"I think you're the exception for me being romantically involved with anyone," he says, and it isn't an attempt to mislead, or distract Istredd with something he'd want to hear. It's just an important fact to note. "It's easier to think of, mm, different 'spheres' having different branches of humanity, certainly."
He slides down the wall, entirely so that he can crouch and set his elbows to his knees, taking his hand back so that he can press his fingertips together in thought. He is not being careful with his response but he's still thinking about it, so that must count for something?
It is the most basic of his rationale, that initial lattice structure that kept him going for so long. That if enough other universes exist, potentially outside of his Father's hands, then maybe he could acknowledge them as other.
But for all he knows there are people than just the Winchesters and his brothers from his world.
He's had something like this conversation with Kyle, with Castiel. It never gets better, although maybe it has to an extent. He has yet to acknowledge how helpful the Castiel Cave Conversation has been for him.
But even separated from his Father, his world, and those pesky little creations still cause Lucifer problems. Ignoring the corruption, getting them kicked out of Eden probably did them a favor. God likely would've done much worse to them, eventually, when he got bored.
"I never quite knew how hard they had it," he admits, and that sting can be felt mentally. "Oh, sure, the ones in the Garden? They had everything given to them, their Paradise. I-I mean how did they even know they had perfection without a shadow of darkness, huh? It makes sense that after, all their descendants, were just over-saturated with pettiness, ugh sickening. Wanted their hand held for everything, cried at a slap of the wrist... never-ending."
A huff. He taps his pressed-together pointer fingers to his lips a few times. "But. Their whole... soul-thing." He makes a scoff. "Never understood the breadth of it. Angels could never know--we weren't allowed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not--I'm not saying I think they've changed. That they've gotten better in thousands of years. Truthfully, I think they've gotten worse, as a whole."
He looks up at Istredd. Castiel didn't tell Lucifer 'I told you so' but he may as well have. "But watered-down as I am, even with the scope it... gives me," congrats he didn't say cursed, "it's still incomparable to that force of a soul and you, and them, and all of it, go through it every day and keep going where it would take down the whole of Heaven if they had to experience it."
'The depth and breadth of their emotions, the power of them. It's overwhelming. We think of ourselves as stronger, more resilient. But we aren't carrying a storm around at all times. If that's the force of a soul, I understand why they're so powerful.'
Tch.
He looks away again. "I hate the whole of Earth. I hate the whole of Heaven. I hate the whole of Hell. But with all three--wait, no, scratch Hell off that list--but with the first two, I can acknowledge tiny pinpricks being something else. Unexpected, carrying a storm I could never handle but they do it again and again, or being the ones to weather it." Humanity, and angels. "So that's how I grapple with it."
In summary: he doesn't actually understand humanity (nor does he want to) and some of y'all don't suck and That's Okay because damn your lives are a bit harder than he gave anyone credit for. Except the humans of Eden. They deserved to be kicked out.
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Date: 2023-06-15 03:22 am (UTC)He slides down the wall, entirely so that he can crouch and set his elbows to his knees, taking his hand back so that he can press his fingertips together in thought. He is not being careful with his response but he's still thinking about it, so that must count for something?
It is the most basic of his rationale, that initial lattice structure that kept him going for so long. That if enough other universes exist, potentially outside of his Father's hands, then maybe he could acknowledge them as other.
But for all he knows there are people than just the Winchesters and his brothers from his world.
He's had something like this conversation with Kyle, with Castiel. It never gets better, although maybe it has to an extent. He has yet to acknowledge how helpful the Castiel Cave Conversation has been for him.
But even separated from his Father, his world, and those pesky little creations still cause Lucifer problems. Ignoring the corruption, getting them kicked out of Eden probably did them a favor. God likely would've done much worse to them, eventually, when he got bored.
"I never quite knew how hard they had it," he admits, and that sting can be felt mentally. "Oh, sure, the ones in the Garden? They had everything given to them, their Paradise. I-I mean how did they even know they had perfection without a shadow of darkness, huh? It makes sense that after, all their descendants, were just over-saturated with pettiness, ugh sickening. Wanted their hand held for everything, cried at a slap of the wrist... never-ending."
A huff. He taps his pressed-together pointer fingers to his lips a few times. "But. Their whole... soul-thing." He makes a scoff. "Never understood the breadth of it. Angels could never know--we weren't allowed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not--I'm not saying I think they've changed. That they've gotten better in thousands of years. Truthfully, I think they've gotten worse, as a whole."
He looks up at Istredd. Castiel didn't tell Lucifer 'I told you so' but he may as well have. "But watered-down as I am, even with the scope it... gives me," congrats he didn't say cursed, "it's still incomparable to that force of a soul and you, and them, and all of it, go through it every day and keep going where it would take down the whole of Heaven if they had to experience it."
'The depth and breadth of their emotions, the power of them. It's overwhelming. We think of ourselves as stronger, more resilient. But we aren't carrying a storm around at all times. If that's the force of a soul, I understand why they're so powerful.'
Tch.
He looks away again. "I hate the whole of Earth. I hate the whole of Heaven. I hate the whole of Hell. But with all three--wait, no, scratch Hell off that list--but with the first two, I can acknowledge tiny pinpricks being something else. Unexpected, carrying a storm I could never handle but they do it again and again, or being the ones to weather it." Humanity, and angels. "So that's how I grapple with it."
In summary: he doesn't actually understand humanity (nor does he want to) and some of y'all don't suck and That's Okay because damn your lives are a bit harder than he gave anyone credit for. Except the humans of Eden. They deserved to be kicked out.