The pain is worth it to him. If he hadn't let himself feel it, he would still have it in his gut, hanging over him forever. True mourning was the way through and he understands that. He knows that Lucifer doesn't understand it. One of those examples of when they are reminded they're not the same species and go about things differently. The important part was when Istredd told him no, gently, he listened and backed off.
Istredd is relieved when Lucifer confirms before the mountain, because that is what he wanted, obviously, but he had to give the option. He had to say they could change things for Lucifer's sake, it was the right thing to do. And he had to make it clear that they could, it wasn't too late for them to pull back.
It was his mistake but if they both accept it now, it means they can move on from the 'mistake' and put it to bed. It's a choice now even if it wasn't a choice then.
"I don't know," Istredd says after a moment. Now they're both in 'I don't know' mode. "The problem is we still need to have the option for that to happen if you start to lose your emotions, it was an agreement." They just didn't think it would have to happen this way. They had agreed on doing it, but it was always a future prospect, a for instance, not something they expected to really happen any time soon.
"We didn't know what the aftermath would be." How could they? He reaches out and gestures for Lucifer to come closer. He needs to sit them both down for this so he can focus. "What I'm thinking is if we cut back now, put up stronger walls, not walls that can't be broken if an emergency happens, but understand how it will feel and look, we may be able to pull them back rather than allow the bleed through to taint us for weeks after. I'll have an easier time rebuilding them."
He knows the agreement, but they need something. Because there was no disconnect in that fight, with Yennefer and the myriapod mentally feeling so close to him while his mind bobbed over and under the waves of Istredd, trying to keep afloat long enough to sever the creature's head off with hands more than the blade. And only then, partially, get a gulp of oxygen to his own head after the myriapod was taken out.
How do you make an off switch once the danger has passed?
(Maybe not have immediate mental trauma of a different variety.)
He sits across from Istredd as directed.
"That... might be enough. Because ah, not to be a Negative Nancy but given how thing went when I'd have preferred to be in my 'right' mind, but..." He's still referring to the fight where the barest fraction of him wanted to hold back, not his attempt to smother Istredd's feelings afterwards, though in a way that's relevant too--he did pull away with a gentle push. "I don't know if you'd be able to get everything back to yourself regardless of whether or not you succeed in dealing with my Worst Case Scenario."
Oh, Istredd would likely win. Lucifer trusts Istredd's mental prowess.
But if Lucifer doesn't want to be pulled back and sees failure approaching him, he has this funny feelings now that he'll just take as much of Istredd's mind down with him.
So. Really. Stronger walls are great! Stronger walls that can be broken down in a myriapod-level emergency are great!
He doesn't see much hope for either of them coming out of an Apocalyptic-level Lucifer.
He's not helping. Sorry. Really, he just thinks it's better to not consider the be-all end-all situation because it corrupts the data.
It's just that breaking things down just seems like extra work.
Lucifer understands a mental scope but he's never had to deal with walls and security measures. Any mind he's broken into didn't have more than tissue paper. Lucifer still operates way more on the abstract and less on the concrete, but he doesn't know how far they could take concrete on a metaphysical level.
"How abstract are we talking here?"
It's all the talk of floods and drowning, really. You take a metaphor a long enough way, eventually you're going to look into real-world solutions to mental problems and he's not sure how possible it is that they'll translate.
"Do we have some wiggle room for.... mm... walls versus doors versus... gates?"
"The plan was for if you got all your grace back, we didn't think the monster would happen. We weren't prepared for everything, but to be fair to both of us, we've never had one of these." Istredd may have more of them, but they were boxed in and had better boundaries. Lucifer just experienced an example of it with feeling Yennefer through it, and how much clearer her lines were with Istredd.
He reaches up to caress Lucifer's cheek. "I don't care about that." About whether he'd get all of himself back in that scenario. That isn't the point. The point is it's either both of them coming back from it or neither of them. If Lucifer kills him, he does. That's part of the deal, in Istredd's opinion.
"Let's fix the actual problem, my love, and we can work out the details in a second." They can do both, it's more a case of fixing the worst wound first. Like usual Istredd doesn't need to touch Lucifer's temple, it's more physical contact helps. He doesn't need to push inside, they already are bleeding into each other.
Istredd for the first time shows his extraordinary precision, something he absolutely did not use when they started this. He could always have been this careful. Not great. It is much like having a laser as he separates the worst crossovers and creates lines between them. Metaphorically more like a surgical fix. It gives them the relief of clearing the bleeds without completely dislodging the bond. This would be very difficult to do with anyone else, but Lucifer's mind is too familiar now, he knows where the places need to get cut.
He'd prefer to be prepared for everything, thank you.
(Obviously, they can't.)
"Idiot," he says aloud, because he believes it, because it's true, because it doesn't matter. He could care enough about Istredd one day and feel strong enough to sever himself from all of this and free Istredd from this inevitable downfall against his will and still know the results because he knows Istredd's history with Yennefer. Knows there's no saving him, knows it's far too late to save him.
Idiot, is repeated and that's more exhausted fondness than insult as he gives in to the touch at his cheek. He lets that exhaustion carry him through this, similarly to how he was swimming between Istredd and the myriapod's mind. He thinks that creature is still there, sometimes, even though he knows better. He felt the link fade. He knows.
He sinks and trusts Istredd to work, but there are the faintest attacks working against the separation. Bee stings, serpent bites. Small, ultimately nothing, but the most minor lingering defenses that Lucifer can't control. Not feeling threatened but just... as there are. Natural.
"Yes," Istredd agrees gently. He is an idiot. This is what he does when he's in love, he gives it all, he throws his devotion and certainty in their face. They both know the end of this Lucifer is the end of them both, and he's accepted that. If Lucifer's climb to apathy is inevitable, he is still a rebel. Istredd will hold onto his hope that he can be both archangel and this.
This will be good for Lucifer in particular, cutting these lines into place, because it was his mind that was damaged. Istredd only felt it on the outskirts, but the bleeding is very bad for him. He's been weakened by his mental exhaustion. Istredd feels the bee stings and he flicks them off.
The quiet gets better for them both and with a firm slam of mental walls between them, the flowing mental leak between them is staunched and cut off. Their thoughts are their own again, only back to intentional sharing. Istredd leans forward to kiss him softly, as they do have those lines again, but only from before the mountain as Lucifer requested. A little peck of affection.
"I don't think I missed any weak spots." Because that much mental sharing is not put into one point. "How do you feel?"
He keeps his eyes closed, still drifting a bit, though it's obvious when the walls slam between them there in an immediate relieved tension that he didn't quite realize how much of it he was holding.
"Let's never do that again," he says, referring to the disastrous bleed, as though they had any control over their lives and what happened, as though really, if it came down to it, if the beats hit a similar rhythm, they wouldn't end up with the same results all over again.
The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Some human quote. Not Einstein like everyone thinks. Someone was out there like Lucifer scowling at Dad, grumbling about someone else stealing all their best lines.
"If it happens again, we can staunch it right away." The problem was they'd never done it before so figuring out how to fix it took a little effort. Istredd shouldn't have let the bleeding happen this long, but he is flying blind, he's already said so. This bond shouldn't have happened and Stregobor never prepared him for it. Stregobor could never care enough about a person to imagine sharing like this. Now it'll be easy.
They know it might happen again. And what it will cost. But for today, they've fixed it.
Istredd reaches forward and pulls Lucifer into a simple embrace. Holds him close. Nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck and breathes. He still cherishes this physical comfort as much as anything between them. He almost lost Lucifer to the beast, and he's been suffering since, and Istredd would do anything to take that pain from him. He runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and just lets his love envelop him for a moment, proving their bond still exists but it doesn't overtake him.
"I don't know if a gate is a good idea. It would give me too much power over you." Not that he would use it and they both know that, but Istredd wants Lucifer to feel safe and have the certainty of his own power over his own mind. He knows how important it is for Lucifer to never feel boxed in, and the telepath already has power leaning his way.
He's all about learning new things and while it would make sense for him, specifically, learn to fix things after they're broken... he'd rather that they actually be able to fix this quickly and not have to learn other ways that they have to fix it.
Lucifer is very good at breaking things, even unintentionally.
Nearly boneless, he goes with the embrace.
He could sleep right down here, no problem, coiled into Istredd's warmth.
Isn't that nice? The thought of real, genuine, sleep. Not some abstract concept, but rest. They haven't much gotten that.
"Two-way," he says, because no, obviously, he'd never let something he can't control and could be used against him in his mind, but... "Less door. More for flow, controlled and fixed levels." He waves a hand, like a groggy instructor that dropped their coffee lifeline for the day. Istredd gets a strange image of a mechanical sluice gate and a mental shrug.
Lucifer's mind is like someone dumped every medium of art across an infinite surface and mixed and matched everything in order to connect Thought A to JKL back to B and mapping out incomprehensibly to imaginary numbers.
But he also is very concrete when it comes to images.
Neither of them do complete silence very well, despite needing it at times for whatever reason. Having the ability to staunch the flow quickly is important. Having the same mental mechanism adjust the flow is just saving mental energy, he thinks.
Istredd holds him close, feeling his exhaustion. It's been a struggle for them both, but he knows it's been worse for Lucifer, having something penetrate his mind so fully. His touch is soothing, the bond between them stable and steady again. He clings to it now that he has it again; it would be difficult to lose the touch of this beautiful, abstract mind on his.
"Mmm, okay, the visual helps." Telepathy is actually something that requires visuals and artistry to work properly. The mind is not what people think, in terms of this thought there or that thought there.
People don't always think clearly, in full sentences, unless they want to. They jump around between a collection of words and feelings. It's why telempathy is taught at the same time, to interpret what is seen. It's a very precise type of magic, that is why it required specialization with Stregobor. You have to love the mind to soak yourself in it. While his mentor did it because he loved the power over others, Istredd does it because he loves the details.
He strokes Lucifer's hair and then places his fingers on his temple. He dives back into his mind and Lucifer should be able to feel the way he modifies the walls with precision. He's never done this before either but since Lucifer no longer fights him when it's just them, it's much easier. He creates, abstractly, a way for the walls to open and close, more like a gate than a slammed down boundary. It's less aggressive this way, a shut door feels less final.
"Your mind," he says with a content sigh. It's lovelorn. Lucifer already knows his feelings about it, but flowing through it is as comforting as snuggling into a blanket cocoon. "That should work, we won't know fully until tested."
Sometimes Lucifer knows what he's about and the benefit is, despite being imprisoned for most of his existence, he got a quick download from his vessels on different forms of, well, everything, and at least one of those vessels (Sam) was a Nerd.
But this... this feels good. Because for as much as Lucifer doesn't want to feel controlled, entrapped... He doesn't want to feel caged away from something that by all reason he should have access to.
Issues? Nooooooooooo.
"I'm not very interested in actually brute forcing it right now," he says. They don't exactly have the means to test it without actually forcing it and neither of them have the energy to really going at it. Especially if it... doesn't work as intended.
Oh, sure, if Istredd wants to try, Lucifer will go along with it.
But it's very adamantly clear in neon blinking lights that he Does Not Want to.
This began because of Istredd's hunger for closeness and he's been fed well from the start, but he feels good about this in-between for them. It's not him being the screw up anymore and this is something that makes them both balanced. It will be easier for them to close a gate than lift up a wall. The fact that Lucifer feels good about it helps too.
"I don't mean now, love. Our minds are in no condition. It needs time to settle."
It is a new form, it may break easily under aggression until they learn how to use it. And he means it; they are in no position. Lucifer in particular is unstable, not that Istredd wants to put too fine a note on that, considering it may make him feel like Istredd is saying it's only him that is struggling. It's only him that is weak. It's not the truth, but it could twist that way.
He holds Lucifer and tilts his head to kiss his temple, underneath the mind he loves so well. "I came so close to losing you." And his own life, and Yennefer's, and all those mages. But Lucifer is a priority.
Yeeeeeah, Lucifer would ABSOLUTELY twist it into the negative, easily, with only maybe his tired state saving it from being quite so terrible.
But thankfully Istredd's stepped on that landmine more than enough and they sidestep it entirely.
"Well, it would've been a very short time that you were without me," he says, with the sort of dark humor that he's often about, "what with you being killed not long after."
"What, you don't think we could have taken you? Such little faith." Istredd is joking, since there is no change in hell they could have. The monster and Lucifer together would've done more damage than anyone could have prepared for. He has no idea what Thorne would do with them, although it seems most likely they would have put Lucifer down.
It didn't happen, that's the important part.
"I wish we understood more of the arcana. I don't think Urianger nor I have come up with much. For the beasts to come in with assigned arcana of their own ... it's interesting." Horrifying, sure, but interesting.
He snorts unceremoniously at the use of 'faith', which promptly derails any response he may've had about how very obviously him and the beast would've rolled the ol' party along and no one would be hangin' on behind. And if he had somehow come out of it eventually, managed to separate himself from the monster, he would've been gone, fled into those mountains where the cold wouldn't have been his only problem.
Kyle would maybe have been sent to scout if enough time had passed and he had recovered, and only would meet the stench of death and perhaps misery whether or not Lucifer was still possessed. Lucifer would kill him, too, possessed or not, for much different reasons.
But there's no point on dwelling.
"It makes me wonder if anything Summoned from outside worlds automatically get pulled through the arcana system, if that's part of the tether, if it has nothing to do with the Summoning Ritual itself." He hums, enjoying the way his mind, in spite of its sluggish state, feels a little bit clearer, and he idly, distractedly, nips and kisses just under Istredd's chin as the thought starts to coolly coalesce before the words murmur out of him: "Do you think the remaining beasts have a Singularity connection like ours?"
That's an approach he hadn't considered. That's what makes them a good team, they are good at giving each other different ideas by talking out what they do or don't know. He makes a thoughtful 'hmmm' sound and tilts his head back so Lucifer can nip to his heart's content, running fingers through his hair.
"Yes, I do. They were in the Horizon. There's no way they could have gotten in there without a connection." He had at least one or two fights when going to his library and finding creatures there making trouble. It was a shock at first, but it makes more sense now. "But they weren't pulled in by the factions, if the vision we had was true. So how did one of us have the kind of power to do that? Or did he just tap into the Singularity's power?"
Istredd suspects the culprit is in Solvunn and he hasn't asked Wanda if they have identified the person. She probably knows who it is. They're a close group, it's possible she'd defend whoever it is.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe there are multiple ways to look at the tether." Which is annoying for him, as he is so focused on the Singularity being the best way, but he can't deny Lucifer's logic in arguing about that otherwise.
He will treasure that 'maybe you're right.' It's a (little) win. He won't call out to it and even the reaction is under the tumbleweeds of rolling cloud cover in Lucifer's mind. See he's getting better at this again.
My concern is whether or not Thorne and the like can capture any creature left behind from the rifts and harvest their Singularity connection instead of ours. Which, fine, I don't care, experiment all you want on animals he's not someone that's gonna balk at a hair care product or whatever and find out things were tested on rabbits or something, but I don't know.
It should make their lives easier.
There you go Thorne, and anyone else looking! Leave the Summoned alone, you have a source over there.
Something about them having that link worries me. Unfounded, and maybe it is just a possessiveness. Just as Josselyn may as well have crowed, that was theirs. Paws off, Abraxas. "I forgot that they had been in the Horizon, but I haven't seen any of them since." What if they still have a connection but it's been corrupted because of the different method of being pulled here? Always more questions, but he feels all of these answers could have much greater dangers for the rest of them.
He's not going to question another Summoned's power. Look at Wanda. She probably could summon her kids here if she went full hardcore Scarlet Witch Prophecy Mode.
Istredd is many things, and arrogant is one of them, when he thinks he knows better. He also gets tunnel vision so one of the things he appreciates about being with Lucifer is having another point of view to bounce off of. They've theorized together for a long time, but he still can be a stickler for things surrounding the Singularity. He knows Lucifer isn't tormenting him with that 'maybe right' statement on purpose. It's appreciated.
There are dogs still in Solvunn, not the ones from your sphere. The ones from Adora's sphere. I believe one of the creatures survived in the Free Cities, I could follow up. Steve or Castiel would know. He considers and shakes his head. I don't believe any survived here ... that we know of. Which means any of the governments could get their hands on one of the rift creatures, dead or alive, and be experimenting on them.
"The ones that lived, they probably do still have that connection. I don't believe I've seen them in the Horizon since, but they could be." He's more curious about why they haven't been rounded up in that case. "We'd have to get our hands on them ourselves to get some of those answers." But Thorne doesn't have one.
"Wanda, maybe?" They both go to the well of Wanda Maximoff when they have Solvunn-based questions. It might be worth her seeing if she could catch the dogs and find out for herself. She certainly has the power to do it.
There's a couple here that Mat and I lost. But I don't want Thorne to get any ideas. Even if he will a month from now mention those dogs to Mace. What? Conversation starters are important when you need to get a foot in.
"I gotta find me other contacts in Solvunn that aren't Wanda or Michael." Gabe Does Not Count, sorry bro. He can push the reliability thing on his little brother as much as necessary, but there's other roadblocks to consider. "I'm sure Wanda has enough on her plate from her faction alone, not just us." He'd say that's what friends are for but it's not like he actually knows the answer to that. He won't even know who Himeka Actually Is until a months from now when she is in a cube of jelly from her own awry rune use and Kell calling out to her. Like you do. "It's something to be careful about. Let it linger for a bit, let the locals forget and see the additions as invasive sure, but here to stay. Then bring it up maybe."
"There's a woman named Himeka who has been around since the start." Lucifer might not meet her for some time, but the name at least might resonate. Istredd's known her from the start of his time here, but only in passing. She seems pleasant and helpful enough. Wanda's just been his go-to. They have their connection but Lucifer might be right, Wanda has plenty going on without the two of them constantly prodding at her.
"I suppose I wonder ...." Istredd considers, tipping his head to the side, taking Lucifer's hand because he likes points of contact. "Let's say we're right about the gods being former Summoned. Let's say these rift monsters proved that other entities have that same connection if pulled from other worlds. And that there's corruption possible in those examples. What does that mean for us? Should we be concerned about our future? What will we do if everything we suspect is true?"
"Of course we should be concerned about our future," he says, very much thinking that's obvious. "We already know we can be influenced against our will and not even on purpose." Lucifer and the Myriapod Arcana Problem. "There's likely at least a baker's dozen of ways we can be corrupted and half of them are likely just environmental, half be done against us. Heck, maybe the Singularity's connection will straight-up eventually poison us." There's the tie-breaker thirteen of the split.
For someone that tries to look multiple steps ahead to their Fate when a problem comes up, even Lucifer knows the rest of his answer, "We can't plan for every eventuality, Istredd. Maybe we can save us, or someone else, from going down that potential road." Look at Dean and the Mark. An other-world problem crept into Abraxas, but still an impossible problem solved, presumably with next-to-no known consequences. "But we may just have to put someone down, one day."
"I've never been very good at looking forward." He's a historian, his job is literally to be stuck in the past. Looking for answers to things that were long dead and buried, and knowing he may never get them. Istredd didn't have much he considered worth looking forward to. A long life that he saw as more books and historical digs and avoiding all the things in his continent he didn't want to engage with.
But it changed there. The Book of Monoliths made him invested, and then it all fell apart. And here? Istredd's been intensely engaged with Abraxas, the opposite of his aloof indifference to his own sphere. He knows that he wants to stay here for his future, he's said as much. Here with Lucifer, here with the others. But what that looks like in a hundred or five hundred years, he hasn't thought ahead to it.
"You know I can't help it. I'll have to plan for those eventualities, as best as possible." It's the Pit all over again, obsessively putting everyone's problems on himself, but it's better in that he's not actively dying. They have time. The new gods didn't go from Summoned to that overnight. They all are on paths. But Lucifer said 'We can save us' and that means it doesn't have to be him alone. Not just with Lucifer, but in general. It's all of them who has to have a buy in.
Istredd kisses him firmly, reminding himself how close they keep getting to losing everything, but they haven't yet. "It won't be us." Having to be put down. He's determined. "If it's me, I give you full permission. But don't offer me the same because I wouldn't be able to." He's honest about his weakness.
"Ahhh, that's why you keep making me look forward, because you're bad at it," Lucifer says in a sage-like tone. Now it all makes sense. The fact that Lucifer's even a little bit better of again looking forward is impressive because he was fully loose-cannon after Dad used and ditched him again. Heck, it's how he ended up with a child. He had no plan and no care and just wanted everyone to feel what he did, damn the consequences.
It's no wonder Crowley got a one-up on him.
It probably will be them, more than anyone, but Lucifer doesn't push that certainty.
"Oh, don't worry, if I become irreparably corrupted I'm taking you down with me and we'll both be walking disasters on the world."
Is that a kindness? Well it's better than being on the other side, isn't it? Lucifer thinks it is.
Istredd laughs. "Partners are supposed to balance each other out. Fill in each other's weaknesses. I think that's why we work so well." They aren't a case of opposites attract exactly, although they are very different people, but from the beginning it was more about how one of them bled into the other when they needed to. Lucifer used to be the one who pulled Istredd out of the library and into the world. Istredd did the same emotionally, soothed his darker edges, broke down his walls.
He doesn't believe it will be them. They've managed to keep it together for Thorne so far, and if their connection to each other becomes corrupt, they still have the others. It's why Lucifer's comment makes him laugh again, kissing his forehead.
"Well, I'd prefer it to the other option." He agrees with that. If they're together, he has faith in them. They've always brought out the best in each other so far. Killing Lucifer is too impossible of an idea. He's already said before he'd go down protecting him, and he meant it.
"Let's get some rest, love. Our brains have been bleeding." Painfully! This new bond will help that, but it was still not easy, and Lucifer's been struggling with the monster.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-10-11 01:08 pm (UTC)Istredd is relieved when Lucifer confirms before the mountain, because that is what he wanted, obviously, but he had to give the option. He had to say they could change things for Lucifer's sake, it was the right thing to do. And he had to make it clear that they could, it wasn't too late for them to pull back.
It was his mistake but if they both accept it now, it means they can move on from the 'mistake' and put it to bed. It's a choice now even if it wasn't a choice then.
"I don't know," Istredd says after a moment. Now they're both in 'I don't know' mode. "The problem is we still need to have the option for that to happen if you start to lose your emotions, it was an agreement." They just didn't think it would have to happen this way. They had agreed on doing it, but it was always a future prospect, a for instance, not something they expected to really happen any time soon.
"We didn't know what the aftermath would be." How could they? He reaches out and gestures for Lucifer to come closer. He needs to sit them both down for this so he can focus. "What I'm thinking is if we cut back now, put up stronger walls, not walls that can't be broken if an emergency happens, but understand how it will feel and look, we may be able to pull them back rather than allow the bleed through to taint us for weeks after. I'll have an easier time rebuilding them."
no subject
Date: 2023-10-20 01:15 am (UTC)How do you make an off switch once the danger has passed?
(Maybe not have immediate mental trauma of a different variety.)
He sits across from Istredd as directed.
"That... might be enough. Because ah, not to be a Negative Nancy but given how thing went when I'd have preferred to be in my 'right' mind, but..." He's still referring to the fight where the barest fraction of him wanted to hold back, not his attempt to smother Istredd's feelings afterwards, though in a way that's relevant too--he did pull away with a gentle push. "I don't know if you'd be able to get everything back to yourself regardless of whether or not you succeed in dealing with my Worst Case Scenario."
Oh, Istredd would likely win. Lucifer trusts Istredd's mental prowess.
But if Lucifer doesn't want to be pulled back and sees failure approaching him, he has this funny feelings now that he'll just take as much of Istredd's mind down with him.
So. Really. Stronger walls are great! Stronger walls that can be broken down in a myriapod-level emergency are great!
He doesn't see much hope for either of them coming out of an Apocalyptic-level Lucifer.
He's not helping. Sorry. Really, he just thinks it's better to not consider the be-all end-all situation because it corrupts the data.
It's just that breaking things down just seems like extra work.
Lucifer understands a mental scope but he's never had to deal with walls and security measures. Any mind he's broken into didn't have more than tissue paper. Lucifer still operates way more on the abstract and less on the concrete, but he doesn't know how far they could take concrete on a metaphysical level.
"How abstract are we talking here?"
It's all the talk of floods and drowning, really. You take a metaphor a long enough way, eventually you're going to look into real-world solutions to mental problems and he's not sure how possible it is that they'll translate.
"Do we have some wiggle room for.... mm... walls versus doors versus... gates?"
I've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy
Date: 2023-10-20 01:29 am (UTC)He reaches up to caress Lucifer's cheek. "I don't care about that." About whether he'd get all of himself back in that scenario. That isn't the point. The point is it's either both of them coming back from it or neither of them. If Lucifer kills him, he does. That's part of the deal, in Istredd's opinion.
"Let's fix the actual problem, my love, and we can work out the details in a second." They can do both, it's more a case of fixing the worst wound first. Like usual Istredd doesn't need to touch Lucifer's temple, it's more physical contact helps. He doesn't need to push inside, they already are bleeding into each other.
Istredd for the first time shows his extraordinary precision, something he absolutely did not use when they started this. He could always have been this careful. Not great. It is much like having a laser as he separates the worst crossovers and creates lines between them. Metaphorically more like a surgical fix. It gives them the relief of clearing the bleeds without completely dislodging the bond. This would be very difficult to do with anyone else, but Lucifer's mind is too familiar now, he knows where the places need to get cut.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 10:17 am (UTC)(Obviously, they can't.)
"Idiot," he says aloud, because he believes it, because it's true, because it doesn't matter. He could care enough about Istredd one day and feel strong enough to sever himself from all of this and free Istredd from this inevitable downfall against his will and still know the results because he knows Istredd's history with Yennefer. Knows there's no saving him, knows it's far too late to save him.
Idiot, is repeated and that's more exhausted fondness than insult as he gives in to the touch at his cheek. He lets that exhaustion carry him through this, similarly to how he was swimming between Istredd and the myriapod's mind. He thinks that creature is still there, sometimes, even though he knows better. He felt the link fade. He knows.
He sinks and trusts Istredd to work, but there are the faintest attacks working against the separation. Bee stings, serpent bites. Small, ultimately nothing, but the most minor lingering defenses that Lucifer can't control. Not feeling threatened but just... as there are. Natural.
He doesn't bother apologizing.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-07 01:40 pm (UTC)This will be good for Lucifer in particular, cutting these lines into place, because it was his mind that was damaged. Istredd only felt it on the outskirts, but the bleeding is very bad for him. He's been weakened by his mental exhaustion. Istredd feels the bee stings and he flicks them off.
The quiet gets better for them both and with a firm slam of mental walls between them, the flowing mental leak between them is staunched and cut off. Their thoughts are their own again, only back to intentional sharing. Istredd leans forward to kiss him softly, as they do have those lines again, but only from before the mountain as Lucifer requested. A little peck of affection.
"I don't think I missed any weak spots." Because that much mental sharing is not put into one point. "How do you feel?"
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 08:12 am (UTC)He keeps his eyes closed, still drifting a bit, though it's obvious when the walls slam between them there in an immediate relieved tension that he didn't quite realize how much of it he was holding.
"Let's never do that again," he says, referring to the disastrous bleed, as though they had any control over their lives and what happened, as though really, if it came down to it, if the beats hit a similar rhythm, they wouldn't end up with the same results all over again.
The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Some human quote. Not Einstein like everyone thinks. Someone was out there like Lucifer scowling at Dad, grumbling about someone else stealing all their best lines.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-15 01:57 pm (UTC)They know it might happen again. And what it will cost. But for today, they've fixed it.
Istredd reaches forward and pulls Lucifer into a simple embrace. Holds him close. Nuzzles his nose into the crook of his neck and breathes. He still cherishes this physical comfort as much as anything between them. He almost lost Lucifer to the beast, and he's been suffering since, and Istredd would do anything to take that pain from him. He runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair and just lets his love envelop him for a moment, proving their bond still exists but it doesn't overtake him.
"I don't know if a gate is a good idea. It would give me too much power over you." Not that he would use it and they both know that, but Istredd wants Lucifer to feel safe and have the certainty of his own power over his own mind. He knows how important it is for Lucifer to never feel boxed in, and the telepath already has power leaning his way.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 07:03 am (UTC)Lucifer is very good at breaking things, even unintentionally.
Nearly boneless, he goes with the embrace.
He could sleep right down here, no problem, coiled into Istredd's warmth.
Isn't that nice? The thought of real, genuine, sleep. Not some abstract concept, but rest. They haven't much gotten that.
"Two-way," he says, because no, obviously, he'd never let something he can't control and could be used against him in his mind, but... "Less door. More for flow, controlled and fixed levels." He waves a hand, like a groggy instructor that dropped their coffee lifeline for the day. Istredd gets a strange image of a mechanical sluice gate and a mental shrug.
Lucifer's mind is like someone dumped every medium of art across an infinite surface and mixed and matched everything in order to connect Thought A to JKL back to B and mapping out incomprehensibly to imaginary numbers.
But he also is very concrete when it comes to images.
Neither of them do complete silence very well, despite needing it at times for whatever reason. Having the ability to staunch the flow quickly is important. Having the same mental mechanism adjust the flow is just saving mental energy, he thinks.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-19 03:32 pm (UTC)"Mmm, okay, the visual helps." Telepathy is actually something that requires visuals and artistry to work properly. The mind is not what people think, in terms of this thought there or that thought there.
People don't always think clearly, in full sentences, unless they want to. They jump around between a collection of words and feelings. It's why telempathy is taught at the same time, to interpret what is seen. It's a very precise type of magic, that is why it required specialization with Stregobor. You have to love the mind to soak yourself in it. While his mentor did it because he loved the power over others, Istredd does it because he loves the details.
He strokes Lucifer's hair and then places his fingers on his temple. He dives back into his mind and Lucifer should be able to feel the way he modifies the walls with precision. He's never done this before either but since Lucifer no longer fights him when it's just them, it's much easier. He creates, abstractly, a way for the walls to open and close, more like a gate than a slammed down boundary. It's less aggressive this way, a shut door feels less final.
"Your mind," he says with a content sigh. It's lovelorn. Lucifer already knows his feelings about it, but flowing through it is as comforting as snuggling into a blanket cocoon. "That should work, we won't know fully until tested."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 05:54 am (UTC)But this... this feels good. Because for as much as Lucifer doesn't want to feel controlled, entrapped... He doesn't want to feel caged away from something that by all reason he should have access to.
Issues? Nooooooooooo.
"I'm not very interested in actually brute forcing it right now," he says. They don't exactly have the means to test it without actually forcing it and neither of them have the energy to really going at it. Especially if it... doesn't work as intended.
Oh, sure, if Istredd wants to try, Lucifer will go along with it.
But it's very adamantly clear in neon blinking lights that he Does Not Want to.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-25 01:49 pm (UTC)"I don't mean now, love. Our minds are in no condition. It needs time to settle."
It is a new form, it may break easily under aggression until they learn how to use it. And he means it; they are in no position. Lucifer in particular is unstable, not that Istredd wants to put too fine a note on that, considering it may make him feel like Istredd is saying it's only him that is struggling. It's only him that is weak. It's not the truth, but it could twist that way.
He holds Lucifer and tilts his head to kiss his temple, underneath the mind he loves so well. "I came so close to losing you." And his own life, and Yennefer's, and all those mages. But Lucifer is a priority.
no subject
Date: 2024-01-30 06:41 am (UTC)But thankfully Istredd's stepped on that landmine more than enough and they sidestep it entirely.
"Well, it would've been a very short time that you were without me," he says, with the sort of dark humor that he's often about, "what with you being killed not long after."
no subject
Date: 2024-01-30 06:01 pm (UTC)It didn't happen, that's the important part.
"I wish we understood more of the arcana. I don't think Urianger nor I have come up with much. For the beasts to come in with assigned arcana of their own ... it's interesting." Horrifying, sure, but interesting.
hmmm
Date: 2024-02-09 08:17 am (UTC)Kyle would maybe have been sent to scout if enough time had passed and he had recovered, and only would meet the stench of death and perhaps misery whether or not Lucifer was still possessed. Lucifer would kill him, too, possessed or not, for much different reasons.
But there's no point on dwelling.
"It makes me wonder if anything Summoned from outside worlds automatically get pulled through the arcana system, if that's part of the tether, if it has nothing to do with the Summoning Ritual itself." He hums, enjoying the way his mind, in spite of its sluggish state, feels a little bit clearer, and he idly, distractedly, nips and kisses just under Istredd's chin as the thought starts to coolly coalesce before the words murmur out of him: "Do you think the remaining beasts have a Singularity connection like ours?"
no subject
Date: 2024-02-09 07:32 pm (UTC)"Yes, I do. They were in the Horizon. There's no way they could have gotten in there without a connection." He had at least one or two fights when going to his library and finding creatures there making trouble. It was a shock at first, but it makes more sense now. "But they weren't pulled in by the factions, if the vision we had was true. So how did one of us have the kind of power to do that? Or did he just tap into the Singularity's power?"
Istredd suspects the culprit is in Solvunn and he hasn't asked Wanda if they have identified the person. She probably knows who it is. They're a close group, it's possible she'd defend whoever it is.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe there are multiple ways to look at the tether." Which is annoying for him, as he is so focused on the Singularity being the best way, but he can't deny Lucifer's logic in arguing about that otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 02:40 am (UTC)My concern is whether or not Thorne and the like can capture any creature left behind from the rifts and harvest their Singularity connection instead of ours. Which, fine, I don't care, experiment all you want on animals he's not someone that's gonna balk at a hair care product or whatever and find out things were tested on rabbits or something, but I don't know.
It should make their lives easier.
There you go Thorne, and anyone else looking! Leave the Summoned alone, you have a source over there.
Something about them having that link worries me. Unfounded, and maybe it is just a possessiveness. Just as Josselyn may as well have crowed, that was theirs. Paws off, Abraxas. "I forgot that they had been in the Horizon, but I haven't seen any of them since." What if they still have a connection but it's been corrupted because of the different method of being pulled here? Always more questions, but he feels all of these answers could have much greater dangers for the rest of them.
He's not going to question another Summoned's power. Look at Wanda. She probably could summon her kids here if she went full hardcore Scarlet Witch Prophecy Mode.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 03:46 am (UTC)There are dogs still in Solvunn, not the ones from your sphere. The ones from Adora's sphere. I believe one of the creatures survived in the Free Cities, I could follow up. Steve or Castiel would know. He considers and shakes his head. I don't believe any survived here ... that we know of. Which means any of the governments could get their hands on one of the rift creatures, dead or alive, and be experimenting on them.
"The ones that lived, they probably do still have that connection. I don't believe I've seen them in the Horizon since, but they could be." He's more curious about why they haven't been rounded up in that case. "We'd have to get our hands on them ourselves to get some of those answers." But Thorne doesn't have one.
"Wanda, maybe?" They both go to the well of Wanda Maximoff when they have Solvunn-based questions. It might be worth her seeing if she could catch the dogs and find out for herself. She certainly has the power to do it.
my favorite thing about backdated threads is nods to the FUTURE
Date: 2024-03-07 05:52 am (UTC)"I gotta find me other contacts in Solvunn that aren't Wanda or Michael." Gabe Does Not Count, sorry bro. He can push the reliability thing on his little brother as much as necessary, but there's other roadblocks to consider. "I'm sure Wanda has enough on her plate from her faction alone, not just us." He'd say that's what friends are for but it's not like he actually knows the answer to that. He won't even know who Himeka Actually Is until a months from now when she is in a cube of jelly from her own awry rune use and Kell calling out to her. Like you do. "It's something to be careful about. Let it linger for a bit, let the locals forget and see the additions as invasive sure, but here to stay. Then bring it up maybe."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-07 03:52 pm (UTC)"I suppose I wonder ...." Istredd considers, tipping his head to the side, taking Lucifer's hand because he likes points of contact. "Let's say we're right about the gods being former Summoned. Let's say these rift monsters proved that other entities have that same connection if pulled from other worlds. And that there's corruption possible in those examples. What does that mean for us? Should we be concerned about our future? What will we do if everything we suspect is true?"
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 12:09 am (UTC)"Of course we should be concerned about our future," he says, very much thinking that's obvious. "We already know we can be influenced against our will and not even on purpose." Lucifer and the Myriapod Arcana Problem. "There's likely at least a baker's dozen of ways we can be corrupted and half of them are likely just environmental, half be done against us. Heck, maybe the Singularity's connection will straight-up eventually poison us." There's the tie-breaker thirteen of the split.
For someone that tries to look multiple steps ahead to their Fate when a problem comes up, even Lucifer knows the rest of his answer, "We can't plan for every eventuality, Istredd. Maybe we can save us, or someone else, from going down that potential road." Look at Dean and the Mark. An other-world problem crept into Abraxas, but still an impossible problem solved, presumably with next-to-no known consequences. "But we may just have to put someone down, one day."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 01:07 am (UTC)But it changed there. The Book of Monoliths made him invested, and then it all fell apart. And here? Istredd's been intensely engaged with Abraxas, the opposite of his aloof indifference to his own sphere. He knows that he wants to stay here for his future, he's said as much. Here with Lucifer, here with the others. But what that looks like in a hundred or five hundred years, he hasn't thought ahead to it.
"You know I can't help it. I'll have to plan for those eventualities, as best as possible." It's the Pit all over again, obsessively putting everyone's problems on himself, but it's better in that he's not actively dying. They have time. The new gods didn't go from Summoned to that overnight. They all are on paths. But Lucifer said 'We can save us' and that means it doesn't have to be him alone. Not just with Lucifer, but in general. It's all of them who has to have a buy in.
Istredd kisses him firmly, reminding himself how close they keep getting to losing everything, but they haven't yet. "It won't be us." Having to be put down. He's determined. "If it's me, I give you full permission. But don't offer me the same because I wouldn't be able to." He's honest about his weakness.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 04:09 am (UTC)It's no wonder Crowley got a one-up on him.
It probably will be them, more than anyone, but Lucifer doesn't push that certainty.
"Oh, don't worry, if I become irreparably corrupted I'm taking you down with me and we'll both be walking disasters on the world."
Is that a kindness? Well it's better than being on the other side, isn't it? Lucifer thinks it is.
We can wrap on here or you can end tag!
Date: 2024-03-14 12:41 pm (UTC)He doesn't believe it will be them. They've managed to keep it together for Thorne so far, and if their connection to each other becomes corrupt, they still have the others. It's why Lucifer's comment makes him laugh again, kissing his forehead.
"Well, I'd prefer it to the other option." He agrees with that. If they're together, he has faith in them. They've always brought out the best in each other so far. Killing Lucifer is too impossible of an idea. He's already said before he'd go down protecting him, and he meant it.
"Let's get some rest, love. Our brains have been bleeding." Painfully! This new bond will help that, but it was still not easy, and Lucifer's been struggling with the monster.
stamps APPROVAL
Date: 2024-03-14 09:18 pm (UTC)