessary.' Do you know how many times those words have been used... for so many things? My Father testing his subjects in a petty fight against lesser gods. My Father flooding the planet in an act of divine retribution. It's necessary." His tone is still carefully soft but there is an underlying, almost desperate, knowing edge of 'I know you're not this stupid.'
"It sounds like you're defending them because you are. Like I defend my family, Istredd. That's what you sound like. Because you have to. Because it's where you came from." They are not talking about Lucifer and humanity anymore. "Because they made you--but it does not make how they went about things just. It does not mean they shouldn't have changed. How much is your world violent and cruel because every aspect of it has sunk into its ways out of necessity, to push back at each other institutions?"
It is telling that Istredd tenses instead of leans into the touches for once, although he does manage to force himself to relax. By a tiny bit. It's more a sense of general discomfort since this is not a topic they talk about. Once you become a mage, the past is over with, and you focus on the rest of your life. No one wants to address what they went through because it is understood to be cruel but necessary.
Istredd isn't stupid but he also has always played along with that song and dance, and while he's always been vocally critical of the Brotherhood, just as Yennefer is, he's still one of them. "Of course it's not just. I haven't even told you everything that happens." He takes a deep breath in and out and reaches up to rest his hand on top of Lucifer's on his shoulders.
"Listen, Lucifer. I never had family, I was never loved, I was raised in fear, ambition, and isolation. And even if I wanted to have a family now, I can't. That is terrible, I agree, but the truth is, I am one of the lucky ones." Because he lived, he's not an eel, he didn't die from Chaos or in the most recent battle the mages were forced into, where Yennefer almost died. He's spent a fairly peaceful life as a scholar, he's very lucky. "So I don't dwell on the unfairness of the past."
In that way, he is letting the Brotherhood off the hook, but it's also how he moves forward. "There are terrible people in the Brotherhood, but some of them are just me in a few hundred years. We all came from the same place." Istredd wants to think he's different but is he? It's not as if he's pushed for reform or tried to save the young mages there now. He ran away and stayed there as long as he could.
'I haven't even told you everything that happens.'
Lucifer would facepalm if his hands weren't on Istredd's shoulders.
"Look, I'm not saying badmouth them like I do humanity," he says. "But don't apologize for the things they've done--I know I'm just at fault for that."
He says it only because he could see Istredd putting it out there and he's just pointing it out before Istredd can. He'll defend his Father in the same breath as talking against him. He'll talk against him but the moment someone else says similar his ingrained reactions rise back up. So he gets it, he does, and that's why he's even trying to tell Istredd to not make up apologies for them.
"Don't put it under a simple 'it's necessary' banner like you can actually stomach it."
Edited (sentence order was bothering me ) Date: 2023-06-15 06:49 am (UTC)
"It's difficult when the people you hate are also the people you love, isn't it?" Istredd knows that Lucifer struggles with the same thing with his father and brothers. Hate and fury and betrayal at them, but the desire to be loved by them too. "Not that I would say I love any of them, but I care." Maybe he would say he loved Stregobor once. Enough to betray Yennefer and be his heir of a sort, although some of that was survival tactics too. It took him longer than it should for him to turn against the man.
"I appreciate what you're trying to do here, Lucifer, and you are right, there is no excuse for the way the Brotherhood functions. We're trapped in the cycle, even if I wanted to change the system and help the younger mages, I wouldn't be allowed to. I'm not sure I'd survive the attempt." It is hard to say since people really do not bother. But to attempt any altering of their lifeforce, the only remaining children they can mold into mages, it could be dangerous.
He smiles faintly at him, moving his hand to Lucifer's cheek again. "I like that you care." They both know at this point that Istredd's had very little of that.
The touch at least means he's survived the sensitive issue unscathed. It doesn't help that if he's brought it up before it was typically aimed to leave a mark.
That wasn't his goal this time.
"Someone's got to talk to you about the issues you try to shove in a closet with all your skeletons and try to avoid," he says easily, grinning slightly, "who better than me?"
Istredd can tell the difference between bringing it up out of care and bringing it up out of snark or spite. He laughs at the comment because they are now both more aware of how this two-way street has been leaning in one direction too much. Istredd is responsible for letting Lucifer be there for him too.
"How dare you use my own tactics and good intentions against me."
Istredd is actually worse about bottling things up than Lucifer because he is very subtle and withdrawn about it, easy to hide behind logic and quiet emotional distance. It's difficult to open up. But he does want to, as much as it makes him squirm.
He leans in to steal a kiss from him because he can. "I keep telling you, it's annoying how good at this you are." Teasing of course, he loves it.
"If I'm using your own tactics, should you not too get credit?"
After all, Lucifer knows shit about relationships. Hell, Lucifer knows shit about friendships. He's just making a tower from the building blocks around him, who all equally have their own faults.
"No." He moves onto his knees to face Lucifer and runs his hand up shirt, hanging them over his shoulders in a semi-embrace. Affectionate and comfortable. "You get the credit for your work." Lucifer did this himself. He may have learned from experiencing, but it's still his choice. And Istredd will always give him the credit.
"Sometimes I just really ...." Istredd smiles and leans his forehead against Lucifer's. "Love you." It could come with a dozen demons threatening his life every day and it wouldn't matter to him. It's not like he has to say it, Lucifer can feel it radiate out of him daily. "I know, I'm obnoxiously sentimental."
"Extremely obnoxiously," he agrees, weakly, because he's said it before that Istredd's going to kill him with kindness one of these days. That it feels like an overwhelming likely scenario instead of just a joke.
But it's also more like a few hundred demons wondering what the hell this one mage did to their father/creator, if there's ever a bleed between worlds, anyway. He's made up more bogus theories than that before.
"Alright, alright, I won't be modest, I'm amazing."
Istredd's love and romanticism can be intense, something only Lucifer and Yennefer really understand, but he probably needs to be this way to pull them clawing down into a relationship. And joy has been found because of it. He said he was going to enjoy this while they still had it, before Lucifer lost all of it becoming an archangel again.
He pulls his head back to look at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Did you say you had Dertsi eat him?"
Circling back to the start, since the terror and concern over Dean is now long past.
"Oh, yeah. I doubt she actually killed him or if he dropped out of the Horizon on his own, I left before I could have any real confirmation because I didn't want to deal if he came back. She seemed pleased regardless."
It's an intentional reprieve. He doesn't shift topics like that without purpose. He understands Lucifer needs breaks in between adoration. Not easy to stomach it all at once.
"Well, I did ask you to stop killing people, but this one was deserved." He meant more people like Geralt or Kyle, demon Dean would have it killing. Istredd doesn't know what to think or feel about whether or not Dean survives this. For Castiel who loves him, he probably would lean that way, but he doesn't like anyone who wants to hurt Lucifer sticking around. It's not their choice.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me that you didn't think to, like what Dean looks like?"
Istredd is a lot and it's progress that Lucifer doesn't withdraw physically from him and put space, comfortable with limbs and touches, but man. Maaaaaaaaaan. Such casual mentions of affection are a weapon themselves, though unintentionally used that way, and they hit hard.
"Ohhhhh yeah, you did ask me that," he says, as though it has slipped his mind.
But also he'll kill Dean as much as he feels like, thank you, not sorry.
"Uhhhh... no?" He tilts his head, thinking. He hums, pulling one of Istredd's arms off him and around to him and turning his hand so that it's palm up. He holds it steady between them with one hand before he begins very faintly, with the tip of a nail from his other hand, tracing a symbol--the simpler of two versions. In their minds he's filling in the lines on Istredd's hand of the actual devil's trap.
Hope you're not ticklish, Istredd.
"A devil's trap," he explains. "Usually painted or etched large enough on a floor, or ceiling. A demon steps on or under and they're trapped, though I don't imagine it'll hold him for long. I have one beneath the trickle of water at the entrance of my cave in the Horizon, and one under a rug in your private study in your domain." Which has actually been there for awhile but he never considered it maybe being necessary it was just born out of paranoia!!!
Edited (wiki research) Date: 2023-06-16 02:44 am (UTC)
The only reason Istredd is confident enough to touch him as much as he does now is from experience and Lucifer giving him inch by inch. It also helps that it's Lucifer who likes to splay all his limbs on top of Istredd every night at bed, so covered in him at times he can't always tell which person's leg it is. It's nice but an adjustment for him too.
He and Yenenfer never got to spend their nights together, their relationship was always in stolen moments. The day to day reality of living with the person you're in a relationship with is a step them jumped straight past.
Istredd lets him move his arm as he wants and moves his palm up, watching what he's doing. He knows many signs and sigils himself, it's actually interesting to see some aspects of magic continue through the spheres. He memorizes it easily since the concept is familiar to him. "Lucifer, no one can get trapped in the Horizon unless they want to."
So it is paranoia but it is also pointlessly so. Istredd more than many understands who fluid the psychic plane is. It would be very difficult to hurt him in the Horizon, ever. "But we could make one for the room." Their room is already heavily warded so why not. Istredd contemplates. "I would say you could sneak them other places in Thorne, but they'd notice."
"Until it's actually proven I think a test of willpowers, plus the constrained knowledge knowing the mechanics of a world could outweigh the mechanics of this place," he says. Dean doesn't want to be caught but somewhere in Dean's brain he knows he should be caught, if even to trip him up. "Put enough mental strength into what should work and you might win out, at least against a lesser psionicist."
Paranoia, but they still don't know all the workings of the Horizon, and they likely never will.
"Also given that it is possible to be trapped in the Horizon for a period of time against our will... something had enough willpower to do that to you," he argues. The Heralds, maybe. The Heralds affect on Abraxas, and the Singularity, and the link the Summoned hold to the Singularity. Or something else entirely.
"I'd rather not trap him in here. But yes, Thorne would definitely take notice and not be particularly happy."
"That was done by a divine herald, I'm not more powerful than one of those." Istredd did get trapped very neatly in that extremely frustrating maze. He still has no idea what any of that meant.
"If the gods have been around here for thousands of years at least, that means they've had that long to get close to the Singularity." Or they're made of the Singularity. Or they are the Singularity. These are questions they are still no closer to answering, unfortunately, but Istredd thinks they're probably all mixed together.
"Anyway." That'll just take them down theory road. "Put them anywhere you want, Lucifer." Istredd raises an eyebrow at him. "Should I put one on me? Trap myself a devil?" Blatant flirting.
"And I'm a divine archangel against Demon Dean Winchester, ergo my argument is still potentially correct, regardless of differing power levels," he sings, poking Istredd rudely in the middle of his palm before finally dropping his hand. He quirks his brows, continuing in the same tone, "And I amstronger than Dean mentally, any day."
But it's not like the demon is going to stay put nor cooperate in any such experimentation, so.
"Cute, but it doesn't actually work on me." Nor would it be able to function that way, but that's... the logistics aren't the point. "Don't ask me the origin of its name, it does sound better than 'demon's trap' but it is very misleading."
"Oh yes, you are so very divine, great archangel." Istredd takes his hand back and uses it to playfully ruffle Lucifer's hair. He isn't being disrespectful, it's just funny to him when the reality sets in that again, he is but a (powerful) human mage compared to his primordial supernatural partner.
He knows it wouldn't function that way, flirting doesn't have to make sense. "Maybe I should be called the devil's trap then." Considering he has neatly managed to get Lucifer wrapped around his finger, for better or for worse.
"Wow, I think I've fed your ego too much, didn't we say something about how we weren't supposed to do that?" he asks this as he bends up out of his crossed-legged position with more sinewy grace than should be allowed. He does reach a hand down to Istredd.
"I guess that would make me your thirst trap."
Lucifer spent too long on social media while he wore Vince. And had an assistant that kept him in the loop with all the newfangled slang.
"I'm new to having one, I still need time to balance it to a healthy level." It is only partly true, Istredd has a reasonable ego when it comes to learning and magic, his areas of expertise and interest, he works hard at those. The personal level he's starting to get better at, thanks to the archangel in question.
He takes Lucifer's hand and pulls himself up, his expression quizzical. "Lucifer, you know there are terms you have to explain." It's the thirst that is confusing him, but it is an accurate term. He has been embarrassingly thirsty for a long time, only revealed in recent times.
"Nope! It would fill me with so many warm fuzzies if you asked someone else what it meant," he says, grinning maniacally. He rubs at his chin, giving it some extra, serious thought, "I don't think it'd be embarrassing." Because he's not looking for Istredd to be laughed at, but he's still not feeding Istredd the answer.
"I don't trust you, you're setting me up." Istredd probably will ask someone. It would have to be someone who is from a world adjacent to Lucifer's. That crosses out Kell and probably Kyle. Natasha seems like the obvious choice. She'd understand all of these terms.
"Library. I have exhausted every avenue for High Magic details. They are officially useless." It's simply impossible here. Istredd knows they both have been in contact with Michael and Wanda in Solvunn, the only people who can actually get close to those answers. But he couldn't help but make absolute certain there was nothing to be done on their end.
He smooths over Lucifer's shirt, often wrinkling it when he gets a hold. "Are you satisfied that I'm not in any danger?"
"You'll be fine," he reassures, patting Istredd on the back.
Natasha would love it.
"I mean, it was always going to be a long shot," he says. "An incredibly long shot. But you still had to try."
He wishes he could say he was surprised, but he would have been more so if Istredd did get something of use, out of any of it, any of them.
He catches Istredd's hand on his shirt but doesn't remove it. "No," he admits. It's the truth. That concern isn't going to just go away. "But it's better now."
"I did have to try, you would just think that finding out how successful High Magic is would make them think now about taking it more seriously." That is how Istredd reacts, and how the Brotherhood would have acted. For all their flaws, they take magical power seriously. It would be their first thing, to get to the bottom of the power that outclassed them and learn it. Alas.
"I've got some tricks up my sleeve. Don't count me out." Istredd may not be lethal the way Lucifer and Dean are, but he's not helpless either, as he's reiterated a few times. He gives him a long and lingering kiss. "I'm sorry I ended up a weakness for you."
He gives him an annoyed, light, thwap. "It's not about your capabilities, I'm allowed to be irrational too." Until proven, he's never going to be the one that doubts Istredd's capabilities. He will keep reminding him of that.
He sighs into the kiss. "It was going to be inevitable, even without a relationship."
"I'm glad not to be the only irrational one." They have already agreed to running over fighting anyway, which is the right call in this situation. He doubts Lucifer would have agreed to run from Dean Winchester all those months ago, when he first decided to put Istredd's safety over crushing his enemy. But now it's clearly the right choice.
Istredd pulls Lucifer in for a hug, burrowing his head briefly into the crook of his shoulder. "I know." It was inevitable because Istredd's been his weakness for a long time now. "But I still hate being used against you. I'm going to throw something really heavy at his head if we do see him."
"Better you than the kid," Lucifer says. They're both a weakness but only one is so openly known, or predictable, anyway. "At least you can defend yourself--though I would enjoy Wilhelm shoving all his overblown anxieties at Dean. That would slow him down far more than anything we could do." Lucifer knows. Lucifer experienced it once, and it's something he'd would never like to feel again.
"Better me than the kid, yes. Although he is getting better with magic. He's been different since we came back. Determined, eager, even, to get control over his life." Istredd isn't surprised, necessarily. After what they went through, and Wilhelm in particular being mind twisted, being that helpless led to a need for security. "He could wield that power impressively some day."
The two of them are both pillars of Wilhelm's life and growth now, and Istredd's been relieved to see the change in the boy. Not that it would matter compared to Dean. If he could tear through Lucifer, they're all in trouble. He pulls back to look at him. "Should you warn Michael? I would, but I think I annoyed him a little the last time we talked."
"The kid has so much potential. It's what drew me to him, originally. Power unrecognized, unshaped, in a form so new to existence," Lucifer says. Don't @ him for the truth alright. He groans. "And then I understood the trademarked Teenage Drama and had some regrets, but I'm stuck with him now."
Which is. Fine.
He wouldn't be able to fool any of them into thinking otherwise.
"Michael is the last one Dean is going to go after," Lucifer says. "He's at full power, anyway. I'd rather Wanda not get her Chaos magic," and her shiny new patron, "mixed into the Mark business--I imagine they won't go well--but they have a better chance of leaving a lasting, heh, mark."
He chuckles, kissing the top of his head. "Oh I think it was your Drama that kicked in before his Teenage Drama." Lucifer did upset the boy before he started giving back his attitude, after all. They are all far past that now. Wilhelm and Lucifer are closer than ever, and he is excelling at his studies. "I think if we continue to do our jobs well, he may end up better than both of us."
That job being his adopted mentors, more or less, although Lucifer is more of a father, with Istredd still preferring a teacher role. Far better than any of his, considering he would never threaten anyone with eels. They're both going outside of their own experiences.
"I would not back Dean against Wanda, even if he is a demon now. She is something else." Probably closer to a goddess than a human at this point, but it is her heart that actually matters. "He is at full power?" Istredd did know that Michael was more powerful than Lucifer, it isn't hard to see. "But he cares for Wanda, and for his vessel, you said?" Meaning ... maybe a full archangel is capable of some feelings.
It's cute that Istredd thinks that. "No, no, no, you weren't here until like... a month after us. He was plenty beforehand all on his own. I was very reasonable for what I put up with." It's impressive he didn't break on his own without the affliction, honestly.
"He'd better end up better than both of us," he continues primly. Otherwise what's the point!!
"As far as I know he is," Lucifer says. He has no reason to assume any differently. Michael would likely hide it as much as the rest of them (until Lucifer realized how detrimental it was to hide from the others in Thorne), but he'd like to think he would have noticed. "In the sense of a dog caring for its favorite toy, maybe," Lucifer says. Which is not a winning statement.
He doesn't actually know how Michael feels about Wanda. He's not even sure they're talking, he just assumes Wanda is too stubborn to accept indifference from Michael.
"I am actually surprised you stuck it out so long in that case, but it's good that you did." Istredd has only slightly started to understand what Lucifer means by teenage attitude, considering he did get some of it when he first reached out. He was too connected to Lucifer at the time, and Wilhelm was angry. Obviously he did not have a typical childhood or teenage experience. Hard to cop an attitude at adults when they can eel you.
"It's hard to get worse than our particular brands of issues, to be fair." Wilhelm is too normal to end up there.
Michael does have the confidence of someone who has all his power intact. A casualness that comes with certainty. If he's lying, he's hiding it well. It wasn't a big hope, to hold onto anything small as an example of them being able to stay together. Any day could be their last anyway. No sense in dwelling. Istredd is a champion at not dwelling.
"We were talking about Solvunn and also about having to leave Thorne some day, I asked him if there was any chance the two of you could tolerate each other. He said, and I quote 'If you have to ask, you don't know me well enough to be asking in the first place.'"
"I was dug in too deep at that point to do any more but keep going," he complains. His problem would've been solved if he just Wilhelm die in the Nocwich Hunting Grounds but he couldn't by that point. He reacted on instinct, anyway. He didn't have to like the instinct.
Wilhelm sure has Lucifer's attitude problems which could become an issue as his power grows, but he doesn't have Lucifer complete fractured family package. No one has that level of family problems as Lucifer.
Speaking of...
He draws back to get a good look at Istredd's face, giving him a look.
"You did what."
Why. Why did that seem like a good idea, Istredd...
Istredd sighs, rolling his eyes. "What? It's not tomorrow. It might be months or years, maybe you two can tolerate each other by then." Hope springs eternal, okay, he just wants more options as places to flee to for Lucifer. They were pretty limited and while neither of them liked Solvunn, it would be nice to have an option.
"You're already talking more than you probably thought you would when he first arrived without violence. It's possible." Is he a little defensive? Yes, but he thinks he's right, he usually does.
He's still giving Istredd that same look. We'll tolerate each other by not being near each other," he says. "On our own terms, not because we suddenly have to be in the same space. We're all extremely lucky that we weren't brought into the same faction."
And here they were talking about Istredd meddling with others of Lucifer's family.
Shocker.
"You had to have known how that was going to go." By asking Michael that.
"I didn't think there was any harm in asking. I'd hate to cross off an option permanently by assuming the answer."
Istredd is a big meddler! Just ask Geralt considering how blindsided he was that one brief adventure with the mage led to him figuring out all the details about Ciri out of sheer curiosity and stubbornness.
"Not to mention there is a possibility we won't have a choice in how that all goes, Lucifer, if we do end up having to escape Thorne."
It's not the same thing as choosing to move somewhere. They're not going to ask permission. The idea of leaving has always been more of a case of emergency or if they think it's a safe movement. But if a war starts, it may not be as simple.
He waves his hands in a conciliatory way. "But yes, fine, I'm a meddler. I'll stop."
If they have to spontaneously flee to Solvunn Lucifer is not making plans for the possibility. Michael may be more annoyed short-term but maybe forgiving long-term if they react on a hair-trigger decision.
... Or it'll be the opposite effect and Michael gets pissy about Lucifer's poor planning.
Whatever.
Either way it's a losing game for Lucifer, so he'll choose Option 1.
"That's like saying you'll stop reading," Lucifer points out. YEAH. SORRY, ISTREDD. They've both got their faults. "Good luck getting him to talk to you again anytime soon. He'll cool off, probably. Find him some tedious clerical work to do and maybe he'll forgive you." Okay that last part likely isn't fair but this other option was find some people for Michael to boss around which is less plausible.
He has nothing useful for Istredd to make peace with Michael, nor is he......... particularly interested in helping in that venture.
"Does it count if I try to stop?" He says wryly. Istredd's intentions may be to do that, but then something will happen that seems like an opportunity and he'll jump on it anyway. They've both got their faults for certain. Lucifer's already pointed out some of his worst, the tendency to get tunnel vision and impulsively reach for what he wants without thinking of the consequences.
Stop and think. A pretty simple request. Also might have helped him here. Istredd shrugs.
"He's been willing to share Solvunn information and if the Summoned are ever in danger, it's good to know what assets we have. It's not deeper than that." It really is more of a logical situation than a personal one. "If I'm annoying, that's fine. Hopefully not so annoying he'll want to pop my head off if he sees me."
Istredd is in love with one angel and friendly with another. He really does not actually need the trifecta here.
He'd say no but then that'll come back to bite him and his own efforts so really he's trapped himself.
Istredd wants it to be a logical situation, certainly.
"If Michael pops your head off he's got more consequences than he can properly deal with."
Wanda more than Lucifer, power wise. But he'll burn a lot of bridges that he may think he doesn't need but will eventually realize their importance.
He waves it off, anyway. Lucifer's the one of the two of them that would kill someone for annoying him. Lucky for him harming another Summoned here wasn't worth the temporary relief. "I don't think I have any other enemies that will personally try and use you against me, so you should actually be safe disclosing our relationship to the rest of the world."
"Wanda would be very put out, it's true." One of the few people who seems to have any connection or sway with Lucifer's brother. The two of them are psychically connected in a way only two telepaths really can be, Lucifer's bond with him the closest to it for a non-telepath. He wouldn't be particularly judgmental of Michael, he just likes his head where it is.
"Oh good, I'll make a public statement then." He smiles and lifts his hands to play with Lucifer's shirt again. It's difficult for him not to touch. "Announcement, my romantic status is now partner to Lucifer, he allows me all kinds of indulgences and I am very smug about it."
He laughs into the kiss because he definitely would not, but it is funny to taunt him with it. Not that they're incredibly subtle currently. Istredd nips at Lucifer's lip playfully.
Lucifer hums, his fear and paranoia temporarily slipping away completely. They'll be rekindled, eventually, but he lets them fall away, lets whatever illusions of safety they have in this room alone, let alone Thorne's excessive, obsessive warding.
He follows Istredd's instructions to a T, crowding Istredd up against the wall and taking his words from him for just a little while.
[It had taken him a bit of time, but in the last two months or so Mat's buckled down on his studies. He's returned to his regular lessons, and has been approaching them with more gravity. There's far less sarcastic comments and flashy little tricks.
He's trying.
And while there's been little advancement, he's certainly refined the skillset he already has. His control is better. He can maintain things for longer. The things he crafts from ice, while small, have greater and finer detail.
Still, his performance isn't meeting the potential he has. But he's determined. He brings that determination to class with Istredd today, looking younger than usual with his face still clean shaven. In the heat, it's just more comfortable.]
Alright, magical master, what's on the agenda today?
[ Istredd has been impressed and proud of his students lately, they've really dedicated themselves more than he expected. He is hardly the taskmaster that his own mentor was, but he's a bad person, and Istredd tries to be gentler and more patient. It seems that most people came out of the Pit looking for ways to control themselves, and for some that meant strengthening the pieces that had gone weak.
Mat is much better than he was right after, trailing ice everywhere he went, and he seems determined to find that power within himself. Istredd wouldn't say he's not meeting his potential, it's just an unraveling. The first step is to lack fear. Once that happens, it all gets easier. They were taught to always fear magic in the Brotherhood, but he'd rather not live in fear. And he doesn't want that for them either. ]
I think you might be ready to push a little harder, Mat. You've been making great strides lately, so it may be time to get past the comfort zone. What do you think?
[ Istredd is a teacher but he doesn't make demands. He is asking Mat's opinion because he understands that his hesitance of magic comes from very real fear, but he isn't going to manage to get past it if they stay in the same place. He won't push him though, it is Mat's decision. ]
If you think so. But I'll warn you...I've been trying, and it's not happening.
[Mat shrugs. It's not for lack of attempts. Sometimes it feels like trying to thread heavy yarn through the eye of a needle. A bit's getting through, but it's as though there's more that's all bunched up and bound.]
I've been doing all my exercises, I've been practicing. S'not for lack of effort it just...won't come.
[He spreads his hands in a helpless gesture, unable to explain any further. He doesn't know why he isn't making any progress, he just isn't. But he's willing to try.]
[ He has always supported Mat and Wilhelm taking their time. If he said no to trying anything new, he would accept that. Istredd wants them to feel safe, there is no other way this can happen. ]
Sit down for a moment.
[ Istredd has no formal 'office' he is given a teaching room like anyone else, although this is the one he has. He hasn't decorated it or anything, although people can often find books on magic floating around the desks. Even a notebook or two with his careful writing in it. There are chairs though and he offers one to Mat. ]
Talk to me about the process. What is it you feel when you try? Do you feel blocked?
Sort of. S'like...a river that's hit a beaver dam. Some of it's getting through, but it feels like there's more that isn't.
[Mat takes a seat when directed, dropping his lanky form into it with another shrug. Blocked isn't quite the right term, but it's close. There is blockage, he thinks. Something holding back part of his abilities. Like a choked connection with the source.
Whether that happens, he has no idea. He knew so little about the one power and channeling back home, and that sort of studying doesn't hold his interest anyway.]
Is there a point in time when you've ever felt that lack of a blockage? And is it only with your natural channeling or when you use the native magic here?
[ Istredd is trying essentially to diagnose where the block is coming from. He used to think it was Mat himself who was too afraid and holding himself back, and there is a possibility that is still a part of it, but he's not like Wilhelm. Istredd can only tell how magic works for him, between Chaos and the academic kind he's learned here. He's trying to understand how Mat is connecting to a source here and if that can explain where things are getting cut out. ]
No, it's nothing I've really felt before. But I've never channeled before here, and I do so little of the native magic...Just simple things that anyone can do if they can follow instructions.
[The sort of spells Mat thinks children can easily perform. It's not as though he's ever studied it, or sought spells out on his own. Only sometimes he helps out, and a mage hands him a spell. Why would he bother, when he has his own power? That doesn't involve memorizing anything.]
I do sort of wonder...
[Because he has thought about it. And his life. While most of it was terribly boring and uneventful, the last half a year or so before he'd come here had been anything but. And there's something he thinks might, perhaps, be effecting his abilities.]
Before I was here, I had a little...incident. I was possessed by dark magic, it...got inside me, fed on me, on my strength. For a long time.
[ That's interesting. Istredd considers, thumbing a hand across his bearded jaw, because he does think he knows what's going on, but how to approach it takes a little bit of maneuvering. And if the possession is coming up Mat's mind as a reason, it probably is important. ]
In our training, our mentors let someone fail their first attempt at magic, so we can see what happens to them. It corrupts their body or harms them. It's a harsh lesson, but not a fatal one. We learn then and there that magic can kill you and others if used improperly, and some mages start to understandably fear using it.
[ It's a glimpse into how dark the experience Yennefer and Istredd had through training. It's only the first lesson too. The Brotherhood has no interest or experience in treating people gently. They are there to be formed into perfect magical weapons and nothing less. The two of them survived the process and not everyone does. He doesn't sound upset about it, merely stating facts. ]
Being possessed by dark magic, before you ever used it for the first time? That can affect you deeply, Mat. That feeling can stick with you, corrupt how you view it. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of magic. It's dangerous. It's overwhelming. And you didn't choose to have it.
[ Istredd is trying to frame is so that Mat understands he's not implying his fear is a weakness or that it's something he should be ashamed of. He believes that a healthy fear of the kind of power that they can use is good. He told Wilhelm the same thing. Taking magic seriously is imperative in order to be safe. ]
You've come a long way, but there is no magical block in you, Mat.
Then consider my first lesson well passed, my body was certainly corrupted.
[That had been the first time, and he can't believe he has to make that distinction. He rakes his hands through his hair and shakes his head.]
I don't even really remember those months. I remember...being sick. Sicker than I've ever been in my life. And voices. There were voices. Inside.
[Not that he can remember anything they'd said. Or if anything actually had been said, or if it had been whispers in the wind. Just mad muttering. So much is a blur.]
It's what clued folks into the fact I may...have the talent, so to speak. That sort of thing uses a person up in days, maybe a couple of weeks if they're lucky. I was months in its grips, it had something to feed on in me. Something big and powerful.
You don't remember them consciously, but your body does. And I think, subconsciously, your mind has been trying to protect you from the place the corruption brought you to, from the trauma.
[ Istredd moves his chair closer to Mat. They went through trauma together themselves in the Pit, but Mat's trauma began long before that. And in a way, so did Istredd's, he's just lived long past it at this point. It's far more recent to Mat, and he's young, untrained. He has been doing a lot of good work learning, but in the end, it's not going to be enough. ]
I know you have good reasons to be afraid of channeling but listen to me.
[ He reaches out to put a hand on Mat's shoulder, solid and real, attempting to be warm, to be reassuring. ]
We are not in your sphere. The same rules don't apply. You are surrounded by mages and by people who care for you here. Whatever big and powerful is in you, it's alright to be afraid of it, but you can trust us to have your back. This block can only be broken by you.
[Well, that does all sound reasonable and sensible. It makes perfect sense to Mat, he supposes, listening to Istredd's explanation. He can't really argue that his experience with the dagger hadn't fucked him up horribly.
But he hasn't the faintest idea what to do about it.]
How?
[What is he supposed to do to break through it? He knows all the things Istredd is saying. He knows he's safe - reasonably - here. That he's in a place that can handle any unexpected bursts out of him. But just knowing that doesn't seem to be doing any good.]
I really thought I'd gotten over being that afraid of my own power.
You aren't afraid of your magic to the point of where you are now, which is a good thing. You got that far.
[ It still is a success. Mat has found a balance that he could at least live with. Now it's about getting past it. Istredd gets up from his seat and puts a hand on Mat's arm. The psychological process of accepting this has been thrown out there, but it won't matter if he can't actually kick down the block. So they have to do that. ]
We're going to test it out. I want you to pick a spell that you feel good about but you haven't been able to push past a certain point.
[ He doesn't want Mat to go right for a spell that makes him uncomfortable. If it starts with an element he feels confident with, it'll be easier to come down from. He steps back so they have the classroom space again to work in. ]
When you feel the block, let me know, and I'll try to get you past it.
The man has brought him far, and has an easy and quiet approach that Mat appreciates. Very used to a much harder hand, a supportive and encouraging environment has done wonders for him. But still he's nervous. of course he is.
If he makes it through this block on his abilities, then what? Then he has all of this power, and he is in agreement with Moiraine-Sedai. He is not the sort of person who ought to have power. But he supposes that's for Thorne and his teachers to deal with.]
Alright.
[Something he feels good about. Well...he supposes that means ice. It's always come easiest to him, for reasons he couldn't begin to guess. This isn't about precision or showing off his fine control of his little spells, so he doesn't bother with that. He just concentrates, hands moving to help him, gathering molecules of water in the air into the empty center of the room. He goes slow and carefully, keeping his breathing steady.
Normally he only gathers a small bit of moisture, finding it difficult to do anything big. This time he doesn't stop. He keeps going, a squat column of water beginning to form.]
[ Istredd doesn't need to be using his empathy to know that Mat is nervous, but he is trying, and that is the difference. He would have refused before or barely gotten this far, but he is willing. That corner has been turned and now it's about pushing him over the last step. He would disagree with Moraine-Sedai about Mat. The boy has given him all kinds of reasons to trust him with power through experience. The worst teachers are those who don't believe in their charges.
He watches him creating the water; he suspected ice and water would be the instinctive response, which is good. Istredd is comfortable with that element. Istredd creates a shield inside of the room and makes it visible that he's doing it, so Mat feels that he has a safety net. He doesn't have to be afraid of going too far, they're in a bubble. ]
I'm here with you, Mat. I know you can do this.
[ Istredd creates water in the air the same way. He builds the moisture on his end and it is an example of someone with slightly more mastery with how much easier it is for him, but he also doesn't have any blocks. Still, he holds his water. ]
[ It's such a strange feeling. Mat knows there's more power to call on, can feel it, but touching it...
It's fine. It's alright. Istredd is in control of everything. Nothing can go wrong. The worst that could happen is they both get drenched. He keeps repeating those sentiments to himself, convincing him of their truth.
Still, it's a struggle. He reaches to take it as Istredd instructs and it feels like too much. There's no smooth flowing, no easy handoff. Mat wrestles with with the weight of it, like a man trying to lift something too heavy for him. But he strains for it. He knows he can, he should be able to...
An audible groan escapes him. He's beginning to sweat. But he doesn't let go, and little by little he starts to take on some of what Istredd is gathering.
I know it's hard, but it'll get easier. We haven't pushed this far before.
[ Istredd usually takes him in very small steps and this is more like an entire leap. He wouldn't do it if he didn't think Mat could handle it. Or that it wasn't necessary. It is. Sometimes this is the only way. ]
Yennefer went through something similar, when we were young. She's always had power, but channeling it wasn't always easy, her breakthrough came later than others.
[ Yennefer probably won't appreciate him giving a little bit away of her, but she'll understand too, when she gets his reason for it. Mat respects her, looks up to her. She is one of the most powerful mages here and that's without her natural-born Chaos, when she gets it back, it'll be a big difference. If she went through a struggle like his, he can get through it too, and become like her. ]
You're almost there, Mat. Believe that you can do it. See your way through this and reach for it.
[There's a great deal of difference between his little ice sculptures and frozen patches and this. Even the feel of it, the physical strain. Like struggling to lift a too-heavy rock with bare hands. But a rock that's only a bit too heavy, one that rocks and teases as though it will be lifted.
Under it all, the old fears linger. That he, Mat Cauthon, could truly do anything of note, anything worthy of praise. That he, a fool and a coward, could ever even think to try and wield power like this. It's not for him. Whatever power in him is dark and vile and will use him instead. Like everything else, if he truly touches this power it will turn rotten and dangerous.
But Istredd's words cut through Mat's own insidious inner voice. The honest encouragement there. This man believes in him. All this time teaching him and Istredd believes in him. Fuck everyone who's called him useless or worthless or good for nothing. He'll show them.
Focusing on that, he does his best to follow the instructions. Reach for it. Grab that power he can feel, take it in his metaphorical hands and hold it fast. He calls on every little scrap of advice everyone has ever given him - breathing techniques, visualizations, clearing his mind of everything but the task at hand. His mind struggles against the idea, never easily quieted, but he tries to channel that, too, into his efforts.
With an audible cry of exertion, something clicks into place. Sheer force of will and spite and the push of earnestly offered encouragement and support tip something over. Mat takes the weight of the spell, holding the water himself.
At least until he can't hold on, and his control slips but not the strength of the magic.]
Oh shit!
[It's all Mat has time to get out before it all bursts, water exploding everywhere within the containment of Istredd's shielding.]
[ Istredd remembers what it was like to be so frustrated when learning. The problem with magic with Chaos is that there always is an undercurrent of fear. You want to push, but pushing could kill you. So it became a balancing act. He was far more patient as he tried relentlessly until it worked, but he talked Yennefer through her more constant frustration at it not coming easily to her. Now it does, but it takes that lack of fear. She and Mat have similar backgrounds of being treated like dirt too. He can see that in them.
He watches and sees as Mat starts to get it, starts to absorb in what Istredd is pushing at him. It can blow up on both of them, but he is ready for that. Istredd's eyes widen and he smiles when he can almost feel something in Mat snap. He's pushed past the wall and it means the space fills with his power, and Istredd can only keep the protection shielding within their space. So they can't blow out the walls.
It doesn't stop them from getting wet head to toe though, and some of the room as well, but Istredd only ends up laughing as wipes the water from his eyes. They are even brighter blue at the moment and he reaches out to put a hand on Mat's arm. ]
You did it, Mat!
[ So yes he lost control at the end, yes they will probably have to dry off the room before anyone can come in it again, but Istredd isn't focusing on that part. He's focusing on the success. ]
[Mat's stunned for a moment, sopping wet, his hair flat and plastered to his head. He'd done that. Him.
It's not the watery accident he's stunned over, but his initial success. He'd most certainly felt it. All that power, rushing through him like spring melt down the mountain. It's enough to humble even him into silence for a moment.
He manages to nod, ignoring that he's dripping from every limb - not to mention Istredd's in the same state - and that the room is now a mess. He'd made that mess. No, it wasn't the intention, but fuck it, he doesn't care. He felt the moment that dam gave way and he broke through whatever holds he'd placed on himself.]
Uh...sorry.
[He tries to be sheepish. It doesn't work very well.]
Don't be sorry. Magic mishaps are normal while training.
[ Istredd's seen plenty of mistakes much worse than this. He didn't set fire to the castle. It could have been worse. There may be some grumbling but it's part of magic, things not always going perfectly. He'll help them clean it up. It's funny that being soaked head to toe feels like a triumph, but it does. ]
You did. And the world didn't end. It only got a little wet. But you can do it again, you know that now.
[ Istredd thinks this is why teaching has ended up rewarding for him in a way he didn't expect. Wilhelm getting control of his fire, Mat able to push back a serious wall, it's worth all the effort to see them blossom. He smiles at him. ]
[Istredd will, whenever he returns to the room, find a Certain Familiar Book smack-dab in the middle of His Actual Bed, zero explanation given. Just a book.]
It takes him almost no time at all to realize since he is very familiar with book spines and the way one smells, and the memory is particularly sweet to him. Istredd smiles as his fingers stroke along the cover, older than the shinier books he saw in Hayle, but he likes them old and obscure. Even the fiction. A burst of pure unfiltered love shoots through the bond and he holds the book to his chest, not unlike how he did in Nott itself.
He might not ever read this, but he also doesn't need to. Symbolically it is a vitally important text. Istredd did know where this book was and had considered looking for it sentimentally. The fact Lucifer did do exactly that makes him feel warm and fuzzy to a ridiculous degree.
Where are you?
Istredd can, as uausl, simply find him, but he prefers when Lucifer willingly tells him so he gets a head's up.
So, being difficult, despite the rocking spear of love that has him teetering off balance and having to physically catch himself. Boy, that's a rush, nearly unexpected. Sure he had expected a reaction, just not so overwhelming.
(He's in town. Thank the heralds no longer in the Winking Cauldron. He doesn't need shit from Mildred.)
Lucifer. Istredd sings, just as he does. That love isn't going anywhere, it is burning brightly in him, but he manages to mute it to a reasonable level. It can be felt there under the surface though and the knowledge he is trying to control it.
Did you have to run off after making a sweet gesture?
He's pouting in the room and leaves to go to the library, but he holds the book to him. This isn't going to leave his sight any time soon. It was already a treasured object but now it's treasured and his.
Istredd is still grumpy about the Hayle situation. He doesn't blame anyone other than Thorne or the siblings who apparently hate each other. Borrel isn't bad but it isn't what any of them really wanted either. Some day he'll get Hayle. He is determined.
Awwww, sentimentality.
Happy anniversary of being the first person I met here.
He met Lucifer the first day he was there. He was shellshocked and simply sat in the first room he could find, staring off into space. Istredd did see Yennefer first, they found one another right away, which is why he started throwing her name around. But Lucifer was the new person. They created something that day that was unintentional but grew.
You have to come back eventually, you know. Why so shy? About doing nice things.
You're being avoidant because it was very sweet and I'm going to overwhelm you with love. I get it.
Istredd can't possibly make himself less like a sunbeam when Lucifer made such a lovely gesture. So if Lucifer needs to come back when he feels like he can handle it better, that's fine. He is currently looking through the book. It's fiction, which means he's not really that interested in the story, but the pages are old and the cover unique and it's more his type than anything shiny like in Hayle.
And it's a credit to how much Istredd's grown since coming here on his end too, that he lacks the same uncertainty that he had in the start. He was insecure a lot in the beginning, being so isolated from others, but stability in relationships has helped. And he knows Lucifer is drawn to him in part due to his intensity, otherwise they wouldn't be good together.
You did not.
Istredd assumes he did something possibly related to it just so he could say them and somewhat mean them. He hugs the book to his chest like he did in the bookshop, smiling to himself. Technically a non-fiction book would actually be useful to him, but it's all about symbols.
If the kid has them, I doubt they'd be surprised. Just as you're not surprised when Wilhelm does something very teenager.
Istredd knows Jack hasn't stopped being a topic or a pain point, but Wilhelm is Lucifer's true parental relationship, and it's a positive one. Even with that hiccup, it turned into something real and strong. Istredd still doesn't entirely understand teenage behavior, his own rearing so specific, although he and Kell have created a stronger bond than he expected he could have. It's a series of feelings he's working on accepting.
True, we were already in each other's pockets before that, but this accelerated it. Their closeness began before the bond, that simply cemented it in an undeniable way. But they found a harmony as roommates and friends first.
I don't read fiction but I'm going to try to read this one.
It could be the worst-written book of all time and I would still cherish it because my partner got it for me as a romantic gesture.
Wipe that smirk off your face, he's not done being made of mush. Not any time soon! This is all your own fault, Lucifer. Istredd is going to be happy about this and Lucifer can't ruin it, sorry. He's in high spirits.
Their room has shifted in that mostly they live on Lucifer's side and in Lucifer's bed. He is neat and cleans every day, making beds, putting things in order. He has always done that even before they were a couple, a routine in the morning wakes him up. Currently the only thing on Istredd's side of the room, treasured on his bed, is that book.
Istredd waits for the door to close and gets into Lucifer's space, cupping his face with his hands and kissing him firmly. He doesn't make it last until he has to gasp for air because Lucifer asked him a question, but it's mean to be a sign of gratitude. He pulls away with a smile.
"You say that like I plan on ever being tolerable."
"Yes, always." Said fondly. Istredd pulls him into a light hug, usually very content to do that to show affection, except Lucifer has to follow it up with that and he leans back, distraught.
"You didn't." As Lucifer said before, he doesn't like Chaos, and the comedy of it is that the bookstore did have a sort of chaos to it. If the owner lets him stay in there for long, he's going to organize the entire thing for free. "I am not going to sleep until it's fixed." And it's too late for them to go. Rude.
"What?" he sounds scandalized, even his thoughts echoing it for a moment. He puts a hand over his own chest. "You don't like scavenger hunts? Oh, well that's going to be a real cryin' shame then, all that work I put into it..."
His thoughts were giving way before he even finished talking, and he claps both his hands to Istredd's shoulders, laughing more than Istredd would likely appreciate, but he's smoothing out folds of fabric as he gives Istredd's mind the offering of memory: Lucifer simply taking the book from where it had been put, nothing else in its place, nothing out of sort.
Istredd narrows his eyes at him, waiting for confirmation one way or the other. As well as he can read Lucifer when it counts, his partner is very good at hiding smaller jokes like this so he's not always sure. By the time Lucifer laughs though, he knows that he didn't do it, so he flashes him that annoyed look that's combined with amusement.
"Sometimes I just want to strangle you." His hands drop to Lucifer's hips and he reels him in, pressing a kiss to his forehead. And over that brilliant mind that also enjoys tormenting him. Istredd often plays along too because Lucifer gets glee out of being irritating.
Istredd is happy however he manages to get Lucifer to grin like that, even when it's at his expense, sometimes especially when it's at his expense. Lucifer likes being mischievous and Istredd tends to be the 'straight man' when it comes to their humor. It balances out and occasionally is flipped.
"Oh you're a first in a lot of ways, my love. Although I'm a first in more." Smug smug smug. Endlessly smug. Sorry that's never going to stop either. "Imagine if you decided I wasn't a good enough placeholder."
"I would've dug you out from the libraries one way or another. It just would've been equal levels of the shit that I gave Kyle in the beginning." Amused. "But unlike him you'd have gone along and rivaled it."
Istredd had a good way of meeting Lucifer head on in unexpected ways. He knows they wouldn't have gone further without the bond, but he also knows them both well enough that all Lucifer needed was a little give for him to sink his teeth into Istredd early on, and the beats would've just been hit at different angles.
Istredd smiles and ruffles his hair affectionately. "I like how certain you are that we were meant to be." Definitely teasing, although there is an element of that which is true. Lucifer is certain that he would've eventually met him and their connection would've flared to life. It would've taken longer and in a different way, but still. Meant to be, with that mentality.
Istredd's hands always have to be busy, hungry to touch him always, playing with the bottom of his shirt. "Okay so you didn't know you wanted me until we kissed, but when did you know you liked me as a person?"
He of course didn't mean it like that, but sure, fine, it sounds like it!!
"Like you? That needs a narrower definition." Because Lucifer has levels. "But I suppose deciding to not threaten killing you for being a telepath in my immediate presence is a fair starting point."
"Yes, like me. It doesn't need a narrower definition, you know what I mean." Istredd rolls his eyes. Lucifer's feelings aren't so vague as he thinks, although maybe not as obvious to him. Istredd didn't need a psychic connection with him to be able to start reading him and grudging affection. But that time does line up. Choosing not to threaten him is like that for Lucifer.
He leans in to kiss him lightly, hand curling in the collar of his shirt to tug him in for it. It's not lingering, he feels like it when Lucifer is being sweet. "I already considered us friends by that point, but for me it was when you got me when I was stuck in the Horizon."
Istredd liked him earlier because it was natural, but when he realized Lucifer was actually his friend was then. He got his body into their room and then entered the Horizon knowing it may be dangerous to stick by him as it shook. That meant a lot to him.
"Yes it does. Because there's liking you enough that I at least considered your opinion--I wouldn't say trust. There's liking you enough that I wasn't simply going to let you die at whatever convenient timing came up." He could map that one easily with Wilhelm. Less easily with Kell ah hah whoops nothing to worry about there. "And there's trusting you with my mind."
He lists the possibilities and why there needs to be a narrower definition because he's a little shit but also because he thinks Istredd may appreciate it in the weird way that they are.
"But." But. "I don't have that answer, either, not really."
Because Lucifer doesn't know when it changed. He hadn't expected anything to change. He just remembers not expecting to lose anyone when he was afflicted and not the shock of the absence but the shock at their return.
"It was sometime before the heralds showed up." They had talked enough about the afflictions, more than once. "Probably for just some mundane, dumb reason."
So. Friendship and liking other people is just as complicated as... anything and everything else.
The joys of not being human!
Actually, frankly, simply the joys of being an extremely Sheltered Individual.
"You were an uphill battle to be certain, little did I know." They both started out on an even surface, tolerating each other to see if it was easier than getting a new roommate. Istredd probably generally liked him sooner, he was pleasant company, he pulled him out of the library when he didn't have to. Most of the time people just left him alone. He wasn't used to someone coming for him.
"But I don't know, in a strange way, it's felt easy with you too. I've always struggled with uncertainty about other people, but with you, it felt ... natural." Which shouldn't be possible as they are unnatural. Different worlds, different species, highly different backgrounds. It's the truth though.
Even now it is easy to lean his forehead against Lucifer's, put an arm around his waist to reel him in, close, comfortable. "I'm glad that you like me. Especially for the mundane, dumb reasons."
Lucifer is either Great at leaving people alone and the Most Annoying.
"Were an uphill battle?" He still is, you can't tell him otherwise. He knows.
Thorne gave them a lot of problems. Thorne also put them in a space where they either had to rely on each other or become a bloodbath and instantly betray one another. They picked a route, but it always makes Lucifer cautious of new Summoned. How the boat will get rocked. How they all get screwed because one person started a Rube Goldberg Machine of problems with just something so small.
He doesn't blame Wilhelm for anything; Wilhelm blames himself enough on his own.
But the kid's anxiety is a prime offering for the life they have in Thorne.
One, out-of-place anxiety.
"I have to be considered natural somewhere," he jests.
"I mean before I understood you." Uphill until he could really get what was going on with Lucifer, crack himself into his mind and spill out some of his secrets. Now Istredd's managed that, but he knows that Lucifer wouldn't like to be past tense a battle. It's in his nature to be difficult.
"You will always be a challenge, Lucifer. I wouldn't want you any other way." The absolute truth. Istredd's in love with him because of it. He likes that he's difficult. That's why he thinks it's oddly natural.
He worries about new people all of the time too. Every time they seem like they have balanced the Thorne Summoned well, a new group comes in, with all the threats and concerns that brings. But he felt that way in the start too, and now they all have one another. He's willing to be patient with others. To a point.
It's easier with Lucifer. Having that solid ground to fall back on, always.
"It's not like I'm easy." Laughable! Istredd only appears to be that way. A different kind of difficult.
Istredd's the only one that would see Lucifer as a solid ground and that's. Well. That's everything.
Unspoken, as it is. Untranslated, as most thoughts from Lucifer are. The problems of being connected to an extremely inhuman mind.
"Ha! You're easy for me. Easy to read."
From someone that's accustomed to manipulating and twisting souls.
He reaches up and thumbs behind Istredd's ear.
"Easy to understand touch." He drags the same hand down behind Istredd, to the small of his back, grinning, "Comfort." He nudges towards Istredd, lips parted. It's whether or not anyone is willing to put in the effort. For both of them. For as fucked up as they both are, myriad of complications and all.
Lucifer is the most solid ground Istredd's had for a long time. He's not even certain he's ever found it with another person. The last thing he and Yennefer could be was solid. They always knew they were doomed as the Brotherhood wouldn't allow a relationship between mages to get in the way of their politics. They were naive in hoping maybe they could keep pieces, but the only solid ground Istredd's ever found was solo. Something he made for himself.
He didn't know this is what love could be like too.
"Oh good, I'm an open book to you. As long as it's not a boring book." His tone is dry.
Istredd laughs when Lucifer utilizes touch to win him over, and it works, of course, it'll always work. He's grinning when he leans in and kisses him, as Lucifer already knew that he would, because his parted lips are inviting and he is weak.
Loving you is effortless, for me. Easy. Natural, as he's said.
The one that Istredd has already practically sanctified. And! Maybe it is interesting! But they both know it likely isn't. Its meaning comes through in other ways that Lucifer will not acknowledge despite being the one that sold a firecracker enchantment and went to Nott when he had been adamantly avoiding it since their last trip and bought the dumb, no-nonsense, likely-very-boring book.
"I'll probably read it to find out if it's boring or not."
But they both know the symbol is what matters. If it turns out to be an incredible read, that would be nice, but he doesn't care about the story. Istredd may not get past ten pages, he'll find out. Lucifer is good with gestures. He shows the way he feels, either through their bond or through his actions, and Istredd doesn't need the words because of it. He uses the words because he's comfortable with them.
"I'm so many firsts for you." Istredd teases, one of the only things he is going to be eternally smug about. The book only feeds into that. "I can't speak for others, only myself, and that's the truth."
"Only 'probably'?" Only probably read it? "All the time and effort I put into acquiring that book," he bemoans, clearly acting up, clearly out of reaction to Istredd being Soft and Lucifer not knowing how to handle that, ever. Time and time again, still doesn't have any proper response to it. "My few pennies, spent away. All for a token." 'Of his affection' is certainly left out of the sentence maybe because he only quite realized what it was.
That's fine.
It's nothing.
Don't worry about it.
Sweep it under the rug with all the skeletons.
Uhhhhhggggnnnh.
Look. No reaction is better than the 'good for you' reaction that almost manifested in his thoughts.
Istredd laughs. "Oh then I guess I should read it out loud to you. Since you put so much effort into getting it. We can share the experience." Istredd does have a nice voice. The kids he had to read to after they destroyed all that glass seemed to enjoy listening to it read them books. He ended up not hating that punishment. Also, he still had no regrets.
"Lucky me, being the object of your affection." Lucifer may be leaving it out, but Istredd won't. He's teasing him though, taking the bite out of the reality of those words. He is absolutely confident about Lucifer's feelings for him. He probably understands better than Lucifer does, what those are.
He kisses one of Lucifer's cheeks and then the other, the energy of 'same book, same page, same sentence.' Istredd curls his fingers into the front of Lucifer's shirt and pulls him, walking backwards to their bed and sitting on it, tugging him to follow. They can't snuggle as well when standing.
I didn't get you anything. I'll have to think of something.
"Don't feel insulted if I fall asleep. It will have all to do with the contents of that book." And likely the lull of Istredd reading but hey, shut up.
The thought of getting a gift is as funny and out of place to him as it is for Istredd to receive one.
It's just things that don't happen.
New descriptor for the Thorne Summoned: simply screwed-up beyond reason.
He does move with ease even though he can snuggle just as well standing, why can't you, Istredd? He's only an immovable force when he chooses to be, so any potential eyerolling petulance that also follows is all for show.
He knew Istredd was going to be insufferable, but still, he hates this man. Hates him with the fires of a thousand suns yada yada yada. Passion, as it turns out, is a real bitch.
Istredd is new to gift giving himself, part of it being that he keeps thinking it has to be something that is useful. He loves getting sentimental gifts, if his reaction to the book is anything, but he still has that streak of wanting to be useful to someone. When the gesture can sometimes be more than the item. He'll think of something for Lucifer.
He sits and encourages Lucifer to climb onto him, not unlike how he did that night in Hayle, coming in close to him, looking up at him. Istredd cups his face with one hand, thumb caressing his cheek gently. There is so much love in his eyes, enough that Lucifer wouldn't have to feel it from him to still sense it.
I didn't need the book. I'll think of something. I'll even try to make it not obnoxiously sentimental like me. Nah, it probably will be in some fashion. With Lucifer he is relentlessly romantic. Istredd uses his other hand to run down Lucifer's arm and thread their fingers together.
I know that I please you just by existing though. Istredd flashes a grin full of mischief. It's probably foul play to use things said in the middle of sex but he's going to do it anyway.
"Oh, good, I wouldn't be able to survive you and an obnoxiously sentimental gift," he says, but he's not optimistic. 'Try' is the keyword in Istredd's sentence.
Lucifer has more 'stuff' to his name than he's ever had--why would he need material things in the past? Even clothing and jewelry of his vessels were just part of the costume.
The things in Lucifer's possession now are quite random. The strange trinkets as rewards or various party favors. The odds and ends Lucifer has taken to use as spell anchors. Clothing accessories that are his own and he does prefer to have when he leaves Thorne. The small weapon that he is very possessive of. The necklaces, one of which that simply appeared much like his cloak.
Most of it is practical, and the items that aren't have grown on him.
He is the first one of them to take something out of context from the middle of sex to use it so he really shouldn't be surprised by Istredd doing the same.
It still earns Istredd a mild thwap to an arm with his 'unrestrained' hand.
"Yes," he drawls, you're the gift that just keeps giving.
Edited (gotta make sure to hit you with a bunch of edits from time to time ) Date: 2023-08-24 07:55 am (UTC)
"You knew who you were getting involved with. Although I guess we both were surprised about how the other acts in a relationship."
Istredd has always been emotional and sentimental even as only friends, but he did blossom once they started this, his steady pulse of love and adoration one he's never curbed successfully since this began. And Lucifer's constant closeness, the way he's on top of him like now, was a huge surprise. The best surprise, an eternally pleasant surprise.
Technically Lucifer does have a little sentimental trinket of Istredd, the pin he took from him from the masquerade. It hasn't been ignored that he still wears it sometimes. He laughs when Lucifer thwaps him, undeterred. He lifts the hand he has and kisses the knuckles sweetly.
I am. I'm yours. He follows that up by leaning up and stealing a soft brief kiss from him because he's allowed to. Can I ask you a strange random question? He asks as if he plans on waiting for an answer. "Who was the vessel you're in?" There are a lot of things they still haven't discussed.
Lucifer barks a laugh. That's--that's the question Istredd wants to ask, while Lucifer is straddling him on their bed? But yeah. Sure. Okay. Why not.
"The Story of Nick," he says aloud, cheery, "is a bad one, like most, if not all, of my stories." He could just leave it at that. Yeah it's some poor sod named Nick, the end. But he has no reason not to tell Istredd, other than it being a mood killer to the level that Lucifer wasn't looking for. He's generally told Istredd things when asked about his past, with some pushback depending how raw-open he was, and many of those times he told Istredd of his past it was intentional in order to try and make him Go Away.
But he's mostly done with that modus operandi. Once you tell someone you doomed all of humanity, the rest is kind of just welp. Maybe the 'smaller actions' hit differently but they don't change anything in the now.
"The random pick, Nick. I had one of my demons orchestrate how to make the man a shell of a person by the time I needed a vessel. I needed the right level of... mmm... mental brokenness I suppose you could say for my vessels to hold me without burning through them. And even then, Nick was well into decaying by the time I hopped into Sam. The demon broke into Nick's home and gutted his wife and child in their beds." A brief pause. "The demon's name was Abraxas."
And there's that little tidbit about why sometimes Lucifer still has issues about this world and his existence on it, and his entire life related to it. Why it seems like it could be a bad joke of his Father's.
"When I was searching for a vessel after my initial release from Hell, I went to Nick first. I manipulated his dreams. His perception. Made him relive his trauma. Took on the appearance of his wife to push home the horror, though I did tell him I was Lucifer. And offered him a chance for vengeance against God for allowing this massacre of his life to occur. Let's take our anger out on God, together. After all, my Father did allow me to pull those puppet strings, just as God had himself. Nick just assumed it was a random act of violence, one that had the case dropped and the crime never solved.
"I was surprised his soul was still kicking around in these walls when I got stuffed back in this skinsuit, but I guess he didn't make it through the sift that was coming into Abraxas."
Istredd is eternally curious and there are still a lot of things he doesn't know. They have a tendency to talk constantly and yet not talk about some things they probably should. This isn't a should, but maybe a part of him thinks that since he's been having sex with this vessel, he should at least know something about it. He knows there's no human left in it, it's a shell as Lucifer has told him before, but he's still curious.
Maybe it's a mood killer, but he's rarely been turned off by learning more about Lucifer, even when it's bad news. Istredd looks up at him as he listens to the sad tale of this Nick, and yet despite the very tragic information about the man's family, he is of course completely frozen at the name Abraxas.
"Well that's a mindfuck of a coincidental name." Istredd can't begin to think what that would mean if it's not coincidence. Just bizarre. He does get why the name of this place throws Lucifer though. He refuses to think that this place is all a design of Lucifer's God though. It could be, Michael seemed to think it was, but until proven, he's refusing.
"And?" Istredd puts an arm around his back and tugs him closer, then running that hand up his spine, affection not pausing in the slightest. What happened to force you back into the body since it wasn't your vessel? He remembers that Sam Winchester is supposed to be. A year later and he's asking the details.
For all of Lucifer's next words, and following explanation, while he spits vitriol--it's the calmest his anger has ever been displayed.
"Right! I show up here after fleeing from the alternate psycho-version of Michael, end up on some crazy world with the same name as one of my demons, and then get punched with the fact that I need to sleep now and get the circus freakshow of nightmares of my Cage and my Father! What was I supposed to think of this place?"
He's given Istredd a smattering of details here and there but not the whole piece of the puzzle of how he ended up in his current predicament.
He's tapping fingers against their laced-together hands like he's ticking them off, mostly to keep track of the order of events. "Got shoved back into the Cage with Sam alongside Michael. Later on convinced Castiel to be my vessel in order to stop our aunt--long, long story there--but she expelled me during the battle. The problem with not having a previously-tapped, made-to-order backup vessel is you... can't find anyone to hold you. So I burned through, I don't know, dozens, of bodies before I settled into the--bard." 'Bard' is better to go with than rockstar, even though Istredd Gets That Now.
He snaps his fingers with his other hand. "Got sent to the bottom of the ocean for, I don't know, two weeks, by a witch." And yet! He's friends with Wanda! Lookit that. "Became the president--country leader--after I burned up the bard. Should've gone back to the Cage after whatever those knuckleheads used on me but sooooome little worm of a demon who got too comfortable holding my throne apparently scraped Nick off the floorboards and kept him on lockdown. Probably worked with his witchbitch Mommy Dearest, like he's smart enough on his own. Replicated all of the Cages warding and spellwork and 'carved it into every molecule.' I don't know how he redirected my descent, but he made me a nice and tidy prisoner, with a lovely security system through this body that I very much was pleased to slap back towards him and take back what was mine."
He looks oddly putout for a moment though. "I'll give Crowley some credit, he was as much an undying cockroach as Castiel. Just when you think you've killed him, he pops back up again. His parting shot was sacrificing himself to strand me on another world--where I was before I came here."
It is calm for his anger and Istredd listens closely again.
"You like to sleep."
Lucifer likes perching, he likes being a nuisane, and he likes sleep. Istredd likes having a timeline to his partner's life. He knows how little time Lucifer's been out of his Cage, they've discussed it before, but this fills in a few blanks. He appreciates the use of 'bard' and 'country leader' since those explain the terms to him without having to ask. He makes note of all the details he's getting and lifts the hand they're sharing to kiss Lucifer's knuckles gently.
"So much happened to you in what, a few years?" At most. He doesn't know the time table. It could be a decade, but that's not much for people like them. This was on the tail of nothing happening to him for a long, long time. And he fathered Jack somewhere in there. Istredd's eating up word for word, it sounds like something meant for one of those fiction books he doesn't read.
Istredd considers and lifts his hand from Lucifer's back to run through his hair and then cup his cheek. "Well if none of that happened, you wouldn't be here. And yes this is a bad compromise for you, compared to what you wanted, but there are worse options." Such as death and oblivion. Neither of which he's willing to acknowledge as options.
"I like knowing things about you, even the questionable ones." Like Nick. He isn't going to mince words there. Questionable is a mild word for it. "This is the most interesting my life has ever been. Outside of the one brief adventure with Geralt. And trying to save the elves, but that was useless."
"I like to sleep now. Just the same as I like to eat!" And actually taste things. "I hated it in the beginning. I still hate it sometimes. You." He pokes Istredd in the side and makes up for it when he adds, "Make it more-than tolerable."
He was always very bad (for good reasons) at keeping track of time in Hell. "Hell adds some extra years to the timetable, so I'm not sure." And once Sammy's soul got retrieved he lost his human chewtoy entertainment and was just stuck with Michael. They sure did not pass the time wisely.
He dips his head into the touch. "You mean all of the questionable ones," he states, simple. There's some that aren't, like his memory of flying. But most of Lucifer's very early memories are completely colored by the Mark and what happened after. It's nearly impossible to look at them in any good light.
I know, your life was so boring, here I am with mountain ranges of life details about me, and you with a volcano. An active volcano, at least. Proof of life within all that locked in his own world vibe.
"Oh do I?" Istredd says with a smile. "I couldn't tell with how you drape on top of me and lock your limbs into mine." They hook together sometimes in a way that's almost impossible to break out of, but he doesn't want to, so it's fine. This is not a complaint, it's a tease, considering he intentionally pulled Lucifer on top of him, as if he can't resist making them touch at all times. They both want it.
Istredd's the bad one in public. Lucifer's better at not giving into it there, Istredd has a tendency to still want to touch him. Hand holding, the occasional kiss on the cheek. It's difficult not to.
"Yes, I mean all of them. All of you." There is nothing about him Istredd hasn't been able to accept. He may not love hearing about the dark parts, but they're Lucifer. "But I liked the flying the most." Not only because it has no violence involved, but because it was beautiful. Freeing. His love has experienced endless unique things that he can only dream of.
He sits up closer so he can kiss him. Eighty or ninety years later and my life is finally interesting. Being here is interesting! And insane! He leans back onto his hands, breaking the kiss, head tipped back to look at Lucifer. "I plan on climbing all those mountain ranges."
Shut up, Istredd. Rarely does Lucifer actually give proper credit, so be pleased.
(He knows Istredd is. That's not the point.)
At least Istredd will always know he's safe and securing in an unbreakable hold of Lucifer's arms. That odd reassurance. But they would, evidently, have a problem in public from Lucifer's end if, say, Istredd was covered in blood. Not even the queen would likely keep Lucifer cautious.
... Well.
Okay.
Maybe the queen.
"Enjoy your fool's-end expedition," he says, and he's sure that's what people said about Everest and yet have had many succeed at climbing it (and coming back alive). The flying part may be the only untainted part of him. He doesn't, by some miracle, doubt Istredd's own expedition despite his spoken words.
Istredd is endlessly smug and pleased with himself when it comes to Lucifer. He has the book to prove why.
If Istredd was covered in blood, he would be smart enough to immediately excuse them somewhere else. If he had to give a report of some kind as to why, he would do it quickly, and then run off. He knows what he's about now. As strange as that 'about' may be.
Istredd grips Lucifer at the hips and turns them, placing Lucifer onto the bed if he allows it. He's graceful at it these days, but it does remind him sometimes of their first hook up. They're far enough from the drama for him to see it only in positive happy ways. He follows onto him and smiles, hands clasping Lucifer's and pressing them down against the bed.
All smokescreen, of course, Lucifer is so much stronger than him that it's hilarious. Anything he does physically is only what he allows him. But when he does allow him, it's still nice.
"I won't be satisfied until I know everything about you, everything you'll let me know." Sometimes he can sneak things that Lucifer didn't intend to tell him, but he doesn't want to pick at scabs either. "You really did pick the wrong person if you wanted to remain a mystery."
The benefit, too, is that Lucifer will keep his word; he won't tap Istredd out again in this kind of scenario. Hopefully not at all, but he only made the one agreement.
Lucifer's said enough that no one can make him do anything, Istredd especially. Any bend and twist and break he makes to Istredd's hands are all by choice, liquid-movements giving in. He'll easily and languidly resettle, content.
"I picked the wrong person regardless when I let you into my head at all," he says, enjoying the feel of Istredd over top him. That should distance themselves from that first night, regardless to how far they've come, if only because their positions are flipped. "Even if you did know everything, you wouldn't be satisfied," he continues, amused. As though your thirst is ever quenchable.
Istredd accepted that he can't promise forever not to knock him out, there are scenarios where it might have to happen. And he'll probably be angry at the time, but as long as this promise is made, he's fine with it. He's too sensitive when it comes to their intimacy not to get his shackles up about it. But he trusts Lucifer. That first time was panic. He understands.
Looking down at him now, a warm smile curling at his lips, Istredd can only see the ways they've changed for the better. He pins Lucifer's hands down but only by tangling their fingers together first. Yes, I am eternally thirsty. Since he now knows the term he says it very dryly. Istredd chuckles and leans in to steal a kiss, squeezing their joined hands, only stopping when he needs to come up for air.
"Then again, did you actually pick me, or did I wear you down with constant emotional support and adoration until you gave in?"
"Yeaaaah, that's not what happened." He tilts his head, considering, careful. He's lax against the bed, pooled pleasure. "I truly mean no offense," and that's accurate throughout his thoughts, very loud and clear, "but you were a mistake." It sounds bad but it's really not! From anyone else it might be terrible. Dishonesty might be the better answer, but he isn't about that. "I didn't pick you and if you were wearing me down I wouldn't have given it, I would've left."
He hums, watching Istredd, squeezing back at their hands as Istredd had done, as though he's fearful that Istredd will take offense from the words and draw away.
"You got under my armor," he lulls. "A mouse stealthily sneaking in, making a nest, remaining unnoticed until the damage was already done." He shrugs which is awkward while laying down. "But far as mistakes go." Grins a little. "Worked out."
Luckily for Lucifer, Istredd knows him, so he laughs instead of getting offended. "You're great at the romantic gestures, you still need to work on the words." The sentiment is the same as any sweetness though. Istredd's a mistake because he took Lucifer by surprise and it was too late to stop it by the time it began. He's fine with that.
He squeezes Lucifer's hands again where he has them pinned, his thumb hooking to caress his knuckles, and kisses each cheek sweetly. "But I'm your favorite mistake." Lucifer doesn't admit to many mistakes anyway, since he doesn't regret much of what he's done, but Istredd's never asked him to. He is who he is. That's what people don't realize when they warn him about his partner. He might as well laugh in their face too. As if he doesn't know who is in his bed.
"It's not far from what I assumed would happen if you ever started to want me though. That it would be gradual and surprising." Istredd had that tiny bit of hope even as he lied because he wanted it so much to be true. "It would've been stranger if we tried to court the normal way."
He's cocky enough to argue that Istredd is his only mistake but it'd be a blatant lie. Perhaps Lucifer's only massive mistake. Ultimate Mistake?
Heh.
He's not telling Istredd that, keeping it tucked away in his own quiet amusement.
"You could've tried to court me whatever the 'normal way' is and it wouldn't have gotten you far."
Because Lucifer would be oblivious, same as before.
"My honesty is a charm of its own," he says, grin widening. "Why would I need flowery words?" His voice dips low. "Mmmm... poetry?" He claspes their hands tighter, tucks them under his head so that he can use them as an odd lever to push himself up just a fraction. He croons, "Ohhh... I know, maybe I should sing for you."
"Oh I tried the normal way on normal people." Istredd did 'date' people between Yennefer and Lucifer, none of them mages because too much drama, the majority of them fellow scholars. And it was all very nice. But hardly thrilling. "I wasn't going to try any of that on you."
There is something deeply infectious about Lucifer's grins and his cocky behavior in particular have a way of making Istredd weak for him. Istredd rolls his eyes, smirking back at him, allowing Lucifer to move their hands. He leans in close enough to kiss him but chooses not to, staying just out of reach.
"You said you possessed a bard's body. Surely you know a tune to serenade me with."
Lucifer's rudeness wins since Istredd is incredibly easy to seduce and he reacts against his will to the wriggling by catching his breath. The look he gives is amused and he releases Lucifer's hands, sliding his hands under Lucifer's shirt to dig his nails in and run intentionally sharp down his torso.
He knows how to get Lucifer back after all and closes some of the distance to bite at his lip before pulling back before he can get swayed into kissing him. Still just out of reach.
"Sing for me anyway. I'll make it worth your while."
It's a question, always, how much Lucifer is willing to play along. How much his curiosity pushes him. His constant interest and amusement is an awfully good motivator, certainly.
There's the consideration to really give Istredd a taste of Vince Vincente, but Lucifer hardly knows the lyrics to 'Bloody Messiah' outside of the name itself.
That amusement of his ticks up a notch. Leave it to Lucifer to do as requested but be just enough off that the defiance is there.
He pushes up as much as naturally allowed--constantly able to break any hold on him that Istredd could put him in, but where's the fun in that? His voice is low, a croon, almost haunting and off-key, "The devil went down to Georgia," but there's a melody there all the same as his grin stretches ear to ear, "he was lookin' for a soul to steal."
It's a game between them, an intimate flirtation, where Lucifer lets himself be pinned and held down knowing he can get out at any time. Any power Istredd has over him is given, and that is what makes it fun between them. Istredd presses his weight down onto Lucifer more forcefully when he pushes up, pushing him back, arching a playful eyebrow at him.
It also has the after effect of supplying a little friction which is always fun.
Istredd chuckles, having expected Lucifer to do something silly, and he wouldn't recognize any music from his sphere. It isn't a surprise there are songs about 'the devil' since everyone seems quite obsessed with Lucifer, in many spheres.
He lowers his head down to Lucifer's ear. "And?" He prompts, lifting one hand to dive into Lucifer's hair, forcing his head to tilt back so he can bite the skin right under his ear.
For him, in this kind of moment, this is silly, though the degree is lost to Istredd. "Maybe I should ask that bard for some of his works, since you were so enraptured with the thought of him singing," singing Istredd's favorites, of course. He's laughing though, no heat to the jab. Of that weird little group he actually likes Jaskier.
He stays put this time and sprawls his free hands (and arms) out around him. If he's going to be 'denied' he's not going to rise to the opportunity any touch.
Lucifer has a grand ol' library of songs to his name to rival God, and they're way more popular. So much more in the limelight since devil is less restricted to religion as God is. The rebellious anthems and the dark side and the downright evil. He's got 'em all!
Can't completely diss the classics, even if 'Lucifer' technically loses in this song. Eh. (He won the last time there was talk of a fiddle of gold against a soul, isn't that right, Sammy?)
But. Excuse him. He's a little distracted. You're welcome, asshole, it takes him a minute to pick up the line of song he had chosen to delve into. A sin in its own right, going about the rhythm so slow. But Lucifer doesn't have a fiddle, anyway.
He shifts his head to give Istredd better access, though a part of him wonders if Istredd will see the offer and pull away, the devious bastard.
He puffs out a breath. Licks his lips, slow. Eyes bright. So kindly doesn't move. "He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind. And he was willin' to make a deal," he purrs. Chuckles, pushes the out-of-place tune through their minds, "Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due." His chuckles chimes between them and he slips lower beneath Istredd with what little movement he is able to manage, "I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cause I think I'm better than you."
"That would be very, very appealing to me." Istredd does like that song and now he's met Jaskier in person and he understands well how he has both Yennefer and Geralt in his pocket. If Istredd wasn't happily in love and satisfied with his currently irresistible partner, he probably would have been easily seduced by the man. He has a feeling that is common for Jaskier.
It would be strange to hear Lucifer speak Her Sweet Kiss because it's not really easy for a gender swap. But Istredd would probably be into it regardless.
Pulling away from the offer is exactly what Istredd does when Lucifer physically invites it, knowing it's an instigation. He likes getting a reaction out of Lucifer, taunting him sometimes to see how much more of one he can get. If Lucifer will lose patience. Istredd continues to provoke him that way as he now moves his mouth so that it's almost touching Lucifer's skin, his warm breath felt and the curve of his smile.
"I have never played a fiddle in my life." Istredd's tone is droll, as they're both simply joking around the song. Just speaking caresses his lips against Lucifer's neck but no more than that. He puts his hands on either side of Lucifer's head and pushes up, equally moving his body just out of reach. His weight, his heat, pulling temptingly within reach but not on him.
This is karma for his anticipation jab when he took off after leaving the book in the first place.
He didn't think it'd come back at him like this.
He maybe should have but for being the so-called embodiment of sin it doesn't so naturally come to him as most would assume.
But he's of the belief he can remain in control of himself for longer than Istredd. He could be enticed to give in. He thinks the reward would outweigh anything else.
"Oh, in many ways," he hums. "But not all. Isn't that the point?" They discuss the 'point' of things, of people, far too often. "A balanced scale, between the two of us?" He bites his lip and smiles.
It is definitely karma. As if this was going to go anywhere other than seduction, considering the sentimentality that is an immediate turn on. It's a miracle Istredd didn't push him against the door the moment he walked in, tempted as he always is. He probably won't last longer, Istredd is the thirsty one, but it's fun to test the boundaries and see if he can trap Lucifer in desire too.
"I think we should test out my fortification spell." Istredd partially sits up, away from Lucifer's tempting body, but only so he can pull his shirt off and toss it to the side. Luckily in their every day life they aren't as sewn into tight clothing. Istredd favors spacious shirts, often a little bit of a v-cut.
Istredd said he was going to work on a physical fortification spell for the intention of making himself harder to break. Lucifer's strength is immeasurable and he has to be careful with his soft human lover. Neither of them want Lucifer to hold back. It will probably take more than one test to get the perfect outcome.
Why would he expect this! He just did something nice! So what if Lucifer rarely dips into sentimentality! So what if his partner is reciprocal--more often then not!
He's just. Not accustomed to things. Coming back 'round to him in a positive light. Negative? Oh, that's burned into his true form's bones. Positivity is new. Very new.
(Unfortunately for Istredd, while Lucifer doesn't wear tight clothing on a normal basis, he does wear a lot of clothing. His two-tunic scenario being his usual, the under tunic having a suicide bomber's level of enchanted butterfly pins--thankfully the few that are attached to spells are defensive-based and require a spoken word for activation.
Lucifer has yet to go into offensive-based lightning and even then it wouldn't be attached to a pin.)
If he wants him. Well. There's the real joke. More than any devilish music Lucifer could recite.
But sometimes. Sometimes, Lucifer lives up to his name, his established-identity. He's slack against the bed, looking crookedly up at Istredd, and intones, "Please," with enough meaning that it rolls along the bond.
They are very rarely negative. Their relationship is built on acceptance and respect. That means everything they do and say to one another is steeped in positive energy, in the strength they have. No matter how many ups and downs they've gone through, they come through it unbreakable. Istredd knows how Lucifer feels, he can sense how he feels, but he he still feeds on it.
There was a time both of them thought it was possible Lucifer wouldn't want him this way. He was still new to it and the feelings it provoked. Now he may as well be radiating desire and it is a heady feeling to soak in. That is the only thing Istredd would accept. Nothing lukewarm. Only bright like this.
He loses the game the moment Lucifer says that word and the play drops out of him as something drops in his stomach at the time, butterflies fluttering, and he licks his suddenly dry lips. Istredd hurries to say the spell with the precision of someone good at this now, and he has been testing it out on his own. Lucifer can probably tell the difference right away as the power drops over Istredd and he'll find his body is cushioned, his skin impossible to rip to shreds, glowing with the type of strength that only a very good enchantment could pull off.
Istredd wastes no time after that to swoop down and kiss the sense out of both of them, dropping his body back down on top of Lucifer, forcefully rocking his body against him now. The please is something he is unlikely to forget, maybe even fantasize occasionally on his own about.
Istredd only pulls out of the kiss when he's probably going to see stars from lack of breathing, taking those precious seconds before he gets starving again to pull Lucifer up with him with a sharp tug. "Take your damn clothes off or I'll rip them off." He is being his pushy self by curling his fingers into Lucifer's tunic and hurriedly scrambling it toward his head to try and get it off.
(He fully understands that his victory will not last long, but the brief thrill of satisfaction that one word earns him in this moment is well-worth it on its own.)
The new feel from the magic has Lucifer's attention sharpened. He knows they talked about it, knows Istredd is determined when he sets his mind to something, but it's intriguing nonetheless to sense the efforts made for--well, them. He's better prepared himself, to an extent. He remembers at least after the fact what the trickled-looseness of his power unchecked felt like.
There's other risks for why the spell is necessary. The physical, unyielding strength of an archangel that has little to do with his grace tank.
He chases Istredd's bruised lips but allows him to continue breathing for the moment.
He does like these particular clothes and yet they are easier to come by than their party outfits. His tunics aren't fancy, easy to replace just as the rest of his clothing. They could maybe afford the butterfly pins getting scattered...
But in a contradictory motion he claps a hand tight around Istredd's hold on him, unyielding. His gaze is intense when he uses his other hand to very carefully pluck that one specific, known pin off from where its hidden away near his collarbone, kisses it simply, and places it safely down on a table space somewhere behind him.
"By all means, Istredd," he says, releasing his grip on Istredd's hand, his tone a challenging trill, "rip them off."
Istredd wants Lucifer to feel safe being physical with him and while they've enjoyed plenty of passion with some care taken to not breaking him, he will never be fully satisfied until Lucifer's able to let go. He may never 100% be able to, considering his power, but physically at least he can push and push to his heart's content.
The night at Hayle when they were hurriedly getting out of their clothes, Istredd did consider ripping their clothes right off, but they decided to be careful considering Natasha picked out his clothes. They don't have to worry about that now. He knows that Lucifer has the pins underneath but that they are voice-commanded because they talk about magic.
Lucifer just has to do something extra sentimental by picking out Istredd's pin and kissing it, and Istredd is going to drown in desire. His lust is pouring through their connection and the spike in it felt. He is out of his mind with it. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you." The way he wants to dig into his skin with his nails, his teeth, let Lucifer try to break him.
He doesn't need magic to rip the tunic right off Lucifer, he's plenty strong on his own, muscular these days thanks to Lucifer's own consistent training. He splits the first down the middle of his torso and tugs it off. Istredd considers being careful with the pins but that's not the point of this, if Lucifer wanted to do that, he would have taken them all off.
So he is very purposeful when he tears open that tunic because it is meant to send those pins flying off him, like buttons would if he was wearing that kind of shirt. They flip in different directions, most to the ground, and he grins, eyes so blue they may as well glow.
It is thrilling to get to his prize and his hands are hot as they run over Lucifer's chest, digging nails into his shoulders, and this time Lucifer can probably feel them even sharper than usual. Fortification spell means he's tougher and he may even be able to draw blood if given good reason.
"Tell me how much." Istredd runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and jerks back his head again, this time doing what he wants and kissing his neck, nipping. "You want me."
Well that's a fun, unexpected treat that he didn't predict from Istredd's spell. Truly delightful, to the point that he doesn't have to be talked further into Istredd's continual need for validation.
He genuinely wants this man.
Istredd's only immediate response is the breathlessness from him, enjoying the roughness, the loud-and-clear tactile touches. I know you can feel it. Which isn't meant to sound the way it does, but what can you do. His thoughts are as lazily sprawled as the rest of him, vibrating chords in response to Istredd's actions like he's the first true musical instrument of the cosmos. Acquired desire from the depths of Hell is no joke. And it's rolling in easy waves towards Istredd. Unfiltered sin.
Outside of clapping to hold Istredd by the wrist he's gone back to not touching him, ever experimental in his own ways, intrigued at how far being pliant will get him, and he can get a lot of mileage without using his hands.
But then Istredd said he'd make it worth his while, didn't he? Although Lucifer has stopped singing, so he supposes that might need to be remedied.
Lucifer feeds him validation night and day, hourly, by the minute, and he's greedy so doesn't stop eating it up. His self-esteem has never been higher than being the man who made an archangel fall for him. The most arrogant he can be is here in this bed with Lucifer breathless underneath him. He can feel all of it, yes, but he demands the words because they're a very nice companion to powerful need growing between them.
So lazy, he teases, with Lucifer sprawling like a content spoiled cat, letting himself be loved and worshipped. Istredd pulls his hand away from Lucifer because they're not naked and he has to make that happen. He slides down the bed, away from the rest of Lucifer which is always a shame, but he makes very short work of Lucifer's pants. He makes certain to undo them before any ripping happens, so as not to tug anything in the wrong way.
He takes the time to strip off Lucifer's shoes, playful as he kisses the sole of his foot while doing so, almost happy to slow down now that he has the man bare in front of him. Istredd keeps the rest of his own clothes on for now. Istredd presses a kiss to his clavicle, down his chest, to his stomach, his mouth making a very clear pathway, but just as before, when it seems like he's going to give Lucifer what he wants, he stops.
His warm breath gives him some anticipation of a touch that isn't coming unless Lucifer gives in and reaches for it, and he glances up at Lucifer from where he is. I wonder. Istredd trails a single finger over him, tracing the hard flesh with a tease. If I told you to fuck me, would you lie there and let me do all the work?
'Let' you do all the work? He laughs smoothly. You'd be allowed to do all the work.
He needs the worship, basks in it like he's sunbathing. About the only way he might get it without being turned off by the usual fanaticism, always just off slightly to what Lucifer craves. To think he could've accidentally seduced someone and filled a fix for his needs.
(It wouldn't have worked, back home. It would always have that sour taste of him and what his name represented.)
There is a certain appeal to it, now that you mention it. To make Istredd have to take what he needed from Lucifer, to give Lucifer what they both wanted. It's so achingly strong and maybe some other time he'll want that.
But not this time.
He closes his eyes for a moment and just lounges in the warmth, letting the moments tick on like he won't reach out, but just before Istredd might consider making a different touch, a different word, Lucifer shifts strangely enough--those feline moves--so that he can get a hand up under his chin, that playful grin of his back, and his singing up til now has been purposefully wrong, but he puts real effort into it (Istredd doesn't have to know he's been skipping lyrics): "But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best there's ever been."
Because he keeps challenging Istredd and it hasn't failed him yet, mm?
Wow, lucky me, he laughs too. His breath felt in a little puff by Lucifer's skin, but Lucifer can feel that he's not being sarcastic. He can actually see the appeal. He is very good at getting what he wants with Lucifer, eventually. He's wormed his way into his life, into his heart, into his bed. He takes what he wants from him every day. Affection and friendship and Lucifer's own brand of adoration, different from his. Istredd takes and takes and never stops wanting it all.
Istredd pauses when Lucifer reaches down to touch his chin, his eyes locked on Lucifer's face, his grin. He's said before that it is the details that are Lucifer he's attracted to. The way he grins, croons, lies out like a cat demanding attention, it's all him. It's what makes this body appealing; Istredd is surrounded by attractive people all day every day. None of them do it for him. He has a very specific taste.
"The best there's ever been? At fiddling, maybe."
Istredd can be fast and graceful too sometimes, when he's in his element, and usually between these sheets, he is. He climbs back up Lucifer's body, more snakelike than feline in that movement, and nuzzles their noses together. His kiss then is gentle, chaste, a contrast to everything else they're doing.
"Why don't you sing me a verse about what you do want?"
What does he want? Oh, he wants the world. But knowing its on the horizon he can draw out his own anticipation, his own desire at wit's end. He's so accustomed to not getting what he wants that with Opportunity spelled out for him he can be that dangerous gremlin Istredd both knows to expect and yearns for.
Right? he jests, I'm so charitable.
"Fiddlin' is about fast fingers," he explains, amusement so incandescent between them that it's a beacon on a ship at night in its own right. His laughter hasn't really faded away. It comes and goes, oscillates. Istredd may be the best between the sheets but Lucifer has tricks. Ones that Istredd is still learning. Ones that Lucifer is still discovering, building on what he absorbs.
Lucifer should have to switch songs but that bubbling feel across the bond is going stronger than ever.
"The devil opened up his case and he said, 'I'll start this show'," he arches into Istredd, echoing that forceful energy previously of Istredd's and immediately loses his complete no-touching game, his fingertips uncharacteristically hot, "and fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow," as they catch somewhere to Istredd's hip and push down low beneath clothing, searching, caressing. Lucifer licks his lips. The laughter mentally upticks. And he pulled the bow across the strings. And ah, there's where his hand wants to settle. "And it made an evil hiss." He nips at Istredd but only to click teeth, not making contact as much as Lucifer really does enjoy a flowing of blood. "Then a band of demons joined in," and it sounded something like this.
He kisses Istredd in the same moment his thoughts sing and he wraps his hand around him.
One of Istredd's ongoing favorite things about their relationship is how much they laugh. It is something that has been missing in every relationship for him, romantic or platonic. It's rare to see Istredd laugh with their other friends. Not impossible, he does sometimes, and he smiles ten times more now than he used to. Lucifer is the only person who really gets him this amused and light at heart. There is this warm playfulness between them that is only possible when the foundation is like before love.
The best part about being Lucifer's first, outside of how intensely smug it makes him, is he gets to watch him learn about himself in real time. And despite having been sexually active for over sixty years, Istredd's still learning about his tastes.
Istredd doesn't know the song but he can tell a half-second before Lucifer arches into him that he is about to get some karma back. The lack of touch until now works well at making it special when he does finally run his surprisingly warm fingers onto him. Istredd shivers and licks Lucifer's lips for him since they're close. There are goosebumps across his skin everywhere that Lucifer caresses.
He doesn't know for a moment if Lucifer is going to do what he did and taunt so he groans in both relief and pleasure into Lucifer's mouth when his hand moves exactly where he wants it to be. Istredd reaches out with his hand, not having to look as he opens a drawer and telekinetically snapping to him a bottle of oil he got intentionally. They're two men who have to be smart. He sets it down.
He gets a deep taste of Lucifer by exploring his mouth and rocks his hips hopefully into his grasp, never passive. Please keep touching me. No shame. Please please please.
He could make a feast out of Istredd's thoughts, Istredd's desires, Istredd's unrelenting begging.
It's the thrill backing it, that Lucifer has the ability to sate this unrelenting lust, that amps him up in a way that's another kind of torture but so very different. That Lucifer can give instead of take and still get the same amount of pooling warm heat and desire and results. He sucks on Istredd's bottom lip and pulls his desire into him, the benefit of their mental boundaries being currently strong. Themselves, loud and powerful and something other where they do meet with mental friction.
The experience alone Lucifer snacks on, takes bits into himself like a corvid stashing pieces away.
Desire is as alien to Lucifer as love but he's understanding it much, much faster.
He doesn't stop touching Istredd.
Doesn't stop giving into his wants because this Lucifer has control over, for the time being, and if he were to lose that control it only means good things, right? He wants to trust in Istredd's spell, the warding over the room. He's done with his singing though, Istredd would have to beg on a different level entirely for Lucifer to raise his chords. But he doubts he'll need to, free hand finding the oil and dexterously fumbling with it.
They've already discussed his limited knowledge but some things simply translate 1:1 that he understands the logistics and in spite of his Father does he want to fuck Istredd. Break the man down to fractions.
"I don't need a gift," he starts aloud, and finishes with vibrations echoed over their bond, if I can just unwrap you as he presses purposely now-cooled fingers into Istredd. His eyes never leave Istredd's face, soaking in the changes of expression, the slipped-escaped breaths.
Istredd knew Lucifer had this in him before it was confirmed, there is this passion inside of him that had to be leashed in Thorne, and he knows he hated it, feeling confined. He can't free either of them but they can find freedom in what they've built together. Every second of this is theirs, every kiss, every touch, it's what they've taken. Lucifer deserves this. Istredd wants him to soak in the adoration, know he's wanted and loved and special, like he's always wanted to be. He's been locked away from anything soft all that time. Istredd will be everything he never was allowed to ask for.
He has no qualms about begging, no hesitation about laying himself emotionally bare for someone he trusts. Istredd moans and for a moment he doesn't have the strength to stay upright, leaning down into him, helplessly pushing into Lucifer's grip, his touch. This isn't the best way but damned if he'll stop it. Not when Lucifer is trying and eager to give what they both need. And fuck, does he need this. Longed for it, dreamed of it.
Are you saying I'm your gift? he teases and then gasps, scrambling to put his hands on Lucifer's chest to keep himself balanced. His expression is one of pale pleasure, opening for him, wanting it. So eager. He is too busy sinking into the way it feels to try anything like pulling away, even to get rid of the pants that are going to get in the way of this.
Hell knowledge is already good enough apparently. Istredd likes a little sting, and with his body fortified as it is, he can take plenty of it.
"Unwrap me. Unravel me." Istredd meets his eyes, locks. "Fuck me until you're the only thing that exists."
[Unfortunately, given the nature of this worse-than-actual-social-media, Lucifer sees it to. His gaze is sharp, glinting. It comes with the vaguest, airy threat of 'I dare you.'.
He knows Istredd can't help himself. Knows it'll only keep devolving.
So the odd ping of rolling text somewhere along the floor gets in his vision and he's snapped out onto Istredd in an instant, pinning him very rudely onto his back.] Nope. We're done. Let you dig your own grave, little public cat fight. [He straddles Istredd's hips, immovable stone archangel, leaning far out of reach, still annoyingly pulling his string between his fingers.
He sees Nero's response trickling in somewhere over Istredd's head. Rolls his eyes. He reaches down with both hands holding one of the shapes neatly between them and presses his pointedly into Istredd's chest Stares down at Istredd, cool and commanding.] Shut it out, Istredd. [Like telling someone to walk away from the internet. Block the connection. ]
[ As soon as Nero's reply to that comes in, and the particular dig about Satan, Istredd sees red. He is already writing up something that he knows would be cruel, because he can see Nero's weakness. He scents the blood in his reply, that Istredd got to him, and he knows how to push to spiral him out. It's right on the tip of his tongue, the mental version of his.
Istredd's empathy can make him a really good person, but it can also make him a really vicious enemy.
And he would regret it but the anger shoots and his impulsivity starts and if Lucifer hadn't pinned him, forcing him to focus in person, he would have gone for the low blow. Istredd struggles for a moment, and arguably he could still send the message while being physically restrained, but Lucifer shook him out of that moment of brutal revenge.
He breathes easier, shaken out of it, although the anger remains just at a reasonable level. ]
[At least Lucifer had expected Istredd's anger from the moment of Nero's first response, had known what Istredd's anger would look like. Their reward for learning their boundaries and how to read each other and prepare.
He'd kept a very close eye on the proceedings and while he wanted to rip Nero a new one he let it go on, watching for that teetering towards a point of no return between him and Istredd, thinking they were in the clear, and oh, well, here we are.]
[ Istredd tried to do the grown up thing twice, once by walking away, twice by acknowledging fault and asking to move on, but Nero kept needling him. Probably not realizing that apologizing at all is very difficult for him, considering Istredd's pride, and the continuation of disrespect toward him was like a dozen needles constantly jabbing into him with every reply. ]
I saw the killing blow.
[ Metaphorically, he could see a weakness in Nero, how to exploit it, where to press. And it's not like him to be hot-headed but he has his hot buttons just like anyone. Istredd sighs and closes his eyes, trying to calm down.]
[Lucifer could get drunk on reading (and feeling) Istredd doling out the weaponized strikes, hitting where it hurts. But that comes with problems other than just Istredd's immense, unrecoverable, Regret.
Which is pretty bad in itself.] He's a child and that was a public forum. [He's less concerned about the child part and far more concerned about the 'public venue' part, obviously.]
[ And yet that is the role he's chosen, the one he's had since he was younger than Nero. It is all self-imposed although the mages did need to grow up very fast. They never had their teen years, they didn't get outlets where they could be that catty and struggle until they were older. And that was part of Stregobor's molding too. Calm. Controlled. Never let someone get to you, they're all lesser than you.
In that moment, he could almost see Stregobor in him, go for the pain, go for the killing blow. It's not always a bad thing to be able to do that, and if it was one of the cultists or a Thorne enemy, he wouldn't hesitate. But it's Nero, so it's not the same. They're not actually enemies. ]
He probably saved my life in the Pit. Someone else was drugged and out of their mind and strangled me. He got in the way. I did the same thing for Geralt.
[ They did try to help each other. He doesn't name that Ciri was the one because that is still not a topic he likes. The problem with the situation with Ciri is that he was going to let her kill him. Also not something Lucifer would want to know. ]
Yeah, it really sucks for you. [There's an attempted lightness to his voice.
Yeah he doesn't want to hear the strangling part in general.
It's hilarious that Istredd even try to throw out that he was fine when going down memory lane, ignoring the anger part of it all, probably isn't helping.] Responsibility's a bitch and you went and took the largest possible serving of it and now you gotta suffer the consequences that come with it. That's the double-edged sword of being closely regard and seen, Istredd. Can't just fade to the shadows.
[ Writing down the experience with Wanda, sharing it. It wasn't his idea but he is going to support her and she needed his details. He never noted that it wasn't his choice to share Lorelai's location because that would be ratting her out, so he chose to take the brunt of that accusation instead. He assumes Wanda will talk to Nero separately, she is unlikely to let that fly. Just ... less public than their catty conversation. ]
The public conversation, whenever we get that set up, will also be that.
[ They were talking about next month for that, time for them to get all their info in order and prepare things for people. If it is still in the library, and that seems to be a good idea so he can show off the chalkboards of information, he will need that prep time. It's true that he chose this though. He could have continued to be quiet and isolated and left everything to others. Istredd misses those days. It was simpler.
He deflates underneath Lucifer, anger bleeding away because it rarely ever stays.]
Get off me, I'm not going to fight with him anymore.
[ He is going to go and reply to other things though. He rubs at his eyes. ]
Nah. [He does take his hands off Istredd though and resumes leaning out of reach, mildly amused.] I'm far better than an 'emotional support animal.' [Except he doesn't purr.] And you're more than capable keeping up with chatter from there.
[ Istredd rolls his eyes and then focuses instead on reading the other comments that weren't him and Nero making asses of themselves in public. ]
Himeka being willing to talk to that god again is promising. I believe she's aware of the theory about the original Summoned. Having more people in Solvunn learn High Magic would be great.
[ Yes, he wanted to learn it himself, he desperately wanted to, but sometimes you can't get what you want. This will have to do. ]
You like me being on top of you. [Maybe. Probably??? Probably not he just puts up with a lot of Lucifer's eccentricities.
Lucifer learned some things about High Magic from Michael but ultimately they just don't have the right means in Thorne. Secret Basement Underground Native Cult is still what Lucifer thinks is there only option, because hiding a shrine somewhere in the castle is nigh impossible.] Having more people in Solvunn practice High Magic is more the necessity there. But better she bite off more she can chew than us if she's already got some connection.
[ Istredd says with no small amount of amusement. It is typical Lucifer to ruin all his bad moods. He isn't even allowed to linger long in anger at someone else, his significant other just slips in there being effortlessly distracting. Very annoying.
He puts up his hands so Lucifer can do the cat's cradle thing with him. He can multi-task with that and actually answering real questions now. ]
They've gone up in number I believe, just like us. More options.
[ There was a surge in newcomers. He wonders if the factions know more than they do right then. ]
I'm flagging that Jill woman mentioning killing gods. We really don't need new people attempting to fight the gods.
You multitask while Lucifer says unkind things about other people.] So what if she does? She'll just be swatted down like a bug. They'll just make an example of her and we'll be done with it.
[ Istredd is somewhat of a natural with Cat's Cradle. He's very good at doing regular static movement with his hands, being the endlessly reading, writing, and studying type. ]
Or they'll take it out on all of us and we'll be no closer to finding out more about their source.
[ He is very serious about finding out answers about the gods, and since he has no ability to do it himself, he has to put all his faith into Wanda and Himeka. He is annoyed at anyone jumping right to destruction, but they might not know any better.]
And they're new. They don't know what they're talking about.
[ It's his responsibility to look out for the new people and hopefully not let them get killed. ]
[There's a reason he plays this simple game. Just something rhythmic to focus on. Centering. There's other reasons, too, but. They're a different matter entirely.]
You know I don't think very highly of deities but I imagine the gods to have less of a mass temper-tantrum reaction as a certain queen does. Barely even notice a tiny human shouting incessantly at them and poking them with a toothpick. [He doesn't know what the new batch's abilities are but he doesn't imagine they have the capabilities to take on the pantheon.] You can't teach the ignorant. They have to learn in the fire.
[ Istredd hopes that some day he learns those reasons because obviously he knows it's a nervous tic of a sort for Lucifer. He started doing it with his hands when he was upset about Jack going missing, so it means something to him. But he knows when to press and when not to, and offering to do it together at least gives Lucifer a partner there too. ]
You say that until one of our people pays the price. I'm not risking anyone on ignorance.
[ 'Our people' being their real friends, not the newcomers. The kids, for example. Istredd may be too cautious, but he thinks after the heralds, they have good reason. ]
We don't know how powerful they are. They could be Wandas.
[ Yeah, Wanda's higher on his list of powerhouses than Lucifer himself. What of it. ]
[Look he has Wanda higher on the list than himself. But he also knows what she's capable of, what she's supposed to be capable of.]
Uggggh that's not fair, you can't use that against me.
[It's absolutely fair and not only that it's smart. Lucifer squashes Istredd's anger and overall narrow-minded not-thought-through ideas and Istredd squashes down (most of) Lucifer's going-to-blow-up-in-all-their-faces disasters.
He at least thinks about them now, anyway.
Thinking about them and taking them into complete consideration isn't always enough however. Someone's gotta make the shady deals, the dark deeds, the bad risks. That's still Lucifer. Because he thinks he can handle it, absorb the damage unto himself.
Perfectly healthy things.]
Fine, maybe she can kill a god. Good for her if she can. So fine. Fiiiine. [F I N E] Make sure she's smart about it or whatever.
[ Istredd is still feeling a little salty, although none of it is pointed at his beloved archangel. Just generalized frustration. At Nero, at these newcomers, at the experience he had to dredge up and how little they still know about things he feels they need. It isn't the best day for his overthinking, churning brain.
He likes the repetitive motion of the game though and Lucifer's constant contact with him is always helpful. They are good at filling each other's weaknesses. ]
There will be no god killing until we know for sure if they used to be Summoned. If we're inevitably going to end up the same, we have to get ahead of it.
[ Istredd wants to know how they were 'corrupted' if it was them, because he can think of all kinds of ways that could happen here. He isn't protecting gods, he's protecting them and their future. He wants to be here for the next few centuries, but not turn into the heralds. Perfectly reasonable thing to be concerned with. ]
Luckily they're in Thorne. They won't have access to the gods currently. I'll handle it. Eventually.
[ He's mentally weary already, closing his eyes to stop seeing the words, especially the conversations not pertinent to him now. ]
[Istredd's saltiness only makes Lucifer grin. Little spitfire, like Lucifer's going to discourage that.
He shifts position so he sprawls out, still atop Istredd, hands and string in close proximity, just pushing his legs out across the floor so that he can rock his ankles side to side.] Yeah alright I don't want to become God Tier in a decade and have some new Summoned try to ruin my day.
You have other people at your beck and call that can help 'handle it'. [Not Lucifer (technically). Lucifer is not (technically) at Istredd's beck and call.
He makes a face at the mention of the woman and says nothing. Let Istredd say whatever he wants to say, Lucifer isn't being sucked into a lead-in.]
[ Typically if he was with anyone else, Istredd would simply move them, but Lucifer is too strong to do that, and if he refuses to move there is nothing that Istredd can do about it. It would be like trying to push against a concrete wall. He's learned that first-hand. He hopes asking will get him the desired result, if partly because he too likes to drape over Lucifer. ]
I love your continued certainty that you can achieve god status in a decade. A little delusional, but ambitious. And I don't have people at my beck and call.
[ Okay maybe a little of his saltiness can be shared. Istredd can't do much from this position so he does push his hands with the string up toward his chest. A poke. ]
Going to that island is going to be difficult for some of us. You may have to hear things about it you don't want to. I'm warning you now.
But he will, with the Most Drawn Out Petulance, slant his back down to the floor and fully lift his legs so that Istredd can Do What He will since he is the most surly of the two of them at the moment and that should Be Acknowledged.]
I have ten years for you to prove me otherwise. Peanuts. I promise you I'll do most of my work in the latter half. [Because grace levels. And. Ugh. Magic.
But being 'delusional' is exceptionally on-brand for the devil, as Istredd will learn. (As Istredd likely already knows, but hasn't quite associated with the Devil.)
Just like, similarly, Istredd will recognize Lucifer Not Talking About the funguslady is for his benefit, not Lucifer's.] It's not about that. I didn't ask about things that I should have--and clearly I should have been more... in that scenario. You, whoever was involved, should have killed her. If not for necessity to what she had power for down the road, but for that silly little thing called mercy. [He huffs, a tone that is........... likely not helping.] But I already said that for your being the 'sane' one, you were anything but.
[ Ha, some success. Lucifer is usually sprawled on him in one way or another so he is used to the weight, he is simply feeling fidgety at the moment. Caged into his frustration and anger at Nero. Lucifer did the right thing to shake him out of it and he is grateful. He swaps places and settles on top of Lucifer, knees on either side of him so he can keep his weight off. Not that he is probably heavy to Lucifer, strong as he is.
Istredd leans down, pressing their hands to Lucifer's chest for a moment, so he can steal a kiss, but it is quick, sitting back up so they can continue the strings between them. He doesn't want to think about the latter half of the decade, if that means it is when Lucifer will start losing this part of himself. Maybe he would be a good candidate for a god then. He won't care the same way. ]
I was dying. [ He says, shrugging his shoulders as if that's not a big deal. Sanity wasn't the problem. ] My wound was infected, I lost a lot of blood. I could barely stand. I thought maybe they could save her.
[ They both know where that injury was, Istredd was tender there for quite some time, but Lucifer wasn't there when he came off the turtle. He avoided him on purpose, he didn't see the extent of the damage. Their connection was all static. Istredd probably would've died in another day. He knows that Lucifer gets upset about his borderline death wish in the Pit, but there is importance in the reality here too.]
She's an open-ended problem. Also the shrine monster. [ He shows Lucifer the creature. Not the details of what it did in the Pit, just what it looked like. ] If you want to mercy kill her you can.
You could barely save yourself, how do you think anyone could save her? [It's pointed, sharp, matter-of-fact. Featuring the normal, expected, tilt of the head and curiously flat expression.
What did you think was going to happen, Istredd?
Were you thinking, Istredd?
Were you even, really, present, Istredd?] I am going to be sure she's dead because she's a ritualistic battery-pack against you and everyone else's ['that he cares about' is unspoken, but obvious] trauma, not out of mercy. Her lingering presence means this could happen again, under the right circumstances.
Edited (emphasis ) Date: 2023-08-19 06:07 am (UTC)
[ Istredd stares him down, eyes narrowing. He knew Lucifer was going to get like this so it is still on him to press when it was unnecessary. ]
You don't know what she is. None of us do. We were speaking from experience, not knowledge.
[ They found her in the altar, they tried to talk to her, she couldn't leave alive. He took what he could out of her mind but it wasn't helpful. They could be wrong, especially given that Istredd just said he'd been dying. He had gone mad healing Steve too. Castiel had just gone through a crazy spiral that set loose the monster. No, none of them were sane. ]
We need to get permission for the island. Anything else comes later.
[ His brain is worn out. He doesn't want to argue, even if this was his own fault. ]
[He didn't want to go into it. He was going to let it fall to the wayside.
Istredd poked the bear.
And boy, would he keep pushing the matter if Istredd weren't so brain-weary, felt across their connection.
It's there... just on the edge, like a child with a magnifying glass over a bug with the sun. Just a little more of a push. Asking for it.
He doesn't.
There is. A lot, Of restraint involved. Instead, he just quits his string game and wraps his arms around Istredd and does not move aside from the occasional twitch at processing the scrawl of text.]
[ Istredd is weary and frustrated, still a little angry, but he's also sad underneath it all. There is the reality that repeating these memories was bringing back some of those feelings, and they have worked hard to get to a better place. He isn't going to be hiding in the room or skittish going anywhere, that aspect of it is truly done, but he is sad.
And he never really got to talk about it. The people who were there don't talk about it either. Collective denial. He expects Lucifer to be poked, that he struggles with his desires to push people. He is always good with Istredd. Gentle, in a way.
He leans down into Lucifer's space when he hugs him and lets him do that. He changes his position so he is more directly sprawling on him, and that makes it easier to embrace. Istredd buries his nose into Lucifer's neck, eyes closing, and pushes off the text for now. ]
Sorry. [ He murmurs into Lucifer's skin. That sorry could mean any number of things. ]
You need to stop apologizing when you're not actually sorry for anything. [Although in this case Istredd likely is sorry for something. But. Blanket apology? Not very helpful, to either of them.] I can't say anything for what was or wasn't done down there. [He wasn't there and it's why he chose to abstain his vote from the acolytes that aided in the escape.] But your mind's already a raw mental wound. [Reliving! Trauma!] I'm not peeling into that right now.
[Which. Is an open-ended offer, finally, to actually listen if Istredd needs to talk about the Pit.
[ He grumbles, petulant, not usually his reaction of choice but maybe Lucifer is rubbing off on him. Istredd doesn't know exactly what he's sorry about, but he does feel sorry about some nebulous things. Or maybe he's sorry in the way things happened to both of them that made them traumatized and he's sad for them. Feelings are complicated and rarely make full sense, something he has grumpily had to accept over time.
He turns his head and moves down just an inch so he can hear Lucifer's heart beat. Or his vessel's heart, but it still is reassuring. ]
It's like when you didn't tell me about what you did. [ Attacking Ambrose, killing someone during interrogation. ] Are we protecting each other or protecting ourselves?
Oh you can, can you? [It's a touch towards playful to push back against Istredd's petulance.
Given how often they sleep and Lucifer is aware of Istredd's pulse, he's not about to shake Istredd back.
He'd argue with how intertwined their minds are that protecting themselves they're protecting each other, but then he's still of the mind that he didn't tell Istredd not for himself.] Protecting the foundation. [That's more of the case, which is a bit of both of them. The pieces from both sides that keep their mental bridge connected and stabilized.]
I can. You have to indulge me because -- [ What he actually had to say at the end there he can't say, but he smoothly fills in. ] you're very fond of me.
[ It's not that he doubts Lucifer's alive, which is one reason why the steady beating will help, but it feels like his own heart steadies until they're on the same beat. Minds combined, hearts combined. Istredd's tired of being weak, having thought he pushed well past the trauma. He's not going to revert back to the bad times, but it's still frustrating. ]
I want to go to the island and see if we can get answers about the shrines, about the monster. The altar girl, if that's stil real. It's important. The monster talked to all of us mentally, it was persuasive and powerful, I want to know.
[ Maybe it is a god itself. He wouldn't shrug that off as a possibility. It was inside the shrines. It could be what it was. ]
But I also want to pull the island out of the crash at the bottom of the ocean just to burn it to pieces. Since we didn't get to kill the acolytes.
He reaches around Istredd's back, thumb knuckle pressing down his spine.]
Sooooo we go to the island, see the shrines and its potentially-present monster, figure out the fungus girl. [Pause.] And then burn everything to pieces.
[It might be the one thing he agrees with Nero about, though he doesn't know it.]
He likes when Lucifer presses into his back like that. The physical press of his hands is appreciated, especially in a situation where he can get lost in his mind. Lucifer's very good at keeping him grounded in one place.]
Most of where we were held is in the water now. It collapsed around us at the end. So not much of that to burn. The rest of the island, maybe.
[ Istredd cups Lucifer's face with both his hands, caressing his cheeks, a thumb against his lips gently, looking into his eyes. The eyes that are him. ]
If the shrine monster is a god, those of us who helped it could have an in to the divine. I want that.
[ Not to worship, as Lucifer knows. Istredd tried to find information on High Magic so he could attempt what Wanda and Himeka can do, but it was impossible. It's not surprising he still is looking for an angle for himself to get there. He never stops looking for angles. ]
I'm sure someone has the magic you're looking for to raise the land, or manipulate the water. [All the idiots toting powerful magics and they must, right? Prove your value, part the waters.
Lucifer will absolutely eat some equivalent of popcorn from the shoreline if they do and nickname someone Moses.] Fire finds a way. [Or rather: Lucifer does. He doesn't particularly want to go to the island, doesn't see the wisdom in putting his impetuous behavior into that.
He is going to make sure to hold that eye contact.] Do not. By any means. Make a pact with that thing, Istredd. [HE SWEARS TO DAD, ISTREDD. DON'T.]
I'm not sure I have that much pettiness in me against a piece of land.
[ He'll burn it down if it is easy, he probably won't raise the ocean just to do it. But then again, if someone else does it for him, then fine. Istredd doubts they'll be allowed to do anything extreme like that. It is still land in Abraxas, owned by possibly no one as of right now. ]
I sometimes have a lot of regrets that the loyal acolytes are alive. Less so if we would have been able to question them like we did Josselyn.
[ Istredd has no doubt the factions were able to. Leaving them the only people who couldn't. He got a great deal of information from Josselyn. ]
What if we technically did? It said it would help us in exchange for letting it out. Some of us bonded with it. I touched its mind, whatever it is. I just....
[ He sighs and plays with the collar of Lucifer's shirt, averting his eyes. ]
I hate waiting for if they can get me the answers.
[ The Solvunn people. Even if he loves and trusts Wanda. He has to wait. ]
You don't have to have that much pettiness. [Lucifer doesn't either in this particular case but he could funnel it on Istredd's behalf, easily. And Wilhelm's. And Kell's.
He'd just have to find someone with that much actual capabilities to raise the land from the ocean. He's not about doing it one rock at a time even for the trio.
But he is more likely to kill that shrine creature if there was an involuntary pact made. Or even voluntary, in some sense. A deal like Lucifer would make, where the agreement wasn't fully understood if it gave someone what they needed.] You could just stop and say you hate waiting. [In general.]
[ Istredd's grumpiness is temporarily disbanded for him to smile fondly at Lucifer, running both hands through his hair to ruffle it affectionately. ]
Please be petty enough for the both of us.
[ Istredd will otherwise let the option go, but the idea of Lucifer doing it for them is very appealing. Sometimes it pays to have a boyfriend who can be the type of petty he won't let himself be. Seeing it destroyed will bring some closure for all of them. He just doesn't know if they'll be allowed.
He hasn't made pacts with beings before but he thinks it is possible they did have one with the creature. He might have gotten around it by not being there when they finally let it out. That was Castiel, Inej, and Louis. But in his insane curiosity, never speaking to the creature again just isn't something he wants to accept. He wants it. ]
I hate waiting.
[ He can be remarkably patient, but this is different. The information could be there in front of him but he can't grasp it. ]
Much like a certain someone, I got used to doing everything by myself.
That's what a partnership is for, right? Mutual pettiness outlet? [Sounds pretty good to him, actually.
He snorts a laugh at Istredd's lamenting about waiting.
He doesn't think he should be blamed for it. It is funny. He pushes at Istredd lightly.] Yeah, man, I know. Color me surprised! I think your typical self-sufficiency has no bearing in this case because you're dancing to someone else's tune regardless. Well, we all are, now.
You're much better at it than I am. I'll bow to your superior skills.
[ Istredd can be petty when it comes to being annoyed by people, like Nero, but being violently petty isn't really his thing. But who knows. He could be wrong when it comes to the island. He could get there and truly want it all to sink permanently. He didn't think writing all of the facts out today and arguing with Nero would set him off so badly either. He's probably not predictable when it comes to the Pit.
He pushes back at him with an irritated look at his laughter, although as usual, it probably will be funny moments later. ]
I don't want to live in Solvunn but I do wish I could visit like the rest of you had the chance.
[ It would be like him to visit somewhere and immediately take the chance to try and appeal to the gods by himself. So it's for the best he's not allowed to be so impulsive. That is the quality that Lucifer's told him to chill out about. ]
I can't believe an idiot like Nero gets access to things he doesn't deserve. Not that the rest of Solvunn is being smart about this, considering their rituals caused the heralds, beached sea animals, and probably other things I'm not aware of.
[Maybe they won't be able to raise the land so it could be burned, but a pyre, that they could do. Or a bonfire. Luna's Winter Solstice tradition. Write out something you want want to let go of and toss it into the fire. Which. Lucifer didn't care for the tradition but it's not about him now, is it?
And whether or not it means anything outside of the Winter Solstice or it has any impact to a god well--that's something to ask someone next time they're in Nocwich, maybe.
Lucifer and Kyle, and later Yennefer, went north to the peninsula when others went to Solvunn. He wouldn't see Michael and Wanda, and they learned something, anyway.
He also watched Yennefer become a battery to her apprentices so. Great times.] Not that you're incorrect with all those but I'm sure if I was brought into Solvunn I'd have gotten us riddled with plagues plagues by now, more than likely, or something of that sort. [So honestly. Thus far. Solvunn hasn't done as much damage as they probably could.]
[ Istredd truly has no idea if going to the island will change anything. The hope is for closure and answers, but if all they get are answers, he'll live with that. Getting anything would be worth the effort. Outside of his occasional bad dream or his intensity at the moment, he has mostly moved on from the island. It's just likely they're all going to be on edge while directly dealing with it. After that, it's back to being done. ]
That's because you wouldn't have me to ask you to stop.
[ It would have taken longer for this to grow between them in opposite factions, but as Lucifer has already speculated, they would have found their way to each other. They found Wanda in another faction after all. But he has no doubt Lucifer is telling the truth. He would have made more destructive choices on purpose.
Istredd smiles at him though. ]
Who am I kidding? I probably would have done the same. Someone helped me be less impulsive if you can believe it.
[ 'Someone' being Lucifer, which is kind of amusing all things considered. Istredd is much better at impulse control now, but this is in the start. When he was too fascinated to be smart. He leans in to kiss him, lingering and sweet. They've both changed for the better. ]
[If they were in different factions it would've been much too long for anything to happen between them--friendship or otherwise, though not impossible. Istredd's high-shelved tower of books in the Horizon would've caught his attention, inserting himself like a pest whether or not the man wanted regular visitors.
But it certainly would not have been before Lucifer did any innumerable very-bad ideas in Solvunn, made worse if Michael had still arrived at the same time and in Solvunn.
He'd have too much fun, no restraint, and likely latched onto Josselyn to make everything that much worse.
Ehhhhhhhh.
Yeah.] Shocker! You? Less impulsive? I can hardly imagine it! [He laughs into the kiss.]
[ Istredd is already fascinated by High Magic and he's in a place where he can't do it, which is frustrating. Put him in Solvunn with direct access to it with his more reckless thinking, and he would definitely be behind at least one of these dramas. His fascination with learning can be a problem. His biggest mistakes came from that hunger. Obsession with answers and stubborn need to prove himself are a dangerous combination.
So he can laugh at himself too. Lucifer did teach him how to shut his mouth early on, it was a lesson he did listen to and absorb. ]
I'm 50% less impulsive, be impressed! Maybe 40% less.
[ He does think before he acts! That is big. He smiles and bites Lucifer's lip playfully. ]
That is why it took so long for you to know Geralt's from our sphere though. You told me to stop giving away information.
[ And that meant a year before Lucifer knew it and knew what Geralt was. Sorry! ]
[Lucifer has considered practicing High Magic in a window to one of the "newer" gods Kew-Is-Sema, the Guardian of Clear Skies, but he can carry his opinions on the gods as much as he wants--it doesn't change the fact that Michael has a point. He's going to have to mean it.
And no matter the chaos Lucifer appreciates, he's not prepared to deal with any of the potential repercussions.
So he's also become less impulsive.] I'm very impressed, believe me.
[He scoffs about Geralt.] Why'd you have known to tell me, anyway? I never talked about him. There's giving away information, yeah, but even if I hadn't told you to stop why would you, unprompted, talk about 'Mr. I Communicate In A Series of Grunts But Somehow Everyone Loves Me.' [It was bound to come back eventually.]
[ Istredd would not have the same problem praying to a god here, having never come across one before, and having no previous feelings about them. Whatever gets them ahead is his focus. The gods are real, they both were affected by the same one almost a year ago. He does think it'll raise some flags in Thorne, if they can sense a different kind of magic being used by the Summoned. Knowing him, he'll try someday.
When he's thought it through and been less impulsive.
Istredd scoffs right back at him. And he knew that was going to come back. They love bringing things back to mock one another or flirt, or a mixture of both.]
Because he was in the original group Summoned, there are only a handful of those people left. And his priorities line up with ours. Protecting the Singularity, staying in this sphere.
Yeah I found out Geralt was one of the originals in the same week that you revealed you knew I knew Geralt. It could've been mildly useful to know about him sooner, but it isn't like he's chatty, and I suppose protect your sources. [Maybe save one of those 'handful' left the harassment of being from so early, but look at Yennefer. Yennefer just glares a lot and keeps people from hounding her.
But then her being one of the first likely isn't common knowledge either. Certainly her reaction while she talked about it was clearly something she kept under wraps.] And you're not as rude as I am to come out and go 'Geralt, that hybrid of the original Summoned.'
I might have mentioned him in passing when talking about monoliths, and we've spoken a few times since getting here, I was sharing with him the information I had.
[ Some of it maybe their own conspiracy theories too. Nothing private about Lucifer and himself, but he and Geralt had that vague connection of wanting to know the same things. He reaches over to ruffle Lucifer's hair. ]
The point is that I stayed quiet due to your own instructions. I'm capable of holding back.
[He definitely never mentioned Geralt in passing, Lucifer's sure of it.]
Congrats, I'm so glad to know you're capable of restraint. [Despite very likely practically shouting from the rooftops about their relationship in a way that was almost dangerous for them both.
But.
He, obviously, doesn't say that.
He also doesn't fault Istredd for it. Lucifer is tight-lipped about it because Lucifer is tight-lipped about literally everything.
Despite what could be condescending words, they aren't carrying the tone.
He just. Sighs.] Look, I know you despise it--I do too--but we can't do anything without Thorne's blessings. In this case, without the other factions' blessings. You gotta suck it up, buttercup.
[The ample sarcasm is very much settle and/or go to sleep because we can't change the scenario but maybe in another day's time that could change. (It's the same vibe as wishing real hard about learning how to read the books in the Feywild's, but hey. Maybe one day he'll be right!!)]
[ Strange nickname but it must be common in Lucifer's world, that's the kind of thing he does, use slang and the such. Istredd is still frustrated and deeply annoyed, conflict can hover over him for quite some time to come. He doesn't get over things fast although he does eventually. It's not entirely about Nero, somewhat to do with the public fight aspect.
And it's really about overall frustrations. Their lack of answers. The kidnapping that they haven't entirely outrun. If it can give any measure of peace to go there, it'll be worth it.
He leans back from Lucifer to settle comfortably on his lap and puts out his hands for the damn cradle game that seems to make him happy.]
Judging from the ease he throws himself into dangerous, even potentially deadly situation, nobody in their right mind would suggest that Kell is a coward. There are things that he fears. There are thing that he dislikes, that annoy him or disgust him. And then... there are other things... Things he'd rather not think about, things he tries his best to push so far down his mind they barely resemble anything at all. He can put a great deal of effort into his avoidance. He can find himself enough occupations so he's left with no time and no space for thinking. So he can skillfully weave his day away from those thorny, prickly issues he'd rather not see and not notice. He's such an expert at this, he can fool even himself at times.
But with his book finished, printed and delivered to the shops, Kell has nowhere to run. He must, finally, face the issue that he hasn't talked with Istredd for a while. He knew something was wrong, something had happened. So maybe he is a coward after all. For pretending that he does not see the empty chair at meals or avoiding Horizon altogether. For stubbornly clinging to the notion that older, wiser and more dependable mentor figures cannot possibly get hurt in utterly crazy circumstances they just went through. Trying to erase any hint at a thought that not only something bad could happen to Istredd, could happen to Lucifer, or Kyle. But that something already did.
With heart heavy as if another mountain descended on him, Kell drags himself to stand in front of the door to Istredd's and Lucifer's room in hope that either of them is inside. Stands there like a complete moron in the empty corridor, just lucky no castle staff or other Summoned pass to inquire why is he staring at the closed door with a such dread. Before finally bringing himself to knock.
"Istredd? It's Kell." A pause, brief enough so he does not turn around to flee. "Can I come in?"
Istredd had a very difficult September. Most people were not aware, especially not those who went to the Summoned meeting, where he appeared very collected and competent. Much of his attention was spent preparing for it and he's seen an uptick in visits to the library since, which he encouraged, with more books being filled in for him to peek at. He had a terrible few days in the start, then a very nice distraction for the meeting, and then he really crashed for a time.
He told Lucifer he just needed time to grieve and handle it, and that is exactly what he did. Changing the outside of his Horizon to a lighthouse helped since for a time the tower was on fire and that was his mind unable to get past it. Now on the other end of that, having corrected some bond issues with Lucifer, he is settled into his new normal. The new normal of being here believing it to be his only option and no home to return to.
It could be a lot worse.
Istredd knows Kell is outside the door. He senses him. He planned on goingt to him but the boy just stood there instead so he waited. He is reading a very special book and sets it down when Kell finally speaks, the door opening automatically.
"Of course, Kell."
Istredd and Lucifer's room is slightly different now given that they permanently share one bed, but Istredd's side of the room still exists, it's just been turned into more of a desk/studying/sitting space. The book in his hands is simple and old, older than anything else he owns, that they got in Nott. It's fiction too, his least favorite, but he's determined to finish it because it was a gift.
Kell was there, at the meeting, lurking in the background. Dropping in and out of Horizon to make sure nobody suspects all the Summoned in the castle are suddenly fast asleep at the same time. But he couldn't take part in it. Not really. Not with the things they were talking about. He still does not understand, as much as he admires it, how Istredd was able to talk about it all so calmly. Kell, himself, still doesn't want to even think, let alone talk. So he's been doing what he does best, stalling, avoiding, keeping himself busy.
Now that he finally quit this dance, he feels guilty he dragged his feet for days. He enters the room without hesitation, nevertheless, once the door open before him.
"Sorry, it took me so long to visit."
He doesn't have to say anything more, the guilt is in his posture when he sits down, the way he bites his lower lip, how his gaze keeps wandering all over the room. Everywhere, but Istredd.
"I ..." wanted to ask for help is not what he says. It feels stupid, unwarranted with such a weak apology, unearned. Then his eyes venture closer, to Istredd's hands and the book he is holding, and finally Kell looks up. "What are you reading?"
It would have been nothing more than a cowardly retreat, if he weren't genuinely curious. The book looks old, but having spent last few months deep in the process of making his own, Kell can recognize from a single glance this is no Istredd's usual magical tome. Nor a treatise about history or geography of Thorne. They don't publish those in such a small format.
Istredd spent a lot of time getting his blackboards ready for the meeting and practicing his speech with the help of Lucifer, Wanda, and Kyle, so eventually it was very easy to prepare for talking to the others. A year ago he would have never thought he'd be throwing any kind of meeting. A year ago he was still avoiding others and had to be pulled out of the library by Lucifer, newly his friend. After decades being the same, it's amazing, what a difference there can be in about fourteen months.
"I know that sometimes we forget to check in, but there's nothing to be sorry about." If there is, Istredd should be sorry too! He tries not to let his students think he forgets about them when they're out of sight, but it can be easy to get distracted by other things in Thorne, especially now as he rises ranks. He's confused by the way Kell is acting, thinking he's done nothing to hold such a conscience.
"It's a fiction book from Nott, a mystery. I don't read fiction and I figured out who did it in the first ten pages, but Lucifer got it for me as a gift, and I promised to attempt to read it." It's just not his style. Istredd is a strictly non-fiction type of person, anyone would know that meeting him. He smiles though, sentimental about Lucifer as he usually is.
"Come sit." He gestures to a chair, since they've set up a little meeting area in his section, everything in the room mostly organized outside of his pile of magical texts. "Is something wrong, Kell?"
Way too often here Kell finds himself preemptively reacting to things that do not happen. It only shows how odd his life back at Arnes would have looked to everyone he met in Thorne. Because if he avoided Tieren for days, his mentor would have been very displeased. He'll have no way of avoiding his parents.
And Istredd says there's nothing to be sorry about. And he reads the book Lucifer got him even if he doesn't like it. Not because he wants to, but because it's a gift from Lucifer.
The little details like that are what break Kell's brain a little each time. Make him blink, and frown in confusion. But they also pull him out of his head, out of what he thinks is happening, to force him to actually see.
He sits down where directed, still wrestling with what he's just heard.
"Yes," he replies. "Well, not exactly."
Pulled out of his overly dramatic pose, Kell uses very few words. He makes his sentences short. Resembling his thought process, lightning fast and intensely focused. "Do you remember the beast in the lake? In Nott? It's dead, but it managed to smash the main pier to pieces before I killed it." There's no bragging here. Just statement of the fact. "It's been weeks now, and I don't think the crown is going to send anyone to fix it." Because the royal pair of Thorne doesn't care and Nott doesn't have money to pay. "I think I can fix it, I just..."
it's a lot of blood...
He looks up at Istredd, and there's nothing but determination in his face when he does.
"I might need someone to pick me up after I do it."
Istredd is aware that Kell has struggles around self-esteem and believing that people care about him because of his background. He remembers all too well their conversation where he had to directly share his feelings with Kell through a telempath bond just to convince him he cared for the boy. He's seen him in a paternal way since, something he didn't expect to ever happen to him. Kell changed that.
Istredd takes him seriously, and whatever is troubling him seriously. "It's unlikely they'll send help any time soon, yes." Probably waiting just long enough to punish Nott for basically being itself, which only makes it continue to hate the crown more. A vicious cycle that only truly harms the poor and struggling. "It's good of you to want to fix it." Nott could use people looking out for them.
His eyebrows go up at that and he sets the book aside, leaning forward. "Kell, I know what type of magic you have, and I caution you from putting too much into this. You have allies, we can make this a group effort." Istredd can go with him, not just to pick him up, but to help with his magic. He could probably convince Stephen and Yennefer to take the time to go too.
"I'm not going to have you black out from blood loss when it's not the only option."
Kell didn't start helping Nott because he liked them, or because he truly cared. No. He started it to spite the crown. As his own way of showing that Thorne's royal family is being shitty at their job. Everything else later Thorne's unhinged Queen had done has caused him to double down.
Nott had nothing to do with it. They had no say in it. Oh, he's been helping Rhy, because the infirmary in Nott was Rhy's pet project. Because Rhy is the one who cares. So Istredd's praise feels unearned to him.
This is the first time that Kell went to Lyle Vela with actual offer of help. His own. Even if he still hid behind Rhy's name. Said nothing that he was the one who killed the monster in the lake. The monster was his own fight, and nobody needed to praise him or criticize him for how he dealt with it. Kell knew there was plenty to criticize. It could have been done faster, and cleaner. For days he found holes in his fight with it. Until it almost felt impossible that the charred corpse at the bottom of the lake was actually his doing. But it was. Sadly, not the only reminder that it all really happened.
All this is why Istredd's words catch him by surprise. Eyes wide, brows furrowed, he stares speechless at Istredd. Allies? He came to ask for help. Took him crazy amount of time to battle his pride and muster the courage. This is not what he expected. Istredd has seen right through him, and instead of scolding him, he said We can make this a group effort. Kell bites his lip, shakes his head a little blinking to chase away the blurriness in his vision. Utterly stunned, again, how it feels to have an older, more experienced mage care enough to tell him he doesn't have to do everything himself. They can do it together.
"Thank you. I could not think there were others. I thought, eh, I thought this was the only one. Sorry."
"We have several people here in Thorne who would probably be glad to help you. Both to help Nott and also to give themselves something to do." Life in the castle can be a little dull unless you like the dull things, like Istredd does. He knows that others need distractions and helping other people could kill two birds with one stone. "Adora, for example, and Jill, Clive. They're new, it would do them good to get out there more, and they're strong."
Istredd keeps an eye on all the new people, that's what he's here to do. He hasn't met their newest member quite yet, but he will once he gets a chance.
"And, it would do you good to get help from others, because I'm not going to let you bleed out for no reason." Istredd is past his hard month so he's back to his ways with problem-solving and connecting people together. Yes, technically the two of them could handle this, but there's no reason it has to be only the two of them.
He reaches out to pat Kell on the shoulder reassuringly. It's always a callback to Stregobor making him feel better, but at least with him, it's meant well, and not out of manipulation. "What will it take to get you to stop apologizing to me? Because none of this is a burden, I'm always happy to help you."
Kell can't hide it, not from Istredd, how wholly unenthusiastic he feels about getting help from other people. New people especially. As if they were taking something away from him. As if Istredd didn't believe Kell alone is capable enough for the task and he needs crutches.
"But I can do this myself. I killed the beast in the lake, didn't I?"
And promptly blacked out in the boat right after panicking Rhy and everyone around. Forcing them to haul him to the shore and wait until he wakes up. If he even wakes up. But Kell is anything if not stubborn, and after two years of virtual anonymity he craves recognition. What else was his stupid book stunt if not a way of getting people to see him? Even if he's not aware of it himself.
He shudders at the touch. If this was someone other than Istredd, Kell would have just stormed out of the room. With Istredd, he just sulks.
"Then help me. Don't try to rope in other people, as if I can't do this."
So they can take all the credit because they're better looking, and nicer, and people like them more.
Istredd is very good at picking up on mood swings and he knows that a moment ago Kell seemed positive about getting help, and now it seems like he doesn't want it. And also he's sulking, which Istredd can observe for himself, which only makes him concerned.
"It's not a question about whether you can. You can do a lot of things, and I'm not doubting that. But you don't have to do everything alone, nor should you."
He considers before continuing. He sees a lot of himself in Kell, he has for a while. Lucifer does too, like the boy is some kind of amalgam of the two of them. Not to say he isn't an individual, because he is, but it is easy to see traits in common. That is part of what drew Stregobor to him in the first place.
"You know, I used to prefer doing everything alone. I still sometimes miss it, because at least I could always count on myself, letting other people do it when they could mess it up, that's harder. But it's better too, it meant I didn't carry the weight of the world at all times. Being here taught me that."
Istredd was too isolated back in his sphere. He was far apart from everyone, and it's not as if getting new memories changed that. He went back to the mages but only because he had to look for the book. Before that he was still doing everything by himself. Teamwork is still a new concept to him too.
"I also really, really hate when people imply that I'm not competent enough. So I get you're being defensive, but I'm not attacking you or your competency. I'm saying there's nothing wrong with bonding with other people in a common goal."
Kell shrinks, sinking into himself under the weight of Istredd's very gentle, but also very appropriate chiding. This is already unusual level of trust for him. To say and show so much of his turmoil. That's the difference, with Istredd Kell knows he's being heard and understood both by someone older, with more experience, but also someone who was in a similar situation. Istredd's word are just more proof if he needed it.
"I know," Kell admits. Slowly, hesitantly, but there's no way around it. Istredd is right. "It's just... what if they mess it up?"
When he looks up, the burning purpose, tainted by no small amount of desperation, burns brightly in his eyes.
"I have only once chance. People of Nott are too proud. They won't ask."
And the crown would leave to starve. Helping means effort, people, resources, and crown has none to spare on Nott.
"We'll be there, you and I, and we'll make sure it doesn't get messed up. Just because other people get involved, doesn't mean you aren't in charge. This was your idea so you can direct it." They can get help from others and then Kell can order them around, if that makes him feel better about it. Istredd isn't concerned, he will be there to help out, but this is also about keeping Kell from hurting himself.
"All the more reason for us to be careful and smart. We've always come to help Nott when they need it, asked or not." Istredd's done it himself several times now. It's nice to have something physical to do sometimes, a way to help that can make it easier to sleep at night. Being in Thorne is difficult.
"I'm glad you asked me to come so I could look out for you, but this is me looking out for you. I want us to help them but I also want you to be safe."
Saints! How he needs responsible people he'd actually listen to! The kind that won't lambast him for being over-dramatic, even if he is, but steer him away from taking everything as point of pride. Because Istredd understands, and takes time to truly hear him out, complete with all of his irrational hangups and concerns, is the sole reason why Kell listens to him in turn.
"No. I mean, yes, you're right. I'm so used to doing everything on my own that I don't even think that I..." He blunders through a reply, shudders, then eventually looks at Istredd and smiles. "I don't have to. Thanks."
Kell lets himself exhale. He did not realize how tightly wound he was around this issue. How much he expected an opposition, a fight even, being told off and having to defend his case. None of this has happened, and it's eerie.
"You're right. It's probably best to get more people on this."
The thing stops being his own thing to brag about, but more of a communal effort. Kell is not big on communal effort, but he can learn. He's constantly learning here, and Istredd is - with all due respect to Yennefer - his best teacher.
"I learned that lesson here too, Kell, and it was freeing in many ways. It led me to make connections like ours."
He and Kell weren't close in the start of his time here so the boy not know how isolated Istredd was in the start. If it wasn't for Lucifer dragging him out of the library, the one here and in the Horizon, it would have taken longer for him to make connections. He was so focused on the mysteries, and he still is, but he sees the human element of it all more clearly now. He's been much less reckless than he was in the start too.
"I also had a difficult mentor who made me simultaneously righteous about my skills and uncertain of my worth. I assume that's why you react this way, because it's how I did, at your age." It can sometimes be forgotten, how old Istredd actually is. It's been decades since he was Kell's age, a long time for him to find his path and to settle into himself, and to come to grips with the experiences he had as a youth.
He sees so much of himself in Kell. And that is why he worries for him. Istredd wonders what his life would be like if he did have a more positive figure in his life early on, how much it might have changed the influence Stregobor had on him. He wants to be that for Kell, what he didn't have.
Kell wants to say 'I wish I'd known you sooner', but then he realizes that no, it doesn't work that way. It is only now that they can have this conversation the way it's going down. It's only now that Istredd can tell him all this and he listens. They didn't get along in the beginning.
At first, Istredd was just Lucifer's roommate to Kell. Kell was pretty blind to whatever it was that they were having then, and he was fine with his ignorance. Then it dawns on him how much he had changed in this short span of time. The Black Night remains that one event that changed him the most, but the greatest shift in the conditions for what can and will happen to him, is here. And honestly, it's fucking terrifying.
"Yeah, it's kind of like that. I'm Antari, and I was always told that means I am special. I cannot fuck up. I'm supposed to be good at everything. Most of the time, I actually was. But there were things I wasn't good at. There were times I did fuck up, and when I did it always felt that I failed at being Antari. That it wasn't just 'oh I'm not good at this one thing' or 'I made a stupid mistake because I'm young and stupid'. It was always 'how could you' and 'you should have known better'."
Meeting Holland didn't help. Now, that he looks at it; that Istredd made him look. Now, he sees it's all this dumb competition against himself, and Holland. Even far away from the people it mattered to the most.
Suddenly, the realization strikes him and he looks up at Istredd.
"I don't want this to be about me and how cool I am. I want to be more like Rhy. I want this to be about people we're doing this for."
"We all fuck up, and I'm sorry you got this far in your life not being allowed to be okay with that. No one is perfect. And no one can be good at everything." He thinks about how Lucifer pointed out he doesn't have to be excellent at everything and his baffled look back, like of course he has to be! But being here has taught him a lot of things about a healthier way of being, both with others and with himself. And everyone here has helped him get there, including Kell. He never thought he'd take someone under his wing, it was impossible in his mind before.
"That's a good start but ... Kell, please take this in the way it's meant, which is of care." He cares about Kell. All of what he is saying here comes from that place. "I think you put far too much on Rhy and what he wants and needs, and neglect yourself and your own independence. I think it's important for you to also be an individual, and you haven't been raised that way, but it's time for you to think about that." He means this kindly and he knows it's a complicated topic, it's not as simple as it is usually.
"I love Lucifer a great deal, and we are a good pair, but we are very much our own person with our own interests and motivations. Yennefer and I have known each other since we were children, and while we're a partnership, we have our own lives." Istredd is involved with two people, one on a more constant domestic level where they share everything, Lucifer, and another with a long history and working together, Yennefer.
"I think it's important for his end too, and that it doesn't feel to either of you like everything has to revolve around the other. You are two people, not one, and should be allowed to live that way."
This is not a conversation that Kell is ready to have. He can agree to share his plan and his idea, but questioning his relationship with Rhy is never going to go well with him. Or at least not yet. It's not Rhy's fault, nor even his wish. It just is -- complicated. More complicated now that it has ever been before.
Kell won't argue he doesn't want to be independent. Quite the contrary. But also what happened to Rhy was at least partially his fault. While Kell did what he could, what no one else but him could have done, to fix it. He saved Rhy, but he also made their situation more complicated. They were already connected by more than just the bond Singularity replaced.
"But we do!" he protests. "I have my own thing, he has his. We're perfectly fine as is. And I'm not doing this for him. I just want to do it for right reasons."
The scariest part is that Kell truly believes what he says. But then there still is a barely healed scar on Rhy's forearm, and the fact that Kell would drop everything he does, all of his plans for Rhy at the slightest pretext. They're more intertwined that he's aware of.
"Kell I'm not just talking about recently. I've been watching you two for over a year now." Istredd may not have been close to them all that time ago, but he's a very observant person. He kept an eye on everyone from an outside perspective until he was drawn into a more personal perspective. If anything, his observation only seemed more true the closer he got.
It's a complicated situation because he doesn't want it to seem like a criticism of either of them, family will always be important. He doesn't have one of them, but he does understand, considering he now has one in Thorne. He would put his life on the line for any of them; he did almost die for them in the Pit, and he'll never regret that.
"I'm concerned the way you see the world and the way you value yourself is all about another person. You aren't the supporting player of your own life, you are the lead in your own story. And I'm saying that as someone who has been there." Istredd still struggles with his mindset of other people having more value than himself. He isn't saying this from a place of looking down at it, he's seeing himself in the situation and saying what he wishes he would have heard.
"Maybe you have your own things, but you don't value them more than what his things are, do you? I care about both of you, this is not an attack on your relationship, what I'm saying is you need to be able to live without him. You need your own life and to value that life for your own future. Because around here, everything can change in an instant."
Kell looks away, and Istredd can watch in real time how his muscles tense, his jaw sets, slowly, but surely clamming up in reaction to criticism. It is in the best intentions, and it is very true, but Kell doesn't see this. He doesn't want to see or hear any of it.
"I have my studies, the teashop and my writing. Neither of those thing have anything to do with Rhy. We live together, but we don't sit on each other's backs day in and day out. He's not even in my book."
But it doesn't matter, does it? Those are all things Kell would drop for Rhy at moment's notice. No matter how much he protests about it now.
"I have, and I do." He's just being contrarian now. "And I would really appreciate if everyone stop telling me what I should and shouldn't want. I think I can figure it out for myself well enough."
Telling him he can't have things he wants when he was home. Telling him he should want things now that he is here and he can. That what he wants is never right. It was not right then, it is not right now. Even if those are not the same things. Even if his clutching to Rhy is as much about Rhy himself, as it is about Kell being terrified by how little he knows who he even is without Rhy.
Istredd observes him quietly and lets him say his piece on the subject. "There are times when having an opinion from someone outside of a situation can be illuminating. I know it's helped me before." And it isn't like Istredd always enjoys it. There are times he's been very annoyed when someone points out something he doesn't want to acknowledge. Just ask Lucifer, often the source of him getting grumpy about apt observations. But they've always helped him see things more clearly.
Kell may not be able to do that presently though. He is still very young. He hasn't gone through decades of experience that makes someone more open to outside perspectives. Sometimes a person gets more defensive and incapable of change with time, but for the wise, it's the opposite.
"But if this is how you feel, I can't change that. I just want you to be happy, Kell." But Kell is not happy. Istredd can see that clearly. That could be for any number of reasons but it is not his place to try and control how that happens. "Never forget that I care for you."
It would have been so easy to protest. To say he knows what he's doing, to insist, resist and do it his way unless forced otherwise. Like he always did. With Istredd, there's nothing to resist. Istredd does not reprimand him, he does not order him to this way or the other. He's not visibly angry, or disappointed, or irritated. He's calm, and he listens to everything Kell has to say.
And that throws Kell off enough so he does not immediately follow his usually habit of stubbornly digging his heels. He swallows, blinks, bites his lower lip, eyes trailing away, suddenly pulled into the moment and the awareness of how much different Istredd is from all the figures of authority in his life. Aware enough that it gives him pause.
"I..." he starts, swallows, clears his throat. Still unable to look at Istredd, even when he finally continues. "I know... and I believe you. And I know you know how much Rhy means to me. But I am my own person. I really am. You don't have to worry I'll do something stupid. Really."
"It's not that I think you'll do something stupid, I think you don't value yourself as highly as you need to. And not value in terms of what you're capable of, like your magic, which I know you've been told is important in the service of others. But you're more than your magic and your use to others." It is so much easier to see this in someone else than in himself, but that's part of why he does understand. Istredd sighs and decides the better approach is personal.
"I was raised in a similar way." He knows he has discussed this with Kell but it's relevant. "With the Brotherhood, you were expected your entire life to be loyal, to only live for it. When they called, you came, no matter what. Even those who thought they were rebellious, they came when fingers were snapped at them. What we could do for them, it was the only thing that mattered." Istredd got away but did he? He got away to do his studies but it was for them, he got to avoid courts and active participation back home, but none of his money was his, everything he earned was branched from their influence.
"It's led me to struggle with finding value in myself separate from that. Someone else is always more important, some cause is always bigger than me." Istredd has created his own bigger causes, and identified the people he considers more important, and he still has an instinct to think about that first. "It's taken a lot of work on other people's part to try and change that mindset." It drives Lucifer insane.
"But I see that in you and it worries me, because you're so young, Kell. I don't want you to waste decades like I did thinking your only value is what other people can take from you. You're as important as Rhy is, Kell."
Despite Istredd's best efforts Kell just shrinks into himself. Thing is, he's not fully human. In Arnes, most people saw only the Antari. Here, most people see only the human. Alien, yes, a Summoned, but mostly human. Few people see both. Lucifer did, Sabine does, and Istredd should too. Nothing made it more painfully obvious how inhuman he can be than the weeks they spent in the pit. Deprived of his magic Kell was dying there. Istredd has seen him there, he should know. So how can he say that he has some other intrinsic value other than that?
"But I am my magic. It's as much me as ... well, whatever the rest is, or what it is ever for."
Herein lies the problem. He never paid attention to that rest. Not that he had freedom to. Most of what he did was in line or against the expectations others had for him. In reaction, no matter positive or negative, to other people thoughts and opinions. What he wanted was in opposition to limitations his adopted parents had put on him. It felt good to bend or even break the rules.
"I don't see how I can separate myself from it, and if it can be useful, if I can be useful, I'd rather it be for someone I really care about. It's not importance, I just can do things for Rhy that he cannot do himself so why wouldn't I?"
But did you ask him, Kell? Did you? Did you ask him if he wants your sacrifice? To share your life with him in a way that felt so unbreakable and final. At least until Singularity. He didn't. He just dropped his future into the fire like it meant nothing. Like he's always willing to drop things for Rhy. Whether Rhy asks him for it or not. Sometimes even when he doesn't want him to...
"I love my magic, my magic is me. I was born with it, for it. It is as much my identity as it is to you. It's not about magic." Istredd being a mage is his first sense of self. It came with the highest price though. The price of being taken away from what life he might have had, the price of being threatened and emotionally tortured and controlled by the head mages. It's still difficult thinking about the Brotherhood. Their destruction is so recent.
"Why can't he do things for himself?" Istredd tilts his head, eyes piercing. "He has access to magic now, like the rest of us. What rules applied in your sphere don't matter here. Rhy doesn't need you to sacrifice everything for him because he's capable of taking care of himself." Istredd's always thought of Rhy as a very competent person, perhaps with a healthier point of view about what is his responsibility and what is not.
"Have you spoken to him about all of this? Believe me when I say a lot of miscommunication in a relationship can be a death knell." Istredd and Yennefer were apart for decades because of their issues, and even when they met again they weren't good at talking to each other. All of the struggles Lucifer and him have gone through are because of miscommunication, they're not great at it, but they're learning.
"I'm not saying you're doing anything bad or wrong, it's more that you can find more happiness if you reach for it."
Always shielded him from harm, even from the slightest inconvenience. Always gave in to his wildest whims. Even the last one that turned out pretty disastrous on its own. He does not finish his sentence. It's enough that Istredd said it out loud.
What if Rhy really doesn't need him? He'd rather not know, not ask, than learn that's the case.
"Not really," he admits.
It's better now. At least Kell doesn't try to deliberately hide things and doesn't outright lie. It's progress, but they're still not that great in talking to each other about difficult things. What can be more difficult than that? With their history?
"But I am happy."
While true, it's not all that is. Kell just doesn't see it yet.
Istredd studies him quietly, extrapolating a few things that Kell's not saying out loud, and/or not even able to communicate to himself yet. "Well I recommend you do talk to him. And I'm glad you're happy." He suspects it'll take more than him pointing it out to get anywhere. That's something the two of them will have to ultimately figure out for themselves.
"Now let's talk about Nott's pier and what we can do to get it back to itself."
He's grinning where he leans against the empty classroom's doorway. Lucifer has gone back to some of his combat lessons in the last few days. Istredd's still not great, but there's some hope that he'll come back around out of it.
(Again.)
"Okay," he says with some amount of surety, "we need to do this."
After the Summoned meeting that Istredd allowed to distract him, he did fall into depression for a short time, but as he said, he eventually pushed through. It would have been worse to push it aside because it would have come back. Instead he has let it hang on him but healed more by the day. It's easier for him to see the good parts, like Triss being alive and Ciri staying out of Vilgefortz's grasp, rather than focusing only on the worst.
He probably will be on edge for a bit longer but he got through the worst of it. And Lucifer did help by being a quiet support system. They've been bleeding into each other still, but better than that initial few days.
Istredd raises his eyebrows at Lucifer's appearance and then he frowns at the reminder. He made Lucifer promise but like expected, there is a reluctance in him, not enough to avoid it though. He sighs and rubs a hand through his own hair. "Yes, fine. Probably not here."
"Oh, no, let's just bleed all over your classroom floor for all to see," he says chidingly. That's not what he means at all, but he isn't going to say 'crack our brains open like coconuts and shove the appropriate contents back in their respective places and make two new coconuts.'
Look.
The metaphor isn't sound.
But it properly encapsulates the mess.
He doesn't want to do this either but he's not going to accept any of Istredd's reluctance. He'll drag him through the halls if he has to, and won't that just add to the talk they already have surrounding them on a regular basis?
This was Istredd's insistence and he said it because he knew he would be reluctant once they had to do it, so it was just thinking ahead. He just shoots Lucifer A Look and takes his journal where his lesson plans and gestures toward the door for them to leave. He walks them to the room in mostly silence because he is now thinking about what exactly needs to be done to keep them both secure but separate. It requires precision, which he has. Since they are bleeding Lucifer can hear his thoughts that would ordinarily be his own, since feelings are usually what they share more distinctly. See, a problem. But at least it's just along the lines of 'what precisely needs to be moved.'
When they get to their room he tosses his journal onto his former side of the room where they removed the bed and put a desk and sitting section, since there was no reason to keep two of them in here. "We should talk." Istredd sounds grave and he is. "Since you weren't given a choice as to how this was made before." Istredd's fault, as they both know. "This is the time we can restructure it." They probably can't break the connection entirely, that might really harm them irreparably, and pulling back to an official Brotherhood mage level would also hurt, but it's doable.
Lucifer gave him no real choice about making the bond, Istredd didn't give him much of a choice in how it appeared. They can do that now. This part is for certain now or never, because it has to all be done or not. The very idea of putting that amount of distance makes him want to die, but he is willing to do it. They're already there.
'We should talk' is never a good conversation starter, don'tcha know, Istredd? Of course he doesn't. Why would he know. But their immense bleed makes it moot.
He should want this.
Six Degrees of Separation.
He should want all the walls, all the closed corridors, all the privacy. But despite what Istredd built between them, it was Lucifer that bled the most, emotionally, and is the cause of the last dent to their already-fragile bond after so many subsequent punches to it.
He should've been allowed to just fix things, he still thinks. To wipe the board clean. Why suffer when you can just erase, why feel.
(Conceptually, he knows why. In the moment, he did not know why. Even still. You can't understand love without heartbreak. But was the pain worth it, Istredd? Is the pain still worth it, Istredd?)
It's Istredd. So. Probably.
"I told you, before the mountain we were fine."
He stands by that. Shockingly. Istredd can blame himself as much as he wants but they both built into what they had. It was only thrown out of balance by--
"Just... I don't know. What happened on the mountain was necessary," he says, voice hard. Pointed. It was necessary, Istredd. You did the right thing, even if it was born out of panic. It had to happen. "But I don't know if there's any contingencies we can put in if it... if it happens again. Flood gates."
The pain is worth it to him. If he hadn't let himself feel it, he would still have it in his gut, hanging over him forever. True mourning was the way through and he understands that. He knows that Lucifer doesn't understand it. One of those examples of when they are reminded they're not the same species and go about things differently. The important part was when Istredd told him no, gently, he listened and backed off.
Istredd is relieved when Lucifer confirms before the mountain, because that is what he wanted, obviously, but he had to give the option. He had to say they could change things for Lucifer's sake, it was the right thing to do. And he had to make it clear that they could, it wasn't too late for them to pull back.
It was his mistake but if they both accept it now, it means they can move on from the 'mistake' and put it to bed. It's a choice now even if it wasn't a choice then.
"I don't know," Istredd says after a moment. Now they're both in 'I don't know' mode. "The problem is we still need to have the option for that to happen if you start to lose your emotions, it was an agreement." They just didn't think it would have to happen this way. They had agreed on doing it, but it was always a future prospect, a for instance, not something they expected to really happen any time soon.
"We didn't know what the aftermath would be." How could they? He reaches out and gestures for Lucifer to come closer. He needs to sit them both down for this so he can focus. "What I'm thinking is if we cut back now, put up stronger walls, not walls that can't be broken if an emergency happens, but understand how it will feel and look, we may be able to pull them back rather than allow the bleed through to taint us for weeks after. I'll have an easier time rebuilding them."
He knows the agreement, but they need something. Because there was no disconnect in that fight, with Yennefer and the myriapod mentally feeling so close to him while his mind bobbed over and under the waves of Istredd, trying to keep afloat long enough to sever the creature's head off with hands more than the blade. And only then, partially, get a gulp of oxygen to his own head after the myriapod was taken out.
How do you make an off switch once the danger has passed?
(Maybe not have immediate mental trauma of a different variety.)
He sits across from Istredd as directed.
"That... might be enough. Because ah, not to be a Negative Nancy but given how thing went when I'd have preferred to be in my 'right' mind, but..." He's still referring to the fight where the barest fraction of him wanted to hold back, not his attempt to smother Istredd's feelings afterwards, though in a way that's relevant too--he did pull away with a gentle push. "I don't know if you'd be able to get everything back to yourself regardless of whether or not you succeed in dealing with my Worst Case Scenario."
Oh, Istredd would likely win. Lucifer trusts Istredd's mental prowess.
But if Lucifer doesn't want to be pulled back and sees failure approaching him, he has this funny feelings now that he'll just take as much of Istredd's mind down with him.
So. Really. Stronger walls are great! Stronger walls that can be broken down in a myriapod-level emergency are great!
He doesn't see much hope for either of them coming out of an Apocalyptic-level Lucifer.
He's not helping. Sorry. Really, he just thinks it's better to not consider the be-all end-all situation because it corrupts the data.
It's just that breaking things down just seems like extra work.
Lucifer understands a mental scope but he's never had to deal with walls and security measures. Any mind he's broken into didn't have more than tissue paper. Lucifer still operates way more on the abstract and less on the concrete, but he doesn't know how far they could take concrete on a metaphysical level.
"How abstract are we talking here?"
It's all the talk of floods and drowning, really. You take a metaphor a long enough way, eventually you're going to look into real-world solutions to mental problems and he's not sure how possible it is that they'll translate.
"Do we have some wiggle room for.... mm... walls versus doors versus... gates?"
"The plan was for if you got all your grace back, we didn't think the monster would happen. We weren't prepared for everything, but to be fair to both of us, we've never had one of these." Istredd may have more of them, but they were boxed in and had better boundaries. Lucifer just experienced an example of it with feeling Yennefer through it, and how much clearer her lines were with Istredd.
He reaches up to caress Lucifer's cheek. "I don't care about that." About whether he'd get all of himself back in that scenario. That isn't the point. The point is it's either both of them coming back from it or neither of them. If Lucifer kills him, he does. That's part of the deal, in Istredd's opinion.
"Let's fix the actual problem, my love, and we can work out the details in a second." They can do both, it's more a case of fixing the worst wound first. Like usual Istredd doesn't need to touch Lucifer's temple, it's more physical contact helps. He doesn't need to push inside, they already are bleeding into each other.
Istredd for the first time shows his extraordinary precision, something he absolutely did not use when they started this. He could always have been this careful. Not great. It is much like having a laser as he separates the worst crossovers and creates lines between them. Metaphorically more like a surgical fix. It gives them the relief of clearing the bleeds without completely dislodging the bond. This would be very difficult to do with anyone else, but Lucifer's mind is too familiar now, he knows where the places need to get cut.
He'd prefer to be prepared for everything, thank you.
(Obviously, they can't.)
"Idiot," he says aloud, because he believes it, because it's true, because it doesn't matter. He could care enough about Istredd one day and feel strong enough to sever himself from all of this and free Istredd from this inevitable downfall against his will and still know the results because he knows Istredd's history with Yennefer. Knows there's no saving him, knows it's far too late to save him.
Idiot, is repeated and that's more exhausted fondness than insult as he gives in to the touch at his cheek. He lets that exhaustion carry him through this, similarly to how he was swimming between Istredd and the myriapod's mind. He thinks that creature is still there, sometimes, even though he knows better. He felt the link fade. He knows.
He sinks and trusts Istredd to work, but there are the faintest attacks working against the separation. Bee stings, serpent bites. Small, ultimately nothing, but the most minor lingering defenses that Lucifer can't control. Not feeling threatened but just... as there are. Natural.
"Yes," Istredd agrees gently. He is an idiot. This is what he does when he's in love, he gives it all, he throws his devotion and certainty in their face. They both know the end of this Lucifer is the end of them both, and he's accepted that. If Lucifer's climb to apathy is inevitable, he is still a rebel. Istredd will hold onto his hope that he can be both archangel and this.
This will be good for Lucifer in particular, cutting these lines into place, because it was his mind that was damaged. Istredd only felt it on the outskirts, but the bleeding is very bad for him. He's been weakened by his mental exhaustion. Istredd feels the bee stings and he flicks them off.
The quiet gets better for them both and with a firm slam of mental walls between them, the flowing mental leak between them is staunched and cut off. Their thoughts are their own again, only back to intentional sharing. Istredd leans forward to kiss him softly, as they do have those lines again, but only from before the mountain as Lucifer requested. A little peck of affection.
"I don't think I missed any weak spots." Because that much mental sharing is not put into one point. "How do you feel?"
He keeps his eyes closed, still drifting a bit, though it's obvious when the walls slam between them there in an immediate relieved tension that he didn't quite realize how much of it he was holding.
"Let's never do that again," he says, referring to the disastrous bleed, as though they had any control over their lives and what happened, as though really, if it came down to it, if the beats hit a similar rhythm, they wouldn't end up with the same results all over again.
The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Some human quote. Not Einstein like everyone thinks. Someone was out there like Lucifer scowling at Dad, grumbling about someone else stealing all their best lines.
"If it happens again, we can staunch it right away." The problem was they'd never done it before so figuring out how to fix it took a little effort. Istredd shouldn't have let the bleeding happen this long, but he is flying blind, he's already said so. This bond shouldn't have happened and Stregobor never prepared him for it. Stregobor could never care enough about a person to imagine sharing like this. Now it'll be easy.
They know it might happen again. And what it will cost. But for today, they've fixed it.
Istredd reaches forward and pulls Lucifer into a simple embrace. Holds him close. Nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck and breathes. He still cherishes this physical comfort as much as anything between them. He almost lost Lucifer to the beast, and he's been suffering since, and Istredd would do anything to take that pain from him. He runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and just lets his love envelop him for a moment, proving their bond still exists but it doesn't overtake him.
"I don't know if a gate is a good idea. It would give me too much power over you." Not that he would use it and they both know that, but Istredd wants Lucifer to feel safe and have the certainty of his own power over his own mind. He knows how important it is for Lucifer to never feel boxed in, and the telepath already has power leaning his way.
He's all about learning new things and while it would make sense for him, specifically, learn to fix things after they're broken... he'd rather that they actually be able to fix this quickly and not have to learn other ways that they have to fix it.
Lucifer is very good at breaking things, even unintentionally.
Nearly boneless, he goes with the embrace.
He could sleep right down here, no problem, coiled into Istredd's warmth.
Isn't that nice? The thought of real, genuine, sleep. Not some abstract concept, but rest. They haven't much gotten that.
"Two-way," he says, because no, obviously, he'd never let something he can't control and could be used against him in his mind, but... "Less door. More for flow, controlled and fixed levels." He waves a hand, like a groggy instructor that dropped their coffee lifeline for the day. Istredd gets a strange image of a mechanical sluice gate and a mental shrug.
Lucifer's mind is like someone dumped every medium of art across an infinite surface and mixed and matched everything in order to connect Thought A to JKL back to B and mapping out incomprehensibly to imaginary numbers.
But he also is very concrete when it comes to images.
Neither of them do complete silence very well, despite needing it at times for whatever reason. Having the ability to staunch the flow quickly is important. Having the same mental mechanism adjust the flow is just saving mental energy, he thinks.
Istredd holds him close, feeling his exhaustion. It's been a struggle for them both, but he knows it's been worse for Lucifer, having something penetrate his mind so fully. His touch is soothing, the bond between them stable and steady again. He clings to it now that he has it again; it would be difficult to lose the touch of this beautiful, abstract mind on his.
"Mmm, okay, the visual helps." Telepathy is actually something that requires visuals and artistry to work properly. The mind is not what people think, in terms of this thought there or that thought there.
People don't always think clearly, in full sentences, unless they want to. They jump around between a collection of words and feelings. It's why telempathy is taught at the same time, to interpret what is seen. It's a very precise type of magic, that is why it required specialization with Stregobor. You have to love the mind to soak yourself in it. While his mentor did it because he loved the power over others, Istredd does it because he loves the details.
He strokes Lucifer's hair and then places his fingers on his temple. He dives back into his mind and Lucifer should be able to feel the way he modifies the walls with precision. He's never done this before either but since Lucifer no longer fights him when it's just them, it's much easier. He creates, abstractly, a way for the walls to open and close, more like a gate than a slammed down boundary. It's less aggressive this way, a shut door feels less final.
"Your mind," he says with a content sigh. It's lovelorn. Lucifer already knows his feelings about it, but flowing through it is as comforting as snuggling into a blanket cocoon. "That should work, we won't know fully until tested."
Sometimes Lucifer knows what he's about and the benefit is, despite being imprisoned for most of his existence, he got a quick download from his vessels on different forms of, well, everything, and at least one of those vessels (Sam) was a Nerd.
But this... this feels good. Because for as much as Lucifer doesn't want to feel controlled, entrapped... He doesn't want to feel caged away from something that by all reason he should have access to.
Issues? Nooooooooooo.
"I'm not very interested in actually brute forcing it right now," he says. They don't exactly have the means to test it without actually forcing it and neither of them have the energy to really going at it. Especially if it... doesn't work as intended.
Oh, sure, if Istredd wants to try, Lucifer will go along with it.
But it's very adamantly clear in neon blinking lights that he Does Not Want to.
This began because of Istredd's hunger for closeness and he's been fed well from the start, but he feels good about this in-between for them. It's not him being the screw up anymore and this is something that makes them both balanced. It will be easier for them to close a gate than lift up a wall. The fact that Lucifer feels good about it helps too.
"I don't mean now, love. Our minds are in no condition. It needs time to settle."
It is a new form, it may break easily under aggression until they learn how to use it. And he means it; they are in no position. Lucifer in particular is unstable, not that Istredd wants to put too fine a note on that, considering it may make him feel like Istredd is saying it's only him that is struggling. It's only him that is weak. It's not the truth, but it could twist that way.
He holds Lucifer and tilts his head to kiss his temple, underneath the mind he loves so well. "I came so close to losing you." And his own life, and Yennefer's, and all those mages. But Lucifer is a priority.
Yeeeeeah, Lucifer would ABSOLUTELY twist it into the negative, easily, with only maybe his tired state saving it from being quite so terrible.
But thankfully Istredd's stepped on that landmine more than enough and they sidestep it entirely.
"Well, it would've been a very short time that you were without me," he says, with the sort of dark humor that he's often about, "what with you being killed not long after."
"What, you don't think we could have taken you? Such little faith." Istredd is joking, since there is no change in hell they could have. The monster and Lucifer together would've done more damage than anyone could have prepared for. He has no idea what Thorne would do with them, although it seems most likely they would have put Lucifer down.
It didn't happen, that's the important part.
"I wish we understood more of the arcana. I don't think Urianger nor I have come up with much. For the beasts to come in with assigned arcana of their own ... it's interesting." Horrifying, sure, but interesting.
He snorts unceremoniously at the use of 'faith', which promptly derails any response he may've had about how very obviously him and the beast would've rolled the ol' party along and no one would be hangin' on behind. And if he had somehow come out of it eventually, managed to separate himself from the monster, he would've been gone, fled into those mountains where the cold wouldn't have been his only problem.
Kyle would maybe have been sent to scout if enough time had passed and he had recovered, and only would meet the stench of death and perhaps misery whether or not Lucifer was still possessed. Lucifer would kill him, too, possessed or not, for much different reasons.
But there's no point on dwelling.
"It makes me wonder if anything Summoned from outside worlds automatically get pulled through the arcana system, if that's part of the tether, if it has nothing to do with the Summoning Ritual itself." He hums, enjoying the way his mind, in spite of its sluggish state, feels a little bit clearer, and he idly, distractedly, nips and kisses just under Istredd's chin as the thought starts to coolly coalesce before the words murmur out of him: "Do you think the remaining beasts have a Singularity connection like ours?"
That's an approach he hadn't considered. That's what makes them a good team, they are good at giving each other different ideas by talking out what they do or don't know. He makes a thoughtful 'hmmm' sound and tilts his head back so Lucifer can nip to his heart's content, running fingers through his hair.
"Yes, I do. They were in the Horizon. There's no way they could have gotten in there without a connection." He had at least one or two fights when going to his library and finding creatures there making trouble. It was a shock at first, but it makes more sense now. "But they weren't pulled in by the factions, if the vision we had was true. So how did one of us have the kind of power to do that? Or did he just tap into the Singularity's power?"
Istredd suspects the culprit is in Solvunn and he hasn't asked Wanda if they have identified the person. She probably knows who it is. They're a close group, it's possible she'd defend whoever it is.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe there are multiple ways to look at the tether." Which is annoying for him, as he is so focused on the Singularity being the best way, but he can't deny Lucifer's logic in arguing about that otherwise.
He will treasure that 'maybe you're right.' It's a (little) win. He won't call out to it and even the reaction is under the tumbleweeds of rolling cloud cover in Lucifer's mind. See he's getting better at this again.
My concern is whether or not Thorne and the like can capture any creature left behind from the rifts and harvest their Singularity connection instead of ours. Which, fine, I don't care, experiment all you want on animals he's not someone that's gonna balk at a hair care product or whatever and find out things were tested on rabbits or something, but I don't know.
It should make their lives easier.
There you go Thorne, and anyone else looking! Leave the Summoned alone, you have a source over there.
Something about them having that link worries me. Unfounded, and maybe it is just a possessiveness. Just as Josselyn may as well have crowed, that was theirs. Paws off, Abraxas. "I forgot that they had been in the Horizon, but I haven't seen any of them since." What if they still have a connection but it's been corrupted because of the different method of being pulled here? Always more questions, but he feels all of these answers could have much greater dangers for the rest of them.
He's not going to question another Summoned's power. Look at Wanda. She probably could summon her kids here if she went full hardcore Scarlet Witch Prophecy Mode.
Istredd is many things, and arrogant is one of them, when he thinks he knows better. He also gets tunnel vision so one of the things he appreciates about being with Lucifer is having another point of view to bounce off of. They've theorized together for a long time, but he still can be a stickler for things surrounding the Singularity. He knows Lucifer isn't tormenting him with that 'maybe right' statement on purpose. It's appreciated.
There are dogs still in Solvunn, not the ones from your sphere. The ones from Adora's sphere. I believe one of the creatures survived in the Free Cities, I could follow up. Steve or Castiel would know. He considers and shakes his head. I don't believe any survived here ... that we know of. Which means any of the governments could get their hands on one of the rift creatures, dead or alive, and be experimenting on them.
"The ones that lived, they probably do still have that connection. I don't believe I've seen them in the Horizon since, but they could be." He's more curious about why they haven't been rounded up in that case. "We'd have to get our hands on them ourselves to get some of those answers." But Thorne doesn't have one.
"Wanda, maybe?" They both go to the well of Wanda Maximoff when they have Solvunn-based questions. It might be worth her seeing if she could catch the dogs and find out for herself. She certainly has the power to do it.
There's a couple here that Mat and I lost. But I don't want Thorne to get any ideas. Even if he will a month from now mention those dogs to Mace. What? Conversation starters are important when you need to get a foot in.
"I gotta find me other contacts in Solvunn that aren't Wanda or Michael." Gabe Does Not Count, sorry bro. He can push the reliability thing on his little brother as much as necessary, but there's other roadblocks to consider. "I'm sure Wanda has enough on her plate from her faction alone, not just us." He'd say that's what friends are for but it's not like he actually knows the answer to that. He won't even know who Himeka Actually Is until a months from now when she is in a cube of jelly from her own awry rune use and Kell calling out to her. Like you do. "It's something to be careful about. Let it linger for a bit, let the locals forget and see the additions as invasive sure, but here to stay. Then bring it up maybe."
"There's a woman named Himeka who has been around since the start." Lucifer might not meet her for some time, but the name at least might resonate. Istredd's known her from the start of his time here, but only in passing. She seems pleasant and helpful enough. Wanda's just been his go-to. They have their connection but Lucifer might be right, Wanda has plenty going on without the two of them constantly prodding at her.
"I suppose I wonder ...." Istredd considers, tipping his head to the side, taking Lucifer's hand because he likes points of contact. "Let's say we're right about the gods being former Summoned. Let's say these rift monsters proved that other entities have that same connection if pulled from other worlds. And that there's corruption possible in those examples. What does that mean for us? Should we be concerned about our future? What will we do if everything we suspect is true?"
"Of course we should be concerned about our future," he says, very much thinking that's obvious. "We already know we can be influenced against our will and not even on purpose." Lucifer and the Myriapod Arcana Problem. "There's likely at least a baker's dozen of ways we can be corrupted and half of them are likely just environmental, half be done against us. Heck, maybe the Singularity's connection will straight-up eventually poison us." There's the tie-breaker thirteen of the split.
For someone that tries to look multiple steps ahead to their Fate when a problem comes up, even Lucifer knows the rest of his answer, "We can't plan for every eventuality, Istredd. Maybe we can save us, or someone else, from going down that potential road." Look at Dean and the Mark. An other-world problem crept into Abraxas, but still an impossible problem solved, presumably with next-to-no known consequences. "But we may just have to put someone down, one day."
"I've never been very good at looking forward." He's a historian, his job is literally to be stuck in the past. Looking for answers to things that were long dead and buried, and knowing he may never get them. Istredd didn't have much he considered worth looking forward to. A long life that he saw as more books and historical digs and avoiding all the things in his continent he didn't want to engage with.
But it changed there. The Book of Monoliths made him invested, and then it all fell apart. And here? Istredd's been intensely engaged with Abraxas, the opposite of his aloof indifference to his own sphere. He knows that he wants to stay here for his future, he's said as much. Here with Lucifer, here with the others. But what that looks like in a hundred or five hundred years, he hasn't thought ahead to it.
"You know I can't help it. I'll have to plan for those eventualities, as best as possible." It's the Pit all over again, obsessively putting everyone's problems on himself, but it's better in that he's not actively dying. They have time. The new gods didn't go from Summoned to that overnight. They all are on paths. But Lucifer said 'We can save us' and that means it doesn't have to be him alone. Not just with Lucifer, but in general. It's all of them who has to have a buy in.
Istredd kisses him firmly, reminding himself how close they keep getting to losing everything, but they haven't yet. "It won't be us." Having to be put down. He's determined. "If it's me, I give you full permission. But don't offer me the same because I wouldn't be able to." He's honest about his weakness.
"Ahhh, that's why you keep making me look forward, because you're bad at it," Lucifer says in a sage-like tone. Now it all makes sense. The fact that Lucifer's even a little bit better of again looking forward is impressive because he was fully loose-cannon after Dad used and ditched him again. Heck, it's how he ended up with a child. He had no plan and no care and just wanted everyone to feel what he did, damn the consequences.
It's no wonder Crowley got a one-up on him.
It probably will be them, more than anyone, but Lucifer doesn't push that certainty.
"Oh, don't worry, if I become irreparably corrupted I'm taking you down with me and we'll both be walking disasters on the world."
Is that a kindness? Well it's better than being on the other side, isn't it? Lucifer thinks it is.
Istredd laughs. "Partners are supposed to balance each other out. Fill in each other's weaknesses. I think that's why we work so well." They aren't a case of opposites attract exactly, although they are very different people, but from the beginning it was more about how one of them bled into the other when they needed to. Lucifer used to be the one who pulled Istredd out of the library and into the world. Istredd did the same emotionally, soothed his darker edges, broke down his walls.
He doesn't believe it will be them. They've managed to keep it together for Thorne so far, and if their connection to each other becomes corrupt, they still have the others. It's why Lucifer's comment makes him laugh again, kissing his forehead.
"Well, I'd prefer it to the other option." He agrees with that. If they're together, he has faith in them. They've always brought out the best in each other so far. Killing Lucifer is too impossible of an idea. He's already said before he'd go down protecting him, and he meant it.
"Let's get some rest, love. Our brains have been bleeding." Painfully! This new bond will help that, but it was still not easy, and Lucifer's been struggling with the monster.
Well, for starters, I wanted to see if you still had time for psychic brain magic lessons? I found out while I was away that the memory stealing thing I do isn't... actually a singularity thing, it's a me thing, and I had absolutely no control over it back there. Apparently whatever I learned here before didn't stick back home.
There's also... something else, that I think I should talk to you and maybe also Yennefer about? But it might be more of an in-person conversation, and I know you two have a lot going on. It's not exactly super urgent, but it might be... useful, or important, or something. I don't know.
Sure, yeah, I think that's a good idea. Maybe at your library? Mostly because I can't actually... picture Yennefer in a gas station, for some reason. Not that you're not above gas station quality too, but...
It's hard to explain, I think it's the fancy dresses. They don't really mesh with the nacho dispenser in the background.
It has to do with something else I learned while I was home. I think it might be something you guys could... use? Somehow?
I think it's mostly just that I'm not entirely sure what to do with this information now that I have it, and it seems like it could potentially be kind of dangerous if someone in power found out and decided to exploit it. Or maybe I'm just hoping you guys can tell me it CAN'T be exploited.
Or maybe I'm not sure what I'm hoping for out of this conversation at all, I just want someone smarter than me that I kind of trust to know.
Thank you. I think it might be slightly kind of important, maybe.
I'm actually... surprisingly fine. It's mostly just that my prosthetic leg doesn't come through with me when they pull me in, and then I smacked my face on the floor because I have all of the grace of a drunk walrus in high heels, and also I was still kind of recovering from being kidnapped by these spider monster things, but it's fine, actually. I'm fine.
I'm good. Sabine and I have been spending time together since you left; none of us are the company you are, but we did our best. She's a wonderful person. I'm happy for both of you.
I suppose you're the first person I know myself who left and came back with memories, so I'm glad to know it's possible. How much time passed when you returned?
I'm glad she's had people here to keep her company. It's... weird, actually. For the longest time, it's like she only existed in my mind. Like she was out of sync, or out of time, or out of reality in a way that just...
For a long time, nobody knew her but me. Hearing about her interacting with other people, and getting to know them, it's weird. In a good way, I mean. I'm glad she wasn't alone.
About how long it's been... to be completely honest with you, my brain condition makes it so I don't really have the best sense of the passage of time. I think it's been a little over a year for me, maybe a year and a half, but I can't be sure, exactly.
No, she wasn't alone. She's made her own life here, but I'm sure having you here is the best possible outcome.
I hope you saw Kyle, he's missed you. He doesn't say so, but I can tell.
Listen, for quite some time now, I've been working on trying to find a way to anchor some of us here. For the people who can't go back or don't want to go back. I haven't had any luck so far, but if I can help the two of you stay, I will.
I did! I brought him some boba tea earlier, actually. Or, well, I tried to. I can't actually make stuff as well as I could before I left? But it was totally sort of technically boba.
I'll talk to her, but I think I think we're both going to want to stay I want us to stay If I can help, or if- the thing I'm going to tell you about can help, let me know.
I'm hoping the study of the Singularity will help us get the answer. Anchoring ourselves to it may be the easiest way to keep us to this plane of existence, but I'm not there yet. Still working on ideas.
If all goes well, we'll still be here decades from now, and you and Lucifer may even get along by then. Unless you can live centuries too.
We haven't had a ton of time to talk about it, but Sabine mentioned she's been studying it with you guys? That's probably good. It seems like something she might be able to help with.
( Considering what she is — which Jack has only recently learned about himself. A keeper of that which is but shouldn't be; something that applies to Jack, but seems like it could easily extend to the Singularity, too. He really needs to ask her if other people know about that yet. )
Frankly, if you ask my doctors it's a miracle I've lived THIS long, so. Who knows.
We don't know entirely what inspires it, but sometimes the Singularity gives visions and reacts stronger to certain individuals. Chooses them, basically. Sabine is one of them.
[ Not Istredd, unfortunately, but that is his lot in life. ]
I haven't pushed. I like to give people the chance to tell their story on their own terms. But I know she's not human. That's not difficult to suss out.
Sometimes humans care about a lot of things that shouldn't matter. They can be racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes. Thankfully, I'm not most people. I'm also not sure I'm completely normal myself, so it's not like I have any room to judge.
She's Sabine. That's all I care about. I'm sure you can probably relate.
[ Maybe in that first month, although he hadn't made assumptions either way. ]
Sabine and I have talked about going to the Singularity in person. It's possible during the Dimming, it's coming up in a few weeks. She might have a chance to really engage with it there.
I think I was going to ask Kyle, he is well-trusted around here now. Ambrose wouldn't allow just anyone to go with us. I need assistance because I plan to bring back soil samples this time.
Rhy also has a special relationship with the Singularity and his experience was comfortable, from what he told us at the time. It seemed to recognize him.
( Okay, that's... good, actually. That's comforting. He trusts Kyle implicitly, and he likes Rhy. If Lucifer were going he might have more concerns about it, but this group seems... pretty safe. )
Speaking of common ground, I feel like I should warn you in advance: don't let him trick you into eating pineapple pizza. Also, I'm sorry if he tries to incite a faction war with smutty Winifred/Ellya fanfic.
Maybe you should do some soul-searching about your relationship decisions. My terrible dead therapist recommended journaling about it, it's kind of helpful?
You really are oblivious, aren't you? Yes, Yennefer and I are childhood sweethearts, although we split up for many decades after a nasty break up. Until we found each other again here.
Until I met Lucifer that was more or less my situation. She and I met when we were young and she was the only thing I loved for a long time.
The kind of full-time emotional partnership I'm looking for isn't really something Yennefer is interested in, so this works well for all of us. Even if they are exhausting people.
For a second I thought I had follow-up questions, but then I decided maybe I don't actually want to know the answer to any of them, so I'll just stick with: I'm glad you guys found something that works. Sorry you're in love with scary and/or exhausting people.
( By which he means, Yennefer is the scary one. Lucifer is the exhausting one. )
Hey, I managed to snag you some books. [Re: Lucifer's sense of humor that Istredd is well established with.
There is nothing of value to these books. They're barely holding together, though enough that they made the trip. Whatever ink remains isn't legible, no signs to if they were once a cooking book or fiction or what, the titles smeared away. BUT HEY. HE GOT YOU BOOKS. A WHOLE THREE OF THEM. :) At least they're not toxic.]
[ They may be barely holding together and illegible, but they are, of course, an absolute treasure to the nerd. He is very delicate when he takes them and probably will look into restoring them to the best of his ability. He beams at Lucifer. ]
You found those in the Ashlands? [ Who knows what they used to be. A fascinating mystery! ] Thank you, love.
[ If anyone can find a way to restore them or at the least keep them alive, it would be Istredd. He already has a few ideas flooding his mind looking at them, the ways that he'd need to secure the binding and the pages. First he just immediately puts a non-tearing spell over it, speaking the words quietly, to secure what he has until a later time. ]
[They're hardly going to be important but whatever hobbies in restoration interest Istredd, he supposes.] Eh? Is that so? It was easy. I preferred it over Featherhive.
[ Istredd's heard about the locations because people are bringing in ingredients for the nerds to go over. The explanation of the Featherhive made him shiver. It's not like any of them haunted by the past really needs to have it come back, and he suspects it would be worse for Lucifer. ]
Anything broken?
[ He means to his heart. If it cut too close a piece of Lucifer off. ]
I can see why the dangerous one appealed to you more. Outside of the obvious.
[ The obvious being that Lucifer likes a thrill and doing something dangerous gives him that, something to do, something he can do. Avoiding the emotional toll of the birds is just an obvious bonus to that. Lucifer can take a lot of physical punishment, it's the mental punishment that lingers longer. He gently sets the book down so there is no risk of dropping them.
He reaches out to take Lucifer's hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. ]
I talked to Anneth. There's an interesting detail I didn't expect. She says the dragons used to be very strong and powerful, but they started to get weaker and fade after that first Summoning all that time ago.
[ It seems far too specific to be a coincidence. ]
I wonder if they're more connected to the Singularity than the rest of Abraxas. We were bolstering their lands just by presence alone, though not completely. It wouldn't stick. [He taps his thumb against Istredd's hand, staring off into space, unblinking.] If they're heavily connected to the Singularity, the Summoning ritual weakens the Singularity--we've considered that before already--it drains out of their lands, and then them. They traced the illness to the rifts, right? Like a bunch of mini Summoning rituals.
The first Summoning ritual dealt the major blow to their people, it was a new strain at the Singularity. Everything else chipped away but perhaps not as strong. The rifts were another new strain. Unexpectedly pulling at that thread, and tripping their already-present weakness into a sickness.
[He hums. He is 100% just spit-balling. It's been awhile since he went on a theorizing tangent.] Our presence in their lands was feeding that strained connection. The land literally nipping at the connection we had, synergizing with it, for just a moment.
Yes, that's where my mind went too. [ They conspire together so well. ] They may very well die out if this continues. The dragons used to be powerful and kept those lands together, safely. Now it may be inevitable given that the Summoning is not going to slow down.
[ As they know, it's only getting worse. More Summons every few months, more people coming through. They had the most this time, he checks in as best as he can for new numbers as they progress, so they're going to keep going until there's no one left they want to Summon. Which is never. With no regard with how it is destroying the balance of this sphere. ]
They brought us here claiming they're worried about the Singularity's waning and thought it would strengthen it. But I think they're killing the land instead, pulling it apart each time.
[ Not that it's changed Istredd's mind about them staying there forever. It's not about a few of them, it's about the constancy of the spell. If they stopped Summoning tomorrow and everyone was left, it's probable they would only settle in. ]
We could possibly heal the Nether, given more time there. It wasn't permanent, but our presence could strengthen it. She gave me this dragon scale to experiment on. [ He has it in his pocket, not wanting to leave it anywhere Thorne could find, and pulls it out so show Lucifer. ]
Or staying might mean the land, accidental or otherwise, absorbs our Singularity connection entirely in order to heal ourselves. [Just in case you hadn't considered that, Mr. Losing the Singularity Connection is their last resort for Anything.
He blinks, mildly baffled, at the scale.] And how exactly is that going to help in experimenting?
[ He'll give him that. But he's skeptical. They can't control the Singularity. It'll do whatever it wants. He doubts it'll let them go any time soon, after letting them into its psychic realm and playing with a few people in particular. Istredd doesn't want to have to deal with the idea that they may have to trade the Singularity to stay there. It's possible, but yes, last resort. ]
It depends on what properties I can glean from it. I was thinking Yenna and I might be able to see what we can pick up, and from what we remember about the dragon cure. What if we can amplify the cure?
[It's fine he'll keep being that Annoying Voice in the Back of Istredd's Head when it comes to that potential.
And hey!
If it ever becomes true!
It won't be a surprise because Lucifer's been Annoying About It.] I brought back the materials for the cure but I wasn't involved with its construction. How did it operate?
[ Istredd will ignore that voice as long as he has to. It's a good thing he has it, because he can be very mule-headed and focused on what he wants to think, so if it does happen he'll grumble but be unsurprised. But he needs the Singularity for now. It gives him a purpose, something to thrive toward, and obsess around. An illusion of being able to control or understand something in this world.
Lucifer being right would be unfortunate on a few levels, and his gloating over it annoying, but if he's right, he's right. ]
Our presence helped bring those ingredients back to life and available. From there it was understanding dragon physiology and what was actually missing from them. I don't know that I trust it as a permanent stopgap. It may be inevitable.
[ A dire way of looking at it, but a logical one. They've been fading away as a species for over a thousand years. The hatchlings might make it but they won't be as hearty. That's why continuing a study of it might help. ]
[He got a flute from Aster (and something else way more valuable) but that's an odd little treasure and something that is weirdly just his, well before the whole upcoming Wintertide........ everything. It was a gift and it was His and it is still something that was just his.] It might be something, anyway.
[He thinks their fall at this point is what is actually inevitable. Anything they do really feels like it is just prolonging things but...
Maybe.
Maybe if they can just extend the life of the Nether for their own benefit...]
I think ... we should try. I'll see what Yenna and I can glean from the cure, maybe we can come up with something that's a stopgap. We might have to consult other people who were there with us, hard to say. But I really hate the idea of watching a species die out.
[ And if he and Lucifer do end up living here a long time, if they're lucky, they'll have to witness it in person. He doubts it would take more than another century or so, if the decline continues. This was a stopgap. He doesn't have a lot of faith. Some things are inevitable but they don't have to be. ]
I liked them. Probably the most of the cultures we met here so far.
[ The Fey were interesting, for certain, and probably would provide the most complete protection from the outside world if need be. But they weren't very trustworthy, it seemed a little bit like a game. The Lunae have done nothing wrong, but their conflict with Ikorr isn't great. He liked the Draconae. Simple, honestly. ]
A lot of people with different specializations were involved with all that. Make sure you're checking with people from other worlds, not just your own. [Lucifer's 2-cent special.]
It'd be boring to move in and all our neighbors were dead. [A consideration for the future comes with a morbid twist.
Eh.
Better than nothing.] I'm going to go loom over Urianger's class. [Perch in the window at the time Urianger just happens to be teaching.] Enjoy your scrap paper.
( The package left outside of Istredd's door is simple, but inside is a pair of plain gloves, made from pure cotton -- archivist gloves. The embroidery around the cuffs is in a blue that matches the color of Istredd's eyes: books, open and shut, with swirls coming off of them akin to stylized magic. )
Thank you for your friendship and your work as my mentor in both magic and Thorne itself. I am forever grateful. Yours in magic, - Jill Warrick
[the package is non-descript, but it's definitely big enough to pique the curiosity of the recipient as to open it as soon as possible. it's definitely been checked through, tied up back into its box after the fact. inside, an amount of homemade goods have been stacked atop each other: candles, soaps, and moisturizing lotions. this would already spell out who it is from, if a similar package has been received, in the past.
a neat box lies at the bottom, though, and once unwrapped, it'll reveal a quaint and heavy book holder designed as an owl. wanda imagines that, just like his horizon, istredd must have way too many books in his own room or desk, in thorne.
It is a source of comfort to me to know thee and thy vast depths of knowledge are close. I wish thee only the best for the coming year, and peace of heart in the aftermath of our return to the island.
Warmest wishes,
Urianger Augurelt
( Istredd's package contains a pair of gloves not dissimilar to this, however the pair Urianger had commissioned are a touch more elegant, and feature gold stitching with a subtle embossed swirl of stars across the back of each hand. The inside is lined with a silky kind of fur; Istredd will be able to keep his hands warm while conducting Precision Reading and Research. Happy Dimming! )
I'm glad. Also that him and Kelson seem to be getting along well.
[ He generally doesn't like when younger people are Summoned, but since Kelson's already here - it's nice for him to have someone close to his own age. ]
Next time try breathing exercises with her and grounding techniques. She needs to be present in her own body, feet on the ground, air in the lungs, centered. It's not a cure but it can help when overwhelmed.
I was never out of control like that because I was trained from a younger age than her, but if I had my abilities in the Pit, I would have gone insane.
[ So for her, how could she do anything other than lose it on the island? ]
It will, until she learns how to use them. It won't be as bad around here, she won't have to worry about the psychic imprint of the dead, but she's probably picking up on people's minds and memories all over the place in the castle.
Himeka drew it and tried to do a ritual, which I did NOT TELL HER TO DO, and nearly suffocated from some kind of strange substance. I managed to get her out, but needless to say, the rune has power. Probably divine power. No one recognized it from Solvunn though that I asked.
If Soroya and Babis are both correct about what this artifact could be, we really need to find it safely.
I don't disagree that it's worse if a third or fourth party is aware of its existence now, but if it is an object of great power, it would be like destroying the Singularity. Unwise and potentially disastrous.
But yes, it doesn't matter if we can't find it. Then it will truly be out of anyone's hands but the thief.
I knew there was a god here, as soon as I saw the rune. We theorized there were two people who may have had to put the work in for the ward and blood signature, but if one person had help from a god, it would be easy. There may be only one culprit.
You did get direct information out of a god, that's not common.
I get the connection for High Magic Presence to god, it's why I played at an attempt, but you have enough oddities from your own world just as much as I have the supernatural presence of mine to consider other options.
It may take off like a god, and it all may be unknown one way or another, but keep an open mind Istredd and don't get blinded. That's how you get in trouble.
I'm not blinded. You and Himeka both used High Magic and runes and got a response, from what we know in this sphere that is evidence of the gods. I'm not saying it's impossible there are other creatures or entities here, but this is from our active experience here.
It doesn't seem very normal that the vampires commune with gods. There is some argument to be made then that this is a unique one. Perhaps more directly tied with the artifact. I looked again at the pantheon and see no one who would stand out for that tone.
It might be. But I did make some 'comment' about about being trapped in the Horizon Labyrinth in thinking they might be connected and they thought it amusing.
So if they're trapped in an iteration of that domain or that artifact, they're quite the hypocrite.
[Which means Lucifer has zero sympathy.
And even if he did
Well
Lucifer is also a hypocrite and literally tried to re-lockup his aunt in a tormenting Cage quite like Lucifer's own so
It seems much more likely they are very aware and playing around. To what end, I wonder. And did the person who call upon them know much of anything? If we're dealing with vampires, they might be an amateur at this. Which calls me to mind what happened with the heralds in the first place. People not knowing what they were doing and enticing three gods to come cause havoc.
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Nocwich - The Assignment
Date: 2022-08-17 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 03:14 am (UTC)She is good in a fight but if she's outnumbered, she could be in real danger. I am concerned, although she would hate me for saying so.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 03:37 am (UTC)[ Thus why his anxiety level is very high. ]
We can't take the chance, Stephen and I are going to do the cards here, it should be easy. Are you safe?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 02:49 pm (UTC)Nov. 14th
Date: 2022-11-28 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-28 08:38 pm (UTC)1/3
Date: 2022-11-28 09:55 pm (UTC)2/3
Date: 2022-11-28 09:56 pm (UTC)3/3
Date: 2022-11-28 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-28 10:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-29 10:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-30 08:50 pm (UTC)Or there's always the Horizon, which frankly might be better. Regardless Lucifer returns to their room, makes fingerguns at his guard now on duty, and spins into the room like a rock star that quickly dissolves once the door is closed.
He just looks at Istredd and holds up his arms in the worst approximation of a shrug. "Ehhh. So that was fun."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-30 09:11 pm (UTC)"My wards are already very strong, if I add anything right now they'll suspect we are being particularly questionable. If we go into the Horizon, they'll also think you're hiding something."
It is his instinct, to protect them further from whatever is going on, but he knows it's unwise if Lucifer is under close watch at the moment. Anything additional will throw a flag, and they have to assume he is being watched by more than a guard. Istredd frowns and raises his eyebrows at him.
"We'll have to assume they hold. What in the world is happening?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-30 09:30 pm (UTC)Well.
Six months ago he would have, actually.
"And I may have ahhh... tweaked a nerve when they were questioning me about maybe if they had just given us actual information on the gods then maybe things like this wouldn't have happened." He knows that was a bad play. He is very much aware that the comment was what sealed his fate because in order to scramble back up out of it he had to go heavy-handed with the truth. He claps his hands together and presses them tightly, tapping them at his pursed lips. "Soooo I told them the complete and whole truth and now I'm on house arrest for three days with a guard outside."
Can he leave it at that? No, unlikely. Is he going to try? Yes. So sue him, okay. He isn't purposely trying to be difficult it's just not exactly easy for him and he's already had a lovely conversation with Wilhelm on the way here so he's just a tad off-balance on top of the interrogation. Getting back to their room is the first chance he's had to actually breathe and he still hasn't even done that, not really.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-01 01:56 pm (UTC)Not only because of the start of the war but followed by the Heralds. Although he feels as if claiming the gods were to blame was reasonable enough of an excuse or any sort of odd behavior, it's not as if the Summoned alone experienced the effects. He puts his papers into a pile, in an order that only he really understands, and shrugs at Lucifer's confession.
"It may surprise you to know that back home I have a bit of a reputation for not shutting my mouth when frustrated by people in power spreading ignorance. My former mentor Stregobor really hates when I'm around to call him a liar in public."
Stregobor, who has been haunting him a great deal recently. Istredd means surprise in terms of him seeming so calm and centered at all times, and he mostly is. Especially in an unknown place surrounded by unknown people. He is playing the quiet game here.
"That being said, I do that in my home, surrounded by mages that I know. Not the precarious situation we find ourselves in. We're not going to get any information that way, Lucifer. The only way to get anywhere here is to suck up and earn their trust. Not something that I think either of us will excel at."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-01 05:40 pm (UTC)"I am typically good at keeping my mouth shut when I know I need to!"
Apparently not when he's concerned with the safety of others. What's up with that? Why are people so up in arms about connections when it provides them with such weakness?
"Their new brand of sensitivity is why I'm worried. They might pull the kid in to corroborate our story and he definitely doesn't have a handle on his emotions on a normal day. He's got... Other things he needs to keep from them." A sharp look, reminiscent to when he talked to Wanda. Lucifer will not elaborate on that any further. "And I talked to him before I talked to you. For all his hatred for me, I think I got him to listen to what was important, which is to focus and lean into what I did."
And worst case throw Lucifer to the wolves. He gave that weapon to a timebomb and the kid might lob it off even if he doesn't need it. He likely should warn Istredd about that, but it must be better not to know. Safer for Istredd's reputation, anyway, right?
no subject
Date: 2022-12-01 10:43 pm (UTC)"Lucifer. Listen to me."
He puts his hands together in an almost prayer gesture but he is not praying so much as really hoping he can get his friend to shut up for a few seconds. They are in a high-pressure situation but he seems as calm as ever. This is close to how he handled Wanda in an emotional state too.
"We are not going to let anything happen to the boy. If we can't help him, I will ask Yennefer and Stephen for help."
They have the power to do so and Istredd sounds very confident in his ability to get at least one or both to be willing. Yennefer is far more difficult to get, it's unlikely she'll stick out her neck, but he knows angles for that. Stephen is far more empathic. Either way, he is focused on calming his friend down.
"The Summoned will not sit there idly while they put one of our children into a dungeon. If the worst happens, we'll handle it."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-01 11:20 pm (UTC)At least one of them is calm, though he thinks he's only really seen Istredd out-of-sorts once. The growing number of people who have seen Lucifer out-of-sorts, more than once, is rising at an alarming, uncomfortable rate.
Yay Abraxas.
The boy is hopefully going to do the selfish thing and help himself before he gets thrown into the dungeons and then Lucifer is going to be the one who's screwed. He should have worded things a little differently so that he didn't also get himself shot in the foot in the process, but it isn't as though Wilhelm would use a kinder option.
Wanda can't split open reality to another of his cells when she's all the way in Solvunn.
"He'll be fine," Lucifer says, but he doesn't sound at all like he's successfully convincing himself.
He remembers Yennefer in her alchemy lab. He thinks of them as similar people. He thinks of how he would be, unchanged, significantly injured because of a defensive spell gone wrong. Doesn't matter that Wilhelm didn't mess it up on purpose. He would have previously let the kid rot for his it.
He'd like to think Yennefer wouldn't, but he's not so confident in that. Stephen was supposedly the kid's teacher; how does that failure reflect on him? Would he allow it to?
It's cute that Istredd thinks they'd come to the kid's aid but Lucifer is only beginning to have sparks of trust in others. Asking him to, what, bank on faith in others? To do the right thing? What a joke.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 10:02 am (UTC)"We'll figure it out. There is nothing we can do until we know if he is taken in or not. I sent him a message and will try to reassure him."
Istredd wonders if it would be best if he at least attempts to play the game at some point so he can have some sway. But it simply is not his best skill. Yennefer and Stephen are good at it, he can see that easily. So is Rhy. They have key people who are trying and succeeding. He has to focus his attention on where he believes it matters, the big picture. So most of this concern is on Lucifer's behalf.
"It would be helpful to know what he did outside of be upset in public, as that seems hardly a big enough deal for true difficulty." Lucifer did give him a look but Istredd does not actually care for looks in search of logical truth.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 10:08 pm (UTC)Is he really about to do this?
"I can't tell you that," he says, more to his hand than Istredd. He can't trust the warding that far. His hand slides away and he leans back and meets, and holds, Istredd's gaze. "But."
This might be a very bad idea. Whatever minds Istredd is used to actually dipping into, they still aren't the minds of an archangel.
But, he slightly reaches up and taps a hand to the side of his head in indication, continuing to maintain that eye contact. Lucifer knows exactly what he's offering.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-04 11:22 am (UTC)He inclines his head in understanding and sits on his bed. Eye contact actually helps since it requires him moving past Lucifer's defenses and doing that through the eyes makes it very smooth. It's one of the very first magical lessons he had.
Depending on how Lucifer's mind conversations or telepathy has gone before, he'll find this is just as gentle as he would expect from the quiet mage. Gentle but strong at the same time, wielding it well, although he knows little of what he'd find, but Istredd is as steady as he seems.
What happened with Wilhelm?
no subject
Date: 2022-12-04 06:04 pm (UTC)Because this is more of a show versus tell scenario and for Lucifer to do that he has to pull Istredd in; those memories are far too fortified for anything else.
It'll prove just how tough Istredd's mind is.
Considering the last person to root around in his head was Apocalypse Michael, this is way better at least on Lucifer's side.
Istredd though... The problem is there's too much there, even with Lucifer allowing this to happen. Drawing down his own mental defenses further than he would like, but the information Istredd needs is so ungodly layered that they have to crack through the membrane of his mind.
This is not something Lucifer would ever do under normal circumstances.
But Istredd's right, and those words? Cannot be spoken aloud, cannot be written down, and the Horizon is still too risky.
His usual obfuscating white noise rises up like thousands of insect wings buzzing before that layer draws away to impossibly molten heat, the white-hot fires of Hell crumpling to the ever-expanding, ever-twisting unholy nebula. Neurons firing off, sparking radiance, so much contained power and yet everything is just a little dim, like some of the lights had burned out.
He's so far from what he should be in power.
From there, after getting deep into the alien mind, the rest is easy. A memory swept out of a cosmos and brought forth in offering. Murky at first except for Thorne's gardens, the other figure blurred, but rapidly coming into focus as his irate mood grows with a fire Lucifer feels a kinship towards.
And then the memory becomes crystal clear. It plays through the scene, death threat and all, and breaks away after Kell says 'He lit it on fire, that's what happened to it' and then it too burns away from hellfire, quickly replaced with a clipped second one.
Istredd will be able to recognize Wanda easily standing before Lucifer. There's no more than a hum of exhausted thoughts directed towards her. But the man sitting in the background that Istredd would not recognize... he has dozens of unrealized, incomplete thoughts circling him.
'He did something. A mistake, but it's Thorne. Age doesn't matter to them. A Summoned is a Summoned. They'll destroy him.'
And that memory falls away, not on fire like the first, but simply fading, accompanied by the slow roll of distant thunder.
It's very clear that Lucifer has no belief that being seventeen and making a mistake will offer Wilhelm any protection, and that's emphasized by the last, also brief, memory.
This is a strange one, as it's Lucifer talking to Istredd himself, the simple sentence that's been fished out encapsulating all of Lucifer's... concerns: 'Thorne was looking for any excuse real or fabricated.'
They don't need much to hang a Summoned out.
All they need is a scapegoat, and a narrative to spin. Lucifer's favorite kind of story.
That memory remains as simply an echo between them as Lucifer pulls back into himself, the layers all packing in nicely. If Istredd doesn't take this unusual opportunity to "weigh in" Lucifer will pull around the final layer, that faint droning nothingness, and take to rubbing at his temple, quiet.
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Date: 2022-12-04 08:13 pm (UTC)His mental shields are what spares him the real danger that could happen because they've been in place and fortified so consistently that it would take a lot to chip them away entirely. His personal wards are protection although he does experience the white noise, the confusing heat and visions, but he is wrapped up and parses through. Slower than he would a human mind, though, but still managing.
In fact, once he gets to the memories, that is far easier. The other parts are confusing and curious, but memory sharing is familiar to him. Even under this amount of pressure, as he continues pushing power into his shields. He'll likely have a headache after this, to say the least, but he manages to balance.
The memory with Kell at least gives him the clearest answer, he picks up on the suggestion that Wilhelm set fire to the card instead of using it. So he accidentally led to Yennefer's shield not being as strong as it should be. It was unintentional, but the consequences still happened, and that leaves him with the understanding it won't matter. The queen's lover died after that situation, which led to the start of the war. Lucifer isn't concerned about the heralds, it's about what could be revealed after further questioning.
Istredd doesn't take advantage of the moment to go deeper or hold them there, he can feel Lucifer pulling back, but what he does do before he retreats is use his own telempathy to push something back at him. Not a memory, not thoughts, but feelings. Understanding. A shared concern for Wilhelm now that he saw. And something he gave Wanda before: support. A warm unconditional and undefinable sensation of care that is similar to the hand on Lucifer's back from the wall that day.
And then he pulls back and he's back to his own mind. Istredd does wince after a moment and rubs his temples, mostly as his mind rights itself and adapts to what was surely an alien and bizarre experience. He's shared memories and feelings easily his whole life, but it is different this way. Blue eyes fix on his friend, pensive.
"I think it may be a wise idea for more of the Thorne Summoned to meet not in a public ballroom, but in a warded space that exists." He means Kylo Ren's room, which still stands even without the man here. The only space he knows of that is protected.
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Date: 2022-12-06 01:46 am (UTC)"At least as far as public spaces go it could be worse," he says. Enough bodies, enough moving around. Keep things low, keep things quiet, under the guise of a fun little shindig. "But it may be wise. Even if it was further down the road, after they've settled in." Lord, he's actually going to say--"Team Meeting. They can't fault us for that, right?" Can't be mad at their right to assembly.
... problem is, Thorne very much could.
He hums, shaking his head, already partially dismissing that. For all intents and purposes he's loyal to Thorne, only out of necessity, and only until they no longer serve a purpose to him. "A meeting to make sure everyone is on the up-and-up." Doesn't have to be what it is, just what they say in case any officials ask; and they don't need any officials present because everyone would be much more likely to "fix their mistakes" if it was Summoned Only.
He just wishes he knew if there were any other "untrustworthy" Summoned other than, well, himself. He doesn't care if someone is going to sell them out to Free Cities or Solvunn; he just needs them to be safe from Thorne.
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Date: 2022-12-07 10:30 pm (UTC)Istredd is daunted by the public meetings of course, and he knows they are very carefully watched and spied upon, which is simply expected. They have the study that Kylo Ren created, and it would be possible for a group of them to meet there as one. Not only in their quiet side talks. There is too much fear and threat hanging over this place.
"The Horizon is an option, obviously, but I am not thinking of a situation where other factions should come. Respectfully, there are topics very Thorne-centric, given our circumstances, that only we would understand."
They are the ones more or less being held under close capture. He knows in the other locations they can move around freely, easily go to other cities, and even if they are watched, it isn't the aggressive way it happens here. It also wouldn't be wise to concern the other factions while they still have yet to talk about it.
"I feel as if unity would be very useful among the Summoned here. The boy should not be your sole concern, he should be all of our concern. But we are disconnected more than from what I've heard of the others."
Which makes no sense as they are all living literally next door to each other, not spread around. But they cannot meet safely. That is a major part of it. Istredd sighs and rubs his hands over his face, that migraine definitely starting. Lucifer's mind was strong. He feels heavy.
"Not that I know how to fix it."
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Date: 2022-12-16 12:26 am (UTC)He picks and pulls a thread out of the blanket beneath him and wraps it around his fingers as he fidgets with it, unaware he's even doing so as he thinks. The Horizon is certainly a problem. As much as he doesn't want to risk Thorne officials getting suspicious, he'd rather that than other factions eavesdropping about their shit.
"I don't think the other factions really understand the trouble we have here." Wanda didn't. He could see it on her face when he explained his concerns about Wilhelm. For as much as Lucifer acts he's quickly come to terms with needing whatever he has in Thorne to be stable. One wrong move from a Thorne Summoned could be catastrophic for the rest of them.
Even Lucifer can't afford that.
"There's still many of the Summoned here I haven't," bothered to, "interacted with." He'd like to think he has what he needs. But then... while Lucifer isn't exactly loyal to Thorne himself, there's a time and a place for disloyalty. And if he hasn't interacted with all their Summoned then he doesn't know where any of them stand.
That's dangerous.
"Unity would serve to do us well. Trust is a problem though." And Lucifer knows he's just at fault for that. "It'd be nice to think that even if we all had different goals that we wouldn't get each other killed." Look, he hasn't tried to kill Jack outside of a nightmare space! And he's very, very much wanted to!
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Date: 2022-12-16 03:16 am (UTC)He rubs at his temples, there is a lingering ache from Lucifer's mind. It reminds him of times he's pushed himself too much that way, so it's interesting to feel like he pushed to a breaking point with a single mind. Fascinating, really. He would ask more about it, but the whole reason they had to do it that way was to avoid eavesdropping.
"Gods, I really don't want to have to start becoming social, Lucifer. Logically it is a good idea, we should move to align goals and to find a page we can all survive from, but I am not built for this."
Istredd rarely is this blunt or honest about his shortcomings although that's because he rarely has anyone to talk to about it. He has been in his own company too long, with no one really to answer to, and he finds himself in a situation where he should've paid more attention in his court classes. Yuck.
"You're charming and charismatic, could you tone down the attitude?" One of them can maybe be functional!
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Date: 2022-12-16 06:09 am (UTC)That will stick with him.
"No."
It's a whine. Hundred-percent a whine. He drops his hands from their fidgeting and for a moment looks like the most petulant child, not a billions-year-old entity.
His "attitude" is what keeps him sane.
"I socialize strictly out of necessity to get what I want from people." He's told Istredd that people are easy. That they're a game. He'd stopped himself from saying more on that branch, but he doesn't feel like he has to anymore if pushed, even at risk of being overheard. Thorne knows some of what he is now; they shouldn't be surprised by his methods. "I don't do small talk."
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Date: 2022-12-16 06:20 am (UTC)Istredd rolls his eyes at the whine. It is fine to say no, it is a big ask for Istredd to try and force his friend into being the social one because it's uncomfortable for him to do it. So that's perfectly reasonable. It's the petulance that makes him wonder if he shouldn't have said charming at all.
There is a pause after that and he stares at Lucifer for a few long seconds, the wheels in his head turning. "What is it precisely that you want out of me?" Istredd is not asking if this started because he does want something. He assumes that he is not the exception. Lucifer wanted something so he tolerated the quiet nerd living in his space. That's fine.
why are you like this lucifer
Date: 2022-12-16 06:52 am (UTC)Really, if Istredd should ever have the unfortunate luck of meeting his Father one day, he would see the uncanny similarities between the two. Like Eternal Creator, like Satanic Son.
But then Istredd asks the question that Lucifer did in fact walk himself into and he, still in that childish sort of behavior, thumps his back down onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling with a bit of a groan. In the way that Lucifer's attitude is a constant pendulum though, the behavior is dropped in an instant, like it was physically sucked out of the room. Lucifer is holding one arm up perfectly straight, tracing a symbol in the air that Istredd wouldn't recognize and is simply another nonsense sigil connected to Lucifer.
"Honestly, you were simply a placeholder," he starts, his voice devoid of much of anything. "The simplest of uses. Far less 'diabolical' than Wilhelm." He continues drawing air symbols until Istredd might recognize Abraxas' Devil arcana, and maybe might make the connection to the rest. "I had to move rooms constantly in order to avoid something absurd like having a roommate. It was exhaustive. You held up decent, worthwhile conversation, and I doubted you'd stab me in my sleep. Win-win."
He drops his hand and drags himself back up to a sitting position, slow, like the walking dead him and Kyle had fought off. Unnatural. There's a soft, almost firelight glow to his eyes and he tilts his head and looks to Istredd, and despite the two enchanted logs providing them heat, for a moment there is nothing but cold. Ice particulars creeping up the window. He leans in, voice a brittle whisper, "What if I told you I was using you to get to Yennefer?"
Lucifer, always trying to find a way to shatter a good thing. Some useless, archaic piece of him innately telling him that the devil isn't deserving of nice things.
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Date: 2022-12-16 02:01 pm (UTC)"I'm slightly annoyed it wasn't the obvious. I'm a mage and can make wards, I can be useful and add a layer of protection. Placeholder. Disappointing." Not that he thinks the initial want to have a roommate he can tolerate was a bad one. But he's always been underestimated, and maybe back home there were reasons for that, but here he has turned out to be more useful. His power and control of it very strong.
It's strange how Lucifer is acting then, so cold and closed off, and Istredd isn't particularly sure why this revelation is supposed to matter more. "I would say first that you don't understand our relationship, because I am extremely low on her list of priorities or concerns." That is a mixture of his bitterness and low self-esteem talking. He doesn't think she would care whether he lives or dies. But he didn't indicate their exes state at first.
"And I would say second that I hope you don't mean get as in trying to kill her or ... woo her. Because that would be far more offensive." If Lucifer wanted Yennefer dead, that did make him an enemy, and Istredd does not like that idea at all. He would be far warier about this. Yennefer may not give a fuck about him, but he does about her. And then there would be the sting and slight jealousy of being used to get with her.
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Date: 2022-12-16 10:27 pm (UTC)Of course.
"I only knew your expertise a few months ago, idiot," he snaps. Sure, it's because Lucifer never bothered to ask because he hardly saw the importance. But despite the tone there is an attempt to make Istredd feel better about that because look. Look. Mages alone didn't matter to him, okay?
The man is still an idiot, he thinks. He revealed his connection to Yennefer almost immediately and while innocuous the continued information about their world and structure provides a value in itself. Nothing more than barbs to be used as weapons, but all you need is a single one to land just the right way for it to make an impact. Yennefer, while keeping herself closed up, has a leak that she may or may not realize to be Istredd.
"Do you know how many people share worlds?" he says, having not yet cracked, because this is important. "It isn't about relationships. She's a guarded personality and you're a thread about her life that she can't control." He doesn't know if that's enough to make Istredd understand. It's all Lucifer is willing to outright say.
He will not voice the true value of Yennefer to him. That's too weighty, almost as much as Wilhelm for different reasons. Yennefer is the closest to the queen of any Summoned, and a constant insult to High Mage Ambrose as someone that had deemed many of the original Summoned as "mistakes" to be locked up. That position Lucifer lauded as the most important cog in Thorne.
Now though...
It isn't until Istredd suggests that it was about wooing Yennefer that Lucifer breaks, a loud, almost disturbed scoff jolting his frozen posture and the glow to his eyes cutting out. The room temperature is immediately swallowed up by the heat, but the frost takes some time to recede.
"Woo her? God, no. I am not interested in this hooking up thing humans do." Ugh. Ugh! The mere suggestion. He knows they're exes and good on them for whatever but nope. No thanks. "I'll tell you some other time." A Nocwich trip, maybe. Away from here and untrustworthy walls. "It doesn't matter now."
For the moment, anyway. That could change down the road, just as much as anything. And maybe that's why part of him does want Istredd to know, eventually. But the in-the-moment is what matters.
He smooths a tired hand over his face. "I'm worried about her, Istredd." Which had better never get back to her. "She's too much like me." All that survival no matter the cost, all that bundled emotion, all the razor-edged wrath like Lucifer in this room, all the breaking points that they hope aren't there if they just ignore them hard enough.
All the possibility for self-destruction.
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Date: 2022-12-16 11:06 pm (UTC)He looks relieved at the reassurance no wooing was happening. Istredd has a bias since he's been in love with Yennefer most of his life, so he assumes everyone wants her. He suspects she has lovers and/or admirers here, and that is only reasonable, he wouldn't say a word about it or against it. It's her life. But he is very glad it doesn't include his roommate. He does have limits. He notes that Lucifer indicates he's not interested in people like that in general, a fact to remember.
Istredd knows at least one or two major things about Yennefer that would make her very vulnerable, and he would never say a word about it. That he doesn't need a spell to shut his mouth for. His devotion and love for her is absolute, and the situation with her magic is something he is hoping to help fix. He won't stop trying to fix it.
"Gods, if that's true, it is just my luck to be wrapped up in both of you." If they are that much alike, and they are the two most important people to him, what does that say about his taste in the people he's drawn to? He is so different from them in every possible way. "She will be fine. Both of you will be fine. If I have faith in anything, it's that if the worst happens and the Singularity is destroying everything, somehow the two of you will survive."
He would say like cockroaches if he knew what they were. But it isn't an insult or anything. Yennefer's ability to survive is something he's glad for, it is why he had such a hard time accepting she was dead before, and then he turned out to be right and she was still alive.
"You don't have to get so defensive. I'm not mad that you had reasons for tolerating me. Don't we all."
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Date: 2022-12-17 12:02 am (UTC)He glances away from Istredd to the window, the last of the frost melting away.
He almost tells Istredd that being so close to the two of them will no doubt get him burned one day. He doesn't. Istredd likely already knows, if he's been around Yennefer for as long as he has. Add Lucifer to the mix, well. There's a wildfire.
But he does bristle at being called defensive, like it makes him even more defensive. He sniffs, shaking it off. "Truly, it's a wonder you tolerate me." Is his self-loathing showing? Ha, ha, ha, hilarious.
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Date: 2022-12-17 12:15 am (UTC)"I don't tolerate you, I like you. Even if you did just give me a bad headache and told me you saw me as a placeholder."
He is going to just be annoying as fuck by countering Lucifer's defensiveness with honesty and teasing him about his cold explanation of why they started interacting. Istredd is fairly certain this headache is going to last him until tomorrow but that is fine. He'd love to go back into his head, to be honest, but he is definitely not going to saky as much.
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Date: 2022-12-17 12:23 am (UTC)It has nothing to do with his original actions!
(Give it time and maybe he'll come to terms with the truth.)
"Be happy you only got a headache." Is he glossing over the 'I like you' comment? Yes. Yes, he is. "I assumed you might turn out to be braindead." He says it like it's a joke but there is the barest visibility to actual concern there, but they didn't have much choice.
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Date: 2022-12-17 12:31 am (UTC)"Someone less qualified than I am very well could have." He is still being careful not to indicate what it was that they did in case someone is listening in. Although he very much doubts they are. He would feel the brush of spells if that was the case, but it's better to be safe. "It was fascinating though. Beautiful, in a way."
Apparently you have a beautiful mind, Lucifer.
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Date: 2022-12-17 01:21 am (UTC)It's been a long time since anyone referred to any part of him a beautiful. The angels, despite everything he'd done to them, still saw something there. Maybe spitefully. But he's been sunk so far from his own kind that everyone else only sees the monster. The demons, Sam, Rowena.
It was his true form and multiple faces that followed him in mockery, and because of the proximity to that event he doesn't just flippantly say 'of course it is.' Instead, Istredd gets the extremely eloquent, "Uh. Thanks."
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Date: 2022-12-17 01:33 am (UTC)Istredd pauses when he realizes what he said and that it might be, well, bizarre. He flusters a little, having not (as usual) thought before he spoke. "Sorry, I know that must seem like a strange compliment."
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Date: 2022-12-17 05:22 am (UTC)Could be nice.
"No it's--fine." He waves Istredd off. For him honestly it's not bizarre. It didn't used to be, anyway. "Thank you in... general, really." For more than tolerating him, for Wilhelm, for whatever partnership they've found themselves in that Lucifer is still learning how to handle.
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Date: 2022-12-20 01:38 am (UTC)"You're welcome in general, really." He smiles faintly along with a slightly teasing tone. "I ... like having someone count on me. It's new."
wrap here or the next?
Date: 2022-12-21 06:01 am (UTC)Emotionally wrung-out, he flops down to his side. Better than the last time he dropped back, but Lucifer is very much more cat than bird most days, and his constant ways of movement prove it. He might sleep. He might dip into the Horizon anyway. He has some books here but three days in confinement is enough to make him twitchy, even if it's their room, even if he gets Istredd to bring him something.
He's going to be hell to live with towards the backend of it, regardless.
"Say hello to the outside world for me," he says, as though he actually has much of a social presence on a good day.
here!
Date: 2022-12-21 11:55 pm (UTC)Negotiations, Day 3
Date: 2022-12-30 07:00 pm (UTC)Crafting animals even for him isn't easy and it would take time, so these are more animate objects than creatures.
But the next time Istredd comes to his domain it will be full of ravens.
The pettiest conspiracy.]
Backdated to early January 1st
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Date: 2023-01-13 04:38 am (UTC)[He's thinking of the golden serpents glimpsed during their recent sea voyage, coiling up from the waves and out into the stars. They'd seemed formidable creatures.]
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Date: 2023-01-16 04:21 am (UTC)the boy got grounded
Date: 2023-01-25 02:50 am (UTC)it's settled relatively quickly]
So the kid got "put in timeout" for trying to use his definitely-now-confirmed emotion-transfer-whatever ability when guards pulled him aside for questioning but he's fine.
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Date: 2023-01-25 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 03:04 am (UTC)[So. It was on purpose.]
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:21 am (UTC)He just started being willing to use his magic intentionally and this is how he decides to do it? I didn't realize I also had to communicate that the guards here have magical defenses.
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:25 am (UTC)Why do you think I was so worried about him getting pulled?
He's not in the dungeons at least; he said they put him in some room until the morning. [Lucifer really wants to know about that room but there's no way Wilhelm will be able to figure out anything about it.] So it could've been much worse.
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:34 am (UTC)[ Just. Baffled. Why are teenagers? ]
Clearly I had a different teenage experience, as all we were trying to do was keep living and not become an eel.
[ This is the first time he's mentioned the eels. ]
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:42 am (UTC)All in. Good humor, really.
Look, he's been dealing with this kid since Day 1 of Abraxas. Alllllllll the drama and angst and stupidity.
Welcome to the party, Istredd! You basically chose this, twice over. Once because of general magic-instructing bullshit and twice because you chose Lucifer and therefore inherited Lucifer's Problems(/people).
But the laughing is cut by instant confusion.]
... I'm sorry, eels?
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:45 am (UTC)You become a mage, die, or become an eel.
[ THIS IS VERY NORMAL DON'T @ HIM. ]
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Date: 2023-01-25 03:59 am (UTC)But eels????? REALLY?
HOW IS THIS WHAT ISTREDD CONSIDERS NORMAL?]
Okay but....... why eels. Why specifically eels.
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:13 am (UTC)[ Istredd focuses and mentally shows him a glowing structure. ]
I didn't ask, the intention was to become a mage.
[ And therefore not worry about eels or death. Survival was very key to all mages from the day they were taken. ]
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:25 am (UTC)[It might actually be the first time Istredd's shown him something rather than felt.
It's just. Vaguely surprising, is all. Lucifer's the one that operates with imagery when he can, easier than to lead down the tumbling rabbit hole of his thoughts.]
Glad you didn't become an eel.
[This is, unfortunately, followed by an odd imagination of a slithering eel in Istredd's bed with a very concrete placeholder?, laughing thought.]
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:32 am (UTC)He smiles at the almost sweet reply and then laughs at the image. There's amusement in their bond. It's ridiculous. ]
Would you like me better if I was silent and slithery?
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:33 am (UTC)[It's his brand, okay.]
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 04:43 am (UTC)I was the snake the slithered into the Garden of Eden. Good times.
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Date: 2023-01-25 04:28 pm (UTC)[ All things Istredd like about him. ]
A literal snake? You shapeshifted?
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Date: 2023-01-25 10:28 pm (UTC)[There's a minor underlying of sadness at the word 'trickster', but it's outweighed by his pride at his ability.]
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 01:15 am (UTC)Enchantments though, that I'm interested in learning.
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:16 am (UTC)I hope Wilhelm learned a lesson from this.
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:34 am (UTC)I'm serious!
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:44 am (UTC)[Speaking from experience? Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.]
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:51 am (UTC)well
he knows those best]
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:54 am (UTC)Maybe I should teach him how to detect magical defenses so he'll know better the next time he thinks of it.
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Date: 2023-01-26 01:55 am (UTC)That's actually a good idea.
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Date: 2023-01-26 03:03 am (UTC)Well.
[ Ha ha. ]
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Date: 2023-01-26 03:10 am (UTC)It's not completely his fault; Istredd very carefully stems it from his thoughts at all times.]
I'm always Very Intelligent, obviously.
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Date: 2023-01-26 03:23 am (UTC)[Almost insinuating that Istredd is smarter than him in some aspects.]
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Date: 2023-01-26 03:41 am (UTC)If it's only a 'detect magic' spell, I can live with that. He doesn't strike me as very interested in magical rocks.
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Date: 2023-01-26 04:02 am (UTC)He's gotta have some shortcomings. No respect for your magic rocks. Is that teenage rebellion? I don't know. Few people, really, respect your rock love. [Lucifer has been one of them since before Istredd so. There's that. Right?]
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Date: 2023-01-26 08:20 pm (UTC)If it's a teenage rebellion, everyone I know is in the middle of a teenage rebellion. I'm used to being the only one. At least here there are other people interested in the Singularity.
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Date: 2023-01-28 12:38 am (UTC)[ Amused. ]
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Date: 2023-01-28 12:45 am (UTC)There's a use to this one!
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Date: 2023-01-28 01:04 am (UTC)I didn't say it was a bad thing, Lucifer.
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Date: 2023-01-28 01:11 am (UTC)Istredd only gets a mental huff.]
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Date: 2023-01-28 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-28 01:38 am (UTC)Did you find it? [The painting.
Did not make any actual comment of 'our domain.']
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Date: 2023-01-28 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-28 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-28 01:54 am (UTC)I like how you managed to make our endless theorizing look almost organized.
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Date: 2023-01-31 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-02-10 05:38 am (UTC)[He seems real put out about it.]
But I don't want to be imprisoned.
They really do take all the fun out of it.
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Date: 2023-02-10 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-02-17 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-02-17 02:30 pm (UTC)I would like to show Michael this if I could. He shared information about Solvunn's rituals without being prompted, he may see something.
[ He knows Lucifer is still twitchy about his brother, but this is pure logic. ]
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Date: 2023-02-22 02:35 am (UTC)[which is as close to 'permission' as Istredd is going to get]
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Date: 2023-02-22 02:37 am (UTC)Thank you. It's a good conspiracy board.
after Geralt's "drop off"
Date: 2023-04-01 10:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-01 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-02 01:36 am (UTC)You can't keep it.
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Date: 2023-04-02 01:49 am (UTC)I know, apparently it is supposed to be in the Free Cities. I have a suspicion who left it here, so when we leave, we will drop it off to that portal.
[ After a beat, a little wistful. ]
But no reason it has to go back this minute, right?
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Date: 2023-04-02 02:39 am (UTC)There's the mildest breakthrough in his static--which has improved in clearing up slightly now that Lucifer's slept a significant amount. Not nearly as much as he needs though. Rocking that displeased cat vibe.
However. There's a very, very begrudging response. Certainly someone that Does Not Believe emotional support animals are a thing.]
Is it helping.
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Date: 2023-04-02 02:55 am (UTC)[ Meaning yes, somewhat. Istredd has spent a lot of his time since returning back in the Horizon or writing notes, he's seen almost feverishly distracted by his details, so having a purring creature grounding him in his body, not the worst thing. He did leave to check on some of the other Pit survivors. The feline-like companion meaning Lucifer himself, obviously.]
I met the other two angels, by the way.
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Date: 2023-04-02 04:25 am (UTC)currently so damn useful that Istredd can't tell the sudden brief withdrawal of Lucifer's thoughts
too much interference]
Ugh.
I know Castiel was in the pit. I asked him to look after the kids after he screeched in everyone's heads..
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Date: 2023-04-02 04:33 am (UTC)He did look out for them. Everyone did. You didn't think to mention either of us to each other?
[ Not that it would have changed anything. They still bonded regardless. ]
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Date: 2023-04-02 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2023-04-02 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-02 04:46 am (UTC)[ Every step of the way. Two peas in a pod. ]
He came into the library before, he asked about books on curses. I realize now it was about the Mark.
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-02 05:05 am (UTC)Don't worry, you're still my favorite angel. Although the kid is sweet.
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:10 am (UTC)Lucifer needs to get sleep for control over those thoughts alone]
He's going to get himself in trouble with that behavior.
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:17 am (UTC)Yes, he came across as very naive and too open.
[ Which of course only made Istredd like him more. ]
It's clear he is very young. Although everyone is younger than all of you.
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-02 05:23 am (UTC)[ Istredd has no idea that he has the wrong information about Jack, who told him he was Castiel's son like everyone else. He did almost young man Wilhelm in the pit. ]
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:37 am (UTC)'uncle role' what a load of full-blown crap this isn't fair
he's fine]
I ran into Jack a few days ago. So, maybe. I don't know.
How was Wilhelm? You said something about 'handling it.'
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Date: 2023-04-02 05:44 am (UTC)When he went through the ritual, he became indoctrinated. He started thinking they were the good guys and trying to convince people to join them. I don't know why it was different for him, but it made taking care of him harder. I don't know how much of it he remembers.
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Date: 2023-04-02 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-02 02:23 pm (UTC)[ He doesn't know that Kell felt bad about leaving him behind, as it was his choice and insistence. ]
Have you seen him yet?
technically he'd have seen them but y'know not threaded yet soooo *jazz hands*
Date: 2023-04-03 02:32 am (UTC)[fortunately for Istredd he has Lucifer to tell him all about Kell's Issues!!]
Yeah speaking of guilt though, Kell by the way was ridden with it when we found him. Thought he should have done more to save you even though you were dead set on dying if it'd get them out. [mm, bit accusatory there, whoops, backtrack] I logic'ed him around but I'm sure there's going to be a resurgence of it again at some point.
*jazz hands*
Date: 2023-04-03 02:36 am (UTC)[ Something Lucifer already guessed at and they both know to be true, but he's saying it out loud. ]
I was stabbed at the time and bleeding, I couldn't have made it with them anyway. I thought he understood.
[ AKA more proof that Istredd was positive he was going to die so he was doing what he could in those last few minutes. ]
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Date: 2023-04-03 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 02:55 am (UTC)[ Semantics. Istredd didn't think that Kell would hold onto guilt about that since it had been his request, and concern floods through him. He'll have to check in with the boy, make certain he understands it wasn't in any way his fault. ]
I'll talk to him. I can understand that leaving someone to die isn't easy no matter the reason.
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Date: 2023-04-03 03:00 am (UTC)I promise you he will not take it well.
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Date: 2023-04-03 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:17 am (UTC)It didn't stick from me. I have this funny suspicion he'll react negatively to it from you.
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Date: 2023-04-03 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:27 am (UTC)Is there a point in time when the static is going to stop?
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Date: 2023-04-03 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:39 am (UTC)(It's really not Istredd's fault, even as the primary source for an outlet now. Nocwich and Lucifer rarely go well.)]
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Date: 2023-04-03 03:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:55 am (UTC)I'm not going to get any real rest until we're back in Thorne.
Which is an abysmal prospect that I willingly would rather be in Thorne.
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:01 am (UTC)[ He means it a little jokingly, as if he could disallow Lucifer anything. ]
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:06 am (UTC)[Ambrose would love that.]
I don't think anyone stayed in Thorne. [Thorne Summoned mobilized. They were all each other's unhealthy shadows.] Doubt anyone's gone back yet either.
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:10 am (UTC)[ Someone squealed. ]
The kids need longer, they were badly damaged.
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:18 am (UTC)[He's going to lean into the hope that Istredd doesn't know the extent of Lucifer's Ambrose Incident. Re: actually getting imprisoned in the dungeons for a day.]
The benefit of teenagers is that their bodies will shake off the physical damage quicker than you'd expect.
It's the emotional damage that will take time.
[This is all laid out very methodical. Neutral, informational. Not so much a closing off of emotions as it is that alien nature of someone that knew how to break down souls.
Likely how his tone would have been when he told Istredd to weigh his pros and cons in the pit, had they access to the bond at the time.]
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:26 am (UTC)[ Therapy isn't really a thing in his sphere, and definitely not in the Brotherhood.]
You're an expert on surviving extensive mental trauma, any recommendations?
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Date: 2023-04-03 04:33 am (UTC)[If Istredd is implying Lucifer's own mental trauma heeeeeeeeeee........... wouldn't really call himself a survivor, nor someone ANYONE would want to take his "methods" from.]
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Date: 2023-04-03 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-04-03 03:26 pm (UTC)If I come back to the room, will you get a little sleep?
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Date: 2023-04-04 01:20 am (UTC)No.
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Date: 2023-04-04 01:28 am (UTC)[ Very Lucifer-like. ]
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Date: 2023-04-04 01:32 am (UTC)it's not his fault he's asleep before Istredd even shows, and it's the cat's own doing that it's there on its own.
his mind does settle, like it had been bracing itself, after Istredd shows. the static dims while he sleeps.]
I missed them so much
Date: 2023-04-04 01:38 am (UTC)The cat creature does decide to come to him only to sit very flatly on his chest so any attempt from Istredd to move will only bother it. A very wise choice to get someone to sit still, whether intentional or not by the lazy beast.
He does shoot a look over at his sleeping friend that has all the softness and adoration that he usually tries to dampen where he can see, and then he too sleeps. ]
early May
Date: 2023-05-15 04:39 am (UTC)So [there's a snap across their link] I was not the last one to know.
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Date: 2023-05-15 04:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-15 04:50 am (UTC)Although I did give Wilhelm my potion beforehand, but I had that much certainty that I was right in this instance.
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Date: 2023-05-16 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-16 01:02 am (UTC)network;
Date: 2023-05-24 04:46 am (UTC)Did I tell you I was in the middle of an interview detailing my life that came into vampirehood when I first arrived? Giving you parts to preserve at your domain to record what happened to us tickled me. I know. Coping. I already have in mind what book to add. Please, come if you wish, and if not my doors remain open to you in the future regardless.
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Date: 2023-05-24 07:58 pm (UTC)An interview of your life would be very interesting, I'd expect.
not too long after execution
Date: 2023-05-30 12:59 am (UTC)[like istredd himself, but wanda knows he's got a strong mind and a strong will. she's more worried for... the younger ones, those who still find a hard time pulling out of the darkness even now.]
[a simple hex to divert their minds, distract them from it all, so they can pretend it was never there to begin with. thus, no threat of being reminded of the situation.]
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Date: 2023-05-31 01:00 am (UTC)[ Meaning she could easily find each of their conversations if she wanted to. ]
I hadn't considered telling everyone but I suppose that would only be fair. Hiding that kind of information isn't helpful.
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Date: 2023-05-31 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-31 10:34 pm (UTC)[ The two of them could not be fooled by anyone, so she really was just who she said. ]
If you think it will help, we can ask the others who interrogated her and have everyone available to answer questions. Not that we know everything, but so it's all clear.
I was disappointed she had no idea who the original shrines were to. Further ignorance though.
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Date: 2023-06-01 02:37 pm (UTC)[and that sits foul with her. the gall to try and do something like this without much certainty of what the goal was.]
[a selfish thing, maybe, but she knows what it's like to be part of something and be left in the dark, questions unanswered.]
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Date: 2023-06-01 05:18 pm (UTC)I don't think anyone's been avoiding transparency, it's just not easy to talk about. Even I need breaks from re-reading about the experience.
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Date: 2023-06-05 09:21 pm (UTC)wise words, hopefully.]
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Date: 2023-06-06 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 07:24 pm (UTC)[—is what she offers. maybe they really won’t be able to have immediate answers to certain questions, but knowing that those questions exist beats not even having the slightest idea of what to expect.]
[yes, she is using a book metaphor.]
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Date: 2023-06-13 04:53 pm (UTC)I am hoping we can find the shrine monster eventually. It was talking to all of us, manipulating us into releasing it. It seemed like a giant creature in the end, but it's clearly sentient and smart. We don't know where it went.
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Date: 2023-06-14 02:25 pm (UTC)[though the ocean and the skies offer a vast space to hid in, certainly.]
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Date: 2023-06-17 01:32 am (UTC)The ocean is very large and deep and that is where it went, so probably not. Unless we get a ship and sail around hoping to get its attention.
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Date: 2023-06-18 09:27 pm (UTC)[maybe something for the representatives of each faction to converse over...]
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Date: 2023-06-19 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-27 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-06-29 10:53 pm (UTC)This is why I've encouraged Lucifer to make a ceasefire with his enemies here. We don't have the time to get held up on past world conflict. We need to be allies here if we're going to survive it.
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Date: 2023-06-30 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2023-07-06 04:42 pm (UTC)early June pre-Nocwich (no rush lol)
Date: 2023-06-04 02:06 am (UTC)You know. Completely normal things from the devil.
But hey. He couldn't hide it from Istredd even if he tried.
But he's also Not Talking About It in the immediate timeframe.]
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Date: 2023-06-04 02:26 am (UTC)He shakes it off and says even experts can have an off moment. It can be a part of the lesson. Istredd gives it time before he reaches out since he knows his partner, and when he does brush up against Lucifer's mind in the bond, it's tentative. ]
Where are you?
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Date: 2023-06-04 03:12 am (UTC)[He can't bundle it down and what's the point anymore, anyway. He reaches tentatively out to Castiel but he knows--he knows down to his bones, woven through his grace, the call and familiarity that had been there when Jack arrived, is gone. The kid wouldn't have hidden himself. No one would know to hide him from Lucifer, not so long later.
He knows and it wasn't even like Wanda's problem--where she didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react to a version of her son. Lucifer was willing to try. Jack was willing to try.
The universe didn't allow them.]
Gardens.
[He could move. He's not particularly willing from where he's bent himself into a shadowy viney patch. Essie even watched him for a few moments, considering, but didn't bite at him before darting off to a new hiding-nap spot.]
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Date: 2023-06-04 03:41 am (UTC)He doesn't actually care that they're in a semi-public place since they are off to the side, and none of that avoiding PDA matters in a situation like this. Istredd reaches out very gently to put a hand on his shoulder when he gets to him, crouching down. He doesn't ask what happened. That is up to Lucifer, he knows when to not push. ]
Can I?
[ He shows Lucifer that he'd like to hug him and give him some more physical comfort, but he is respectful of his lover's boundaries and doesn't know what mood he's in right then. ]
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Date: 2023-06-04 03:49 am (UTC)[It's barely there but the agreement comes through clearer in the bond, despite Lucifer's nearly-burrowed over, hunched state. When Istredd does hug him, the tension and unusual emotional spikes don't fade, but they don't worsen either, so it's clear that Istredd isn't A Problem.
It might be..... awhile. Lucifer's got his knees up, arms folded over, head down. But eventually, Istredd will get a murky answer.] Jack's gone.
[Lucifer has no care for Jack Townsend. So it should (hopefully) be obvious that he Does Not Mean Thorne's Jack.]
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Date: 2023-06-04 03:55 am (UTC)He waits, he doesn't push. Istredd surrounds him with the love and support that's become natural to share with him now. When Lucifer does eventually speak, he's confused at first. He knows it's not their Jack, and there is only one other Jack he knows of. ]
Your nephew?
[ Istredd met Jack too and he seemed like a very sweet and innocent creature, also an angel considering his father. Of course, Istredd thinks Castiel is his father, not Lucifer. But in his current ignorance, he can still see why that would happen, as Lucifer's grown close to Wilhelm. Maybe he reached out to a family member without so much baggage. ]
I'm sorry.
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:00 am (UTC)Something splits. Cracks. Shatters.
Lucifer's arms shift to bracket his head without dislodging Istredd and he's shaking with laughter but there's nothing humorous about it.] He's my son. Not Castiel's.
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:14 am (UTC)He was sent back.
[ It's the only obvious answer. If anyone was being captured they'd all know, although Istredd doesn't know that Cirilla is being kidnapped so they can do just as much damage within their own ranks truthfully. But the gone seems very final. Lucifer's never told him exactly that he's dead or destroyed or whatever it is in his sphere, but Istredd already guessed. Which means this was his only chance to be with his son.
It's a terrible reality. ]
He could come back.
[ It is the smallest of fleeting hopes but it has happened here a few times. It's possible. ]
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:30 am (UTC)[Istredd's hope is more laughable than what Lucifer's already feeling.] Sure, yeah. I've already been allowed one more second chance for myself. Clearly I can't have another for... more. For more than just myself. And Michael. Hell, Castiel, of all the dullard, abysmal angels. Why should I be allowed this. The kid wouldn't even tell me what I did to him and yet still...
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:37 am (UTC)Istredd's never wondered about his parents or cared to find them, but he knows family, even if complicated and negative, is vitally important to Lucifer and his perception of the world. ]
He was willing to meet with you, whatever you did, it wasn't unforgivable.
[ Jack seemed like a sweet person so maybe it would have been unforgivable to most, but not to him, and that's all that really matters. ]
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:49 am (UTC)[It's really a testament to Lucifer's disatrous mental state that he cannot maintain speaking one way or the other--thoughts or aloud--in even a single sentence.]
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Date: 2023-06-04 04:59 am (UTC)Istredd sees the break of him being unable to stay in words or telepathy as a concern and leans his own head down on top of Lucifer's.
It's a risk to talk freely out here so Istredd puts up his instinctive audio bubble around them but with an extra spell. An illusion also blankets the two of them out of view. It's the best he can do to shield Lucifer's visible breakdown and words from any outside attention for now. It's some protection he can give.]
That's as much about their issues as yours.
[ Meaning the fact they'd be the kind of people to threaten the life of their enemy's child puts them as much in a villain role in Istredd's eyes. It's unfortunate. ]
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Date: 2023-06-04 05:18 am (UTC)Doesn't even care, really. Thorne can screw themselves.
What are they going to gain except for one more thing to use over Lucifer, now gone? When they have so many more known, pressing outlets? Lucifer can't hide his connection to Istredd. He can't hide Wilhelm. Maybe Kell is fine, but he's more connected to Istredd so it just webs on through.
Isn't this, really, how Thorne wins over all its Summoned? Lucifer thought he'd be above it, separate from the web, the spider dancing atop.
What a joke.
That even he was susceptible.
Maybe Thorne does know what they're doing with their Summoning Ritual after all.] I don't know how bad it was for him originally. I never met him before here. Bad enough, from what I could tell. We were separated when he was born. Myself thrown into another world. [That he didn't even know existed. How great! It was! To find out your Father drafted multiple worlds by literally being trapped in another one and then having an alternate abomination of your older brother, cheerily proclaiming killing 'his Lucifer' to Lucifer's face. Good, great times.] None of them here would have known him. I only even got his name from Michael before he showed up I-- [He actually leans in, presses up against Istredd's side, ever a cat as much as some winged creature, brushing into him. Affection, maybe. Necessity, more likely.] I know what I did to him even without him saying.
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Date: 2023-06-04 05:27 am (UTC)He puts his arm around Lucifer and holds him close, that silent leaning in toward his affection being reassuring, since it is more open than simply letting it happen. This is what he can offer and it means something. Istredd did know about the alternative worlds, Michael mentioned that they existed when discussing their father's creations.
He doesn't need to ask why Lucifer kept this secret. The mess of complicated feelings and pain wouldn't be easy for Lucifer to express even to him. Plus, it's Istredd. He would have a hard time not meddling and trying to convince Jack to reach out. ]
What did you do?
[ Usually he would not push but it feels like Lucifer wants to admit to it. ]
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Date: 2023-06-04 06:22 am (UTC)Because at any other point maybe it would be fine. Just simple pain. But there was Dean, and the Mark, and the First Blade.
A combination Lucifer feared for himself, not to mention his own son, in the same faction as Dean.
And Lucifer's own answer, allllll coupled together ringing its own similarities:] I glutted his power. [Just as Dean would have, though likely without being able to use it.] Michael had been confused and surprised we were on speaking terms when I was referencing Thorne's Jack. The kid was........ cagey, around me. [But not hopeless. Not without growth. Without.... understanding... that Lucifer himself didn't understand.] My power. Born through him. And me, so lacking. I wasn't weak at his conception, nor at his birth. His little homegrown family no doubt turned him against me and I... well. I bet you I saw opportunity. I saw a battery, greater than me. Cut out. And torn. Into myself.
[Somewhere along the way he's leaned back, one of his arms outstretched, making a grasping and squeezing motion, all aggressive lines in his face but his eyes--his eyes always lie, almost as much as his mind. Lucifer is following a script, a path he can easily see for himself, but he's seen just as much--if not more--while being here the last year that Istredd will easily make out the parts of him shadowing between the lines.
He knows what he would've done, pushed. He never did it here, just as he never went for Michael, nor Castiel. Part of him thinks without an angel blade it wouldn't cut the right depths. Another part knows it wouldn't be enough, not really.
And maybe there's just the slimmest, most useless part of himself, that simply doesn't understand what the point of it all is on another world.]
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Date: 2023-06-04 02:52 pm (UTC)This you did not do that. Maybe that's why Jack wanted to see more of you, you've changed.
[ Everyone has acknowledged that Lucifer changed, including Lucifer himself. It was gradual but it's a solid foundation. Istredd can only guess at what Jack saw, but it makes sense to him. He probably wanted to believe it but if they had the chance, he knows Lucifer would have proved it to be true. That is a cold comfort, or none at all, because they had the option but never got to do it. ]
You have it in you to be a good father, separated from the downfalls of your sphere, look at Wilhelm. He would have seen that eventually.
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Date: 2023-06-05 01:20 am (UTC)It doesn't matter. It's safer for him to not be here.
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Date: 2023-06-05 01:38 am (UTC)[ Istredd knows that Lucifer has a tendency to hunch back into his former self when in an emotional state of mind like now. As if he can somehow make himself go backwards to not caring when all he's doing is caring very strongly. ]
They look to you because you treat them like people, not like kids. At that age, everyone thinks they know better, but you're more willing to listen to them.
[ Lucifer's open-minded about others in a way not everyone is. Istredd can see why their youths are drawn to him. He holds Lucifer's hand still, running his thumb back and forth along his knuckles. ]
Maybe you're right that it's safer, but I am sorry that you lost him.
per usual, Lucifer fixates
Date: 2023-06-05 01:57 am (UTC)[Purpose and duty and still so heavily woven through him no matter how much he's shaken it off.]
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Date: 2023-06-05 02:06 am (UTC)You're the one who said 'what's the point in him,' so if you believe that everyone does have a point, so does he. What's his point, Lucifer? To you.
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Date: 2023-06-05 02:26 am (UTC)He sinks he chin down to his arms, staring out at the plants around them, sun on leaves, a breeze pushing up under vines.] There is none. [A repetition. If he keeps saying it, it'll have to stick.] He was supposed to be a change. Someone that didn't know my story. That had to follow me. [He knows what it sounds like, okay. He knows. He's telling Istredd, anyway.] I got plenty of that here, I don't need him, already watered down by Castiel and the Winchesters. He didn't need me as a parent and I couldn't use his power so he would've just been one more problem.
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Date: 2023-06-05 02:55 am (UTC)Then why are you so upset?
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:06 am (UTC)His reaction is instantaneous, glaring daggers at Istredd, a near-snarl to his voice.] I'm not-- ['Upset' gets lost just as quick and there's a buzz of power to his skin, the hairs of his arms standing up. He jerks his gaze back away, not saying anything, but mostly managing to stuff the upsurge of energy into a box that wouldn't harm Istredd by proximity. Not that it should on a normal basis anyway, but. Well.
Always a flight risk, Lucifer.] Shut up.
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:14 am (UTC)Why bother pretending with me? Your son was here and there was potential to make a relationship, enough that you agreed to meet in the Horizon. He's gone and that opportunity is lost. You're allowed to feel sad and regretful and mad about it. I am the last person you have to pretend with.
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:33 am (UTC)It's not about trying to pretend with Istredd. It's trying to pretend with himself.
He doesn't want to. There's no reason to, so why does he have to?! This wasn't even him screwing up. He didn't fall into Dad's playbook. This wasn't even... even like Istredd and the kids, who he nearly lost to the happenings of this worlds itself. It was just machinations of the universe still making him always wonder in the back of his mind if God was in the background pulling his strings and making Lucifer dance to his script.
This time Istredd does receive a full snarl.] Shut up.
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:52 am (UTC)I have an idea that might help.
[ A complete turn in conversation, an abrupt detour. He is an expert at taking the winds out of Lucifer's sails and he suspects fighting will do no one any good. At least not each other.]
We shouldn't do it here. Come back to the room and meet me in the Horizon.
[ Still completely unafraid, he touches Lucifer's face despite his snarling. ]
Trust me.
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Date: 2023-06-05 04:12 am (UTC)His raised hackles don't ebb but his reddened gaze meets Istredd's and there is no vocal agreement, barely even a mental agreement. But the feeling is there. Understanding and acknowledgment and acceptance.
He does not go back with Istredd though. It's... better that way on a multitude of levels. He blinks out of the garden, the sound of billowing wings, and then Istredd is alone.
But Lucifer will be in their room when Istredd arrives, pacing a hole in the floor between the beds.]
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Date: 2023-06-05 04:19 am (UTC)When he comes back to find Lucifer pacing, he walks over to Lucifer's bed, mostly their bed these days, and sits on it, back to the wall. ]
Meet me in there.
[ If Lucifer wants to sit next to him or somewhere else, it doesn't matter, because Istredd simply slides his way into the Horizon without anything else. When Lucifer comes into the library he'll find it drastically changed. The tower is still complete but there are no books or shelves, it is a large empty space. Floors of it. Istredd has control over his space more than most, he thinks owing to his psionics.
It will not be easy to fill everything in, but it's all saved and somewhere else. He simply moved all of it nearby. It does feel strange and the ravens are outside with the books. The tower is sealed from the inside though, no one can come in. He waits.]
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Date: 2023-06-05 04:32 am (UTC)He stops pacing at stares at Istredd's figure on their bed. Hesitates. Considers. And just sort of slides down to the floor, legs sprawled out, his back to Istredd's bed. Stares up at the ceiling and thinks of layingin a cave with Castiel, drawing out invisible silvery shapes in their green bubble. He closes his eyes and tilts his head forward and skips his consciousness a little left of center.
The restless energy hasn't left him when he appears, but he is momentarily thrown for a loop at the change of scenery. His lips twitch.] What's this, then?
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Date: 2023-06-05 04:43 am (UTC)[ It is the first thing he says when Lucifer arrives. Maybe jumping ahead to where a denial might come from, but Istredd is only confident every once and awhile, and at the moment he does think he could have an idea. Enough to convince Lucifer to come here. ]
When you feel that strongly, it's like you can barely control the power, and you said that if you had held onto your feelings that first night, it would have exploded out of you eventually.
[ This is a different type of angst but in a way it comes from a similar place. Fear and loss. They've talked out all of that but really what this is about is Istredd taking lessons from their iffy moments to get to the other side. ]
There is nothing we can do about it in Thorne, and we still have to wait until this weekend to hunt.
[ So if Lucifer wanted to get out his violence, it was too far away from then to be instant gratification. It might feel good then, but it's not enough for now. Istredd is in his scholar mode which he uses when he's breaking down a thought process bit by bit. Lucifer can't do anything violent in Thorne so he has to keep squashing it.]
What if in this safe and contained space, you fill it with whatever you want, and then just destroy the shit out of all of it. Let loose, get out some of that anger you're holding onto.
[ Istredd thinks the lack of release of rage is something that at least some semblance of freedom of violence can help. As an example, Istredd makes a glass statue, and it is a replica of Stregobor himself, who he's talked about a few times with increasing tension. The mentor looks pretty much perfect and he telekinetically strikes it. It flies backward and hits the wall and shatters into quite a lot of pieces, maybe intentionally more than usual because it's more satisfying.
Istredd isn't a violent person but Lucifer is. If he can't talk about his feelings regarding Jack, maybe he can destroy it out. ]
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Date: 2023-06-05 05:25 am (UTC)It's not that he doesn't get what Istredd's setting up for him. An outlet, one that won't wind him like even reality would.
In an ideal world Lucifer would in fact have created an entire room's worth of something to just shatter through. Unleash his anger. Because there's so much of it.
But rarely does Lucifer cooperate and some of that maw needing to snap is still there and they're in the Horizon and--
Lucifer holds up a hand, a deadened look to his expression. He can't do this at all outside of the Horizon. Barely usually would be able to in the Horizon. But the wisps of radiance come when called to his palm, a glowing molten bomb, and he twists his wrist in one fluid motion.
It sails in whizzing, meteor-strike fashion, mere millimeters by Istredd's head, burning at skin as it goes.
It does actually shatter into some kind of stalagmite crystalline structure behind Istredd. Oh. Look. Supposedly he was aiming for something.
Lucifer only tilts his head, a flicker to the destruction beyond Istredd, and then looking back.
Well. Istredd does make a good point. He could let loose, get out some of that anger he's holding onto.]
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Date: 2023-06-05 05:35 am (UTC)He is trying to help, sincerely, he wants to do what he can. He hates feeling helpless and going back to the well of logical suggestion is what he does best. Istredd doesn't like the look on Lucifer's face though, wondering if he miscalculated, and the answer comes firmly when he throws a ball of light at him.
Istredd is surprised and so barely manages to move aside, feeling the burn just on the edge of his face. The look he shoots him is startled and then hurt and then resolved. ]
Have it your way then.
[ He says sharply and then disappears, although he's not actually leaving. Instead he creates many versions of himself in that space, of all kinds of matter. Metal, glass, marble. All of their expressions is that patented annoying eerie calm when Lucifer tries to get a rise out of him, intentionally wanting to get a rise out of Lucifer now. He makes a few Castiels too. If Lucifer wants to get a fight out of him, he refuses on principle to play. It's unclear where he is now even with their bond but he hasn't left. ]
perfectly healthy normal things
Date: 2023-06-05 06:32 am (UTC)It's clear he doesn't right now, something else checked in, because now, now Lucifer is on the hunt. An chilling golden blade finds its way into his hand, not unlike the angel blade he had showed to Kyle and Istredd. This is different, the metal twisting slightly around itself before it comes to a point, and an actual grip that is more than just smooth surface. It sings on the air as he flicks it in his grip.]
Come onnn, Istredd. [The blade may sing, but his voice is dull as he moves, stepping around each sculpture, sinking the blade into the back of one Istredd's glass neck, twisting, cracking, and beheading it. His mind wanders the space, idle motions, searching for any sign of where the man flitted off to as he rounds a marbled Castiel and straddles it, blade tantalizing over a cheek.] This is a safe and contained space, after all! [He slides the blade across the Castiel's front, through its nonexistent heart. It likely only breaks apart more from his willpower than the archangel blade actually destroying marble.
He finds another one, slips the blade right into the back where the Castiel's spine should be, whispering over its shoulder.] Right where I killed him the last time. Little nuisance is the entire reason I didn't get to be with my son in the first place. [Light shines up through the glass, mimicking veins of an angel's death, white bled out of eyes and mouth and where the blade comes out through the chest.
Wherever Istredd is he'll get a brief flash of Castiel's actual death as it happens to the fake one, sent out like a cobra bite of a psychic attack. The glass clinks to the floor in a pile. Lucifer crunches his foot over a piece and sneers.] Stole the little incubator of a woman while I was trussed up by the usurper of my throne.
[He laughs. Teeters. And hurls the blade across the room, into a metal Istredd's chest.] And I stiiiiill didn't tell him the truth. Kept the kid's secret soooo there could be no risks. No bleed. No threat. [The room hums. That telltale high-pitched whistle pierces the air. Head splitting, ear bleeding. Lucifer laughs. His shadowed wings mantle around him, drawing up his full power.] Castiel thinks he's the father and I could crush him one last time. One real, final blow. But I won't. [He doesn't yet know that Castiel... already knows from reasons outside of them. But still. It wasn't Lucifer to land that blow.
The sound upticks a notch. Istredd will need a protective layer to not feel the effects.
Lucifer screams, an earth-shaking sonic attack, and everything in the room explodes.
The sounds slowly fade. He passes out from the excessive use and before he even hits the ground, whether or not Istredd would've interfered, he's blinked out of the Horizon, and he is out of their room like a shot, gone.
He's not so fucked he slams the mental doors between them, but it's a near thing. Keeps them open. Were Istredd to look for him in the nearest future to hours later, he'll be hunched in on himself on that High Point in Thorne where they had maybe their first disastrous conversation.
He has a string, a thread of sorts, ends tied to make a large loop. He's playing Cat's Cradle again and again and again, staring at nothing, his thoughts not static but very blank.]
totally normal!
Date: 2023-06-05 01:19 pm (UTC)He watches in case anything truly upsets him and he hears all of his explanation of the circumstances surrounding Jack. But again, none of this explains why Lucifer protected Jack, why he is so upset that he got to this point, outside of the obvious. He wanted the relationship, the boy meant more than that to him, and now it's gone. Whatever he needs to say or do right then, he can.
Istredd does feel the build up of sound and shields himself. He probably wouldn't fully be able to block it in the real world but this is his domain so he successfully does. He's startled by Lucifer's immediate passing out, although perhaps he should have expected that as he's said how weak he is in comparison.
By the time Istredd makes it down there, Lucifer is gone, and gone from their room. He expected that and so didn't go immediately after him. Istredd took the time to redo his library, everything back in its place, before coming back, and he thinks it may have been good to give Lucifer space too. He is relieved that the connection is not being blocked between them. He gives him a good half hour to himself before taking a portal to that exact place.
Istredd doesn't have to use their bond to look for him. He knows. They had their first real breakthrough here, becoming closer. It wasn't a disaster to him. He sits down next to him without hesitation, the side of his body pressed into Lucifer's so the contact is deliberate. ]
Maybe I miscalculated.
[ He hates being wrong but he can't always be right either. Lucifer is still this upset but then again, nothing can make him feel better right then. The fact Istredd's there and sitting close is a tacit acknowledgment that he isn't mad about the attack or anything. There is no anger coming off him, mostly sadness. ]
It feels like it was years ago, the first time we were here.
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:38 pm (UTC)He doesn't think Istredd entirely miscalculated. It should have been a good idea, and maybe had Istredd just left him in the space without speaking it could've worked on instinct, but Lucifer saw person and red and there was his outlet.]
It happens. It's allowed to happen.
[The dullness is gone and now he's just tired, even from the Horizon, likely more than would be normal. It was still a full expenditure of himself and so much of it was mental energy. In a way Istredd's method did work, Lucifer just took it and shredded it into something else.
If he knew the reason he was so upset this would be easier, maybe. But he really doesn't.]
I've been here a year now.
[Abraxas. Him and Wilhelm, around the same day. Jack had been maybe only a few months. He doesn't really remember. He just remembers seeing him in Nocwich during the recovery period. He's lost a couple acquaintances in shorter amounts of time but he didn't really think... time is often not an archangel problem. It isn't like he sat back and waited though, either. They were in contact. He reached out. It's just...
Ah.
His thoughts are scattered about. Like maybe if he throws a dart he'll find what his problem is, but he thinks it's just everything, tangled together.
But maybe he's landed on something.
His lack of control. Their lack of control. To keep anyone here, really.]
I wanted to tell you. [God, he really wanted to.] Only Wanda knew, and that was... circumstance. Before the kid was here. She was... rather displeased when I told her she couldn't tell anyone the truth. Might've been more upset than me about everything. [He doesn't know what Istredd knows about her kids.
He's gonna have to give her an 'update' at some point and he can imagine how that's going to go, her own gaping sadness.]
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:56 pm (UTC)Ten months for me.
[ He arrived not that long after Lucifer, who was the first person he met here. A roommate on a whim. He doesn't know where he'd be if that connection hadn't been made right away. Istredd's tendency to ignore others and isolate would have made it longer before he made these friendships. It changed when Lucifer went looking for him when he was stuck in the Horizon. When someone cared about where he was.
He suspects this is about their lack of control, and it is something he fears too. One day either of them could wake up and the other one is simply gone. And they can't reunite in their spheres, this is their only chance. It puts a lot of weight into finding an answer to keeping them there.
It does make him feel better, that Lucifer wanted to tell him even if he didn't.]
I would have meddled. [ He admits readily enough. ] I already tried to convince him you weren't as bad as they said, when I thought he was your nephew. [ Istredd can't help himself. He always tries to advocate for him. ]
I'm glad you had Wanda. I don't want you to go through anything alone. [ Lucifer's been alone for billions of years. ]
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Date: 2023-06-05 05:24 pm (UTC)He doesn't do anything alone, and that is a surprising realization. Even his treasonous ploys go through a handful of people. Committee. He values other's opinions because while in the past he'd do whatever he felt like on a whim, consequences be damned, he can't anymore.
Whatever happens to him affects the rest of them, one way or another. Whatever happens to any of them. Whatever they do.
And that matters now.] Yeah? [A chuckle.] And how'd he take that?
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Date: 2023-06-05 06:04 pm (UTC)We didn't talk long. He did mention you hurt him, but now how. He seemed like a kind person and very young, I think he would have opened up.
[ Perhaps too naive, and willing to make some kind of peace with the father who disappointed him, but that isn't always a bad thing. Second chances happen for a reason. Lucifer has made the most of the ones he got. He leans his head on top of Lucifer's briefly, looking out at Thorne. ]
I am truly sorry, Lucifer. The situation we're in, even with its upsides, can be terribly unfair.
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Date: 2023-06-06 01:59 am (UTC)He sighs. An exhalation of being, pushed out. Bone-limp. The only movement is still his hands and fingers, held down between his knees, the thread constantly in motion.
Under the outside, over the second, pick up the third. Under, over, pick up. Under, over...] I don't like acceptance. [Shocker. Accepting that Jack is gone, that he never really had a chance, that their control is so frail, that this was ultimately just a blip of a moment in time.]
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Date: 2023-06-06 02:23 am (UTC)[ It's something Istredd agrees with strongly, so he thinks he probably had a good read on Jack. It's unfortunate that neither of them really got the chance to do the kind of healing they deserved. The closure they might have been able to find. Would it have hurt more to have that time and then lose it, or early before any of it happened? He's in the camp of having it even briefly is better than not. Considering their entire relationship.
He lets Lucifer do whatever he wants with his hands, it's clearly a coping mechanism of some kind, one that Istredd doesn't recognize. ]
I know. [ After being powerless and stuck for billions of years, any feeling of helplessness is bound to trigger him. ] The good news is you don't have to do it right away. It's okay to be upset and feel whatever you do about it first.
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Date: 2023-06-06 03:17 am (UTC)Abraxas doesn't have the same beauty as Earth but that's also 100% biased.
Eventually, meaningfully, doesn't need to be said but he says it anyway:] Sorry I threw a ball of energy near your head. [Basically at his head. But. Semantics.]
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Date: 2023-06-06 04:12 am (UTC)But sitting there with him, watching the sunset, it's lovely visually, if deeply melancholic.
It doesn't need to be said but Istredd's glad that he did. Lucifer is getting fairly good at apologies, thanks to his practice. He hmms and runs his hand up and down Lucifer's spine. ]
We both know it was at me. It was a fitting time to attempt self-sabotage on us, but you know how stubborn I am.
[ Lucifer was pushing at him, trying to provoke him, and Istredd assumes he is always testing boundaries, looking for weak spots. Doubtful that Istredd's love is absolute so close to running away. Istredd was a target who pushed Lucifer when he snarled. Lucifer's communicated before how much he's afraid of hurting him accidentally, hurting him intentionally would take extreme feelings. Like today. He's not afraid.]
Apology appreciated. I'm not mad. I wanted to give you an outlet.
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Date: 2023-06-06 04:32 am (UTC)It could've been anyone on the other end to provoke the same reaction. The difference is there's no certainty that anyone else wouldn't have just backed down and not come after him later, or ever again. He was, maybe, banking on that stubbornness of Istredd's.] Technically your plan achieved the right results. [There is the barest lilt of humor to the words, tentative.] ... Just some off-kilter means to get there.
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Date: 2023-06-06 01:01 pm (UTC)The point was to let you be mad. I don't want you to explode later. You'd regret it. You can always do that in the Horizon safely.
[ If he would have eventually emotionally exploded later because of their feelings for each other, it seems obvious it would be much bigger and harder at the loss of Jack. The last thing Lucifer needs is to get mad at anyone around him and cause mayhem in the castle. Istredd's always quick to get his back when he can. ]
I'm glad you're talking about it with me and not blocking.
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Date: 2023-06-06 09:13 pm (UTC)Or maybe that's just a Lucifer Problem.]
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Date: 2023-06-06 09:25 pm (UTC)[ Istredd smiles wryly and bumps Lucifer's shoulder with his. ]
I also know that while it's not the same thing ... you have Wilhelm and Kell here. And you've been good to them. Chosen family can be stronger than blood. [ A pause. ] Or grace, if that's the equivalent of blood for you.
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Date: 2023-06-06 09:44 pm (UTC)[He somehow manages to be both serious and not.
He does have them and it is part of the many reasons he didn't want to do anything with Jack. He'd already put in the hard labor for
raisingdealing with a teenager. One was waaaay bad enough for his sanity.] Logistically? ... Scientifically? I guess grace.no subject
Date: 2023-06-06 10:00 pm (UTC)[ Their friendship formed in the strength it is now in part because Istredd was a non-judgmental listener and was easy to bounce ideas and feelings off of for Lucifer. In exchange, Lucifer encouraged him to be stronger and less isolated.
Istredd thinks he probably could have built a rapport with Jack given the time, but it wouldn't take away from the relationships he already made with the 'kids.' He can grieve that loss while also seeing what he does have. ]
Right so they don't have to be full of grace to be yours.
in the mental outtake of my mind: Lucifer just pushes Istredd off the wall: The End, credits roll
Date: 2023-06-06 10:48 pm (UTC)Oh they are definitely not full of grace. [He says it with an amused laugh, pointedly using the other meaning of grace. It's the first thing he's spoken aloud since Istredd found him up here, a testament of his exhaustion more than anything else.]
LOL RIP
Date: 2023-06-06 11:13 pm (UTC)[ Istredd's already grumped a few times about how attractive he finds Lucifer when he's being annoying. They like getting under each other's skin, it's just how this goes. He smiles at the remark and then gets a sudden realization. ]
Oh that's what you meant by us both being graceless in Hayle.
[ At the time he wasn't thinking much since they were stripping their clothes off, but he is still learning what Grace means in particular, although he thinks he has a much better idea now. If it's somewhat blood or DNA or something like that for angels, spiritually. Lucifer had laughed when he said it but he hadn't gotten the reference.
He turns his head to kiss Lucifer's cheek gently.]
You're exhausted. Do you want to go to bed? I can bring you food this time.
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Date: 2023-06-07 12:52 am (UTC)He continues to chortle, pressing a lazy kiss where his head rests and lets the laughter feed through him for a little bit before answering.] Yeah, you know. Yeah. That's a good idea.
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Date: 2023-06-07 01:07 am (UTC)You hadn't talked about grace in detail! And I wasn't going to stop what we were doing to ask.
[ He was very focused at the time on getting his hands on Lucifer. Istredd chuckles and keeps an arm around him, pulling him close for something much closer to a full out hug. He kisses his head again and lets his nose dive into his hair for a few seconds, breathing him in. The love he has for this angel is unparalleled. ]
Cover yourself in our blankets and you don't have to come out until you want to.
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Date: 2023-06-07 01:58 am (UTC)Kindly?
Kindly.]
So I was certain I had, I've lost track of everything you know and don't know! [Considering that Istredd likely knows more than anyone about angels in general, not even just Lucifer. They need like. A diagram. A mental checklist. But then, Lucifer doesn't know what would go on it.
He's just being. Just is. He doesn't know how to break it down for another person.] I bet you I could have explained in great [he pushes into Istredd's grip] excruciating detail and still not put a dent in the mood. [But hiding away under a mountain of blankets for a little while does sound appealing. He'll have to really deal with other aspects of this at some point. Talking to people, eugh. But it can wait.]
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Date: 2023-06-07 02:11 am (UTC)[ Istredd will never get tired of learning about him. He's like that with everything that fascinates him. He doesn't get bored like other people do, he just keeps searching, keeps learning. He knows a lot about angels now and he sorts out whatever he learns to the side. Istredd casually referring to them as being close for centuries, if they stay here, is not even thought about. He doesn't really get over people. ]
You could have, yes. I was very in the moment.
[ He flusters and then chuckles. Istredd had wanted Lucifer a long time at that point, he was starving for him at that point. He's not certain what could have broken the mood but he's glad nothing did. He squeezes his arm around Lucifer in a half-hug. ]
All the blankets, food, something to drink, what else do you want?
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Date: 2023-06-07 02:40 am (UTC)I don't need anything else, really. Just blankets. [The logic center of his brain wants him to say silence. To be left alone. Maybe just that innate familiarity, calling out for normalization.
He wants to be considered a logical being, but anyone that knows him knows what a load of crap that is. Since the Dawn of Creation he's been an emotional creature.
So the rest of the answer comes just as quick, no actual thought, no actual hesitation.] Just you. [....... pause.] ... If you're quiet.
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Date: 2023-06-07 02:56 am (UTC)[ He will keep all that knowledge for himself, thanks. Istredd's a little greedy when it comes to being Lucifer's Special One. He is kidding though. (Mostly.)
He does really intend on getting a list and taking care of Lucifer that way, and he would have left him alone if that's what he asked for without taking it personally. His heart aches from that admission and he nods, kissing the top of his head again.]
I'll be quiet, I promise.
[ Most people would call Istredd very quiet. It's only certain people who know that he sometimes never shuts up. He finally lets them unravel their limbs from basically clinging to each other, since when they go to their bed they basically just do the same thing.]
wrap here?
Date: 2023-06-07 04:00 am (UTC)That is how they find themselves back in their room, Lucifer a useless lump covered in blankets (and Istredd), out like a light.
He'll show Istredd how to play Cat's Cradle some other time, when he actually works out the 'how' behind two players (because he's never had a partner) and when he's not hurting from whatever reasons the loss of Jack hit him with.]
Perfect! awww cat's cradle for two
Date: 2023-06-07 04:26 am (UTC)loosey goosey May madness
Date: 2023-06-12 10:19 pm (UTC)Meet me in our room.
Immediately.
He does not care what Istredd is doing, he will bodily pull him out of a lesson if he must.
Lucifer had dropped out of the Horizon as soon as Dersti had her snack. He doesn't imagine Dean actually died in his domain and could have easily been back to continue to thrum with that constant burning, toying with Lucifer's weakness like a cat with a bit of string.
He waits, unsurprisingly pacing. He'd kept still and disinterested with Dean, it needed to spool out of him.
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Date: 2023-06-13 12:01 am (UTC)"Lucifer, what happened? Are you alright?" He can almost still feel that terror in the back of his throat, and Lucifer pacing only makes him more nervous.
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Date: 2023-06-13 12:14 am (UTC)His ramblings have paused only for him to pass into Istredd's space, a hand to the side of his face that would be a comfort if not for the scenario. He doesn't need touch for what follows but he uses it regardless. Have you seen this man? he asks, and shows Istredd an image of the lazy could-care-less human-now-demon. The barest hope that maybe Istredd hasn't actually and Dean was just rumor hunting.
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Date: 2023-06-13 12:41 am (UTC)"Yes, he's a new Summoned named Robert?" Except he's kind of getting now that it is not correct. He did seem a little strange but no more so than most. Istredd reaches up to take Lucifer's hand off his face and holds it. "What is going on?"
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Date: 2023-06-13 12:46 am (UTC)"That was Dean Winchester," he says.
So no, definitely not Robert, and definitely not a new Summoned.
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Date: 2023-06-13 12:52 am (UTC)"I know you are worried, but Castiel promised me that he wouldn't let Dean hurt me to get to you." Istredd is very much not in the know right now, so his instinct is that Lucifer was afraid of the same thing as before, with the Mark. Dean knowing Istredd's identity was a concern for him, fine, but Castiel was very sincere about his promise.
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Date: 2023-06-13 01:09 am (UTC)He'd still made that offer to Dean, as though maybe there was someway for him to come out of this, with Abraxas' resources.
Foolish, really. He never would've made it if he was out of the Cage during the original Mark incident, and maybe that's just because he never had to really confront that mirror and so staggeringly accept it.
"Castiel couldn't keep someone safe from a slug," he says, continuing in the same snapped-tone. "And Dean very much wants to carve his wings up--I've already informed him, you're welcome." He steps away from Istredd to put his back to a wall, needing the hard surface against his spine, arms crossed. "Dean found me in the Horizon," he says. "It went swimmingly.
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Date: 2023-06-13 01:21 am (UTC)Istredd's gratitude is felt when he says he warned Castiel, because months ago Lucifer probably wouldn't have bothered. Istredd's worry for his friend won't go away at that though, this is going to be very bad for him. His mind is racing, also thinking about Geralt, who must already know, Castiel would have told him. If Dean is threatening people, it won't stop here.
He thinks about the fear Lucifer felt and follows him to the wall, reaching up to cup his cheek gently. "He knows, doesn't he?" About Istredd and Lucifer. Now that he knows it was Robert, he has a guess as to how that happened, which makes him feel guilty because it was such a small slip up. Istredd didn't know to be careful. But it doesn't matter. He knows.
"He was hiding in the Horizon, he's not going to get here."
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Date: 2023-06-13 01:36 am (UTC)Thus this entire conversation.
"He does." Know, that is. "It's not your fault," this is the first softer thing that he's said. "I should've considered the possibility of him around the Horizon." That kind of idle wandering seemed unlike a non-cursed Dean, so really, a cursed one... "I should've made sure you knew what he looked like."
He'd been careless, as he'd rambled off at Istredd's arrival.
"We don't know where he washed ashore. He's more likely to gun for Castiel and his brother, but if he ended up in Thorne's territory there's no saying he won't make a pitstop on his murder tour." Though Thorne's warding had better prove to be useful for something.
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Date: 2023-06-13 01:49 am (UTC)"It's not your fault either," Istredd protests. "It's not like you could have seen this coming. And you're not responsible for what other people choose to do." Including threatening his loved ones, even if yes, he's what caused all this friction in the first place. But Istredd has already explained his opinions about people holding onto grudges from their worlds into this one.
He's not more dangerous than everyone in Thorne. Istredd may have issues with Thorne, but he does have faith that their obsession with keeping their Summoned here will make them xenophobic to the outside after the pit happened. He drops his hand to take Lucifer's hand again and holds it gently.
"Do demons have strong mental shielding? I can loosen my protections against other people and have a passive search open." Istredd intentionally keeps himself from reading other people's minds. If he doesn't do that, it's the kind of the thing where he could pick up on a threat.
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Date: 2023-06-13 03:32 am (UTC)Dean was something new.
No bars held and all that.
No amount of Istredd telling him it's not his fault will make him think otherwise. He should have seen it coming. He knew Dean was a threat far better than anyone, even before he became a demon.
The benefit is that they all witnessed the queen ordered a city nuked and really, that makes him at least agreeable that Dean is in fact not more dangerous than everyone in Thorne. Small mercies.
"Depends on the demon. How much does that open you up to other problems?" Or is it all just... noise. "I can sense him from a nearby distance. The Mark leaves him with near-supernatural sense of perpetual burning, and now sulfur from the demon side of things."
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Date: 2023-06-13 03:51 am (UTC)"It just opens me up to headaches." Istredd can still be careful with the native Thorne mages, not to set any of them off, but he will be more sensitive to things out of the ordinary. It's noise, a lot of noise. "If one of us senses him, we can alert the other one immediately, and we can teleport somewhere far away. Remove ourselves from the situation and he'll have no one to hunt."
If he could teleport himself he probably already would have and wouldn't just be messing around in the Horizon, as far as Istredd knows. Both he and Lucifer have the ability to portal away instead of causing conflict. He runs his thumb along Lucifer's palm.
"Promise me we'll leave and not fight." If Lucifer gets instigated into a fight with Dean, Istredd will back him up, they both know that, this is where it all began. Giving up his revenge plan.
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Date: 2023-06-13 04:16 am (UTC)Yeah, y'know, theory doesn't matter in this case. He doesn't need to know that What Ifs. Point is, Dean was someone a demon and he went from being mouthy to an aggressor with a problem.
"Rare can I ever promise anything," Lucifer says. "But as far as I know, he doesn't know anything about the kids, he only knows about you." Because he'd probably stand between certain death and the duo of brats he's come to like, but since they should be out of any radar, it'll be fine. "So that? That I can promise. I want nothing to do with that psychotic man." And all things considered he extracted himself from their Horizon meetup rather quickly.
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Date: 2023-06-13 04:24 am (UTC)He knows that Lucifer didn't blame him, in fact he blames himself, but it does seem so stupid now. But he'd never seen Dean and no one told him he was alive and wandering the Horizon. It happened, there is no going back now.
Istredd sighs, still in Lucifer's space, it's hard not to be these days. "All this time I tried not to be a weakness for you, but I've been ready to shout it off the rooftops since we got together." It is a little pathetic but he is happy and in love and he's already admitted to not thinking rationally when it comes to Lucifer.
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Date: 2023-06-13 04:41 am (UTC)He brings up Istredd's hand from where they're grasped together, shifting the hold. "He didn't do anything to you? Mess with you?" his voice is low. "Touch you?" Lucifer, who has proven to be fine in terms of Yennefer, is extremely possessive when it comes to Anyone Else, as it turns out. That possessiveness is a warm thrum between them, where Lucifer is usually so typically frigid by nature.
He's not caring at the moment about Istredd being a weakness for him.
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Date: 2023-06-13 04:43 pm (UTC)"He did," he admits. "I told him my partner made the ravens. They were acting strangely when he arrived so I said I'd ask you to unmake them. He heard it." At the time Istredd had just been casually muttering at them. Obviously this was such an off-hand remark, it didn't stick with him until now.
"After that it was small talk but he flirted with me at the end. I can see now what he was doing." Istredd is so unused to being flirted with that he was confused. But many Summoned are like that, it never struck him as strange. "He kissed my hand and implied he'd be interested if we ... weren't working out. I insisted I was happily involved and pulled back my hand, and then that was it."
And now he feels bad about it because it struck him as insignificant so he didn't mention it. Robert in his mind was a new Summoned just trying to figure it all out. Now he can see that he wanted Lucifer to know just to mess with him.
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Date: 2023-06-14 11:08 pm (UTC)If Istredd were to listen to them, anyway. They were certainly smarter than Lucifer gave them credit for.
His fury is alive, though not towards Istredd. He said he didn't blame Istredd and for this, too, he can't, because frankly he knows Istredd. He can work out how he got into that situation, especially not knowing he was prey.
He tugs at Istredd's hand somewhere along his breakdown of the event, claiming his mouth in need, not a reminder that any of them require. Lucifer knows, Yennefer knows. Istredd belongs to them. It's just fact, no question, not a single thread of doubt among the hundreds of thoughts woven through Lucifer's mind.
I change my mind, promise rescinded. Well, we'll still leave. He bites at Istredd's lip before pulling away. "But I'm punching him first." Or throwing something at him. Something that won't get him immediately stabbed. But the intent is there.
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Date: 2023-06-15 12:02 am (UTC)His breath catches when Lucifer pulls him in for a kiss since he rarely instigates and he leans hungrily into it. Yours. He reminds gently; not that Lucifer needs it, necessarily, he does know, but Istredd wants to make it clear all the same. With every beat of his heart, he belongs to them.
"Lucifer," he says on a sigh. Istredd cups his head in his hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. "No you're not. We can throw something. Less dangerous." He kisses his forehead, pulling back to look at him.
"Are you okay?" Seeing Dean like that, being accosted in his Horizon and then his partner threatened, he must be in a place.
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Date: 2023-06-15 12:29 am (UTC)"Fiiiiine. I'll make something squishy and gross to throw at him, maybe incurs blindness? Blindness and smells like bad fish." The blindness would piss Dean off more than the fish smell.
"I'm fine." He is.
Just disconcerted.
He slumps back into the wall, more loosened and relaxed than he had before. "Dean as a demon is much less entertaining than when he's human," he says, extremely put out by that fact. "I've made some works-of-art demons, met others that churned out of the Hell Machine, that didn't absolutely suck. He's just boring," and had Lucifer very much wanting to just bolt out of his own domain from the off-tune wrongness of his presence, but, "and I couldn't even mine him for information. All-in-all it was a very short conversation."
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Date: 2023-06-15 12:43 am (UTC)He puts his back to the wall next to Lucifer since he knows this is a comfortable pose for him and he doesn't mind. He reaches out to snag his hand and hold it for now.
"I doubt he's going to feel boring to the people who care about him. I don't know that I fully understand demons from your realm, is he someone entirely new or is the demon just him with less humanity?" He's uncertain if this is a possession situation or not. He suspects it isn't, it seems more likely the latter is true, but it's important to know for the future. Or when talking with Castiel.
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:04 am (UTC)Honestly he'd likely be easier to ignore, once they just turn off everything he says as useless. When you only spit vitriol Dean and nothing of substance, people stop listening. Word of Advice from Lucifer.
"He's not particularly new. It's not unheard of for a human to become corrupted on Earth and become a demon, it's just extremely unlikely these days. Typically they're made in Hell, and then they possess a human. They get exorcised, they just hop into another vessel; they don't need permission like angels do. Dean just is. His soul, if there's anything left to it, must be more tattered than it was when he was in Hell."
Pause.
"Oh yeah, he was in Hell, once. It was... mmmmm... kind of a long story, actually. Prophecy is like that." Locks and their requirements are like that. "But eventually he broke and took up torturing other souls so that he wouldn't be tortured anymore. Learned under the Grand Torturer himself." Why he knows exactly where to spin his knife and his words. "Excellent student, so I've heard." Wasted potential until now, apparently.
Lucifer divulges this information like he's discussing the weather. It's just normal to him.
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:14 am (UTC)He logs all this away as information to remember about their world. He knew angels possess vessels obviously, but now the demons do too ... but not every single one is a possession if Dean is an example. Complicated mess. The mages were far more focused on the problems of people than anything like this.
As for the torture, well, who is he to judge on that? Who knows if he would do the same as Dean, in the same position? He probably would.
"Even if it is irrational to hear what the demon is saying and not know the human wouldn't mean it, that is how feelings are sometimes. If you weren't yourself and were saying cruel things to me, I wouldn't be so strong as to be immune to it."
Logic all day long and it still probably would hurt.
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:23 am (UTC)It is all very complicated and it should be remembered that Lucifer is the sole creator that crafted that revolting mess.
An affront to humans, an affront to angels.
... Lucifer was extremely angry when he made demons, clearly.
"Well." What does he say to that? That's Istredd's weak, then? But no, maybe if it was the reverse, Lucifer wouldn't do so hot either. Call him a monster with the mental chords to back it and see what state of the devil came out the other side. The bond would make a scenario much worse in that regard, I suppose.
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:32 am (UTC)Istredd's really only asking out of interest and to offer Castiel sympathy later on, he has no intention of them getting involved outside of advice or compassion. This is not really their problem and they would only make it worse at this point, of that he feels sure.
Istredd has a great deal of emotional power over Lucifer which he is aware of. It's a double-edged blade and a two-way street. We know all the things to say to each other that would hurt the most. He squeezes his hand. So good thing neither of us is likely to be possessed by a demon.
trufax: Istredd IS more likely to find out before Lucifer, I asked people LOL
Date: 2023-06-15 01:43 am (UTC)Which turns out there are several things Lucifer doesn't know, but hey. It'll be an interesting surprise whenever someone feels like telling Lucifer, on the bottom of everyone's list, the truth. Istredd is more likely to find out before Lucifer, courtesy of pitfriendshipismagic or whatever t-shirts the trauma crew are making for themselves.
"I had a demon possess my vessel once--who just happened to be Castiel at the time. It was disgusting."
So. Y'know. It is actually possible, just hopefully unlikely to be possible here.
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:49 am (UTC)Istredd's eyebrows furrow and his nose scrunches. "Your sphere is a confusing and violent place." As if Lucifer doesn't already know that, but still. His sphere is cruel and cold, and it has monsters and supernatural things within it too, but he doesn't think it's quite this mad. Or he's simply outside of the madness.
"They're not going to give up on him. I wouldn't." Istredd stayed in love with Yennefer while they were separated for sixty-ish years. He is not someone who gives up easily. "Geralt has handled many monsters and creatures, he can probably handle this."
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:59 am (UTC)Lucifer may've made demons but humanity endlessly keeps the machine flowing, just as predicted.
He thinks Istredd should give up, if it ever came to it. But no amount of telling him would ever make a dent and Lucifer's only hope is Yennefer forcing him, violently if necessary, because otherwise Istredd is just doomed to go down with him.
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Date: 2023-06-15 02:21 am (UTC)There is no judgment in his tone as of now, he is genuinely curious. It's not as if he likes humans much either, but he also thinks all people, species, races have their own issues. He doesn't have a bad opinion of angels for example, since they don't exist in his sphere (as far as he knows).
But the question does give the kind of 'you may want to be careful in your response' energy.
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Date: 2023-06-15 03:22 am (UTC)He slides down the wall, entirely so that he can crouch and set his elbows to his knees, taking his hand back so that he can press his fingertips together in thought. He is not being careful with his response but he's still thinking about it, so that must count for something?
It is the most basic of his rationale, that initial lattice structure that kept him going for so long. That if enough other universes exist, potentially outside of his Father's hands, then maybe he could acknowledge them as other.
But for all he knows there are people than just the Winchesters and his brothers from his world.
He's had something like this conversation with Kyle, with Castiel. It never gets better, although maybe it has to an extent. He has yet to acknowledge how helpful the Castiel Cave Conversation has been for him.
But even separated from his Father, his world, and those pesky little creations still cause Lucifer problems. Ignoring the corruption, getting them kicked out of Eden probably did them a favor. God likely would've done much worse to them, eventually, when he got bored.
"I never quite knew how hard they had it," he admits, and that sting can be felt mentally. "Oh, sure, the ones in the Garden? They had everything given to them, their Paradise. I-I mean how did they even know they had perfection without a shadow of darkness, huh? It makes sense that after, all their descendants, were just over-saturated with pettiness, ugh sickening. Wanted their hand held for everything, cried at a slap of the wrist... never-ending."
A huff. He taps his pressed-together pointer fingers to his lips a few times. "But. Their whole... soul-thing." He makes a scoff. "Never understood the breadth of it. Angels could never know--we weren't allowed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not--I'm not saying I think they've changed. That they've gotten better in thousands of years. Truthfully, I think they've gotten worse, as a whole."
He looks up at Istredd. Castiel didn't tell Lucifer 'I told you so' but he may as well have. "But watered-down as I am, even with the scope it... gives me," congrats he didn't say cursed, "it's still incomparable to that force of a soul and you, and them, and all of it, go through it every day and keep going where it would take down the whole of Heaven if they had to experience it."
'The depth and breadth of their emotions, the power of them. It's overwhelming. We think of ourselves as stronger, more resilient. But we aren't carrying a storm around at all times. If that's the force of a soul, I understand why they're so powerful.'
Tch.
He looks away again. "I hate the whole of Earth. I hate the whole of Heaven. I hate the whole of Hell. But with all three--wait, no, scratch Hell off that list--but with the first two, I can acknowledge tiny pinpricks being something else. Unexpected, carrying a storm I could never handle but they do it again and again, or being the ones to weather it." Humanity, and angels. "So that's how I grapple with it."
In summary: he doesn't actually understand humanity (nor does he want to) and some of y'all don't suck and That's Okay because damn your lives are a bit harder than he gave anyone credit for. Except the humans of Eden. They deserved to be kicked out.
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Date: 2023-06-15 03:40 am (UTC)Istredd is very used to Lucifer's favorite physical poses so he lets go of Lucifer's hand when he starts to slide down the wall. He uses his hands a lot when he's being expressive. Istredd listens in his quiet, contemplative way, when he hangs on every word but also lets them get all their thoughts out instead of interrupting.
He slides down the wall himself as Lucifer talks about souls, something he has never given much thought about until becoming involved with an angel, but he doesn't crouch. He sits comfortably with his long legs stretched out and his head tilted toward Lucifer, watchful, open and interested.
"I have my own complicated feelings about humanity and my place in it. I'm technically human but I was born something else too. The average human wouldn't really see me as one of them." And since Istredd puts so much emphasis on being a mage, it's easy for him to see that more as his identity. He doesn't love humanity, in fact he has pretty bad opinions of many of them himself. He's just never really been interested in painting everyone with one brush. Mages are corrupt, humans are corrupt, elves are corrupt. They're all capable of a variety of things.
"I don't think ... I really understand the difference the soul makes. We share a psychic bond, I know you have thoughts and feelings as strong as mine, so what is powerful about mine that you don't have?"
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Date: 2023-06-15 04:02 am (UTC)"Without it humans are... shells. No concept of right or wrong, no ties to hold them back, no emotions, feelings. Just emptiness." And then comes some of Lucifer's own confusion because he doesn't have a soul but, "I don't know what happens to angels when they lose their grace. I don't know why it opens up... more. We're not human just... I don't know, adjacent, but... all I can figure is it opens up a gap where God would've tacked on a soul if he ever thought to give us anything. Some dregs of our grace just getting tacky and unreasonable."
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Date: 2023-06-15 04:21 am (UTC)Castiel using fifty-thousand souls to kill an archangel is a surprising bit of information, and it does give some semblance of scope in power levels.
Istredd reaches out to touch Lucifer's cheek and gently try to turn his head to face him, caressing his cheekbone. "Is that why you're afraid you'll lose all of this when you get your grace back? Because you're only like this since you're lacking?" It is a tough position to be in, to want him to get his power back so he can be happy, even if it comes with a potential personal loss.
"I don't disagree with you about humans in a general sense. My sphere is cruel and violent too." He traces the curve of Lucifer's jaw. "But I am human, Lucifer. I may be your crying ape, but I still am one."
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Date: 2023-06-15 04:34 am (UTC)"You're just one of the ones that don't suck," he says. He continues, now treading very carefully, voice soft, knowing he's entering risky territory, "But you--your organization? Your Brotherhood? Who kidnap children, regardless of it being for 'their protection', and rob them of a life, make them fear for death or transformation, that only are useful as a power source if they fail? That 'whole'? Is terrible. There may be a handful, like you, that shouldn't be," mmm, he won't say hated, he doesn't know enough to make that allegory, "ah, that don't suck, but the entire scope?" He tilts his head. Istredd did say his own sphere was violent and cruel. "That's my feelings on humanity."
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Date: 2023-06-15 04:55 am (UTC)He is already feeling slightly vulnerable because of that, but there is a flicker of warning in his eyes when Lucifer brings up the Brotherhood. His hand drops away. There is no easy way to feel about it. "That's just ... how it has to be. It's necessary." Something twists in his stomach. "I know that sounds like I'm defending them but I am one of the rebellious ones. I push back." And yet he comes back when they call. Like all of his class, and the classes before him. The biggest rebellion he can accomplish is arguing, not actually escaping.
This is a testy subject because childhood brainwashing through fear and control, not always easy to shake. And he knows that, logically, but again, emotions. Difficult. "It's best to not dwell, that's all. What happened, happened." Obviously a thing he's told himself before in order to move on and focus on his life.
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Date: 2023-06-15 05:13 am (UTC)"'It's necessary.' Do you know how many times those words have been used... for so many things? My Father testing his subjects in a petty fight against lesser gods. My Father flooding the planet in an act of divine retribution. It's necessary." His tone is still carefully soft but there is an underlying, almost desperate, knowing edge of 'I know you're not this stupid.'
"It sounds like you're defending them because you are. Like I defend my family, Istredd. That's what you sound like. Because you have to. Because it's where you came from." They are not talking about Lucifer and humanity anymore. "Because they made you--but it does not make how they went about things just. It does not mean they shouldn't have changed. How much is your world violent and cruel because every aspect of it has sunk into its ways out of necessity, to push back at each other institutions?"
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Date: 2023-06-15 05:48 am (UTC)Istredd isn't stupid but he also has always played along with that song and dance, and while he's always been vocally critical of the Brotherhood, just as Yennefer is, he's still one of them. "Of course it's not just. I haven't even told you everything that happens." He takes a deep breath in and out and reaches up to rest his hand on top of Lucifer's on his shoulders.
"Listen, Lucifer. I never had family, I was never loved, I was raised in fear, ambition, and isolation. And even if I wanted to have a family now, I can't. That is terrible, I agree, but the truth is, I am one of the lucky ones." Because he lived, he's not an eel, he didn't die from Chaos or in the most recent battle the mages were forced into, where Yennefer almost died. He's spent a fairly peaceful life as a scholar, he's very lucky. "So I don't dwell on the unfairness of the past."
In that way, he is letting the Brotherhood off the hook, but it's also how he moves forward. "There are terrible people in the Brotherhood, but some of them are just me in a few hundred years. We all came from the same place." Istredd wants to think he's different but is he? It's not as if he's pushed for reform or tried to save the young mages there now. He ran away and stayed there as long as he could.
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Date: 2023-06-15 06:03 am (UTC)Lucifer would facepalm if his hands weren't on Istredd's shoulders.
"Look, I'm not saying badmouth them like I do humanity," he says. "But don't apologize for the things they've done--I know I'm just at fault for that."
He says it only because he could see Istredd putting it out there and he's just pointing it out before Istredd can. He'll defend his Father in the same breath as talking against him. He'll talk against him but the moment someone else says similar his ingrained reactions rise back up. So he gets it, he does, and that's why he's even trying to tell Istredd to not make up apologies for them.
"Don't put it under a simple 'it's necessary' banner like you can actually stomach it."
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Date: 2023-06-15 01:06 pm (UTC)"I appreciate what you're trying to do here, Lucifer, and you are right, there is no excuse for the way the Brotherhood functions. We're trapped in the cycle, even if I wanted to change the system and help the younger mages, I wouldn't be allowed to. I'm not sure I'd survive the attempt." It is hard to say since people really do not bother. But to attempt any altering of their lifeforce, the only remaining children they can mold into mages, it could be dangerous.
He smiles faintly at him, moving his hand to Lucifer's cheek again. "I like that you care." They both know at this point that Istredd's had very little of that.
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Date: 2023-06-15 07:57 pm (UTC)That wasn't his goal this time.
"Someone's got to talk to you about the issues you try to shove in a closet with all your skeletons and try to avoid," he says easily, grinning slightly, "who better than me?"
Because Istredd. Kept doing it. To him.
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Date: 2023-06-15 09:09 pm (UTC)"How dare you use my own tactics and good intentions against me."
Istredd is actually worse about bottling things up than Lucifer because he is very subtle and withdrawn about it, easy to hide behind logic and quiet emotional distance. It's difficult to open up. But he does want to, as much as it makes him squirm.
He leans in to steal a kiss from him because he can. "I keep telling you, it's annoying how good at this you are." Teasing of course, he loves it.
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Date: 2023-06-15 10:08 pm (UTC)After all, Lucifer knows shit about relationships. Hell, Lucifer knows shit about friendships. He's just making a tower from the building blocks around him, who all equally have their own faults.
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Date: 2023-06-15 11:05 pm (UTC)"Sometimes I just really ...." Istredd smiles and leans his forehead against Lucifer's. "Love you." It could come with a dozen demons threatening his life every day and it wouldn't matter to him. It's not like he has to say it, Lucifer can feel it radiate out of him daily. "I know, I'm obnoxiously sentimental."
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Date: 2023-06-16 12:58 am (UTC)But it's also more like a few hundred demons wondering what the hell this one mage did to their father/creator, if there's ever a bleed between worlds, anyway. He's made up more bogus theories than that before.
"Alright, alright, I won't be modest, I'm amazing."
He is definitely deflecting.
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Date: 2023-06-16 01:48 am (UTC)Istredd's love and romanticism can be intense, something only Lucifer and Yennefer really understand, but he probably needs to be this way to pull them clawing down into a relationship. And joy has been found because of it. He said he was going to enjoy this while they still had it, before Lucifer lost all of it becoming an archangel again.
He pulls his head back to look at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Did you say you had Dertsi eat him?"
Circling back to the start, since the terror and concern over Dean is now long past.
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Date: 2023-06-16 02:00 am (UTC)Sometimes Istredd is merciful.
"Oh, yeah. I doubt she actually killed him or if he dropped out of the Horizon on his own, I left before I could have any real confirmation because I didn't want to deal if he came back. She seemed pleased regardless."
Fake snake with a fake Happy Meal.
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Date: 2023-06-16 02:09 am (UTC)"Well, I did ask you to stop killing people, but this one was deserved." He meant more people like Geralt or Kyle, demon Dean would have it killing. Istredd doesn't know what to think or feel about whether or not Dean survives this. For Castiel who loves him, he probably would lean that way, but he doesn't like anyone who wants to hurt Lucifer sticking around. It's not their choice.
"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me that you didn't think to, like what Dean looks like?"
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Date: 2023-06-16 02:38 am (UTC)"Ohhhhh yeah, you did ask me that," he says, as though it has slipped his mind.
But also he'll kill Dean as much as he feels like, thank you, not sorry.
"Uhhhh... no?" He tilts his head, thinking. He hums, pulling one of Istredd's arms off him and around to him and turning his hand so that it's palm up. He holds it steady between them with one hand before he begins very faintly, with the tip of a nail from his other hand, tracing a symbol--the simpler of two versions. In their minds he's filling in the lines on Istredd's hand of the actual devil's trap.
Hope you're not ticklish, Istredd.
"A devil's trap," he explains. "Usually painted or etched large enough on a floor, or ceiling. A demon steps on or under and they're trapped, though I don't imagine it'll hold him for long. I have one beneath the trickle of water at the entrance of my cave in the Horizon, and one under a rug in your private study in your domain." Which has actually been there for awhile but he never considered it maybe being necessary it was just born out of paranoia!!!
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Date: 2023-06-16 02:51 am (UTC)He and Yenenfer never got to spend their nights together, their relationship was always in stolen moments. The day to day reality of living with the person you're in a relationship with is a step them jumped straight past.
Istredd lets him move his arm as he wants and moves his palm up, watching what he's doing. He knows many signs and sigils himself, it's actually interesting to see some aspects of magic continue through the spheres. He memorizes it easily since the concept is familiar to him. "Lucifer, no one can get trapped in the Horizon unless they want to."
So it is paranoia but it is also pointlessly so. Istredd more than many understands who fluid the psychic plane is. It would be very difficult to hurt him in the Horizon, ever. "But we could make one for the room." Their room is already heavily warded so why not. Istredd contemplates. "I would say you could sneak them other places in Thorne, but they'd notice."
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Date: 2023-06-16 03:10 am (UTC)Paranoia, but they still don't know all the workings of the Horizon, and they likely never will.
"Also given that it is possible to be trapped in the Horizon for a period of time against our will... something had enough willpower to do that to you," he argues. The Heralds, maybe. The Heralds affect on Abraxas, and the Singularity, and the link the Summoned hold to the Singularity. Or something else entirely.
"I'd rather not trap him in here. But yes, Thorne would definitely take notice and not be particularly happy."
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Date: 2023-06-16 03:26 am (UTC)"If the gods have been around here for thousands of years at least, that means they've had that long to get close to the Singularity." Or they're made of the Singularity. Or they are the Singularity. These are questions they are still no closer to answering, unfortunately, but Istredd thinks they're probably all mixed together.
"Anyway." That'll just take them down theory road. "Put them anywhere you want, Lucifer." Istredd raises an eyebrow at him. "Should I put one on me? Trap myself a devil?" Blatant flirting.
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Date: 2023-06-16 03:44 am (UTC)But it's not like the demon is going to stay put nor cooperate in any such experimentation, so.
"Cute, but it doesn't actually work on me." Nor would it be able to function that way, but that's... the logistics aren't the point. "Don't ask me the origin of its name, it does sound better than 'demon's trap' but it is very misleading."
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Date: 2023-06-16 03:50 am (UTC)He knows it wouldn't function that way, flirting doesn't have to make sense. "Maybe I should be called the devil's trap then." Considering he has neatly managed to get Lucifer wrapped around his finger, for better or for worse.
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:01 am (UTC)"I guess that would make me your thirst trap."
Lucifer spent too long on social media while he wore Vince. And had an assistant that kept him in the loop with all the newfangled slang.
So.
Sorry.
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:05 am (UTC)He takes Lucifer's hand and pulls himself up, his expression quizzical. "Lucifer, you know there are terms you have to explain." It's the thirst that is confusing him, but it is an accurate term. He has been embarrassingly thirsty for a long time, only revealed in recent times.
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:11 am (UTC)Just gotta take his word for it, eh?
"What did I pull you from, anyway? Classes?"
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:19 am (UTC)"Library. I have exhausted every avenue for High Magic details. They are officially useless." It's simply impossible here. Istredd knows they both have been in contact with Michael and Wanda in Solvunn, the only people who can actually get close to those answers. But he couldn't help but make absolute certain there was nothing to be done on their end.
He smooths over Lucifer's shirt, often wrinkling it when he gets a hold. "Are you satisfied that I'm not in any danger?"
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:47 am (UTC)Natasha would love it.
"I mean, it was always going to be a long shot," he says. "An incredibly long shot. But you still had to try."
He wishes he could say he was surprised, but he would have been more so if Istredd did get something of use, out of any of it, any of them.
He catches Istredd's hand on his shirt but doesn't remove it. "No," he admits. It's the truth. That concern isn't going to just go away. "But it's better now."
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Date: 2023-06-16 04:52 pm (UTC)"I've got some tricks up my sleeve. Don't count me out." Istredd may not be lethal the way Lucifer and Dean are, but he's not helpless either, as he's reiterated a few times. He gives him a long and lingering kiss. "I'm sorry I ended up a weakness for you."
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Date: 2023-06-17 04:43 am (UTC)He gives him an annoyed, light, thwap. "It's not about your capabilities, I'm allowed to be irrational too." Until proven, he's never going to be the one that doubts Istredd's capabilities. He will keep reminding him of that.
He sighs into the kiss. "It was going to be inevitable, even without a relationship."
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Date: 2023-06-17 05:25 pm (UTC)Istredd pulls Lucifer in for a hug, burrowing his head briefly into the crook of his shoulder. "I know." It was inevitable because Istredd's been his weakness for a long time now. "But I still hate being used against you. I'm going to throw something really heavy at his head if we do see him."
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Date: 2023-06-22 03:56 am (UTC)"Better you than the kid," Lucifer says. They're both a weakness but only one is so openly known, or predictable, anyway. "At least you can defend yourself--though I would enjoy Wilhelm shoving all his overblown anxieties at Dean. That would slow him down far more than anything we could do." Lucifer knows. Lucifer experienced it once, and it's something he'd would never like to feel again.
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Date: 2023-06-22 04:13 am (UTC)The two of them are both pillars of Wilhelm's life and growth now, and Istredd's been relieved to see the change in the boy. Not that it would matter compared to Dean. If he could tear through Lucifer, they're all in trouble. He pulls back to look at him. "Should you warn Michael? I would, but I think I annoyed him a little the last time we talked."
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Date: 2023-06-22 04:23 am (UTC)Which is. Fine.
He wouldn't be able to fool any of them into thinking otherwise.
"Michael is the last one Dean is going to go after," Lucifer says. "He's at full power, anyway. I'd rather Wanda not get her Chaos magic," and her shiny new patron, "mixed into the Mark business--I imagine they won't go well--but they have a better chance of leaving a lasting, heh, mark."
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Date: 2023-06-22 04:35 am (UTC)That job being his adopted mentors, more or less, although Lucifer is more of a father, with Istredd still preferring a teacher role. Far better than any of his, considering he would never threaten anyone with eels. They're both going outside of their own experiences.
"I would not back Dean against Wanda, even if he is a demon now. She is something else." Probably closer to a goddess than a human at this point, but it is her heart that actually matters. "He is at full power?" Istredd did know that Michael was more powerful than Lucifer, it isn't hard to see. "But he cares for Wanda, and for his vessel, you said?" Meaning ... maybe a full archangel is capable of some feelings.
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Date: 2023-06-22 04:56 am (UTC)"He'd better end up better than both of us," he continues primly. Otherwise what's the point!!
"As far as I know he is," Lucifer says. He has no reason to assume any differently. Michael would likely hide it as much as the rest of them (until Lucifer realized how detrimental it was to hide from the others in Thorne), but he'd like to think he would have noticed. "In the sense of a dog caring for its favorite toy, maybe," Lucifer says. Which is not a winning statement.
He doesn't actually know how Michael feels about Wanda. He's not even sure they're talking, he just assumes Wanda is too stubborn to accept indifference from Michael.
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Date: 2023-06-22 05:06 am (UTC)"It's hard to get worse than our particular brands of issues, to be fair." Wilhelm is too normal to end up there.
Michael does have the confidence of someone who has all his power intact. A casualness that comes with certainty. If he's lying, he's hiding it well. It wasn't a big hope, to hold onto anything small as an example of them being able to stay together. Any day could be their last anyway. No sense in dwelling. Istredd is a champion at not dwelling.
"We were talking about Solvunn and also about having to leave Thorne some day, I asked him if there was any chance the two of you could tolerate each other. He said, and I quote 'If you have to ask, you don't know me well enough to be asking in the first place.'"
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Date: 2023-06-22 05:13 am (UTC)Wilhelm sure has Lucifer's attitude problems which could become an issue as his power grows, but he doesn't have Lucifer complete fractured family package. No one has that level of family problems as Lucifer.
Speaking of...
He draws back to get a good look at Istredd's face, giving him a look.
"You did what."
Why. Why did that seem like a good idea, Istredd...
"'Annoyed him a little.' Yeah, Istredd."
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Date: 2023-06-22 12:53 pm (UTC)"You're already talking more than you probably thought you would when he first arrived without violence. It's possible." Is he a little defensive? Yes, but he thinks he's right, he usually does.
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Date: 2023-06-22 06:08 pm (UTC)And here they were talking about Istredd meddling with others of Lucifer's family.
Shocker.
"You had to have known how that was going to go." By asking Michael that.
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Date: 2023-06-22 06:37 pm (UTC)Istredd is a big meddler! Just ask Geralt considering how blindsided he was that one brief adventure with the mage led to him figuring out all the details about Ciri out of sheer curiosity and stubbornness.
"Not to mention there is a possibility we won't have a choice in how that all goes, Lucifer, if we do end up having to escape Thorne."
It's not the same thing as choosing to move somewhere. They're not going to ask permission. The idea of leaving has always been more of a case of emergency or if they think it's a safe movement. But if a war starts, it may not be as simple.
He waves his hands in a conciliatory way. "But yes, fine, I'm a meddler. I'll stop."
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Date: 2023-06-22 06:50 pm (UTC)... Or it'll be the opposite effect and Michael gets pissy about Lucifer's poor planning.
Whatever.
Either way it's a losing game for Lucifer, so he'll choose Option 1.
"That's like saying you'll stop reading," Lucifer points out. YEAH. SORRY, ISTREDD. They've both got their faults. "Good luck getting him to talk to you again anytime soon. He'll cool off, probably. Find him some tedious clerical work to do and maybe he'll forgive you." Okay that last part likely isn't fair but this other option was find some people for Michael to boss around which is less plausible.
He has nothing useful for Istredd to make peace with Michael, nor is he......... particularly interested in helping in that venture.
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Date: 2023-06-22 07:00 pm (UTC)Stop and think. A pretty simple request. Also might have helped him here. Istredd shrugs.
"He's been willing to share Solvunn information and if the Summoned are ever in danger, it's good to know what assets we have. It's not deeper than that." It really is more of a logical situation than a personal one. "If I'm annoying, that's fine. Hopefully not so annoying he'll want to pop my head off if he sees me."
Istredd is in love with one angel and friendly with another. He really does not actually need the trifecta here.
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Date: 2023-06-22 07:16 pm (UTC)"Yeah, yeah, it counts."
He'd say no but then that'll come back to bite him and his own efforts so really he's trapped himself.
Istredd wants it to be a logical situation, certainly.
"If Michael pops your head off he's got more consequences than he can properly deal with."
Wanda more than Lucifer, power wise. But he'll burn a lot of bridges that he may think he doesn't need but will eventually realize their importance.
He waves it off, anyway. Lucifer's the one of the two of them that would kill someone for annoying him. Lucky for him harming another Summoned here wasn't worth the temporary relief. "I don't think I have any other enemies that will personally try and use you against me, so you should actually be safe disclosing our relationship to the rest of the world."
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Date: 2023-06-22 07:26 pm (UTC)"Oh good, I'll make a public statement then." He smiles and lifts his hands to play with Lucifer's shirt again. It's difficult for him not to touch. "Announcement, my romantic status is now partner to Lucifer, he allows me all kinds of indulgences and I am very smug about it."
for our Sanity we should wrap this soon LOL
Date: 2023-06-22 10:39 pm (UTC)"Oh, shut it."
The affection is there in his voice, regardless, impossible to miss.
LOL wrap with them making out.
Date: 2023-06-22 11:17 pm (UTC)"Shut it for me."
A++
Date: 2023-06-23 12:19 am (UTC)He follows Istredd's instructions to a T, crowding Istredd up against the wall and taking his words from him for just a little while.
Action
Date: 2023-07-23 12:28 am (UTC)He's trying.
And while there's been little advancement, he's certainly refined the skillset he already has. His control is better. He can maintain things for longer. The things he crafts from ice, while small, have greater and finer detail.
Still, his performance isn't meeting the potential he has. But he's determined. He brings that determination to class with Istredd today, looking younger than usual with his face still clean shaven. In the heat, it's just more comfortable.]
Alright, magical master, what's on the agenda today?
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Date: 2023-07-26 01:46 am (UTC)Mat is much better than he was right after, trailing ice everywhere he went, and he seems determined to find that power within himself. Istredd wouldn't say he's not meeting his potential, it's just an unraveling. The first step is to lack fear. Once that happens, it all gets easier. They were taught to always fear magic in the Brotherhood, but he'd rather not live in fear. And he doesn't want that for them either. ]
I think you might be ready to push a little harder, Mat. You've been making great strides lately, so it may be time to get past the comfort zone. What do you think?
[ Istredd is a teacher but he doesn't make demands. He is asking Mat's opinion because he understands that his hesitance of magic comes from very real fear, but he isn't going to manage to get past it if they stay in the same place. He won't push him though, it is Mat's decision. ]
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Date: 2023-07-26 04:52 pm (UTC)[Mat shrugs. It's not for lack of attempts. Sometimes it feels like trying to thread heavy yarn through the eye of a needle. A bit's getting through, but it's as though there's more that's all bunched up and bound.]
I've been doing all my exercises, I've been practicing. S'not for lack of effort it just...won't come.
[He spreads his hands in a helpless gesture, unable to explain any further. He doesn't know why he isn't making any progress, he just isn't. But he's willing to try.]
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Date: 2023-07-26 10:07 pm (UTC)I know it's not intentional. It's a process.
[ He has always supported Mat and Wilhelm taking their time. If he said no to trying anything new, he would accept that. Istredd wants them to feel safe, there is no other way this can happen. ]
Sit down for a moment.
[ Istredd has no formal 'office' he is given a teaching room like anyone else, although this is the one he has. He hasn't decorated it or anything, although people can often find books on magic floating around the desks. Even a notebook or two with his careful writing in it. There are chairs though and he offers one to Mat. ]
Talk to me about the process. What is it you feel when you try? Do you feel blocked?
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Date: 2023-07-28 07:25 pm (UTC)[Mat takes a seat when directed, dropping his lanky form into it with another shrug. Blocked isn't quite the right term, but it's close. There is blockage, he thinks. Something holding back part of his abilities. Like a choked connection with the source.
Whether that happens, he has no idea. He knew so little about the one power and channeling back home, and that sort of studying doesn't hold his interest anyway.]
I dunno why.
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Date: 2023-08-02 01:27 am (UTC)[ Istredd is trying essentially to diagnose where the block is coming from. He used to think it was Mat himself who was too afraid and holding himself back, and there is a possibility that is still a part of it, but he's not like Wilhelm. Istredd can only tell how magic works for him, between Chaos and the academic kind he's learned here. He's trying to understand how Mat is connecting to a source here and if that can explain where things are getting cut out. ]
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Date: 2023-08-03 04:02 pm (UTC)[The sort of spells Mat thinks children can easily perform. It's not as though he's ever studied it, or sought spells out on his own. Only sometimes he helps out, and a mage hands him a spell. Why would he bother, when he has his own power? That doesn't involve memorizing anything.]
I do sort of wonder...
[Because he has thought about it. And his life. While most of it was terribly boring and uneventful, the last half a year or so before he'd come here had been anything but. And there's something he thinks might, perhaps, be effecting his abilities.]
Before I was here, I had a little...incident. I was possessed by dark magic, it...got inside me, fed on me, on my strength. For a long time.
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Date: 2023-08-07 09:14 pm (UTC)In our training, our mentors let someone fail their first attempt at magic, so we can see what happens to them. It corrupts their body or harms them. It's a harsh lesson, but not a fatal one. We learn then and there that magic can kill you and others if used improperly, and some mages start to understandably fear using it.
[ It's a glimpse into how dark the experience Yennefer and Istredd had through training. It's only the first lesson too. The Brotherhood has no interest or experience in treating people gently. They are there to be formed into perfect magical weapons and nothing less. The two of them survived the process and not everyone does. He doesn't sound upset about it, merely stating facts. ]
Being possessed by dark magic, before you ever used it for the first time? That can affect you deeply, Mat. That feeling can stick with you, corrupt how you view it. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of magic. It's dangerous. It's overwhelming. And you didn't choose to have it.
[ Istredd is trying to frame is so that Mat understands he's not implying his fear is a weakness or that it's something he should be ashamed of. He believes that a healthy fear of the kind of power that they can use is good. He told Wilhelm the same thing. Taking magic seriously is imperative in order to be safe. ]
You've come a long way, but there is no magical block in you, Mat.
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Date: 2023-08-08 12:02 am (UTC)Then consider my first lesson well passed, my body was certainly corrupted.
[That had been the first time, and he can't believe he has to make that distinction. He rakes his hands through his hair and shakes his head.]
I don't even really remember those months. I remember...being sick. Sicker than I've ever been in my life. And voices. There were voices. Inside.
[Not that he can remember anything they'd said. Or if anything actually had been said, or if it had been whispers in the wind. Just mad muttering. So much is a blur.]
It's what clued folks into the fact I may...have the talent, so to speak. That sort of thing uses a person up in days, maybe a couple of weeks if they're lucky. I was months in its grips, it had something to feed on in me. Something big and powerful.
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Date: 2023-08-15 12:23 am (UTC)[ Istredd moves his chair closer to Mat. They went through trauma together themselves in the Pit, but Mat's trauma began long before that. And in a way, so did Istredd's, he's just lived long past it at this point. It's far more recent to Mat, and he's young, untrained. He has been doing a lot of good work learning, but in the end, it's not going to be enough. ]
I know you have good reasons to be afraid of channeling but listen to me.
[ He reaches out to put a hand on Mat's shoulder, solid and real, attempting to be warm, to be reassuring. ]
We are not in your sphere. The same rules don't apply. You are surrounded by mages and by people who care for you here. Whatever big and powerful is in you, it's alright to be afraid of it, but you can trust us to have your back. This block can only be broken by you.
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Date: 2023-08-18 06:38 pm (UTC)But he hasn't the faintest idea what to do about it.]
How?
[What is he supposed to do to break through it? He knows all the things Istredd is saying. He knows he's safe - reasonably - here. That he's in a place that can handle any unexpected bursts out of him. But just knowing that doesn't seem to be doing any good.]
I really thought I'd gotten over being that afraid of my own power.
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Date: 2023-08-20 02:05 am (UTC)[ It still is a success. Mat has found a balance that he could at least live with. Now it's about getting past it. Istredd gets up from his seat and puts a hand on Mat's arm. The psychological process of accepting this has been thrown out there, but it won't matter if he can't actually kick down the block. So they have to do that. ]
We're going to test it out. I want you to pick a spell that you feel good about but you haven't been able to push past a certain point.
[ He doesn't want Mat to go right for a spell that makes him uncomfortable. If it starts with an element he feels confident with, it'll be easier to come down from. He steps back so they have the classroom space again to work in. ]
When you feel the block, let me know, and I'll try to get you past it.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-22 06:30 pm (UTC)The man has brought him far, and has an easy and quiet approach that Mat appreciates. Very used to a much harder hand, a supportive and encouraging environment has done wonders for him. But still he's nervous. of course he is.
If he makes it through this block on his abilities, then what? Then he has all of this power, and he is in agreement with Moiraine-Sedai. He is not the sort of person who ought to have power. But he supposes that's for Thorne and his teachers to deal with.]
Alright.
[Something he feels good about. Well...he supposes that means ice. It's always come easiest to him, for reasons he couldn't begin to guess. This isn't about precision or showing off his fine control of his little spells, so he doesn't bother with that. He just concentrates, hands moving to help him, gathering molecules of water in the air into the empty center of the room. He goes slow and carefully, keeping his breathing steady.
Normally he only gathers a small bit of moisture, finding it difficult to do anything big. This time he doesn't stop. He keeps going, a squat column of water beginning to form.]
Starting to feel it a little.
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Date: 2023-08-24 12:45 am (UTC)He watches him creating the water; he suspected ice and water would be the instinctive response, which is good. Istredd is comfortable with that element. Istredd creates a shield inside of the room and makes it visible that he's doing it, so Mat feels that he has a safety net. He doesn't have to be afraid of going too far, they're in a bubble. ]
I'm here with you, Mat. I know you can do this.
[ Istredd creates water in the air the same way. He builds the moisture on his end and it is an example of someone with slightly more mastery with how much easier it is for him, but he also doesn't have any blocks. Still, he holds his water. ]
Take it from me. Contain it. Build it.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-26 09:14 pm (UTC)It's fine. It's alright. Istredd is in control of everything. Nothing can go wrong. The worst that could happen is they both get drenched. He keeps repeating those sentiments to himself, convincing him of their truth.
Still, it's a struggle. He reaches to take it as Istredd instructs and it feels like too much. There's no smooth flowing, no easy handoff. Mat wrestles with with the weight of it, like a man trying to lift something too heavy for him. But he strains for it. He knows he can, he should be able to...
An audible groan escapes him. He's beginning to sweat. But he doesn't let go, and little by little he starts to take on some of what Istredd is gathering.
And still he doesn't let go.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 02:46 am (UTC)[ Istredd usually takes him in very small steps and this is more like an entire leap. He wouldn't do it if he didn't think Mat could handle it. Or that it wasn't necessary. It is. Sometimes this is the only way. ]
Yennefer went through something similar, when we were young. She's always had power, but channeling it wasn't always easy, her breakthrough came later than others.
[ Yennefer probably won't appreciate him giving a little bit away of her, but she'll understand too, when she gets his reason for it. Mat respects her, looks up to her. She is one of the most powerful mages here and that's without her natural-born Chaos, when she gets it back, it'll be a big difference. If she went through a struggle like his, he can get through it too, and become like her. ]
You're almost there, Mat. Believe that you can do it. See your way through this and reach for it.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 10:05 pm (UTC)Under it all, the old fears linger. That he, Mat Cauthon, could truly do anything of note, anything worthy of praise. That he, a fool and a coward, could ever even think to try and wield power like this. It's not for him. Whatever power in him is dark and vile and will use him instead. Like everything else, if he truly touches this power it will turn rotten and dangerous.
But Istredd's words cut through Mat's own insidious inner voice. The honest encouragement there. This man believes in him. All this time teaching him and Istredd believes in him. Fuck everyone who's called him useless or worthless or good for nothing. He'll show them.
Focusing on that, he does his best to follow the instructions. Reach for it. Grab that power he can feel, take it in his metaphorical hands and hold it fast. He calls on every little scrap of advice everyone has ever given him - breathing techniques, visualizations, clearing his mind of everything but the task at hand. His mind struggles against the idea, never easily quieted, but he tries to channel that, too, into his efforts.
With an audible cry of exertion, something clicks into place. Sheer force of will and spite and the push of earnestly offered encouragement and support tip something over. Mat takes the weight of the spell, holding the water himself.
At least until he can't hold on, and his control slips but not the strength of the magic.]
Oh shit!
[It's all Mat has time to get out before it all bursts, water exploding everywhere within the containment of Istredd's shielding.]
sorry for the wait the mingle set up took a bit
Date: 2023-09-11 01:09 am (UTC)He watches and sees as Mat starts to get it, starts to absorb in what Istredd is pushing at him. It can blow up on both of them, but he is ready for that. Istredd's eyes widen and he smiles when he can almost feel something in Mat snap. He's pushed past the wall and it means the space fills with his power, and Istredd can only keep the protection shielding within their space. So they can't blow out the walls.
It doesn't stop them from getting wet head to toe though, and some of the room as well, but Istredd only ends up laughing as wipes the water from his eyes. They are even brighter blue at the moment and he reaches out to put a hand on Mat's arm. ]
You did it, Mat!
[ So yes he lost control at the end, yes they will probably have to dry off the room before anyone can come in it again, but Istredd isn't focusing on that part. He's focusing on the success. ]
Did you feel it? The moment it worked?
No worries!
Date: 2023-09-13 12:53 am (UTC)It's not the watery accident he's stunned over, but his initial success. He'd most certainly felt it. All that power, rushing through him like spring melt down the mountain. It's enough to humble even him into silence for a moment.
He manages to nod, ignoring that he's dripping from every limb - not to mention Istredd's in the same state - and that the room is now a mess. He'd made that mess. No, it wasn't the intention, but fuck it, he doesn't care. He felt the moment that dam gave way and he broke through whatever holds he'd placed on himself.]
Uh...sorry.
[He tries to be sheepish. It doesn't work very well.]
But I did it!
no subject
Date: 2023-09-16 12:53 am (UTC)[ Istredd's seen plenty of mistakes much worse than this. He didn't set fire to the castle. It could have been worse. There may be some grumbling but it's part of magic, things not always going perfectly. He'll help them clean it up. It's funny that being soaked head to toe feels like a triumph, but it does. ]
You did. And the world didn't end. It only got a little wet. But you can do it again, you know that now.
[ Istredd thinks this is why teaching has ended up rewarding for him in a way he didn't expect. Wilhelm getting control of his fire, Mat able to push back a serious wall, it's worth all the effort to see them blossom. He smiles at him. ]
I'm proud of you, Mat.
w h a t why would I wait to wrap something up first / Aug, pre-Nocwich Weekend
Date: 2023-08-04 03:15 am (UTC)HA ilu
Date: 2023-08-04 03:49 am (UTC)He might not ever read this, but he also doesn't need to. Symbolically it is a vitally important text. Istredd did know where this book was and had considered looking for it sentimentally. The fact Lucifer did do exactly that makes him feel warm and fuzzy to a ridiculous degree.
Where are you?
Istredd can, as uausl, simply find him, but he prefers when Lucifer willingly tells him so he gets a head's up.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-04 04:11 am (UTC)So, being difficult, despite the rocking spear of love that has him teetering off balance and having to physically catch himself. Boy, that's a rush, nearly unexpected. Sure he had expected a reaction, just not so overwhelming.
(He's in town. Thank the heralds no longer in the Winking Cauldron. He doesn't need shit from Mildred.)
no subject
Date: 2023-08-04 04:28 am (UTC)Did you have to run off after making a sweet gesture?
He's pouting in the room and leaves to go to the library, but he holds the book to him. This isn't going to leave his sight any time soon. It was already a treasured object but now it's treasured and his.
Why did you get it?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-04 04:37 am (UTC)Because you were too much sad book boy, longing for Hayle.
Still.
That's not why.
Okay, that's not completely why.
You've been here a year now.
Sentimentality?? Sentimentality.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-04 01:08 pm (UTC)Awwww, sentimentality.
Happy anniversary of being the first person I met here.
He met Lucifer the first day he was there. He was shellshocked and simply sat in the first room he could find, staring off into space. Istredd did see Yennefer first, they found one another right away, which is why he started throwing her name around. But Lucifer was the new person. They created something that day that was unintentional but grew.
You have to come back eventually, you know. Why so shy? About doing nice things.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-06 03:56 am (UTC)He's just very old, distractable, sometimes stumbles into being a person.
He's also not entirely sure he can handle face-to-face Istredd being the equivalent of a sunbeam.
Anticipation, Istredd. It's healthy. I mean where's your patience, ehhh?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-06 04:29 am (UTC)Istredd can't possibly make himself less like a sunbeam when Lucifer made such a lovely gesture. So if Lucifer needs to come back when he feels like he can handle it better, that's fine. He is currently looking through the book. It's fiction, which means he's not really that interested in the story, but the pages are old and the cover unique and it's more his type than anything shiny like in Hayle.
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
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Date: 2023-08-06 05:34 am (UTC)That he's a-fucking-lot, sometimes.
Lucifer just isn't always prepared to handle it.
I sold a firecracker to a small child for the money to buy it.
That's not exactly what happened and it's Lucifer so 'small child' is relative and 'firecracker' is also inaccurate but it's basically the truth.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-06 05:52 am (UTC)And it's a credit to how much Istredd's grown since coming here on his end too, that he lacks the same uncertainty that he had in the start. He was insecure a lot in the beginning, being so isolated from others, but stability in relationships has helped. And he knows Lucifer is drawn to him in part due to his intensity, otherwise they wouldn't be good together.
You did not.
Istredd assumes he did something possibly related to it just so he could say them and somewhat mean them. He hugs the book to his chest like he did in the bookshop, smiling to himself. Technically a non-fiction book would actually be useful to him, but it's all about symbols.
I genuinely feel like I've known you a lifetime.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-07 04:12 am (UTC)It's not going to hurt anyone but it's sure going to annoy the kid's parents, if they have any.
So.
Yeah...
He definitely Did Something.
I think being in each other's heads kind of ups the feeling of how long it's been.
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Date: 2023-08-07 01:31 pm (UTC)Istredd knows Jack hasn't stopped being a topic or a pain point, but Wilhelm is Lucifer's true parental relationship, and it's a positive one. Even with that hiccup, it turned into something real and strong. Istredd still doesn't entirely understand teenage behavior, his own rearing so specific, although he and Kell have created a stronger bond than he expected he could have. It's a series of feelings he's working on accepting.
True, we were already in each other's pockets before that, but this accelerated it. Their closeness began before the bond, that simply cemented it in an undeniable way. But they found a harmony as roommates and friends first.
I don't read fiction but I'm going to try to read this one.
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Date: 2023-08-08 03:38 am (UTC)Says the age-old prankster-at-heart.
I hope it's excessively boring and drives you mad.
:)))
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Date: 2023-08-08 03:57 am (UTC)Wipe that smirk off your face, he's not done being made of mush. Not any time soon! This is all your own fault, Lucifer. Istredd is going to be happy about this and Lucifer can't ruin it, sorry. He's in high spirits.
Symbolically, it's perfect.
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Date: 2023-08-08 05:40 am (UTC)He recognizes he did this to himself but still.
This isn't going to Go Away anytime soon so eventually he does show up, hands shoved in pockets.
"How long are you going to be intolerable for, you think?"
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Date: 2023-08-08 02:09 pm (UTC)Istredd waits for the door to close and gets into Lucifer's space, cupping his face with his hands and kissing him firmly. He doesn't make it last until he has to gasp for air because Lucifer asked him a question, but it's mean to be a sign of gratitude. He pulls away with a smile.
"You say that like I plan on ever being tolerable."
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Date: 2023-08-09 03:06 am (UTC)Said unkindly, but per usual his thoughts disregard the tone.
"I put a book in the wrong place I took that from."
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Date: 2023-08-09 03:13 am (UTC)"You didn't." As Lucifer said before, he doesn't like Chaos, and the comedy of it is that the bookstore did have a sort of chaos to it. If the owner lets him stay in there for long, he's going to organize the entire thing for free. "I am not going to sleep until it's fixed." And it's too late for them to go. Rude.
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Date: 2023-08-09 03:25 am (UTC)His thoughts were giving way before he even finished talking, and he claps both his hands to Istredd's shoulders, laughing more than Istredd would likely appreciate, but he's smoothing out folds of fabric as he gives Istredd's mind the offering of memory: Lucifer simply taking the book from where it had been put, nothing else in its place, nothing out of sort.
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Date: 2023-08-09 03:42 am (UTC)"Sometimes I just want to strangle you." His hands drop to Lucifer's hips and he reels him in, pressing a kiss to his forehead. And over that brilliant mind that also enjoys tormenting him. Istredd often plays along too because Lucifer gets glee out of being irritating.
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Date: 2023-08-09 04:30 am (UTC)"Happy anniversary to meeting the first person here you wanted to strangle."
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Date: 2023-08-09 04:53 pm (UTC)"Oh you're a first in a lot of ways, my love. Although I'm a first in more." Smug smug smug. Endlessly smug. Sorry that's never going to stop either. "Imagine if you decided I wasn't a good enough placeholder."
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Date: 2023-08-09 06:57 pm (UTC)"I would've dug you out from the libraries one way or another. It just would've been equal levels of the shit that I gave Kyle in the beginning." Amused. "But unlike him you'd have gone along and rivaled it."
Istredd had a good way of meeting Lucifer head on in unexpected ways. He knows they wouldn't have gone further without the bond, but he also knows them both well enough that all Lucifer needed was a little give for him to sink his teeth into Istredd early on, and the beats would've just been hit at different angles.
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Date: 2023-08-10 01:22 am (UTC)Istredd's hands always have to be busy, hungry to touch him always, playing with the bottom of his shirt. "Okay so you didn't know you wanted me until we kissed, but when did you know you liked me as a person?"
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Date: 2023-08-10 04:00 am (UTC)"Like you? That needs a narrower definition." Because Lucifer has levels. "But I suppose deciding to not threaten killing you for being a telepath in my immediate presence is a fair starting point."
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Date: 2023-08-10 12:21 pm (UTC)He leans in to kiss him lightly, hand curling in the collar of his shirt to tug him in for it. It's not lingering, he feels like it when Lucifer is being sweet. "I already considered us friends by that point, but for me it was when you got me when I was stuck in the Horizon."
Istredd liked him earlier because it was natural, but when he realized Lucifer was actually his friend was then. He got his body into their room and then entered the Horizon knowing it may be dangerous to stick by him as it shook. That meant a lot to him.
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Date: 2023-08-18 02:56 am (UTC)He lists the possibilities and why there needs to be a narrower definition because he's a little shit but also because he thinks Istredd may appreciate it in the weird way that they are.
"But." But. "I don't have that answer, either, not really."
Because Lucifer doesn't know when it changed. He hadn't expected anything to change. He just remembers not expecting to lose anyone when he was afflicted and not the shock of the absence but the shock at their return.
"It was sometime before the heralds showed up." They had talked enough about the afflictions, more than once. "Probably for just some mundane, dumb reason."
So. Friendship and liking other people is just as complicated as... anything and everything else.
The joys of not being human!
Actually, frankly, simply the joys of being an extremely Sheltered Individual.
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Date: 2023-08-18 03:18 am (UTC)"But I don't know, in a strange way, it's felt easy with you too. I've always struggled with uncertainty about other people, but with you, it felt ... natural." Which shouldn't be possible as they are unnatural. Different worlds, different species, highly different backgrounds. It's the truth though.
Even now it is easy to lean his forehead against Lucifer's, put an arm around his waist to reel him in, close, comfortable. "I'm glad that you like me. Especially for the mundane, dumb reasons."
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Date: 2023-08-19 03:34 am (UTC)"Were an uphill battle?" He still is, you can't tell him otherwise. He knows.
Thorne gave them a lot of problems. Thorne also put them in a space where they either had to rely on each other or become a bloodbath and instantly betray one another. They picked a route, but it always makes Lucifer cautious of new Summoned. How the boat will get rocked. How they all get screwed because one person started a Rube Goldberg Machine of problems with just something so small.
He doesn't blame Wilhelm for anything; Wilhelm blames himself enough on his own.
But the kid's anxiety is a prime offering for the life they have in Thorne.
One, out-of-place anxiety.
"I have to be considered natural somewhere," he jests.
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Date: 2023-08-19 03:44 am (UTC)"You will always be a challenge, Lucifer. I wouldn't want you any other way." The absolute truth. Istredd's in love with him because of it. He likes that he's difficult. That's why he thinks it's oddly natural.
He worries about new people all of the time too. Every time they seem like they have balanced the Thorne Summoned well, a new group comes in, with all the threats and concerns that brings. But he felt that way in the start too, and now they all have one another. He's willing to be patient with others. To a point.
It's easier with Lucifer. Having that solid ground to fall back on, always.
"It's not like I'm easy." Laughable! Istredd only appears to be that way. A different kind of difficult.
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Date: 2023-08-19 04:01 am (UTC)Unspoken, as it is. Untranslated, as most thoughts from Lucifer are. The problems of being connected to an extremely inhuman mind.
"Ha! You're easy for me. Easy to read."
From someone that's accustomed to manipulating and twisting souls.
He reaches up and thumbs behind Istredd's ear.
"Easy to understand touch." He drags the same hand down behind Istredd, to the small of his back, grinning, "Comfort." He nudges towards Istredd, lips parted. It's whether or not anyone is willing to put in the effort. For both of them. For as fucked up as they both are, myriad of complications and all.
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Date: 2023-08-19 04:22 am (UTC)He didn't know this is what love could be like too.
"Oh good, I'm an open book to you. As long as it's not a boring book." His tone is dry.
Istredd laughs when Lucifer utilizes touch to win him over, and it works, of course, it'll always work. He's grinning when he leans in and kisses him, as Lucifer already knew that he would, because his parted lips are inviting and he is weak.
Loving you is effortless, for me. Easy. Natural, as he's said.
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Date: 2023-08-19 05:57 am (UTC)The one that Istredd has already practically sanctified. And! Maybe it is interesting! But they both know it likely isn't. Its meaning comes through in other ways that Lucifer will not acknowledge despite being the one that sold a firecracker enchantment and went to Nott when he had been adamantly avoiding it since their last trip and bought the dumb, no-nonsense, likely-very-boring book.
So.
"You'd be the first," to say that.
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Date: 2023-08-19 06:12 am (UTC)But they both know the symbol is what matters. If it turns out to be an incredible read, that would be nice, but he doesn't care about the story. Istredd may not get past ten pages, he'll find out. Lucifer is good with gestures. He shows the way he feels, either through their bond or through his actions, and Istredd doesn't need the words because of it. He uses the words because he's comfortable with them.
"I'm so many firsts for you." Istredd teases, one of the only things he is going to be eternally smug about. The book only feeds into that. "I can't speak for others, only myself, and that's the truth."
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Date: 2023-08-19 06:46 am (UTC)That's fine.
It's nothing.
Don't worry about it.
Sweep it under the rug with all the skeletons.
Uhhhhhggggnnnh.
Look. No reaction is better than the 'good for you' reaction that almost manifested in his thoughts.
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Date: 2023-08-19 01:47 pm (UTC)"Lucky me, being the object of your affection." Lucifer may be leaving it out, but Istredd won't. He's teasing him though, taking the bite out of the reality of those words. He is absolutely confident about Lucifer's feelings for him. He probably understands better than Lucifer does, what those are.
He kisses one of Lucifer's cheeks and then the other, the energy of 'same book, same page, same sentence.' Istredd curls his fingers into the front of Lucifer's shirt and pulls him, walking backwards to their bed and sitting on it, tugging him to follow. They can't snuggle as well when standing.
I didn't get you anything. I'll have to think of something.
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Date: 2023-08-20 07:26 am (UTC)The thought of getting a gift is as funny and out of place to him as it is for Istredd to receive one.
It's just things that don't happen.
New descriptor for the Thorne Summoned: simply screwed-up beyond reason.
He does move with ease even though he can snuggle just as well standing, why can't you, Istredd? He's only an immovable force when he chooses to be, so any potential eyerolling petulance that also follows is all for show.
He knew Istredd was going to be insufferable, but still, he hates this man. Hates him with the fires of a thousand suns yada yada yada. Passion, as it turns out, is a real bitch.
I don't need anything.
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Date: 2023-08-20 03:10 pm (UTC)He sits and encourages Lucifer to climb onto him, not unlike how he did that night in Hayle, coming in close to him, looking up at him. Istredd cups his face with one hand, thumb caressing his cheek gently. There is so much love in his eyes, enough that Lucifer wouldn't have to feel it from him to still sense it.
I didn't need the book. I'll think of something. I'll even try to make it not obnoxiously sentimental like me. Nah, it probably will be in some fashion. With Lucifer he is relentlessly romantic. Istredd uses his other hand to run down Lucifer's arm and thread their fingers together.
I know that I please you just by existing though. Istredd flashes a grin full of mischief. It's probably foul play to use things said in the middle of sex but he's going to do it anyway.
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Date: 2023-08-24 07:49 am (UTC)Lucifer has more 'stuff' to his name than he's ever had--why would he need material things in the past? Even clothing and jewelry of his vessels were just part of the costume.
The things in Lucifer's possession now are quite random. The strange trinkets as rewards or various party favors. The odds and ends Lucifer has taken to use as spell anchors. Clothing accessories that are his own and he does prefer to have when he leaves Thorne. The small weapon that he is very possessive of. The necklaces, one of which that simply appeared much like his cloak.
Most of it is practical, and the items that aren't have grown on him.
He is the first one of them to take something out of context from the middle of sex to use it so he really shouldn't be surprised by Istredd doing the same.
It still earns Istredd a mild thwap to an arm with his 'unrestrained' hand.
"Yes," he drawls, you're the gift that just keeps giving.
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Date: 2023-08-24 01:31 pm (UTC)Istredd has always been emotional and sentimental even as only friends, but he did blossom once they started this, his steady pulse of love and adoration one he's never curbed successfully since this began. And Lucifer's constant closeness, the way he's on top of him like now, was a huge surprise. The best surprise, an eternally pleasant surprise.
Technically Lucifer does have a little sentimental trinket of Istredd, the pin he took from him from the masquerade. It hasn't been ignored that he still wears it sometimes. He laughs when Lucifer thwaps him, undeterred. He lifts the hand he has and kisses the knuckles sweetly.
I am. I'm yours. He follows that up by leaning up and stealing a soft brief kiss from him because he's allowed to. Can I ask you a strange random question? He asks as if he plans on waiting for an answer. "Who was the vessel you're in?" There are a lot of things they still haven't discussed.
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Date: 2023-08-25 03:29 am (UTC)"The Story of Nick," he says aloud, cheery, "is a bad one, like most, if not all, of my stories." He could just leave it at that. Yeah it's some poor sod named Nick, the end. But he has no reason not to tell Istredd, other than it being a mood killer to the level that Lucifer wasn't looking for. He's generally told Istredd things when asked about his past, with some pushback depending how raw-open he was, and many of those times he told Istredd of his past it was intentional in order to try and make him Go Away.
But he's mostly done with that modus operandi. Once you tell someone you doomed all of humanity, the rest is kind of just welp. Maybe the 'smaller actions' hit differently but they don't change anything in the now.
"The random pick, Nick. I had one of my demons orchestrate how to make the man a shell of a person by the time I needed a vessel. I needed the right level of... mmm... mental brokenness I suppose you could say for my vessels to hold me without burning through them. And even then, Nick was well into decaying by the time I hopped into Sam. The demon broke into Nick's home and gutted his wife and child in their beds." A brief pause. "The demon's name was Abraxas."
And there's that little tidbit about why sometimes Lucifer still has issues about this world and his existence on it, and his entire life related to it. Why it seems like it could be a bad joke of his Father's.
"When I was searching for a vessel after my initial release from Hell, I went to Nick first. I manipulated his dreams. His perception. Made him relive his trauma. Took on the appearance of his wife to push home the horror, though I did tell him I was Lucifer. And offered him a chance for vengeance against God for allowing this massacre of his life to occur. Let's take our anger out on God, together. After all, my Father did allow me to pull those puppet strings, just as God had himself. Nick just assumed it was a random act of violence, one that had the case dropped and the crime never solved.
"I was surprised his soul was still kicking around in these walls when I got stuffed back in this skinsuit, but I guess he didn't make it through the sift that was coming into Abraxas."
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Date: 2023-08-25 03:50 am (UTC)Maybe it's a mood killer, but he's rarely been turned off by learning more about Lucifer, even when it's bad news. Istredd looks up at him as he listens to the sad tale of this Nick, and yet despite the very tragic information about the man's family, he is of course completely frozen at the name Abraxas.
"Well that's a mindfuck of a coincidental name." Istredd can't begin to think what that would mean if it's not coincidence. Just bizarre. He does get why the name of this place throws Lucifer though. He refuses to think that this place is all a design of Lucifer's God though. It could be, Michael seemed to think it was, but until proven, he's refusing.
"And?" Istredd puts an arm around his back and tugs him closer, then running that hand up his spine, affection not pausing in the slightest. What happened to force you back into the body since it wasn't your vessel? He remembers that Sam Winchester is supposed to be. A year later and he's asking the details.
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Date: 2023-08-25 04:34 am (UTC)"Right! I show up here after fleeing from the alternate psycho-version of Michael, end up on some crazy world with the same name as one of my demons, and then get punched with the fact that I need to sleep now and get the circus freakshow of nightmares of my Cage and my Father! What was I supposed to think of this place?"
He's given Istredd a smattering of details here and there but not the whole piece of the puzzle of how he ended up in his current predicament.
He's tapping fingers against their laced-together hands like he's ticking them off, mostly to keep track of the order of events. "Got shoved back into the Cage with Sam alongside Michael. Later on convinced Castiel to be my vessel in order to stop our aunt--long, long story there--but she expelled me during the battle. The problem with not having a previously-tapped, made-to-order backup vessel is you... can't find anyone to hold you. So I burned through, I don't know, dozens, of bodies before I settled into the--bard." 'Bard' is better to go with than rockstar, even though Istredd Gets That Now.
He snaps his fingers with his other hand. "Got sent to the bottom of the ocean for, I don't know, two weeks, by a witch." And yet! He's friends with Wanda! Lookit that. "Became the president--country leader--after I burned up the bard. Should've gone back to the Cage after whatever those knuckleheads used on me but sooooome little worm of a demon who got too comfortable holding my throne apparently scraped Nick off the floorboards and kept him on lockdown. Probably worked with his witchbitch Mommy Dearest, like he's smart enough on his own. Replicated all of the Cages warding and spellwork and 'carved it into every molecule.' I don't know how he redirected my descent, but he made me a nice and tidy prisoner, with a lovely security system through this body that I very much was pleased to slap back towards him and take back what was mine."
He looks oddly putout for a moment though. "I'll give Crowley some credit, he was as much an undying cockroach as Castiel. Just when you think you've killed him, he pops back up again. His parting shot was sacrificing himself to strand me on another world--where I was before I came here."
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Date: 2023-08-25 05:09 am (UTC)"You like to sleep."
Lucifer likes perching, he likes being a nuisane, and he likes sleep. Istredd likes having a timeline to his partner's life. He knows how little time Lucifer's been out of his Cage, they've discussed it before, but this fills in a few blanks. He appreciates the use of 'bard' and 'country leader' since those explain the terms to him without having to ask. He makes note of all the details he's getting and lifts the hand they're sharing to kiss Lucifer's knuckles gently.
"So much happened to you in what, a few years?" At most. He doesn't know the time table. It could be a decade, but that's not much for people like them. This was on the tail of nothing happening to him for a long, long time. And he fathered Jack somewhere in there. Istredd's eating up word for word, it sounds like something meant for one of those fiction books he doesn't read.
Istredd considers and lifts his hand from Lucifer's back to run through his hair and then cup his cheek. "Well if none of that happened, you wouldn't be here. And yes this is a bad compromise for you, compared to what you wanted, but there are worse options." Such as death and oblivion. Neither of which he's willing to acknowledge as options.
"I like knowing things about you, even the questionable ones." Like Nick. He isn't going to mince words there. Questionable is a mild word for it. "This is the most interesting my life has ever been. Outside of the one brief adventure with Geralt. And trying to save the elves, but that was useless."
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Date: 2023-08-25 05:39 am (UTC)He was always very bad (for good reasons) at keeping track of time in Hell. "Hell adds some extra years to the timetable, so I'm not sure." And once Sammy's soul got retrieved he lost his human chewtoy entertainment and was just stuck with Michael. They sure did not pass the time wisely.
He dips his head into the touch. "You mean all of the questionable ones," he states, simple. There's some that aren't, like his memory of flying. But most of Lucifer's very early memories are completely colored by the Mark and what happened after. It's nearly impossible to look at them in any good light.
I know, your life was so boring, here I am with mountain ranges of life details about me, and you with a volcano. An active volcano, at least. Proof of life within all that locked in his own world vibe.
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Date: 2023-08-25 03:32 pm (UTC)Istredd's the bad one in public. Lucifer's better at not giving into it there, Istredd has a tendency to still want to touch him. Hand holding, the occasional kiss on the cheek. It's difficult not to.
"Yes, I mean all of them. All of you." There is nothing about him Istredd hasn't been able to accept. He may not love hearing about the dark parts, but they're Lucifer. "But I liked the flying the most." Not only because it has no violence involved, but because it was beautiful. Freeing. His love has experienced endless unique things that he can only dream of.
He sits up closer so he can kiss him. Eighty or ninety years later and my life is finally interesting. Being here is interesting! And insane! He leans back onto his hands, breaking the kiss, head tipped back to look at Lucifer. "I plan on climbing all those mountain ranges."
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Date: 2023-08-31 02:59 am (UTC)(He knows Istredd is. That's not the point.)
At least Istredd will always know he's safe and securing in an unbreakable hold of Lucifer's arms. That odd reassurance. But they would, evidently, have a problem in public from Lucifer's end if, say, Istredd was covered in blood. Not even the queen would likely keep Lucifer cautious.
... Well.
Okay.
Maybe the queen.
"Enjoy your fool's-end expedition," he says, and he's sure that's what people said about Everest and yet have had many succeed at climbing it (and coming back alive). The flying part may be the only untainted part of him. He doesn't, by some miracle, doubt Istredd's own expedition despite his spoken words.
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Date: 2023-08-31 03:11 am (UTC)If Istredd was covered in blood, he would be smart enough to immediately excuse them somewhere else. If he had to give a report of some kind as to why, he would do it quickly, and then run off. He knows what he's about now. As strange as that 'about' may be.
Istredd grips Lucifer at the hips and turns them, placing Lucifer onto the bed if he allows it. He's graceful at it these days, but it does remind him sometimes of their first hook up. They're far enough from the drama for him to see it only in positive happy ways. He follows onto him and smiles, hands clasping Lucifer's and pressing them down against the bed.
All smokescreen, of course, Lucifer is so much stronger than him that it's hilarious. Anything he does physically is only what he allows him. But when he does allow him, it's still nice.
"I won't be satisfied until I know everything about you, everything you'll let me know." Sometimes he can sneak things that Lucifer didn't intend to tell him, but he doesn't want to pick at scabs either. "You really did pick the wrong person if you wanted to remain a mystery."
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Date: 2023-08-31 04:12 am (UTC)Lucifer's said enough that no one can make him do anything, Istredd especially. Any bend and twist and break he makes to Istredd's hands are all by choice, liquid-movements giving in. He'll easily and languidly resettle, content.
"I picked the wrong person regardless when I let you into my head at all," he says, enjoying the feel of Istredd over top him. That should distance themselves from that first night, regardless to how far they've come, if only because their positions are flipped. "Even if you did know everything, you wouldn't be satisfied," he continues, amused. As though your thirst is ever quenchable.
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Date: 2023-08-31 01:02 pm (UTC)Looking down at him now, a warm smile curling at his lips, Istredd can only see the ways they've changed for the better. He pins Lucifer's hands down but only by tangling their fingers together first. Yes, I am eternally thirsty. Since he now knows the term he says it very dryly. Istredd chuckles and leans in to steal a kiss, squeezing their joined hands, only stopping when he needs to come up for air.
"Then again, did you actually pick me, or did I wear you down with constant emotional support and adoration until you gave in?"
today on things Lucifer says that would usually be offensive but aren't meant to be
Date: 2023-09-14 04:23 am (UTC)He hums, watching Istredd, squeezing back at their hands as Istredd had done, as though he's fearful that Istredd will take offense from the words and draw away.
"You got under my armor," he lulls. "A mouse stealthily sneaking in, making a nest, remaining unnoticed until the damage was already done." He shrugs which is awkward while laying down. "But far as mistakes go." Grins a little. "Worked out."
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Date: 2023-09-14 01:06 pm (UTC)He squeezes Lucifer's hands again where he has them pinned, his thumb hooking to caress his knuckles, and kisses each cheek sweetly. "But I'm your favorite mistake." Lucifer doesn't admit to many mistakes anyway, since he doesn't regret much of what he's done, but Istredd's never asked him to. He is who he is. That's what people don't realize when they warn him about his partner. He might as well laugh in their face too. As if he doesn't know who is in his bed.
"It's not far from what I assumed would happen if you ever started to want me though. That it would be gradual and surprising." Istredd had that tiny bit of hope even as he lied because he wanted it so much to be true. "It would've been stranger if we tried to court the normal way."
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Date: 2023-09-15 01:58 am (UTC)Heh.
He's not telling Istredd that, keeping it tucked away in his own quiet amusement.
"You could've tried to court me whatever the 'normal way' is and it wouldn't have gotten you far."
Because Lucifer would be oblivious, same as before.
"My honesty is a charm of its own," he says, grin widening. "Why would I need flowery words?" His voice dips low. "Mmmm... poetry?" He claspes their hands tighter, tucks them under his head so that he can use them as an odd lever to push himself up just a fraction. He croons, "Ohhh... I know, maybe I should sing for you."
They are SHAMELESS
Date: 2023-09-15 02:21 am (UTC)There is something deeply infectious about Lucifer's grins and his cocky behavior in particular have a way of making Istredd weak for him. Istredd rolls his eyes, smirking back at him, allowing Lucifer to move their hands. He leans in close enough to kiss him but chooses not to, staying just out of reach.
"You said you possessed a bard's body. Surely you know a tune to serenade me with."
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Date: 2023-09-19 03:57 am (UTC)He smirks, despite Istredd's rudeness.
He wriggles his hips, equally rude.
"You'd be sorely disappointed. I didn't spend any time learning any of their music--if you could call their genre talent."
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Date: 2023-09-19 07:55 pm (UTC)He knows how to get Lucifer back after all and closes some of the distance to bite at his lip before pulling back before he can get swayed into kissing him. Still just out of reach.
"Sing for me anyway. I'll make it worth your while."
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Date: 2023-09-20 01:56 am (UTC)It's a question, always, how much Lucifer is willing to play along. How much his curiosity pushes him. His constant interest and amusement is an awfully good motivator, certainly.
There's the consideration to really give Istredd a taste of Vince Vincente, but Lucifer hardly knows the lyrics to 'Bloody Messiah' outside of the name itself.
That amusement of his ticks up a notch. Leave it to Lucifer to do as requested but be just enough off that the defiance is there.
He pushes up as much as naturally allowed--constantly able to break any hold on him that Istredd could put him in, but where's the fun in that? His voice is low, a croon, almost haunting and off-key, "The devil went down to Georgia," but there's a melody there all the same as his grin stretches ear to ear, "he was lookin' for a soul to steal."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 02:15 am (UTC)It also has the after effect of supplying a little friction which is always fun.
Istredd chuckles, having expected Lucifer to do something silly, and he wouldn't recognize any music from his sphere. It isn't a surprise there are songs about 'the devil' since everyone seems quite obsessed with Lucifer, in many spheres.
He lowers his head down to Lucifer's ear. "And?" He prompts, lifting one hand to dive into Lucifer's hair, forcing his head to tilt back so he can bite the skin right under his ear.
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Date: 2023-09-20 03:16 am (UTC)He stays put this time and sprawls his free hands (and arms) out around him. If he's going to be 'denied' he's not going to rise to the opportunity any touch.
Lucifer has a grand ol' library of songs to his name to rival God, and they're way more popular. So much more in the limelight since devil is less restricted to religion as God is. The rebellious anthems and the dark side and the downright evil. He's got 'em all!
Can't completely diss the classics, even if 'Lucifer' technically loses in this song. Eh. (He won the last time there was talk of a fiddle of gold against a soul, isn't that right, Sammy?)
But. Excuse him. He's a little distracted. You're welcome, asshole, it takes him a minute to pick up the line of song he had chosen to delve into. A sin in its own right, going about the rhythm so slow. But Lucifer doesn't have a fiddle, anyway.
He shifts his head to give Istredd better access, though a part of him wonders if Istredd will see the offer and pull away, the devious bastard.
He puffs out a breath. Licks his lips, slow. Eyes bright. So kindly doesn't move. "He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind. And he was willin' to make a deal," he purrs. Chuckles, pushes the out-of-place tune through their minds, "Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due." His chuckles chimes between them and he slips lower beneath Istredd with what little movement he is able to manage, "I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cause I think I'm better than you."
You see the joke now, Istredd?
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Date: 2023-09-20 03:41 am (UTC)It would be strange to hear Lucifer speak Her Sweet Kiss because it's not really easy for a gender swap. But Istredd would probably be into it regardless.
Pulling away from the offer is exactly what Istredd does when Lucifer physically invites it, knowing it's an instigation. He likes getting a reaction out of Lucifer, taunting him sometimes to see how much more of one he can get. If Lucifer will lose patience. Istredd continues to provoke him that way as he now moves his mouth so that it's almost touching Lucifer's skin, his warm breath felt and the curve of his smile.
"I have never played a fiddle in my life." Istredd's tone is droll, as they're both simply joking around the song. Just speaking caresses his lips against Lucifer's neck but no more than that. He puts his hands on either side of Lucifer's head and pushes up, equally moving his body just out of reach. His weight, his heat, pulling temptingly within reach but not on him.
"Do you think you're better than me, my love?"
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Date: 2023-09-20 04:15 am (UTC)He didn't think it'd come back at him like this.
He maybe should have but for being the so-called embodiment of sin it doesn't so naturally come to him as most would assume.
But he's of the belief he can remain in control of himself for longer than Istredd. He could be enticed to give in. He thinks the reward would outweigh anything else.
"Oh, in many ways," he hums. "But not all. Isn't that the point?" They discuss the 'point' of things, of people, far too often. "A balanced scale, between the two of us?" He bites his lip and smiles.
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Date: 2023-09-20 04:24 am (UTC)"I think we should test out my fortification spell." Istredd partially sits up, away from Lucifer's tempting body, but only so he can pull his shirt off and toss it to the side. Luckily in their every day life they aren't as sewn into tight clothing. Istredd favors spacious shirts, often a little bit of a v-cut.
Istredd said he was going to work on a physical fortification spell for the intention of making himself harder to break. Lucifer's strength is immeasurable and he has to be careful with his soft human lover. Neither of them want Lucifer to hold back. It will probably take more than one test to get the perfect outcome.
"If you want me."
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Date: 2023-09-20 04:55 am (UTC)He's just. Not accustomed to things. Coming back 'round to him in a positive light. Negative? Oh, that's burned into his true form's bones. Positivity is new. Very new.
(Unfortunately for Istredd, while Lucifer doesn't wear tight clothing on a normal basis, he does wear a lot of clothing. His two-tunic scenario being his usual, the under tunic having a suicide bomber's level of enchanted butterfly pins--thankfully the few that are attached to spells are defensive-based and require a spoken word for activation.
Lucifer has yet to go into offensive-based lightning and even then it wouldn't be attached to a pin.)
If he wants him. Well. There's the real joke. More than any devilish music Lucifer could recite.
But sometimes. Sometimes, Lucifer lives up to his name, his established-identity. He's slack against the bed, looking crookedly up at Istredd, and intones, "Please," with enough meaning that it rolls along the bond.
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Date: 2023-09-20 05:12 am (UTC)There was a time both of them thought it was possible Lucifer wouldn't want him this way. He was still new to it and the feelings it provoked. Now he may as well be radiating desire and it is a heady feeling to soak in. That is the only thing Istredd would accept. Nothing lukewarm. Only bright like this.
He loses the game the moment Lucifer says that word and the play drops out of him as something drops in his stomach at the time, butterflies fluttering, and he licks his suddenly dry lips. Istredd hurries to say the spell with the precision of someone good at this now, and he has been testing it out on his own. Lucifer can probably tell the difference right away as the power drops over Istredd and he'll find his body is cushioned, his skin impossible to rip to shreds, glowing with the type of strength that only a very good enchantment could pull off.
Istredd wastes no time after that to swoop down and kiss the sense out of both of them, dropping his body back down on top of Lucifer, forcefully rocking his body against him now. The please is something he is unlikely to forget, maybe even fantasize occasionally on his own about.
Istredd only pulls out of the kiss when he's probably going to see stars from lack of breathing, taking those precious seconds before he gets starving again to pull Lucifer up with him with a sharp tug. "Take your damn clothes off or I'll rip them off." He is being his pushy self by curling his fingers into Lucifer's tunic and hurriedly scrambling it toward his head to try and get it off.
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Date: 2023-09-20 10:15 pm (UTC)How to rig it in his favor.
(He fully understands that his victory will not last long, but the brief thrill of satisfaction that one word earns him in this moment is well-worth it on its own.)
The new feel from the magic has Lucifer's attention sharpened. He knows they talked about it, knows Istredd is determined when he sets his mind to something, but it's intriguing nonetheless to sense the efforts made for--well, them. He's better prepared himself, to an extent. He remembers at least after the fact what the trickled-looseness of his power unchecked felt like.
There's other risks for why the spell is necessary. The physical, unyielding strength of an archangel that has little to do with his grace tank.
He chases Istredd's bruised lips but allows him to continue breathing for the moment.
He does like these particular clothes and yet they are easier to come by than their party outfits. His tunics aren't fancy, easy to replace just as the rest of his clothing. They could maybe afford the butterfly pins getting scattered...
But in a contradictory motion he claps a hand tight around Istredd's hold on him, unyielding. His gaze is intense when he uses his other hand to very carefully pluck that one specific, known pin off from where its hidden away near his collarbone, kisses it simply, and places it safely down on a table space somewhere behind him.
"By all means, Istredd," he says, releasing his grip on Istredd's hand, his tone a challenging trill, "rip them off."
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Date: 2023-09-20 11:24 pm (UTC)The night at Hayle when they were hurriedly getting out of their clothes, Istredd did consider ripping their clothes right off, but they decided to be careful considering Natasha picked out his clothes. They don't have to worry about that now. He knows that Lucifer has the pins underneath but that they are voice-commanded because they talk about magic.
Lucifer just has to do something extra sentimental by picking out Istredd's pin and kissing it, and Istredd is going to drown in desire. His lust is pouring through their connection and the spike in it felt. He is out of his mind with it. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you." The way he wants to dig into his skin with his nails, his teeth, let Lucifer try to break him.
He doesn't need magic to rip the tunic right off Lucifer, he's plenty strong on his own, muscular these days thanks to Lucifer's own consistent training. He splits the first down the middle of his torso and tugs it off. Istredd considers being careful with the pins but that's not the point of this, if Lucifer wanted to do that, he would have taken them all off.
So he is very purposeful when he tears open that tunic because it is meant to send those pins flying off him, like buttons would if he was wearing that kind of shirt. They flip in different directions, most to the ground, and he grins, eyes so blue they may as well glow.
It is thrilling to get to his prize and his hands are hot as they run over Lucifer's chest, digging nails into his shoulders, and this time Lucifer can probably feel them even sharper than usual. Fortification spell means he's tougher and he may even be able to draw blood if given good reason.
"Tell me how much." Istredd runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and jerks back his head again, this time doing what he wants and kissing his neck, nipping. "You want me."
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Date: 2023-09-21 01:32 am (UTC)He genuinely wants this man.
Istredd's only immediate response is the breathlessness from him, enjoying the roughness, the loud-and-clear tactile touches. I know you can feel it. Which isn't meant to sound the way it does, but what can you do. His thoughts are as lazily sprawled as the rest of him, vibrating chords in response to Istredd's actions like he's the first true musical instrument of the cosmos. Acquired desire from the depths of Hell is no joke. And it's rolling in easy waves towards Istredd. Unfiltered sin.
Outside of clapping to hold Istredd by the wrist he's gone back to not touching him, ever experimental in his own ways, intrigued at how far being pliant will get him, and he can get a lot of mileage without using his hands.
But then Istredd said he'd make it worth his while, didn't he? Although Lucifer has stopped singing, so he supposes that might need to be remedied.
remembering now to say NSFW
Date: 2023-09-21 02:01 am (UTC)So lazy, he teases, with Lucifer sprawling like a content spoiled cat, letting himself be loved and worshipped. Istredd pulls his hand away from Lucifer because they're not naked and he has to make that happen. He slides down the bed, away from the rest of Lucifer which is always a shame, but he makes very short work of Lucifer's pants. He makes certain to undo them before any ripping happens, so as not to tug anything in the wrong way.
He takes the time to strip off Lucifer's shoes, playful as he kisses the sole of his foot while doing so, almost happy to slow down now that he has the man bare in front of him. Istredd keeps the rest of his own clothes on for now. Istredd presses a kiss to his clavicle, down his chest, to his stomach, his mouth making a very clear pathway, but just as before, when it seems like he's going to give Lucifer what he wants, he stops.
His warm breath gives him some anticipation of a touch that isn't coming unless Lucifer gives in and reaches for it, and he glances up at Lucifer from where he is. I wonder. Istredd trails a single finger over him, tracing the hard flesh with a tease. If I told you to fuck me, would you lie there and let me do all the work?
mildly important / I'm sorry world for what I keep doing to this CLASSIC song
Date: 2023-09-21 03:01 am (UTC)He needs the worship, basks in it like he's sunbathing. About the only way he might get it without being turned off by the usual fanaticism, always just off slightly to what Lucifer craves. To think he could've accidentally seduced someone and filled a fix for his needs.
(It wouldn't have worked, back home. It would always have that sour taste of him and what his name represented.)
There is a certain appeal to it, now that you mention it. To make Istredd have to take what he needed from Lucifer, to give Lucifer what they both wanted. It's so achingly strong and maybe some other time he'll want that.
But not this time.
He closes his eyes for a moment and just lounges in the warmth, letting the moments tick on like he won't reach out, but just before Istredd might consider making a different touch, a different word, Lucifer shifts strangely enough--those feline moves--so that he can get a hand up under his chin, that playful grin of his back, and his singing up til now has been purposefully wrong, but he puts real effort into it (Istredd doesn't have to know he's been skipping lyrics): "But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best there's ever been."
Because he keeps challenging Istredd and it hasn't failed him yet, mm?
LOL
Date: 2023-09-21 03:21 am (UTC)Istredd pauses when Lucifer reaches down to touch his chin, his eyes locked on Lucifer's face, his grin. He's said before that it is the details that are Lucifer he's attracted to. The way he grins, croons, lies out like a cat demanding attention, it's all him. It's what makes this body appealing; Istredd is surrounded by attractive people all day every day. None of them do it for him. He has a very specific taste.
"The best there's ever been? At fiddling, maybe."
Istredd can be fast and graceful too sometimes, when he's in his element, and usually between these sheets, he is. He climbs back up Lucifer's body, more snakelike than feline in that movement, and nuzzles their noses together. His kiss then is gentle, chaste, a contrast to everything else they're doing.
"Why don't you sing me a verse about what you do want?"
my last apology, world
Date: 2023-09-21 03:56 am (UTC)Right? he jests, I'm so charitable.
"Fiddlin' is about fast fingers," he explains, amusement so incandescent between them that it's a beacon on a ship at night in its own right. His laughter hasn't really faded away. It comes and goes, oscillates. Istredd may be the best between the sheets but Lucifer has tricks. Ones that Istredd is still learning. Ones that Lucifer is still discovering, building on what he absorbs.
Lucifer should have to switch songs but that bubbling feel across the bond is going stronger than ever.
"The devil opened up his case and he said, 'I'll start this show'," he arches into Istredd, echoing that forceful energy previously of Istredd's and immediately loses his complete no-touching game, his fingertips uncharacteristically hot, "and fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow," as they catch somewhere to Istredd's hip and push down low beneath clothing, searching, caressing. Lucifer licks his lips. The laughter mentally upticks. And he pulled the bow across the strings. And ah, there's where his hand wants to settle. "And it made an evil hiss." He nips at Istredd but only to click teeth, not making contact as much as Lucifer really does enjoy a flowing of blood. "Then a band of demons joined in," and it sounded something like this.
He kisses Istredd in the same moment his thoughts sing and he wraps his hand around him.
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Date: 2023-09-21 04:23 am (UTC)The best part about being Lucifer's first, outside of how intensely smug it makes him, is he gets to watch him learn about himself in real time. And despite having been sexually active for over sixty years, Istredd's still learning about his tastes.
Istredd doesn't know the song but he can tell a half-second before Lucifer arches into him that he is about to get some karma back. The lack of touch until now works well at making it special when he does finally run his surprisingly warm fingers onto him. Istredd shivers and licks Lucifer's lips for him since they're close. There are goosebumps across his skin everywhere that Lucifer caresses.
He doesn't know for a moment if Lucifer is going to do what he did and taunt so he groans in both relief and pleasure into Lucifer's mouth when his hand moves exactly where he wants it to be. Istredd reaches out with his hand, not having to look as he opens a drawer and telekinetically snapping to him a bottle of oil he got intentionally. They're two men who have to be smart. He sets it down.
He gets a deep taste of Lucifer by exploring his mouth and rocks his hips hopefully into his grasp, never passive. Please keep touching me. No shame. Please please please.
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Date: 2023-09-21 04:59 am (UTC)It's the thrill backing it, that Lucifer has the ability to sate this unrelenting lust, that amps him up in a way that's another kind of torture but so very different. That Lucifer can give instead of take and still get the same amount of pooling warm heat and desire and results. He sucks on Istredd's bottom lip and pulls his desire into him, the benefit of their mental boundaries being currently strong. Themselves, loud and powerful and something other where they do meet with mental friction.
The experience alone Lucifer snacks on, takes bits into himself like a corvid stashing pieces away.
Desire is as alien to Lucifer as love but he's understanding it much, much faster.
He doesn't stop touching Istredd.
Doesn't stop giving into his wants because this Lucifer has control over, for the time being, and if he were to lose that control it only means good things, right? He wants to trust in Istredd's spell, the warding over the room. He's done with his singing though, Istredd would have to beg on a different level entirely for Lucifer to raise his chords. But he doubts he'll need to, free hand finding the oil and dexterously fumbling with it.
They've already discussed his limited knowledge but some things simply translate 1:1 that he understands the logistics and in spite of his Father does he want to fuck Istredd. Break the man down to fractions.
"I don't need a gift," he starts aloud, and finishes with vibrations echoed over their bond, if I can just unwrap you as he presses purposely now-cooled fingers into Istredd. His eyes never leave Istredd's face, soaking in the changes of expression, the slipped-escaped breaths.
See? He's so incredibly charitable.
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Date: 2023-09-21 12:56 pm (UTC)He has no qualms about begging, no hesitation about laying himself emotionally bare for someone he trusts. Istredd moans and for a moment he doesn't have the strength to stay upright, leaning down into him, helplessly pushing into Lucifer's grip, his touch. This isn't the best way but damned if he'll stop it. Not when Lucifer is trying and eager to give what they both need. And fuck, does he need this. Longed for it, dreamed of it.
Are you saying I'm your gift? he teases and then gasps, scrambling to put his hands on Lucifer's chest to keep himself balanced. His expression is one of pale pleasure, opening for him, wanting it. So eager. He is too busy sinking into the way it feels to try anything like pulling away, even to get rid of the pants that are going to get in the way of this.
Hell knowledge is already good enough apparently. Istredd likes a little sting, and with his body fortified as it is, he can take plenty of it.
"Unwrap me. Unravel me." Istredd meets his eyes, locks. "Fuck me until you're the only thing that exists."
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Date: 2023-08-10 12:39 am (UTC)Well.
Mostly for cutting him off.
Little less proud for the 'you were right' part, but. Still.
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Date: 2023-08-10 12:41 am (UTC)He was distracting from the important parts of the post. Neutralizing him was the only way to get back to the topic.
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Date: 2023-08-10 12:45 am (UTC)[He will find you in that rare occasion and sit down in front of you and pull out his well-worn string and start going through the motions.]
Just watch, awhile. But I think I figured out how two people do it, finally.
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Date: 2023-08-10 01:07 am (UTC)[ He is too distracted to cat's cradle and can't help but do one more reply. And clearly he regrets it on the bond, but he's so pissed off. ]
Ah, fuck.
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Date: 2023-08-10 01:20 am (UTC)He knows Istredd can't help himself. Knows it'll only keep devolving.
So the odd ping of rolling text somewhere along the floor gets in his vision and he's snapped out onto Istredd in an instant, pinning him very rudely onto his back.] Nope. We're done. Let you dig your own grave, little public cat fight. [He straddles Istredd's hips, immovable stone archangel, leaning far out of reach, still annoyingly pulling his string between his fingers.
He sees Nero's response trickling in somewhere over Istredd's head. Rolls his eyes. He reaches down with both hands holding one of the shapes neatly between them and presses his pointedly into Istredd's chest Stares down at Istredd, cool and commanding.] Shut it out, Istredd. [Like telling someone to walk away from the internet. Block the connection. ]
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Date: 2023-08-10 01:53 am (UTC)Istredd's empathy can make him a really good person, but it can also make him a really vicious enemy.
And he would regret it but the anger shoots and his impulsivity starts and if Lucifer hadn't pinned him, forcing him to focus in person, he would have gone for the low blow. Istredd struggles for a moment, and arguably he could still send the message while being physically restrained, but Lucifer shook him out of that moment of brutal revenge.
He breathes easier, shaken out of it, although the anger remains just at a reasonable level. ]
Such a prick.
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Date: 2023-08-10 02:03 am (UTC)He'd kept a very close eye on the proceedings and while he wanted to rip Nero a new one he let it go on, watching for that teetering towards a point of no return between him and Istredd, thinking they were in the clear, and oh, well, here we are.]
Yep. He is. No arguments from me there.
[He is definitely not moving.]
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Date: 2023-08-10 02:09 am (UTC)I saw the killing blow.
[ Metaphorically, he could see a weakness in Nero, how to exploit it, where to press. And it's not like him to be hot-headed but he has his hot buttons just like anyone. Istredd sighs and closes his eyes, trying to calm down.]
But it would have been cruel. He's a child.
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Date: 2023-08-10 02:25 am (UTC)Which is pretty bad in itself.] He's a child and that was a public forum. [He's less concerned about the child part and far more concerned about the 'public venue' part, obviously.]
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Date: 2023-08-10 02:37 am (UTC)[ And yet that is the role he's chosen, the one he's had since he was younger than Nero. It is all self-imposed although the mages did need to grow up very fast. They never had their teen years, they didn't get outlets where they could be that catty and struggle until they were older. And that was part of Stregobor's molding too. Calm. Controlled. Never let someone get to you, they're all lesser than you.
In that moment, he could almost see Stregobor in him, go for the pain, go for the killing blow. It's not always a bad thing to be able to do that, and if it was one of the cultists or a Thorne enemy, he wouldn't hesitate. But it's Nero, so it's not the same. They're not actually enemies.
]
He probably saved my life in the Pit. Someone else was drugged and out of their mind and strangled me. He got in the way. I did the same thing for Geralt.
[ They did try to help each other. He doesn't name that Ciri was the one because that is still not a topic he likes. The problem with the situation with Ciri is that he was going to let her kill him. Also not something Lucifer would want to know. ]
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Date: 2023-08-10 04:07 am (UTC)Yeah he doesn't want to hear the strangling part in general.
It's hilarious that Istredd even try to throw out that he was fine when going down memory lane, ignoring the anger part of it all, probably isn't helping.] Responsibility's a bitch and you went and took the largest possible serving of it and now you gotta suffer the consequences that come with it. That's the double-edged sword of being closely regard and seen, Istredd. Can't just fade to the shadows.
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Date: 2023-08-10 12:13 pm (UTC)[ Writing down the experience with Wanda, sharing it. It wasn't his idea but he is going to support her and she needed his details. He never noted that it wasn't his choice to share Lorelai's location because that would be ratting her out, so he chose to take the brunt of that accusation instead. He assumes Wanda will talk to Nero separately, she is unlikely to let that fly. Just ... less public than their catty conversation. ]
The public conversation, whenever we get that set up, will also be that.
[ They were talking about next month for that, time for them to get all their info in order and prepare things for people. If it is still in the library, and that seems to be a good idea so he can show off the chalkboards of information, he will need that prep time. It's true that he chose this though. He could have continued to be quiet and isolated and left everything to others. Istredd misses those days. It was simpler.
He deflates underneath Lucifer, anger bleeding away because it rarely ever stays.]
Get off me, I'm not going to fight with him anymore.
[ He is going to go and reply to other things though. He rubs at his eyes. ]
I'm tired. That took a lot out of both of us.
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Date: 2023-08-11 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-11 02:01 am (UTC)[ Istredd rolls his eyes and then focuses instead on reading the other comments that weren't him and Nero making asses of themselves in public. ]
Himeka being willing to talk to that god again is promising. I believe she's aware of the theory about the original Summoned. Having more people in Solvunn learn High Magic would be great.
[ Yes, he wanted to learn it himself, he desperately wanted to, but sometimes you can't get what you want. This will have to do. ]
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Date: 2023-08-17 10:10 pm (UTC)Lucifer learned some things about High Magic from Michael but ultimately they just don't have the right means in Thorne. Secret
BasementUnderground Native Cult is still what Lucifer thinks is there only option, because hiding a shrine somewhere in the castle is nigh impossible.] Having more people in Solvunn practice High Magic is more the necessity there. But better she bite off more she can chew than us if she's already got some connection.no subject
Date: 2023-08-17 10:20 pm (UTC)[ Istredd says with no small amount of amusement. It is typical Lucifer to ruin all his bad moods. He isn't even allowed to linger long in anger at someone else, his significant other just slips in there being effortlessly distracting. Very annoying.
He puts up his hands so Lucifer can do the cat's cradle thing with him. He can multi-task with that and actually answering real questions now. ]
They've gone up in number I believe, just like us. More options.
[ There was a surge in newcomers. He wonders if the factions know more than they do right then. ]
I'm flagging that Jill woman mentioning killing gods. We really don't need new people attempting to fight the gods.
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Date: 2023-08-18 04:23 am (UTC)You multitask while Lucifer says unkind things about other people.] So what if she does? She'll just be swatted down like a bug. They'll just make an example of her and we'll be done with it.
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Date: 2023-08-18 04:35 am (UTC)Or they'll take it out on all of us and we'll be no closer to finding out more about their source.
[ He is very serious about finding out answers about the gods, and since he has no ability to do it himself, he has to put all his faith into Wanda and Himeka. He is annoyed at anyone jumping right to destruction, but they might not know any better.]
And they're new. They don't know what they're talking about.
[ It's his responsibility to look out for the new people and hopefully not let them get killed. ]
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Date: 2023-08-18 04:42 am (UTC)You know I don't think very highly of deities but I imagine the gods to have less of a mass temper-tantrum reaction as a certain queen does. Barely even notice a tiny human shouting incessantly at them and poking them with a toothpick. [He doesn't know what the new batch's abilities are but he doesn't imagine they have the capabilities to take on the pantheon.] You can't teach the ignorant. They have to learn in the fire.
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Date: 2023-08-18 04:47 am (UTC)You say that until one of our people pays the price. I'm not risking anyone on ignorance.
[ 'Our people' being their real friends, not the newcomers. The kids, for example. Istredd may be too cautious, but he thinks after the heralds, they have good reason. ]
We don't know how powerful they are. They could be Wandas.
[ Yeah, Wanda's higher on his list of powerhouses than Lucifer himself. What of it. ]
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Date: 2023-08-18 05:42 am (UTC)Uggggh that's not fair, you can't use that against me.
[It's absolutely fair and not only that it's smart. Lucifer squashes Istredd's anger and overall narrow-minded not-thought-through ideas and Istredd squashes down (most of) Lucifer's going-to-blow-up-in-all-their-faces disasters.
He at least thinks about them now, anyway.
Thinking about them and taking them into complete consideration isn't always enough however. Someone's gotta make the shady deals, the dark deeds, the bad risks. That's still Lucifer. Because he thinks he can handle it, absorb the damage unto himself.
Perfectly healthy things.]
Fine, maybe she can kill a god. Good for her if she can. So fine. Fiiiine. [F I N E] Make sure she's smart about it or whatever.
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Date: 2023-08-18 09:12 pm (UTC)[ Istredd is still feeling a little salty, although none of it is pointed at his beloved archangel. Just generalized frustration. At Nero, at these newcomers, at the experience he had to dredge up and how little they still know about things he feels they need. It isn't the best day for his overthinking, churning brain.
He likes the repetitive motion of the game though and Lucifer's constant contact with him is always helpful. They are good at filling each other's weaknesses. ]
There will be no god killing until we know for sure if they used to be Summoned. If we're inevitably going to end up the same, we have to get ahead of it.
[ Istredd wants to know how they were 'corrupted' if it was them, because he can think of all kinds of ways that could happen here. He isn't protecting gods, he's protecting them and their future. He wants to be here for the next few centuries, but not turn into the heralds. Perfectly reasonable thing to be concerned with. ]
Luckily they're in Thorne. They won't have access to the gods currently. I'll handle it. Eventually.
[ He's mentally weary already, closing his eyes to stop seeing the words, especially the conversations not pertinent to him now. ]
About the woman in the altar ....
[ Since Lucifer didn't like that. ]
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Date: 2023-08-18 09:57 pm (UTC)He shifts position so he sprawls out, still atop Istredd, hands and string in close proximity, just pushing his legs out across the floor so that he can rock his ankles side to side.] Yeah alright I don't want to become God Tier in a decade and have some new Summoned try to ruin my day.
You have other people at your beck and call that can help 'handle it'. [Not Lucifer (technically). Lucifer is not (technically) at Istredd's beck and call.
He makes a face at the mention of the woman and says nothing. Let Istredd say whatever he wants to say, Lucifer isn't being sucked into a lead-in.]
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Date: 2023-08-18 10:31 pm (UTC)[ Typically if he was with anyone else, Istredd would simply move them, but Lucifer is too strong to do that, and if he refuses to move there is nothing that Istredd can do about it. It would be like trying to push against a concrete wall. He's learned that first-hand. He hopes asking will get him the desired result, if partly because he too likes to drape over Lucifer. ]
I love your continued certainty that you can achieve god status in a decade. A little delusional, but ambitious. And I don't have people at my beck and call.
[ Okay maybe a little of his saltiness can be shared. Istredd can't do much from this position so he does push his hands with the string up toward his chest. A poke. ]
Going to that island is going to be difficult for some of us. You may have to hear things about it you don't want to. I'm warning you now.
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Date: 2023-08-19 04:45 am (UTC)[He's all bird bones, surely. Feather light.
(That is not how vessels work in the slightest).
But he will, with the Most Drawn Out Petulance, slant his back down to the floor and fully lift his legs so that Istredd can Do What He will since he is the most surly of the two of them at the moment and that should Be Acknowledged.]
I have ten years for you to prove me otherwise. Peanuts. I promise you I'll do most of my work in the latter half. [Because grace levels. And. Ugh. Magic.
But being 'delusional' is exceptionally on-brand for the devil, as Istredd will learn. (As Istredd likely already knows, but hasn't quite associated with the Devil.)
Just like, similarly, Istredd will recognize Lucifer Not Talking About the funguslady is for his benefit, not Lucifer's.] It's not about that. I didn't ask about things that I should have--and clearly I should have been more... in that scenario. You, whoever was involved, should have killed her. If not for necessity to what she had power for down the road, but for that silly little thing called mercy. [He huffs, a tone that is........... likely not helping.] But I already said that for your being the 'sane' one, you were anything but.
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Date: 2023-08-19 05:43 am (UTC)Istredd leans down, pressing their hands to Lucifer's chest for a moment, so he can steal a kiss, but it is quick, sitting back up so they can continue the strings between them. He doesn't want to think about the latter half of the decade, if that means it is when Lucifer will start losing this part of himself. Maybe he would be a good candidate for a god then. He won't care the same way. ]
I was dying. [ He says, shrugging his shoulders as if that's not a big deal. Sanity wasn't the problem. ] My wound was infected, I lost a lot of blood. I could barely stand. I thought maybe they could save her.
[ They both know where that injury was, Istredd was tender there for quite some time, but Lucifer wasn't there when he came off the turtle. He avoided him on purpose, he didn't see the extent of the damage. Their connection was all static. Istredd probably would've died in another day. He knows that Lucifer gets upset about his borderline death wish in the Pit, but there is importance in the reality here too.]
She's an open-ended problem. Also the shrine monster. [ He shows Lucifer the creature. Not the details of what it did in the Pit, just what it looked like. ] If you want to mercy kill her you can.
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Date: 2023-08-19 06:06 am (UTC)What did you think was going to happen, Istredd?
Were you thinking, Istredd?
Were you even, really, present, Istredd?] I am going to be sure she's dead because she's a ritualistic battery-pack against you and everyone else's ['that he cares about' is unspoken, but obvious] trauma, not out of mercy. Her lingering presence means this could happen again, under the right circumstances.
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Date: 2023-08-19 06:20 am (UTC)You don't know what she is. None of us do. We were speaking from experience, not knowledge.
[ They found her in the altar, they tried to talk to her, she couldn't leave alive. He took what he could out of her mind but it wasn't helpful. They could be wrong, especially given that Istredd just said he'd been dying. He had gone mad healing Steve too. Castiel had just gone through a crazy spiral that set loose the monster. No, none of them were sane. ]
We need to get permission for the island. Anything else comes later.
[ His brain is worn out. He doesn't want to argue, even if this was his own fault. ]
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Date: 2023-08-19 06:32 am (UTC)Istredd poked the bear.
And boy, would he keep pushing the matter if Istredd weren't so brain-weary, felt across their connection.
It's there... just on the edge, like a child with a magnifying glass over a bug with the sun. Just a little more of a push. Asking for it.
He doesn't.
There is. A lot, Of restraint involved. Instead, he just quits his string game and wraps his arms around Istredd and does not move aside from the occasional twitch at processing the scrawl of text.]
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Date: 2023-08-19 01:28 pm (UTC)And he never really got to talk about it. The people who were there don't talk about it either. Collective denial. He expects Lucifer to be poked, that he struggles with his desires to push people. He is always good with Istredd. Gentle, in a way.
He leans down into Lucifer's space when he hugs him and lets him do that. He changes his position so he is more directly sprawling on him, and that makes it easier to embrace. Istredd buries his nose into Lucifer's neck, eyes closing, and pushes off the text for now. ]
Sorry. [ He murmurs into Lucifer's skin. That sorry could mean any number of things. ]
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Date: 2023-08-20 06:55 am (UTC)[Which. Is an open-ended offer, finally, to actually listen if Istredd needs to talk about the Pit.
At some other point.]
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Date: 2023-08-20 02:55 pm (UTC)[ He grumbles, petulant, not usually his reaction of choice but maybe Lucifer is rubbing off on him. Istredd doesn't know exactly what he's sorry about, but he does feel sorry about some nebulous things. Or maybe he's sorry in the way things happened to both of them that made them traumatized and he's sad for them. Feelings are complicated and rarely make full sense, something he has grumpily had to accept over time.
He turns his head and moves down just an inch so he can hear Lucifer's heart beat. Or his vessel's heart, but it still is reassuring. ]
It's like when you didn't tell me about what you did. [ Attacking Ambrose, killing someone during interrogation. ] Are we protecting each other or protecting ourselves?
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Date: 2023-08-24 04:19 am (UTC)Given how often they sleep and Lucifer is aware of Istredd's pulse, he's not about to shake Istredd back.
He'd argue with how intertwined their minds are that protecting themselves they're protecting each other, but then he's still of the mind that he didn't tell Istredd not for himself.] Protecting the foundation. [That's more of the case, which is a bit of both of them. The pieces from both sides that keep their mental bridge connected and stabilized.]
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Date: 2023-08-24 01:08 pm (UTC)[ It's not that he doubts Lucifer's alive, which is one reason why the steady beating will help, but it feels like his own heart steadies until they're on the same beat. Minds combined, hearts combined. Istredd's tired of being weak, having thought he pushed well past the trauma. He's not going to revert back to the bad times, but it's still frustrating. ]
I want to go to the island and see if we can get answers about the shrines, about the monster. The altar girl, if that's stil real. It's important. The monster talked to all of us mentally, it was persuasive and powerful, I want to know.
[ Maybe it is a god itself. He wouldn't shrug that off as a possibility. It was inside the shrines. It could be what it was. ]
But I also want to pull the island out of the crash at the bottom of the ocean just to burn it to pieces. Since we didn't get to kill the acolytes.
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Date: 2023-08-25 06:54 am (UTC)Nice catch there, Istredd.He reaches around Istredd's back, thumb knuckle pressing down his spine.]
Sooooo we go to the island, see the shrines and its potentially-present monster, figure out the fungus girl. [Pause.] And then burn everything to pieces.
[It might be the one thing he agrees with Nero about, though he doesn't know it.]
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Date: 2023-08-25 03:15 pm (UTC)Very nice catch.He likes when Lucifer presses into his back like that. The physical press of his hands is appreciated, especially in a situation where he can get lost in his mind. Lucifer's very good at keeping him grounded in one place.]
Most of where we were held is in the water now. It collapsed around us at the end. So not much of that to burn. The rest of the island, maybe.
[ Istredd cups Lucifer's face with both his hands, caressing his cheeks, a thumb against his lips gently, looking into his eyes. The eyes that are him. ]
If the shrine monster is a god, those of us who helped it could have an in to the divine. I want that.
[ Not to worship, as Lucifer knows. Istredd tried to find information on High Magic so he could attempt what Wanda and Himeka can do, but it was impossible. It's not surprising he still is looking for an angle for himself to get there. He never stops looking for angles. ]
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Date: 2023-08-31 02:52 am (UTC)Lucifer will absolutely eat some equivalent of popcorn from the shoreline if they do and nickname someone Moses.] Fire finds a way. [Or rather: Lucifer does. He doesn't particularly want to go to the island, doesn't see the wisdom in putting his impetuous behavior into that.
He is going to make sure to hold that eye contact.] Do not. By any means. Make a pact with that thing, Istredd. [HE SWEARS TO DAD, ISTREDD. DON'T.]
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Date: 2023-08-31 03:01 am (UTC)[ He'll burn it down if it is easy, he probably won't raise the ocean just to do it. But then again, if someone else does it for him, then fine. Istredd doubts they'll be allowed to do anything extreme like that. It is still land in Abraxas, owned by possibly no one as of right now. ]
I sometimes have a lot of regrets that the loyal acolytes are alive. Less so if we would have been able to question them like we did Josselyn.
[ Istredd has no doubt the factions were able to. Leaving them the only people who couldn't. He got a great deal of information from Josselyn. ]
What if we technically did? It said it would help us in exchange for letting it out. Some of us bonded with it. I touched its mind, whatever it is. I just....
[ He sighs and plays with the collar of Lucifer's shirt, averting his eyes. ]
I hate waiting for if they can get me the answers.
[ The Solvunn people. Even if he loves and trusts Wanda. He has to wait. ]
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Date: 2023-08-31 04:23 am (UTC)He'd just have to find someone with that much actual capabilities to raise the land from the ocean. He's not about doing it one rock at a time even for the trio.
But he is more likely to kill that shrine creature if there was an involuntary pact made. Or even voluntary, in some sense. A deal like Lucifer would make, where the agreement wasn't fully understood if it gave someone what they needed.] You could just stop and say you hate waiting. [In general.]
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Date: 2023-08-31 01:12 pm (UTC)Please be petty enough for the both of us.
[ Istredd will otherwise let the option go, but the idea of Lucifer doing it for them is very appealing. Sometimes it pays to have a boyfriend who can be the type of petty he won't let himself be. Seeing it destroyed will bring some closure for all of them. He just doesn't know if they'll be allowed.
He hasn't made pacts with beings before but he thinks it is possible they did have one with the creature. He might have gotten around it by not being there when they finally let it out. That was Castiel, Inej, and Louis. But in his insane curiosity, never speaking to the creature again just isn't something he wants to accept. He wants it. ]
I hate waiting.
[ He can be remarkably patient, but this is different. The information could be there in front of him but he can't grasp it. ]
Much like a certain someone, I got used to doing everything by myself.
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Date: 2023-09-02 06:30 am (UTC)He snorts a laugh at Istredd's lamenting about waiting.
He doesn't think he should be blamed for it. It is funny. He pushes at Istredd lightly.] Yeah, man, I know. Color me surprised! I think your typical self-sufficiency has no bearing in this case because you're dancing to someone else's tune regardless. Well, we all are, now.
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Date: 2023-09-02 02:05 pm (UTC)[ Istredd can be petty when it comes to being annoyed by people, like Nero, but being violently petty isn't really his thing. But who knows. He could be wrong when it comes to the island. He could get there and truly want it all to sink permanently. He didn't think writing all of the facts out today and arguing with Nero would set him off so badly either. He's probably not predictable when it comes to the Pit.
He pushes back at him with an irritated look at his laughter, although as usual, it probably will be funny moments later. ]
I don't want to live in Solvunn but I do wish I could visit like the rest of you had the chance.
[ It would be like him to visit somewhere and immediately take the chance to try and appeal to the gods by himself. So it's for the best he's not allowed to be so impulsive. That is the quality that Lucifer's told him to chill out about. ]
I can't believe an idiot like Nero gets access to things he doesn't deserve. Not that the rest of Solvunn is being smart about this, considering their rituals caused the heralds, beached sea animals, and probably other things I'm not aware of.
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Date: 2023-09-12 05:50 am (UTC)And whether or not it means anything outside of the Winter Solstice or it has any impact to a god well--that's something to ask someone next time they're in Nocwich, maybe.
Lucifer and Kyle, and later Yennefer, went north to the peninsula when others went to Solvunn. He wouldn't see Michael and Wanda, and they learned something, anyway.
He also watched Yennefer become a battery to her apprentices so. Great times.] Not that you're incorrect with all those but I'm sure if I was brought into Solvunn I'd have gotten us riddled with plagues plagues by now, more than likely, or something of that sort. [So honestly. Thus far. Solvunn hasn't done as much damage as they probably could.]
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Date: 2023-09-12 01:54 pm (UTC)That's because you wouldn't have me to ask you to stop.
[ It would have taken longer for this to grow between them in opposite factions, but as Lucifer has already speculated, they would have found their way to each other. They found Wanda in another faction after all. But he has no doubt Lucifer is telling the truth. He would have made more destructive choices on purpose.
Istredd smiles at him though. ]
Who am I kidding? I probably would have done the same. Someone helped me be less impulsive if you can believe it.
[ 'Someone' being Lucifer, which is kind of amusing all things considered. Istredd is much better at impulse control now, but this is in the start. When he was too fascinated to be smart. He leans in to kiss him, lingering and sweet. They've both changed for the better. ]
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Date: 2023-09-14 05:09 am (UTC)But it certainly would not have been before Lucifer did any innumerable very-bad ideas in Solvunn, made worse if Michael had still arrived at the same time and in Solvunn.
He'd have too much fun, no restraint, and likely latched onto Josselyn to make everything that much worse.
Ehhhhhhhh.
Yeah.] Shocker! You? Less impulsive? I can hardly imagine it! [He laughs into the kiss.]
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Date: 2023-09-14 01:14 pm (UTC)So he can laugh at himself too. Lucifer did teach him how to shut his mouth early on, it was a lesson he did listen to and absorb. ]
I'm 50% less impulsive, be impressed! Maybe 40% less.
[ He does think before he acts! That is big. He smiles and bites Lucifer's lip playfully. ]
That is why it took so long for you to know Geralt's from our sphere though. You told me to stop giving away information.
[ And that meant a year before Lucifer knew it and knew what Geralt was. Sorry! ]
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Date: 2023-09-15 02:59 am (UTC)And no matter the chaos Lucifer appreciates, he's not prepared to deal with any of the potential repercussions.
So he's also become less impulsive.] I'm very impressed, believe me.
[He scoffs about Geralt.] Why'd you have known to tell me, anyway? I never talked about him. There's giving away information, yeah, but even if I hadn't told you to stop why would you, unprompted, talk about 'Mr. I Communicate In A Series of Grunts But Somehow Everyone Loves Me.' [It was bound to come back eventually.]
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Date: 2023-09-15 03:17 am (UTC)When he's thought it through and been less impulsive.
Istredd scoffs right back at him. And he knew that was going to come back. They love bringing things back to mock one another or flirt, or a mixture of both.]
Because he was in the original group Summoned, there are only a handful of those people left. And his priorities line up with ours. Protecting the Singularity, staying in this sphere.
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Date: 2023-09-15 04:00 am (UTC)But then her being one of the first likely isn't common knowledge either. Certainly her reaction while she talked about it was clearly something she kept under wraps.] And you're not as rude as I am to come out and go 'Geralt, that hybrid of the original Summoned.'
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Date: 2023-09-15 04:26 am (UTC)[ Some of it maybe their own conspiracy theories too. Nothing private about Lucifer and himself, but he and Geralt had that vague connection of wanting to know the same things. He reaches over to ruffle Lucifer's hair. ]
The point is that I stayed quiet due to your own instructions. I'm capable of holding back.
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Date: 2023-09-21 05:59 am (UTC)Congrats, I'm so glad to know you're capable of restraint. [Despite very likely practically shouting from the rooftops about their relationship in a way that was almost dangerous for them both.
But.
He, obviously, doesn't say that.
He also doesn't fault Istredd for it. Lucifer is tight-lipped about it because Lucifer is tight-lipped about literally everything.
Despite what could be condescending words, they aren't carrying the tone.
He just. Sighs.] Look, I know you despise it--I do too--but we can't do anything without Thorne's blessings. In this case, without the other factions' blessings. You gotta suck it up, buttercup.
[The ample sarcasm is very much settle and/or go to sleep because we can't change the scenario but maybe in another day's time that could change. (It's the same vibe as wishing real hard about learning how to read the books in the Feywild's, but hey. Maybe one day he'll be right!!)]
we can probs wrap on this one!
Date: 2023-09-21 12:40 pm (UTC)[ Strange nickname but it must be common in Lucifer's world, that's the kind of thing he does, use slang and the such. Istredd is still frustrated and deeply annoyed, conflict can hover over him for quite some time to come. He doesn't get over things fast although he does eventually. It's not entirely about Nero, somewhat to do with the public fight aspect.
And it's really about overall frustrations. Their lack of answers. The kidnapping that they haven't entirely outrun. If it can give any measure of peace to go there, it'll be worth it.
He leans back from Lucifer to settle comfortably on his lap and puts out his hands for the damn cradle game that seems to make him happy.]
Thank you for letting me whine.
First week of October
Date: 2023-10-08 05:53 pm (UTC)But with his book finished, printed and delivered to the shops, Kell has nowhere to run. He must, finally, face the issue that he hasn't talked with Istredd for a while. He knew something was wrong, something had happened. So maybe he is a coward after all. For pretending that he does not see the empty chair at meals or avoiding Horizon altogether. For stubbornly clinging to the notion that older, wiser and more dependable mentor figures cannot possibly get hurt in utterly crazy circumstances they just went through. Trying to erase any hint at a thought that not only something bad could happen to Istredd, could happen to Lucifer, or Kyle. But that something already did.
With heart heavy as if another mountain descended on him, Kell drags himself to stand in front of the door to Istredd's and Lucifer's room in hope that either of them is inside. Stands there like a complete moron in the empty corridor, just lucky no castle staff or other Summoned pass to inquire why is he staring at the closed door with a such dread. Before finally bringing himself to knock.
"Istredd? It's Kell." A pause, brief enough so he does not turn around to flee. "Can I come in?"
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Date: 2023-10-08 11:57 pm (UTC)He told Lucifer he just needed time to grieve and handle it, and that is exactly what he did. Changing the outside of his Horizon to a lighthouse helped since for a time the tower was on fire and that was his mind unable to get past it. Now on the other end of that, having corrected some bond issues with Lucifer, he is settled into his new normal. The new normal of being here believing it to be his only option and no home to return to.
It could be a lot worse.
Istredd knows Kell is outside the door. He senses him. He planned on goingt to him but the boy just stood there instead so he waited. He is reading a very special book and sets it down when Kell finally speaks, the door opening automatically.
"Of course, Kell."
Istredd and Lucifer's room is slightly different now given that they permanently share one bed, but Istredd's side of the room still exists, it's just been turned into more of a desk/studying/sitting space. The book in his hands is simple and old, older than anything else he owns, that they got in Nott. It's fiction too, his least favorite, but he's determined to finish it because it was a gift.
"It's been awhile, please come in. Sit."
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Date: 2023-10-15 10:22 pm (UTC)But he couldn't take part in it. Not really. Not with the things they were talking about. He still does not understand, as much as he admires it, how Istredd was able to talk about it all so calmly. Kell, himself, still doesn't want to even think, let alone talk. So he's been doing what he does best, stalling, avoiding, keeping himself busy.
Now that he finally quit this dance, he feels guilty he dragged his feet for days. He enters the room without hesitation, nevertheless, once the door open before him.
"Sorry, it took me so long to visit."
He doesn't have to say anything more, the guilt is in his posture when he sits down, the way he bites his lower lip, how his gaze keeps wandering all over the room. Everywhere, but Istredd.
"I ..." wanted to ask for help is not what he says. It feels stupid, unwarranted with such a weak apology, unearned. Then his eyes venture closer, to Istredd's hands and the book he is holding, and finally Kell looks up. "What are you reading?"
It would have been nothing more than a cowardly retreat, if he weren't genuinely curious. The book looks old, but having spent last few months deep in the process of making his own, Kell can recognize from a single glance this is no Istredd's usual magical tome. Nor a treatise about history or geography of Thorne. They don't publish those in such a small format.
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Date: 2023-10-17 07:34 pm (UTC)"I know that sometimes we forget to check in, but there's nothing to be sorry about." If there is, Istredd should be sorry too! He tries not to let his students think he forgets about them when they're out of sight, but it can be easy to get distracted by other things in Thorne, especially now as he rises ranks. He's confused by the way Kell is acting, thinking he's done nothing to hold such a conscience.
"It's a fiction book from Nott, a mystery. I don't read fiction and I figured out who did it in the first ten pages, but Lucifer got it for me as a gift, and I promised to attempt to read it." It's just not his style. Istredd is a strictly non-fiction type of person, anyone would know that meeting him. He smiles though, sentimental about Lucifer as he usually is.
"Come sit." He gestures to a chair, since they've set up a little meeting area in his section, everything in the room mostly organized outside of his pile of magical texts. "Is something wrong, Kell?"
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Date: 2023-10-17 10:59 pm (UTC)And Istredd says there's nothing to be sorry about.
And he reads the book Lucifer got him even if he doesn't like it. Not because he wants to, but because it's a gift from Lucifer.
The little details like that are what break Kell's brain a little each time. Make him blink, and frown in confusion. But they also pull him out of his head, out of what he thinks is happening, to force him to actually see.
He sits down where directed, still wrestling with what he's just heard.
"Yes," he replies. "Well, not exactly."
Pulled out of his overly dramatic pose, Kell uses very few words. He makes his sentences short. Resembling his thought process, lightning fast and intensely focused. "Do you remember the beast in the lake? In Nott? It's dead, but it managed to smash the main pier to pieces before I killed it." There's no bragging here. Just statement of the fact. "It's been weeks now, and I don't think the crown is going to send anyone to fix it." Because the royal pair of Thorne doesn't care and Nott doesn't have money to pay. "I think I can fix it, I just..."
it's a lot of blood...
He looks up at Istredd, and there's nothing but determination in his face when he does.
"I might need someone to pick me up after I do it."
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Date: 2023-10-20 05:32 pm (UTC)Istredd takes him seriously, and whatever is troubling him seriously. "It's unlikely they'll send help any time soon, yes." Probably waiting just long enough to punish Nott for basically being itself, which only makes it continue to hate the crown more. A vicious cycle that only truly harms the poor and struggling. "It's good of you to want to fix it." Nott could use people looking out for them.
His eyebrows go up at that and he sets the book aside, leaning forward. "Kell, I know what type of magic you have, and I caution you from putting too much into this. You have allies, we can make this a group effort." Istredd can go with him, not just to pick him up, but to help with his magic. He could probably convince Stephen and Yennefer to take the time to go too.
"I'm not going to have you black out from blood loss when it's not the only option."
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Date: 2023-10-21 12:58 am (UTC)Nott had nothing to do with it. They had no say in it. Oh, he's been helping Rhy, because the infirmary in Nott was Rhy's pet project. Because Rhy is the one who cares. So Istredd's praise feels unearned to him.
This is the first time that Kell went to Lyle Vela with actual offer of help. His own. Even if he still hid behind Rhy's name. Said nothing that he was the one who killed the monster in the lake. The monster was his own fight, and nobody needed to praise him or criticize him for how he dealt with it. Kell knew there was plenty to criticize. It could have been done faster, and cleaner. For days he found holes in his fight with it. Until it almost felt impossible that the charred corpse at the bottom of the lake was actually his doing. But it was. Sadly, not the only reminder that it all really happened.
All this is why Istredd's words catch him by surprise. Eyes wide, brows furrowed, he stares speechless at Istredd. Allies? He came to ask for help. Took him crazy amount of time to battle his pride and muster the courage. This is not what he expected. Istredd has seen right through him, and instead of scolding him, he said We can make this a group effort. Kell bites his lip, shakes his head a little blinking to chase away the blurriness in his vision. Utterly stunned, again, how it feels to have an older, more experienced mage care enough to tell him he doesn't have to do everything himself. They can do it together.
"Thank you. I could not think there were others. I thought, eh, I thought this was the only one. Sorry."
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Date: 2023-10-22 11:34 pm (UTC)Istredd keeps an eye on all the new people, that's what he's here to do. He hasn't met their newest member quite yet, but he will once he gets a chance.
"And, it would do you good to get help from others, because I'm not going to let you bleed out for no reason." Istredd is past his hard month so he's back to his ways with problem-solving and connecting people together. Yes, technically the two of them could handle this, but there's no reason it has to be only the two of them.
He reaches out to pat Kell on the shoulder reassuringly. It's always a callback to Stregobor making him feel better, but at least with him, it's meant well, and not out of manipulation. "What will it take to get you to stop apologizing to me? Because none of this is a burden, I'm always happy to help you."
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:00 am (UTC)Kell can't hide it, not from Istredd, how wholly unenthusiastic he feels about getting help from other people. New people especially. As if they were taking something away from him. As if Istredd didn't believe Kell alone is capable enough for the task and he needs crutches.
"But I can do this myself. I killed the beast in the lake, didn't I?"
And promptly blacked out in the boat right after panicking Rhy and everyone around. Forcing them to haul him to the shore and wait until he wakes up. If he even wakes up. But Kell is anything if not stubborn, and after two years of virtual anonymity he craves recognition. What else was his stupid book stunt if not a way of getting people to see him? Even if he's not aware of it himself.
He shudders at the touch. If this was someone other than Istredd, Kell would have just stormed out of the room. With Istredd, he just sulks.
"Then help me. Don't try to rope in other people, as if I can't do this."
So they can take all the credit because they're better looking, and nicer, and people like them more.
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Date: 2023-10-28 05:54 pm (UTC)"It's not a question about whether you can. You can do a lot of things, and I'm not doubting that. But you don't have to do everything alone, nor should you."
He considers before continuing. He sees a lot of himself in Kell, he has for a while. Lucifer does too, like the boy is some kind of amalgam of the two of them. Not to say he isn't an individual, because he is, but it is easy to see traits in common. That is part of what drew Stregobor to him in the first place.
"You know, I used to prefer doing everything alone. I still sometimes miss it, because at least I could always count on myself, letting other people do it when they could mess it up, that's harder. But it's better too, it meant I didn't carry the weight of the world at all times. Being here taught me that."
Istredd was too isolated back in his sphere. He was far apart from everyone, and it's not as if getting new memories changed that. He went back to the mages but only because he had to look for the book. Before that he was still doing everything by himself. Teamwork is still a new concept to him too.
"I also really, really hate when people imply that I'm not competent enough. So I get you're being defensive, but I'm not attacking you or your competency. I'm saying there's nothing wrong with bonding with other people in a common goal."
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Date: 2023-11-08 02:32 pm (UTC)"I know," Kell admits. Slowly, hesitantly, but there's no way around it. Istredd is right. "It's just... what if they mess it up?"
When he looks up, the burning purpose, tainted by no small amount of desperation, burns brightly in his eyes.
"I have only once chance. People of Nott are too proud. They won't ask."
And the crown would leave to starve. Helping means effort, people, resources, and crown has none to spare on Nott.
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Date: 2023-11-13 02:33 am (UTC)"All the more reason for us to be careful and smart. We've always come to help Nott when they need it, asked or not." Istredd's done it himself several times now. It's nice to have something physical to do sometimes, a way to help that can make it easier to sleep at night. Being in Thorne is difficult.
"I'm glad you asked me to come so I could look out for you, but this is me looking out for you. I want us to help them but I also want you to be safe."
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Date: 2023-11-15 11:03 pm (UTC)"No. I mean, yes, you're right. I'm so used to doing everything on my own that I don't even think that I..." He blunders through a reply, shudders, then eventually looks at Istredd and smiles. "I don't have to. Thanks."
Kell lets himself exhale. He did not realize how tightly wound he was around this issue. How much he expected an opposition, a fight even, being told off and having to defend his case. None of this has happened, and it's eerie.
"You're right. It's probably best to get more people on this."
The thing stops being his own thing to brag about, but more of a communal effort. Kell is not big on communal effort, but he can learn. He's constantly learning here, and Istredd is - with all due respect to Yennefer - his best teacher.
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Date: 2023-11-19 12:57 am (UTC)He and Kell weren't close in the start of his time here so the boy not know how isolated Istredd was in the start. If it wasn't for Lucifer dragging him out of the library, the one here and in the Horizon, it would have taken longer for him to make connections. He was so focused on the mysteries, and he still is, but he sees the human element of it all more clearly now. He's been much less reckless than he was in the start too.
"I also had a difficult mentor who made me simultaneously righteous about my skills and uncertain of my worth. I assume that's why you react this way, because it's how I did, at your age." It can sometimes be forgotten, how old Istredd actually is. It's been decades since he was Kell's age, a long time for him to find his path and to settle into himself, and to come to grips with the experiences he had as a youth.
He sees so much of himself in Kell. And that is why he worries for him. Istredd wonders what his life would be like if he did have a more positive figure in his life early on, how much it might have changed the influence Stregobor had on him. He wants to be that for Kell, what he didn't have.
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Date: 2023-11-22 11:24 pm (UTC)At first, Istredd was just Lucifer's roommate to Kell. Kell was pretty blind to whatever it was that they were having then, and he was fine with his ignorance. Then it dawns on him how much he had changed in this short span of time. The Black Night remains that one event that changed him the most, but the greatest shift in the conditions for what can and will happen to him, is here. And honestly, it's fucking terrifying.
"Yeah, it's kind of like that. I'm Antari, and I was always told that means I am special. I cannot fuck up. I'm supposed to be good at everything. Most of the time, I actually was. But there were things I wasn't good at. There were times I did fuck up, and when I did it always felt that I failed at being Antari. That it wasn't just 'oh I'm not good at this one thing' or 'I made a stupid mistake because I'm young and stupid'. It was always 'how could you' and 'you should have known better'."
Meeting Holland didn't help. Now, that he looks at it; that Istredd made him look. Now, he sees it's all this dumb competition against himself, and Holland. Even far away from the people it mattered to the most.
Suddenly, the realization strikes him and he looks up at Istredd.
"I don't want this to be about me and how cool I am. I want to be more like Rhy. I want this to be about people we're doing this for."
Please, help him. He doesn't know how.
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Date: 2023-11-27 06:58 pm (UTC)"That's a good start but ... Kell, please take this in the way it's meant, which is of care." He cares about Kell. All of what he is saying here comes from that place. "I think you put far too much on Rhy and what he wants and needs, and neglect yourself and your own independence. I think it's important for you to also be an individual, and you haven't been raised that way, but it's time for you to think about that." He means this kindly and he knows it's a complicated topic, it's not as simple as it is usually.
"I love Lucifer a great deal, and we are a good pair, but we are very much our own person with our own interests and motivations. Yennefer and I have known each other since we were children, and while we're a partnership, we have our own lives." Istredd is involved with two people, one on a more constant domestic level where they share everything, Lucifer, and another with a long history and working together, Yennefer.
"I think it's important for his end too, and that it doesn't feel to either of you like everything has to revolve around the other. You are two people, not one, and should be allowed to live that way."
this is going to kick him soooo much down the road
Date: 2023-12-12 03:38 pm (UTC)Kell won't argue he doesn't want to be independent. Quite the contrary. But also what happened to Rhy was at least partially his fault. While Kell did what he could, what no one else but him could have done, to fix it. He saved Rhy, but he also made their situation more complicated. They were already connected by more than just the bond Singularity replaced.
"But we do!" he protests. "I have my own thing, he has his. We're perfectly fine as is. And I'm not doing this for him. I just want to do it for right reasons."
The scariest part is that Kell truly believes what he says. But then there still is a barely healed scar on Rhy's forearm, and the fact that Kell would drop everything he does, all of his plans for Rhy at the slightest pretext. They're more intertwined that he's aware of.
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Date: 2023-12-12 09:51 pm (UTC)It's a complicated situation because he doesn't want it to seem like a criticism of either of them, family will always be important. He doesn't have one of them, but he does understand, considering he now has one in Thorne. He would put his life on the line for any of them; he did almost die for them in the Pit, and he'll never regret that.
"I'm concerned the way you see the world and the way you value yourself is all about another person. You aren't the supporting player of your own life, you are the lead in your own story. And I'm saying that as someone who has been there." Istredd still struggles with his mindset of other people having more value than himself. He isn't saying this from a place of looking down at it, he's seeing himself in the situation and saying what he wishes he would have heard.
"Maybe you have your own things, but you don't value them more than what his things are, do you? I care about both of you, this is not an attack on your relationship, what I'm saying is you need to be able to live without him. You need your own life and to value that life for your own future. Because around here, everything can change in an instant."
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Date: 2023-12-12 10:55 pm (UTC)Kell looks away, and Istredd can watch in real time how his muscles tense, his jaw sets, slowly, but surely clamming up in reaction to criticism. It is in the best intentions, and it is very true, but Kell doesn't see this. He doesn't want to see or hear any of it.
"I have my studies, the teashop and my writing. Neither of those thing have anything to do with Rhy. We live together, but we don't sit on each other's backs day in and day out. He's not even in my book."
But it doesn't matter, does it? Those are all things Kell would drop for Rhy at moment's notice. No matter how much he protests about it now.
"I have, and I do." He's just being contrarian now. "And I would really appreciate if everyone stop telling me what I should and shouldn't want. I think I can figure it out for myself well enough."
Telling him he can't have things he wants when he was home. Telling him he should want things now that he is here and he can. That what he wants is never right. It was not right then, it is not right now. Even if those are not the same things. Even if his clutching to Rhy is as much about Rhy himself, as it is about Kell being terrified by how little he knows who he even is without Rhy.
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Date: 2023-12-14 04:23 pm (UTC)Kell may not be able to do that presently though. He is still very young. He hasn't gone through decades of experience that makes someone more open to outside perspectives. Sometimes a person gets more defensive and incapable of change with time, but for the wise, it's the opposite.
"But if this is how you feel, I can't change that. I just want you to be happy, Kell." But Kell is not happy. Istredd can see that clearly. That could be for any number of reasons but it is not his place to try and control how that happens. "Never forget that I care for you."
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Date: 2023-12-17 08:45 am (UTC)And that throws Kell off enough so he does not immediately follow his usually habit of stubbornly digging his heels. He swallows, blinks, bites his lower lip, eyes trailing away, suddenly pulled into the moment and the awareness of how much different Istredd is from all the figures of authority in his life. Aware enough that it gives him pause.
"I..." he starts, swallows, clears his throat. Still unable to look at Istredd, even when he finally continues. "I know... and I believe you. And I know you know how much Rhy means to me. But I am my own person. I really am. You don't have to worry I'll do something stupid. Really."
At this moment, he even believes it.
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Date: 2023-12-18 08:51 pm (UTC)"I was raised in a similar way." He knows he has discussed this with Kell but it's relevant. "With the Brotherhood, you were expected your entire life to be loyal, to only live for it. When they called, you came, no matter what. Even those who thought they were rebellious, they came when fingers were snapped at them. What we could do for them, it was the only thing that mattered." Istredd got away but did he? He got away to do his studies but it was for them, he got to avoid courts and active participation back home, but none of his money was his, everything he earned was branched from their influence.
"It's led me to struggle with finding value in myself separate from that. Someone else is always more important, some cause is always bigger than me." Istredd has created his own bigger causes, and identified the people he considers more important, and he still has an instinct to think about that first. "It's taken a lot of work on other people's part to try and change that mindset." It drives Lucifer insane.
"But I see that in you and it worries me, because you're so young, Kell. I don't want you to waste decades like I did thinking your only value is what other people can take from you. You're as important as Rhy is, Kell."
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Date: 2023-12-20 11:23 am (UTC)"But I am my magic. It's as much me as ... well, whatever the rest is, or what it is ever for."
Herein lies the problem. He never paid attention to that rest. Not that he had freedom to. Most of what he did was in line or against the expectations others had for him. In reaction, no matter positive or negative, to other people thoughts and opinions. What he wanted was in opposition to limitations his adopted parents had put on him. It felt good to bend or even break the rules.
"I don't see how I can separate myself from it, and if it can be useful, if I can be useful, I'd rather it be for someone I really care about. It's not importance, I just can do things for Rhy that he cannot do himself so why wouldn't I?"
But did you ask him, Kell? Did you? Did you ask him if he wants your sacrifice? To share your life with him in a way that felt so unbreakable and final. At least until Singularity. He didn't. He just dropped his future into the fire like it meant nothing. Like he's always willing to drop things for Rhy. Whether Rhy asks him for it or not. Sometimes even when he doesn't want him to...
“You never let me fall.”
No, he won't. He can't.
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Date: 2023-12-20 09:19 pm (UTC)"Why can't he do things for himself?" Istredd tilts his head, eyes piercing. "He has access to magic now, like the rest of us. What rules applied in your sphere don't matter here. Rhy doesn't need you to sacrifice everything for him because he's capable of taking care of himself." Istredd's always thought of Rhy as a very competent person, perhaps with a healthier point of view about what is his responsibility and what is not.
"Have you spoken to him about all of this? Believe me when I say a lot of miscommunication in a relationship can be a death knell." Istredd and Yennefer were apart for decades because of their issues, and even when they met again they weren't good at talking to each other. All of the struggles Lucifer and him have gone through are because of miscommunication, they're not great at it, but they're learning.
"I'm not saying you're doing anything bad or wrong, it's more that you can find more happiness if you reach for it."
stubborn boy needs some time ;)
Date: 2023-12-24 10:37 pm (UTC)"Of course he can! I just ..."
always did it back home.
Always shielded him from harm, even from the slightest inconvenience. Always gave in to his wildest whims. Even the last one that turned out pretty disastrous on its own. He does not finish his sentence. It's enough that Istredd said it out loud.
What if Rhy really doesn't need him? He'd rather not know, not ask, than learn that's the case.
"Not really," he admits.
It's better now. At least Kell doesn't try to deliberately hide things and doesn't outright lie. It's progress, but they're still not that great in talking to each other about difficult things. What can be more difficult than that? With their history?
"But I am happy."
While true, it's not all that is. Kell just doesn't see it yet.
we can wrap on this one!
Date: 2023-12-27 12:03 am (UTC)"Now let's talk about Nott's pier and what we can do to get it back to itself."
circa early Oct
Date: 2023-10-10 04:06 am (UTC)(Again.)
"Okay," he says with some amount of surety, "we need to do this."
He promised.
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Date: 2023-10-10 04:13 am (UTC)He probably will be on edge for a bit longer but he got through the worst of it. And Lucifer did help by being a quiet support system. They've been bleeding into each other still, but better than that initial few days.
Istredd raises his eyebrows at Lucifer's appearance and then he frowns at the reminder. He made Lucifer promise but like expected, there is a reluctance in him, not enough to avoid it though. He sighs and rubs a hand through his own hair. "Yes, fine. Probably not here."
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Date: 2023-10-10 04:27 am (UTC)Look.
The metaphor isn't sound.
But it properly encapsulates the mess.
He doesn't want to do this either but he's not going to accept any of Istredd's reluctance. He'll drag him through the halls if he has to, and won't that just add to the talk they already have surrounding them on a regular basis?
It's now or now.
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Date: 2023-10-10 12:43 pm (UTC)When they get to their room he tosses his journal onto his former side of the room where they removed the bed and put a desk and sitting section, since there was no reason to keep two of them in here. "We should talk." Istredd sounds grave and he is. "Since you weren't given a choice as to how this was made before." Istredd's fault, as they both know. "This is the time we can restructure it." They probably can't break the connection entirely, that might really harm them irreparably, and pulling back to an official Brotherhood mage level would also hurt, but it's doable.
Lucifer gave him no real choice about making the bond, Istredd didn't give him much of a choice in how it appeared. They can do that now. This part is for certain now or never, because it has to all be done or not. The very idea of putting that amount of distance makes him want to die, but he is willing to do it. They're already there.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-11 05:48 am (UTC)He should want this.
Six Degrees of Separation.
He should want all the walls, all the closed corridors, all the privacy. But despite what Istredd built between them, it was Lucifer that bled the most, emotionally, and is the cause of the last dent to their already-fragile bond after so many subsequent punches to it.
He should've been allowed to just fix things, he still thinks. To wipe the board clean. Why suffer when you can just erase, why feel.
(Conceptually, he knows why. In the moment, he did not know why. Even still. You can't understand love without heartbreak. But was the pain worth it, Istredd? Is the pain still worth it, Istredd?)
It's Istredd. So. Probably.
"I told you, before the mountain we were fine."
He stands by that. Shockingly. Istredd can blame himself as much as he wants but they both built into what they had. It was only thrown out of balance by--
"Just... I don't know. What happened on the mountain was necessary," he says, voice hard. Pointed. It was necessary, Istredd. You did the right thing, even if it was born out of panic. It had to happen. "But I don't know if there's any contingencies we can put in if it... if it happens again. Flood gates."
no subject
Date: 2023-10-11 01:08 pm (UTC)Istredd is relieved when Lucifer confirms before the mountain, because that is what he wanted, obviously, but he had to give the option. He had to say they could change things for Lucifer's sake, it was the right thing to do. And he had to make it clear that they could, it wasn't too late for them to pull back.
It was his mistake but if they both accept it now, it means they can move on from the 'mistake' and put it to bed. It's a choice now even if it wasn't a choice then.
"I don't know," Istredd says after a moment. Now they're both in 'I don't know' mode. "The problem is we still need to have the option for that to happen if you start to lose your emotions, it was an agreement." They just didn't think it would have to happen this way. They had agreed on doing it, but it was always a future prospect, a for instance, not something they expected to really happen any time soon.
"We didn't know what the aftermath would be." How could they? He reaches out and gestures for Lucifer to come closer. He needs to sit them both down for this so he can focus. "What I'm thinking is if we cut back now, put up stronger walls, not walls that can't be broken if an emergency happens, but understand how it will feel and look, we may be able to pull them back rather than allow the bleed through to taint us for weeks after. I'll have an easier time rebuilding them."
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Date: 2023-10-20 01:15 am (UTC)How do you make an off switch once the danger has passed?
(Maybe not have immediate mental trauma of a different variety.)
He sits across from Istredd as directed.
"That... might be enough. Because ah, not to be a Negative Nancy but given how thing went when I'd have preferred to be in my 'right' mind, but..." He's still referring to the fight where the barest fraction of him wanted to hold back, not his attempt to smother Istredd's feelings afterwards, though in a way that's relevant too--he did pull away with a gentle push. "I don't know if you'd be able to get everything back to yourself regardless of whether or not you succeed in dealing with my Worst Case Scenario."
Oh, Istredd would likely win. Lucifer trusts Istredd's mental prowess.
But if Lucifer doesn't want to be pulled back and sees failure approaching him, he has this funny feelings now that he'll just take as much of Istredd's mind down with him.
So. Really. Stronger walls are great! Stronger walls that can be broken down in a myriapod-level emergency are great!
He doesn't see much hope for either of them coming out of an Apocalyptic-level Lucifer.
He's not helping. Sorry. Really, he just thinks it's better to not consider the be-all end-all situation because it corrupts the data.
It's just that breaking things down just seems like extra work.
Lucifer understands a mental scope but he's never had to deal with walls and security measures. Any mind he's broken into didn't have more than tissue paper. Lucifer still operates way more on the abstract and less on the concrete, but he doesn't know how far they could take concrete on a metaphysical level.
"How abstract are we talking here?"
It's all the talk of floods and drowning, really. You take a metaphor a long enough way, eventually you're going to look into real-world solutions to mental problems and he's not sure how possible it is that they'll translate.
"Do we have some wiggle room for.... mm... walls versus doors versus... gates?"
I've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy
Date: 2023-10-20 01:29 am (UTC)He reaches up to caress Lucifer's cheek. "I don't care about that." About whether he'd get all of himself back in that scenario. That isn't the point. The point is it's either both of them coming back from it or neither of them. If Lucifer kills him, he does. That's part of the deal, in Istredd's opinion.
"Let's fix the actual problem, my love, and we can work out the details in a second." They can do both, it's more a case of fixing the worst wound first. Like usual Istredd doesn't need to touch Lucifer's temple, it's more physical contact helps. He doesn't need to push inside, they already are bleeding into each other.
Istredd for the first time shows his extraordinary precision, something he absolutely did not use when they started this. He could always have been this careful. Not great. It is much like having a laser as he separates the worst crossovers and creates lines between them. Metaphorically more like a surgical fix. It gives them the relief of clearing the bleeds without completely dislodging the bond. This would be very difficult to do with anyone else, but Lucifer's mind is too familiar now, he knows where the places need to get cut.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 10:17 am (UTC)(Obviously, they can't.)
"Idiot," he says aloud, because he believes it, because it's true, because it doesn't matter. He could care enough about Istredd one day and feel strong enough to sever himself from all of this and free Istredd from this inevitable downfall against his will and still know the results because he knows Istredd's history with Yennefer. Knows there's no saving him, knows it's far too late to save him.
Idiot, is repeated and that's more exhausted fondness than insult as he gives in to the touch at his cheek. He lets that exhaustion carry him through this, similarly to how he was swimming between Istredd and the myriapod's mind. He thinks that creature is still there, sometimes, even though he knows better. He felt the link fade. He knows.
He sinks and trusts Istredd to work, but there are the faintest attacks working against the separation. Bee stings, serpent bites. Small, ultimately nothing, but the most minor lingering defenses that Lucifer can't control. Not feeling threatened but just... as there are. Natural.
He doesn't bother apologizing.
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Date: 2023-12-07 01:40 pm (UTC)This will be good for Lucifer in particular, cutting these lines into place, because it was his mind that was damaged. Istredd only felt it on the outskirts, but the bleeding is very bad for him. He's been weakened by his mental exhaustion. Istredd feels the bee stings and he flicks them off.
The quiet gets better for them both and with a firm slam of mental walls between them, the flowing mental leak between them is staunched and cut off. Their thoughts are their own again, only back to intentional sharing. Istredd leans forward to kiss him softly, as they do have those lines again, but only from before the mountain as Lucifer requested. A little peck of affection.
"I don't think I missed any weak spots." Because that much mental sharing is not put into one point. "How do you feel?"
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 08:12 am (UTC)He keeps his eyes closed, still drifting a bit, though it's obvious when the walls slam between them there in an immediate relieved tension that he didn't quite realize how much of it he was holding.
"Let's never do that again," he says, referring to the disastrous bleed, as though they had any control over their lives and what happened, as though really, if it came down to it, if the beats hit a similar rhythm, they wouldn't end up with the same results all over again.
The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Some human quote. Not Einstein like everyone thinks. Someone was out there like Lucifer scowling at Dad, grumbling about someone else stealing all their best lines.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 01:57 pm (UTC)They know it might happen again. And what it will cost. But for today, they've fixed it.
Istredd reaches forward and pulls Lucifer into a simple embrace. Holds him close. Nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck and breathes. He still cherishes this physical comfort as much as anything between them. He almost lost Lucifer to the beast, and he's been suffering since, and Istredd would do anything to take that pain from him. He runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and just lets his love envelop him for a moment, proving their bond still exists but it doesn't overtake him.
"I don't know if a gate is a good idea. It would give me too much power over you." Not that he would use it and they both know that, but Istredd wants Lucifer to feel safe and have the certainty of his own power over his own mind. He knows how important it is for Lucifer to never feel boxed in, and the telepath already has power leaning his way.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 07:03 am (UTC)Lucifer is very good at breaking things, even unintentionally.
Nearly boneless, he goes with the embrace.
He could sleep right down here, no problem, coiled into Istredd's warmth.
Isn't that nice? The thought of real, genuine, sleep. Not some abstract concept, but rest. They haven't much gotten that.
"Two-way," he says, because no, obviously, he'd never let something he can't control and could be used against him in his mind, but... "Less door. More for flow, controlled and fixed levels." He waves a hand, like a groggy instructor that dropped their coffee lifeline for the day. Istredd gets a strange image of a mechanical sluice gate and a mental shrug.
Lucifer's mind is like someone dumped every medium of art across an infinite surface and mixed and matched everything in order to connect Thought A to JKL back to B and mapping out incomprehensibly to imaginary numbers.
But he also is very concrete when it comes to images.
Neither of them do complete silence very well, despite needing it at times for whatever reason. Having the ability to staunch the flow quickly is important. Having the same mental mechanism adjust the flow is just saving mental energy, he thinks.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 03:32 pm (UTC)"Mmm, okay, the visual helps." Telepathy is actually something that requires visuals and artistry to work properly. The mind is not what people think, in terms of this thought there or that thought there.
People don't always think clearly, in full sentences, unless they want to. They jump around between a collection of words and feelings. It's why telempathy is taught at the same time, to interpret what is seen. It's a very precise type of magic, that is why it required specialization with Stregobor. You have to love the mind to soak yourself in it. While his mentor did it because he loved the power over others, Istredd does it because he loves the details.
He strokes Lucifer's hair and then places his fingers on his temple. He dives back into his mind and Lucifer should be able to feel the way he modifies the walls with precision. He's never done this before either but since Lucifer no longer fights him when it's just them, it's much easier. He creates, abstractly, a way for the walls to open and close, more like a gate than a slammed down boundary. It's less aggressive this way, a shut door feels less final.
"Your mind," he says with a content sigh. It's lovelorn. Lucifer already knows his feelings about it, but flowing through it is as comforting as snuggling into a blanket cocoon. "That should work, we won't know fully until tested."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 05:54 am (UTC)But this... this feels good. Because for as much as Lucifer doesn't want to feel controlled, entrapped... He doesn't want to feel caged away from something that by all reason he should have access to.
Issues? Nooooooooooo.
"I'm not very interested in actually brute forcing it right now," he says. They don't exactly have the means to test it without actually forcing it and neither of them have the energy to really going at it. Especially if it... doesn't work as intended.
Oh, sure, if Istredd wants to try, Lucifer will go along with it.
But it's very adamantly clear in neon blinking lights that he Does Not Want to.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 01:49 pm (UTC)"I don't mean now, love. Our minds are in no condition. It needs time to settle."
It is a new form, it may break easily under aggression until they learn how to use it. And he means it; they are in no position. Lucifer in particular is unstable, not that Istredd wants to put too fine a note on that, considering it may make him feel like Istredd is saying it's only him that is struggling. It's only him that is weak. It's not the truth, but it could twist that way.
He holds Lucifer and tilts his head to kiss his temple, underneath the mind he loves so well. "I came so close to losing you." And his own life, and Yennefer's, and all those mages. But Lucifer is a priority.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-30 06:41 am (UTC)But thankfully Istredd's stepped on that landmine more than enough and they sidestep it entirely.
"Well, it would've been a very short time that you were without me," he says, with the sort of dark humor that he's often about, "what with you being killed not long after."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-30 06:01 pm (UTC)It didn't happen, that's the important part.
"I wish we understood more of the arcana. I don't think Urianger nor I have come up with much. For the beasts to come in with assigned arcana of their own ... it's interesting." Horrifying, sure, but interesting.
hmmm
Date: 2024-02-09 08:17 am (UTC)Kyle would maybe have been sent to scout if enough time had passed and he had recovered, and only would meet the stench of death and perhaps misery whether or not Lucifer was still possessed. Lucifer would kill him, too, possessed or not, for much different reasons.
But there's no point on dwelling.
"It makes me wonder if anything Summoned from outside worlds automatically get pulled through the arcana system, if that's part of the tether, if it has nothing to do with the Summoning Ritual itself." He hums, enjoying the way his mind, in spite of its sluggish state, feels a little bit clearer, and he idly, distractedly, nips and kisses just under Istredd's chin as the thought starts to coolly coalesce before the words murmur out of him: "Do you think the remaining beasts have a Singularity connection like ours?"
no subject
Date: 2024-02-09 07:32 pm (UTC)"Yes, I do. They were in the Horizon. There's no way they could have gotten in there without a connection." He had at least one or two fights when going to his library and finding creatures there making trouble. It was a shock at first, but it makes more sense now. "But they weren't pulled in by the factions, if the vision we had was true. So how did one of us have the kind of power to do that? Or did he just tap into the Singularity's power?"
Istredd suspects the culprit is in Solvunn and he hasn't asked Wanda if they have identified the person. She probably knows who it is. They're a close group, it's possible she'd defend whoever it is.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe there are multiple ways to look at the tether." Which is annoying for him, as he is so focused on the Singularity being the best way, but he can't deny Lucifer's logic in arguing about that otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 02:40 am (UTC)My concern is whether or not Thorne and the like can capture any creature left behind from the rifts and harvest their Singularity connection instead of ours. Which, fine, I don't care, experiment all you want on animals he's not someone that's gonna balk at a hair care product or whatever and find out things were tested on rabbits or something, but I don't know.
It should make their lives easier.
There you go Thorne, and anyone else looking! Leave the Summoned alone, you have a source over there.
Something about them having that link worries me. Unfounded, and maybe it is just a possessiveness. Just as Josselyn may as well have crowed, that was theirs. Paws off, Abraxas. "I forgot that they had been in the Horizon, but I haven't seen any of them since." What if they still have a connection but it's been corrupted because of the different method of being pulled here? Always more questions, but he feels all of these answers could have much greater dangers for the rest of them.
He's not going to question another Summoned's power. Look at Wanda. She probably could summon her kids here if she went full hardcore Scarlet Witch Prophecy Mode.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 03:46 am (UTC)There are dogs still in Solvunn, not the ones from your sphere. The ones from Adora's sphere. I believe one of the creatures survived in the Free Cities, I could follow up. Steve or Castiel would know. He considers and shakes his head. I don't believe any survived here ... that we know of. Which means any of the governments could get their hands on one of the rift creatures, dead or alive, and be experimenting on them.
"The ones that lived, they probably do still have that connection. I don't believe I've seen them in the Horizon since, but they could be." He's more curious about why they haven't been rounded up in that case. "We'd have to get our hands on them ourselves to get some of those answers." But Thorne doesn't have one.
"Wanda, maybe?" They both go to the well of Wanda Maximoff when they have Solvunn-based questions. It might be worth her seeing if she could catch the dogs and find out for herself. She certainly has the power to do it.
my favorite thing about backdated threads is nods to the FUTURE
Date: 2024-03-07 05:52 am (UTC)"I gotta find me other contacts in Solvunn that aren't Wanda or Michael." Gabe Does Not Count, sorry bro. He can push the reliability thing on his little brother as much as necessary, but there's other roadblocks to consider. "I'm sure Wanda has enough on her plate from her faction alone, not just us." He'd say that's what friends are for but it's not like he actually knows the answer to that. He won't even know who Himeka Actually Is until a months from now when she is in a cube of jelly from her own awry rune use and Kell calling out to her. Like you do. "It's something to be careful about. Let it linger for a bit, let the locals forget and see the additions as invasive sure, but here to stay. Then bring it up maybe."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-07 03:52 pm (UTC)"I suppose I wonder ...." Istredd considers, tipping his head to the side, taking Lucifer's hand because he likes points of contact. "Let's say we're right about the gods being former Summoned. Let's say these rift monsters proved that other entities have that same connection if pulled from other worlds. And that there's corruption possible in those examples. What does that mean for us? Should we be concerned about our future? What will we do if everything we suspect is true?"
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 12:09 am (UTC)"Of course we should be concerned about our future," he says, very much thinking that's obvious. "We already know we can be influenced against our will and not even on purpose." Lucifer and the Myriapod Arcana Problem. "There's likely at least a baker's dozen of ways we can be corrupted and half of them are likely just environmental, half be done against us. Heck, maybe the Singularity's connection will straight-up eventually poison us." There's the tie-breaker thirteen of the split.
For someone that tries to look multiple steps ahead to their Fate when a problem comes up, even Lucifer knows the rest of his answer, "We can't plan for every eventuality, Istredd. Maybe we can save us, or someone else, from going down that potential road." Look at Dean and the Mark. An other-world problem crept into Abraxas, but still an impossible problem solved, presumably with next-to-no known consequences. "But we may just have to put someone down, one day."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 01:07 am (UTC)But it changed there. The Book of Monoliths made him invested, and then it all fell apart. And here? Istredd's been intensely engaged with Abraxas, the opposite of his aloof indifference to his own sphere. He knows that he wants to stay here for his future, he's said as much. Here with Lucifer, here with the others. But what that looks like in a hundred or five hundred years, he hasn't thought ahead to it.
"You know I can't help it. I'll have to plan for those eventualities, as best as possible." It's the Pit all over again, obsessively putting everyone's problems on himself, but it's better in that he's not actively dying. They have time. The new gods didn't go from Summoned to that overnight. They all are on paths. But Lucifer said 'We can save us' and that means it doesn't have to be him alone. Not just with Lucifer, but in general. It's all of them who has to have a buy in.
Istredd kisses him firmly, reminding himself how close they keep getting to losing everything, but they haven't yet. "It won't be us." Having to be put down. He's determined. "If it's me, I give you full permission. But don't offer me the same because I wouldn't be able to." He's honest about his weakness.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 04:09 am (UTC)It's no wonder Crowley got a one-up on him.
It probably will be them, more than anyone, but Lucifer doesn't push that certainty.
"Oh, don't worry, if I become irreparably corrupted I'm taking you down with me and we'll both be walking disasters on the world."
Is that a kindness? Well it's better than being on the other side, isn't it? Lucifer thinks it is.
We can wrap on here or you can end tag!
Date: 2024-03-14 12:41 pm (UTC)He doesn't believe it will be them. They've managed to keep it together for Thorne so far, and if their connection to each other becomes corrupt, they still have the others. It's why Lucifer's comment makes him laugh again, kissing his forehead.
"Well, I'd prefer it to the other option." He agrees with that. If they're together, he has faith in them. They've always brought out the best in each other so far. Killing Lucifer is too impossible of an idea. He's already said before he'd go down protecting him, and he meant it.
"Let's get some rest, love. Our brains have been bleeding." Painfully! This new bond will help that, but it was still not easy, and Lucifer's been struggling with the monster.
stamps APPROVAL
Date: 2024-03-14 09:18 pm (UTC)early dec
Date: 2023-12-06 09:53 pm (UTC)I know I just got back, and you're probably super busy, but I was hoping I could talk to you about... well, a couple of things, probably.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:25 pm (UTC)There's also... something else, that I think I should talk to you and maybe also Yennefer about? But it might be more of an in-person conversation, and I know you two have a lot going on. It's not exactly super urgent, but it might be... useful, or important, or something. I don't know.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:30 pm (UTC)It's hard to explain, I think it's the fancy dresses. They don't really mesh with the nacho dispenser in the background.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:46 pm (UTC)I think it's mostly just that I'm not entirely sure what to do with this information now that I have it, and it seems like it could potentially be kind of dangerous if someone in power found out and decided to exploit it. Or maybe I'm just hoping you guys can tell me it CAN'T be exploited.
Or maybe I'm not sure what I'm hoping for out of this conversation at all, I just want someone smarter than me that I kind of trust to know.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-06 11:48 pm (UTC)Are you alright? You didn't seem well when you came in. Physically, I mean.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 12:12 am (UTC)I'm actually... surprisingly fine. It's mostly just that my prosthetic leg doesn't come through with me when they pull me in, and then I smacked my face on the floor because I have all of the grace of a drunk walrus in high heels, and also I was still kind of recovering from being kidnapped by these spider monster things, but it's fine, actually. I'm fine.
Thank you for asking. How are you?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 12:31 am (UTC)I'm good. Sabine and I have been spending time together since you left; none of us are the company you are, but we did our best. She's a wonderful person. I'm happy for both of you.
I suppose you're the first person I know myself who left and came back with memories, so I'm glad to know it's possible. How much time passed when you returned?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 12:35 am (UTC)For a long time, nobody knew her but me. Hearing about her interacting with other people, and getting to know them, it's weird. In a good way, I mean. I'm glad she wasn't alone.
About how long it's been... to be completely honest with you, my brain condition makes it so I don't really have the best sense of the passage of time. I think it's been a little over a year for me, maybe a year and a half, but I can't be sure, exactly.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 12:42 am (UTC)I hope you saw Kyle, he's missed you. He doesn't say so, but I can tell.
Listen, for quite some time now, I've been working on trying to find a way to anchor some of us here. For the people who can't go back or don't want to go back. I haven't had any luck so far, but if I can help the two of you stay, I will.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 12:47 am (UTC)I'll talk to her, but I think
I think we're both going to want to stay
I want us to stay
If I can help, or if- the thing I'm going to tell you about can help, let me know.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:03 am (UTC)If all goes well, we'll still be here decades from now, and you and Lucifer may even get along by then. Unless you can live centuries too.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:14 am (UTC)( Considering what she is — which Jack has only recently learned about himself. A keeper of that which is but shouldn't be; something that applies to Jack, but seems like it could easily extend to the Singularity, too. He really needs to ask her if other people know about that yet. )
Frankly, if you ask my doctors it's a miracle I've lived THIS long, so. Who knows.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:17 am (UTC)[ Not Istredd, unfortunately, but that is his lot in life. ]
So maybe in a century you two will get along.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:23 am (UTC)Think I can guess why it does it with her
I'm not sure how much she's told you about herself, but that... kind of tracks with her... job. Back home.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:27 am (UTC)I mean, maybe some part of me suspected, but I didn't KNOW know until she came to me after she died.
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Date: 2023-12-07 01:34 am (UTC)[ As someone with an ancient inhuman lover, he does know some things about this. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:37 am (UTC)( When she told him, he had exactly 0 follow-up questions. )
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Date: 2023-12-07 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:49 am (UTC)She's Sabine. That's all I care about. I'm sure you can probably relate.
( But, you know. With Lucifer. )
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:56 am (UTC)[ Maybe in that first month, although he hadn't made assumptions either way. ]
Sabine and I have talked about going to the Singularity in person. It's possible during the Dimming, it's coming up in a few weeks. She might have a chance to really engage with it there.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:12 am (UTC)Rhy also has a special relationship with the Singularity and his experience was comfortable, from what he told us at the time. It seemed to recognize him.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:17 am (UTC)You'll look out for her, right?
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Date: 2023-12-07 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:25 am (UTC)Please.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:50 am (UTC)In exchange, I promise not to murder your boyfriend while you're gone, probably.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:03 am (UTC)I wish I could.
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Date: 2023-12-07 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:12 am (UTC)( This is more surprising than finding out about Istredd and Lucifer, to be honest. )
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:19 am (UTC)Huh.
I didn't know that.
Well, that sounds... Really awkward, actually. Does she know? How's that working out with the whole... you and Lucifer situation?
I mean, you don't have to tell me, obviously it's none of my business. It just seems like A Lot.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:21 am (UTC)Or rather, they've jointly agreed not to make me choose.
[ AKA, he's got it all. For better or for worse. ]
It's not really a lot, outside of the fact they're a lot type of people. The situation itself isn't that complicated.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:24 am (UTC)( Hence why he's so relationship-oblivious. )
But I'm glad it's working out for you! Congratulations.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:32 am (UTC)The kind of full-time emotional partnership I'm looking for isn't really something Yennefer is interested in, so this works well for all of us. Even if they are exhausting people.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:40 am (UTC)( By which he means, Yennefer is the scary one. Lucifer is the exhausting one. )
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:44 am (UTC)Yennefer's down to meet us, by the way. She just messaged me back a few minutes ago, so we're on for later in your domain.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 03:46 am (UTC)Alright, see you later!
And thank you, again.
Okay bye.
mid december
Date: 2023-12-08 04:29 pm (UTC)An arcana deck, for Istredd
A bag of flower seeds, for Lucifer
A bag of sugar candies for them to share, shaped like skulls
The note says Happy Holidays, from Kyle ]
not here
Date: 2023-12-15 12:35 am (UTC)yes, he gets the purpose
, Istreddbut he doesn't get why himprobably because if he just got Istredd something Lucifer would likely be weird about it, obvhe's not getting you anything Kyle]
after the Nether just quick adding to my other tags
Date: 2023-12-15 12:43 am (UTC)There is nothing of value to these books. They're barely holding together, though enough that they made the trip. Whatever ink remains isn't legible, no signs to if they were once a cooking book or fiction or what, the titles smeared away. BUT HEY. HE GOT YOU BOOKS. A WHOLE THREE OF THEM. :) At least they're not toxic.]
lol
Date: 2023-12-15 01:18 am (UTC)You found those in the Ashlands? [ Who knows what they used to be. A fascinating mystery! ] Thank you, love.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 01:21 am (UTC)You know.
Among other things (and, PROBABLY, digging up Useful Things, too).] Mm. The Aetherie.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 01:31 am (UTC)Ah, right, the most dangerous of the three.
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Date: 2023-12-15 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 02:00 pm (UTC)[ Istredd's heard about the locations because people are bringing in ingredients for the nerds to go over. The explanation of the Featherhive made him shiver. It's not like any of them haunted by the past really needs to have it come back, and he suspects it would be worse for Lucifer. ]
Anything broken?
[ He means to his heart. If it cut too close a piece of Lucifer off. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 05:31 am (UTC)Well.
Maybe not. But still.] Definitely nothing to sleep to though.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 04:02 pm (UTC)[ The obvious being that Lucifer likes a thrill and doing something dangerous gives him that, something to do, something he can do. Avoiding the emotional toll of the birds is just an obvious bonus to that. Lucifer can take a lot of physical punishment, it's the mental punishment that lingers longer. He gently sets the book down so there is no risk of dropping them.
He reaches out to take Lucifer's hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. ]
I talked to Anneth. There's an interesting detail I didn't expect. She says the dragons used to be very strong and powerful, but they started to get weaker and fade after that first Summoning all that time ago.
[ It seems far too specific to be a coincidence. ]
it's (3am) 2am and I must be theorizing
Date: 2024-01-19 07:26 am (UTC)It sure makes Istredd attractive.]
I wonder if they're more connected to the Singularity than the rest of Abraxas. We were bolstering their lands just by presence alone, though not completely. It wouldn't stick. [He taps his thumb against Istredd's hand, staring off into space, unblinking.] If they're heavily connected to the Singularity, the Summoning ritual weakens the Singularity--we've considered that before already--it drains out of their lands, and then them. They traced the illness to the rifts, right? Like a bunch of mini Summoning rituals.
The first Summoning ritual dealt the major blow to their people, it was a new strain at the Singularity. Everything else chipped away but perhaps not as strong. The rifts were another new strain. Unexpectedly pulling at that thread, and tripping their already-present weakness into a sickness.
[He hums. He is 100% just spit-balling. It's been awhile since he went on a theorizing tangent.] Our presence in their lands was feeding that strained connection. The land literally nipping at the connection we had, synergizing with it, for just a moment.
it's the best time to theorize tbh
Date: 2024-01-19 03:40 pm (UTC)[ As they know, it's only getting worse. More Summons every few months, more people coming through. They had the most this time, he checks in as best as he can for new numbers as they progress, so they're going to keep going until there's no one left they want to Summon. Which is never. With no regard with how it is destroying the balance of this sphere. ]
They brought us here claiming they're worried about the Singularity's waning and thought it would strengthen it. But I think they're killing the land instead, pulling it apart each time.
[ Not that it's changed Istredd's mind about them staying there forever. It's not about a few of them, it's about the constancy of the spell. If they stopped Summoning tomorrow and everyone was left, it's probable they would only settle in. ]
We could possibly heal the Nether, given more time there. It wasn't permanent, but our presence could strengthen it. She gave me this dragon scale to experiment on. [ He has it in his pocket, not wanting to leave it anywhere Thorne could find, and pulls it out so show Lucifer. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 05:55 pm (UTC)He blinks, mildly baffled, at the scale.] And how exactly is that going to help in experimenting?
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 09:35 pm (UTC)[ He'll give him that. But he's skeptical. They can't control the Singularity. It'll do whatever it wants. He doubts it'll let them go any time soon, after letting them into its psychic realm and playing with a few people in particular. Istredd doesn't want to have to deal with the idea that they may have to trade the Singularity to stay there. It's possible, but yes, last resort. ]
It depends on what properties I can glean from it. I was thinking Yenna and I might be able to see what we can pick up, and from what we remember about the dragon cure. What if we can amplify the cure?
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 05:35 am (UTC)And hey!
If it ever becomes true!
It won't be a surprise because Lucifer's been Annoying About It.] I brought back the materials for the cure but I wasn't involved with its construction. How did it operate?
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 01:42 pm (UTC)Lucifer being right would be unfortunate on a few levels, and his gloating over it annoying, but if he's right, he's right. ]
Our presence helped bring those ingredients back to life and available. From there it was understanding dragon physiology and what was actually missing from them. I don't know that I trust it as a permanent stopgap. It may be inevitable.
[ A dire way of looking at it, but a logical one. They've been fading away as a species for over a thousand years. The hatchlings might make it but they won't be as hearty. That's why continuing a study of it might help. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-31 05:44 am (UTC)[He thinks their fall at this point is what is actually inevitable. Anything they do really feels like it is just prolonging things but...
Maybe.
Maybe if they can just extend the life of the Nether for their own benefit...]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-31 03:09 pm (UTC)[ And if he and Lucifer do end up living here a long time, if they're lucky, they'll have to witness it in person. He doubts it would take more than another century or so, if the decline continues. This was a stopgap. He doesn't have a lot of faith. Some things are inevitable but they don't have to be. ]
I liked them. Probably the most of the cultures we met here so far.
[ The Fey were interesting, for certain, and probably would provide the most complete protection from the outside world if need be. But they weren't very trustworthy, it seemed a little bit like a game. The Lunae have done nothing wrong, but their conflict with Ikorr isn't great. He liked the Draconae. Simple, honestly. ]
wrap on yours?
Date: 2024-02-16 02:13 am (UTC)It'd be boring to move in and all our neighbors were dead. [A consideration for the future comes with a morbid twist.
Eh.
Better than nothing.] I'm going to go loom over Urianger's class. [Perch in the window at the time Urianger just happens to be teaching.] Enjoy your scrap paper.
wrap!
Date: 2024-02-16 02:17 am (UTC)[ Istredd says dryly. ]
Thank you for this. Have fun, don't make him nervous.
- december
Date: 2023-12-20 05:14 am (UTC)mail delivery • from solvunn
Date: 2023-12-29 07:46 pm (UTC)a neat box lies at the bottom, though, and once unwrapped, it'll reveal a quaint and heavy book holder designed as an owl. wanda imagines that, just like his horizon, istredd must have way too many books in his own room or desk, in thorne.
a small note sits under the box.]
Delivery!
Date: 2023-12-29 09:12 pm (UTC)nebulous time before february, bike stuff
Date: 2024-01-11 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 09:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 09:26 pm (UTC)[ He draws a rough sketch of one. ]
I'm trying to get one or two made for the couriers. The problem is that the wheels will make for a bumpy ride on cobblestones.
[ Without some magic assistance. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 09:28 pm (UTC)[ Less expensive! ]
Hm, yes, I can come up with a solution. Otherwise they're going to end up sick from the bumps.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-11 09:38 pm (UTC)Thank you. I'm hoping Wilhelm might enjoy it.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:00 am (UTC)I saw him in Nott recently, he seemed very happy to be out and about. He likes the job.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:34 am (UTC)I'm glad. Also that him and Kelson seem to be getting along well.
[ He generally doesn't like when younger people are Summoned, but since Kelson's already here - it's nice for him to have someone close to his own age. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:43 am (UTC)[ Unwittingly thinking the same thing. He doesn't love that the youths end up here, but everyone's young to him.]
I was going to see if he or Kelson wouldn't mind befriending River, she's the same age as them, and could use a friend. She's a sweet girl.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:48 am (UTC)The next part, though - ]
Have you been working with her at all?
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 01:01 am (UTC)I was never out of control like that because I was trained from a younger age than her, but if I had my abilities in the Pit, I would have gone insane.
[ So for her, how could she do anything other than lose it on the island? ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 01:25 am (UTC)[ Which seems likely, since she wasn't just reacting to the island. It was also what she'd seen in his mind. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-01-12 01:40 am (UTC)ikorr heist time
Date: 2024-02-24 01:36 am (UTC)I saw your note about Babis.
Have you made any headway with the rune?
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:39 am (UTC)If Soroya and Babis are both correct about what this artifact could be, we really need to find it safely.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:40 am (UTC)And possibly destroy it.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:43 am (UTC)No! We aren't destroying it, that could make things infinitely worse. It's been safely here for a long time.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:44 am (UTC)It's worse that people know it exists now.
Not that it matters if it's not found.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:51 am (UTC)But yes, it doesn't matter if we can't find it. Then it will truly be out of anyone's hands but the thief.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 02:57 am (UTC)shortly after his outburst
Date: 2024-02-26 06:55 pm (UTC)It has an arcana, which might follow into your theory of the gods here being former Summoned.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-26 06:59 pm (UTC)You did get direct information out of a god, that's not common.
he said the name of the show
Date: 2024-02-26 09:58 pm (UTC)It may take off like a god, and it all may be unknown one way or another, but keep an open mind Istredd and don't get blinded. That's how you get in trouble.
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Date: 2024-02-26 10:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-26 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-26 11:44 pm (UTC)All things are possible but some things are more likely.
I know you're annoyed.
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Date: 2024-02-27 05:42 am (UTC)[That they're irritating him.]
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Date: 2024-02-27 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-29 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-29 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-07 04:47 am (UTC)So if they're trapped in an iteration of that domain or that artifact, they're quite the hypocrite.
[Which means Lucifer has zero sympathy.
And even if he did
Well
Lucifer is also a hypocrite and literally tried to re-lockup his aunt in a tormenting Cage quite like Lucifer's own so
y e a h]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-07 03:33 pm (UTC)