[He can't bundle it down and what's the point anymore, anyway. He reaches tentatively out to Castiel but he knows--he knows down to his bones, woven through his grace, the call and familiarity that had been there when Jack arrived, is gone. The kid wouldn't have hidden himself. No one would know to hide him from Lucifer, not so long later.
He knows and it wasn't even like Wanda's problem--where she didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react to a version of her son. Lucifer was willing to try. Jack was willing to try.
The universe didn't allow them.]
Gardens.
[He could move. He's not particularly willing from where he's bent himself into a shadowy viney patch. Essie even watched him for a few moments, considering, but didn't bite at him before darting off to a new hiding-nap spot.]
[ Istredd could have found him easily on his own but asking was giving Lucifer the option to rebuff him. He probably would have shown up sooner or later to check in, but this at least gives Lucifer a warning that he's coming. It's obvious that he could have simply gone there considering he knows exactly where in the gardens to go.
He doesn't actually care that they're in a semi-public place since they are off to the side, and none of that avoiding PDA matters in a situation like this. Istredd reaches out very gently to put a hand on his shoulder when he gets to him, crouching down. He doesn't ask what happened. That is up to Lucifer, he knows when to not push. ]
Can I?
[ He shows Lucifer that he'd like to hug him and give him some more physical comfort, but he is respectful of his lover's boundaries and doesn't know what mood he's in right then. ]
[It's barely there but the agreement comes through clearer in the bond, despite Lucifer's nearly-burrowed over, hunched state. When Istredd does hug him, the tension and unusual emotional spikes don't fade, but they don't worsen either, so it's clear that Istredd isn't A Problem.
It might be..... awhile. Lucifer's got his knees up, arms folded over, head down. But eventually, Istredd will get a murky answer.] Jack's gone.
[Lucifer has no care for Jack Townsend. So it should (hopefully) be obvious that he Does Not Mean Thorne's Jack.]
[ Istredd does embrace him to the best of his ability and simply exists there for him, running his hand along his hunched back, kissing the top of his bent over head. The only time he's felt something similar to this from Lucifer was his fears for Istredd or Wilhelm, but this is a true loss, not only the fear of one.
He waits, he doesn't push. Istredd surrounds him with the love and support that's become natural to share with him now. When Lucifer does eventually speak, he's confused at first. He knows it's not their Jack, and there is only one other Jack he knows of. ]
Your nephew?
[ Istredd met Jack too and he seemed like a very sweet and innocent creature, also an angel considering his father. Of course, Istredd thinks Castiel is his father, not Lucifer. But in his current ignorance, he can still see why that would happen, as Lucifer's grown close to Wilhelm. Maybe he reached out to a family member without so much baggage. ]
Lucifer's arms shift to bracket his head without dislodging Istredd and he's shaking with laughter but there's nothing humorous about it.] He's my son. Not Castiel's.
[ Well that explains it a lot more. Istredd's shocked, although Lucifer did say he briefly took a human lover so that must be the answer, but all of those details don't really matter. What matters is that Lucifer has a child, he was here, and now he's gone. He is curious about a few things but that really doesn't matter. Instead he only squeezes his grip on Lucifer. ]
He was sent back.
[ It's the only obvious answer. If anyone was being captured they'd all know, although Istredd doesn't know that Cirilla is being kidnapped so they can do just as much damage within their own ranks truthfully. But the gone seems very final. Lucifer's never told him exactly that he's dead or destroyed or whatever it is in his sphere, but Istredd already guessed. Which means this was his only chance to be with his son.
It's a terrible reality. ]
He could come back.
[ It is the smallest of fleeting hopes but it has happened here a few times. It's possible. ]
I felt him when he arrived. When he was here. And now I don't. He wouldn't... hide himself from me, we were supposed to meet in the Horizon.
[Istredd's hope is more laughable than what Lucifer's already feeling.] Sure, yeah. I've already been allowed one more second chance for myself. Clearly I can't have another for... more. For more than just myself. And Michael. Hell, Castiel, of all the dullard, abysmal angels. Why should I be allowed this. The kid wouldn't even tell me what I did to him and yet still...
[ They were supposed to meet in the Horizon and maybe have that second chance. It is bitterly disappointing, no doubt, and Istredd knows his hope was the weakest of offers. The only thing Istredd really can do at this point is listen and give what comfort he can, to no real avail. Only time would help this kind of pain, and even then, it might never.
Istredd's never wondered about his parents or cared to find them, but he knows family, even if complicated and negative, is vitally important to Lucifer and his perception of the world. ]
He was willing to meet with you, whatever you did, it wasn't unforgivable.
[ Jack seemed like a sweet person so maybe it would have been unforgivable to most, but not to him, and that's all that really matters. ]
He was a... stupid child. Cowering under the distress of what his so-called 'family' would do to him if they knew the truth.
[It's really a testament to Lucifer's disatrous mental state that he cannot maintain speaking one way or the other--thoughts or aloud--in even a single sentence.]
[ It must have stung that he intentionally lied about Castiel being his father, apparently to fit in or out of fear from the Winchesters. And Lucifer let that lie stand despite his obvious feelings about it. Especially with it being Castiel of all people.
Istredd sees the break of him being unable to stay in words or telepathy as a concern and leans his own head down on top of Lucifer's.
It's a risk to talk freely out here so Istredd puts up his instinctive audio bubble around them but with an extra spell. An illusion also blankets the two of them out of view. It's the best he can do to shield Lucifer's visible breakdown and words from any outside attention for now. It's some protection he can give.]
That's as much about their issues as yours.
[ Meaning the fact they'd be the kind of people to threaten the life of their enemy's child puts them as much in a villain role in Istredd's eyes. It's unfortunate. ]
Doesn't even care, really. Thorne can screw themselves.
What are they going to gain except for one more thing to use over Lucifer, now gone? When they have so many more known, pressing outlets? Lucifer can't hide his connection to Istredd. He can't hide Wilhelm. Maybe Kell is fine, but he's more connected to Istredd so it just webs on through.
Isn't this, really, how Thorne wins over all its Summoned? Lucifer thought he'd be above it, separate from the web, the spider dancing atop.
What a joke.
That even he was susceptible.
Maybe Thorne does know what they're doing with their Summoning Ritual after all.] I don't know how bad it was for him originally. I never met him before here. Bad enough, from what I could tell. We were separated when he was born. Myself thrown into another world. [That he didn't even know existed. How great! It was! To find out your Father drafted multiple worlds by literally being trapped in another one and then having an alternate abomination of your older brother, cheerily proclaiming killing 'his Lucifer' to Lucifer's face. Good, great times.] None of them here would have known him. I only even got his name from Michael before he showed up I-- [He actually leans in, presses up against Istredd's side, ever a cat as much as some winged creature, brushing into him. Affection, maybe. Necessity, more likely.] I know what I did to him even without him saying.
[ To try and exist in this situation and with these people, it's inevitable to make connections. Lucifer tried not to but he failed, and they all failed. Istredd wouldn't want to change any of that and he suspects outside of a few moments of frustration or angst about it, neither would Lucifer.
He puts his arm around Lucifer and holds him close, that silent leaning in toward his affection being reassuring, since it is more open than simply letting it happen. This is what he can offer and it means something. Istredd did know about the alternative worlds, Michael mentioned that they existed when discussing their father's creations.
He doesn't need to ask why Lucifer kept this secret. The mess of complicated feelings and pain wouldn't be easy for Lucifer to express even to him. Plus, it's Istredd. He would have a hard time not meddling and trying to convince Jack to reach out. ]
What did you do?
[ Usually he would not push but it feels like Lucifer wants to admit to it. ]
[Strangely, if Istredd had asked, the answer would have been so impossibly simple: Jack's safety.
Because at any other point maybe it would be fine. Just simple pain. But there was Dean, and the Mark, and the First Blade.
A combination Lucifer feared for himself, not to mention his own son, in the same faction as Dean.
And Lucifer's own answer, allllll coupled together ringing its own similarities:] I glutted his power. [Just as Dean would have, though likely without being able to use it.] Michael had been confused and surprised we were on speaking terms when I was referencing Thorne's Jack. The kid was........ cagey, around me. [But not hopeless. Not without growth. Without.... understanding... that Lucifer himself didn't understand.] My power. Born through him. And me, so lacking. I wasn't weak at his conception, nor at his birth. His little homegrown family no doubt turned him against me and I... well. I bet you I saw opportunity. I saw a battery, greater than me. Cut out. And torn. Into myself.
[Somewhere along the way he's leaned back, one of his arms outstretched, making a grasping and squeezing motion, all aggressive lines in his face but his eyes--his eyes always lie, almost as much as his mind. Lucifer is following a script, a path he can easily see for himself, but he's seen just as much--if not more--while being here the last year that Istredd will easily make out the parts of him shadowing between the lines.
He knows what he would've done, pushed. He never did it here, just as he never went for Michael, nor Castiel. Part of him thinks without an angel blade it wouldn't cut the right depths. Another part knows it wouldn't be enough, not really.
And maybe there's just the slimmest, most useless part of himself, that simply doesn't understand what the point of it all is on another world.]
[ Istredd reaches up and takes his outstretched hand, holding it with a gentle squeeze back at him. He moves to the side of him and puts the other arm around his shoulder, leaned up right against him so he can do the same back when he needs to. ]
This you did not do that. Maybe that's why Jack wanted to see more of you, you've changed.
[ Everyone has acknowledged that Lucifer changed, including Lucifer himself. It was gradual but it's a solid foundation. Istredd can only guess at what Jack saw, but it makes sense to him. He probably wanted to believe it but if they had the chance, he knows Lucifer would have proved it to be true. That is a cold comfort, or none at all, because they had the option but never got to do it. ]
You have it in you to be a good father, separated from the downfalls of your sphere, look at Wilhelm. He would have seen that eventually.
What's it matter? He's gone, maybe he'll remember that he saw... whatever in me to give me a chance, but what's the point in him, anyway. [It's what he kept asking himself. Gone was the time where he needed the kid to be by his side, untainted by outside influence. He missed that opportunity instantly.] I don't need to keep having more of these... these kids looking to me.
It doesn't matter. It's safer for him to not be here.
People don't need to have a point to exist. Nor does there need to be a point in having them around, outside of wanting them to.
[ Istredd knows that Lucifer has a tendency to hunch back into his former self when in an emotional state of mind like now. As if he can somehow make himself go backwards to not caring when all he's doing is caring very strongly. ]
They look to you because you treat them like people, not like kids. At that age, everyone thinks they know better, but you're more willing to listen to them.
[ Lucifer's open-minded about others in a way not everyone is. Istredd can see why their youths are drawn to him. He holds Lucifer's hand still, running his thumb back and forth along his knuckles. ]
Maybe you're right that it's safer, but I am sorry that you lost him.
[It's the first time Lucifer uncoils a little bit and it's to give Istredd a look equivalent to his 'do you know how utterly insane you sound' and really, it's not Istredd's fault, it's just Lucifer's concept of reality.] People exist, born into a tapestry of Fate and Time and I can fight against the grain as much as I want but it doesn't change that every person has some noose around their neck, the ability to create a domino effect by them being pulled out. There's a point to everyone, regardless how useless and pathetic they are or the choices they'd prefer.
[Purpose and duty and still so heavily woven through him no matter how much he's shaken it off.]
[ Istredd gives him a neutral look back because that is not his experience or his belief, and his sphere and how it works is different from Lucifer's. Nothing he says changes his mind, but he does understand that is how Lucifer feels, so it may as well be true. ]
You're the one who said 'what's the point in him,' so if you believe that everyone does have a point, so does he. What's his point, Lucifer? To you.
[And that's the real crux of the problem. Always coming back to a selfish view on life. How and what a person is and should be to Lucifer, not the rest of the world. Jack may as well have been a cardboard cutout. Not a person on his own, not a being. An accessory, to Lucifer.
He sinks he chin down to his arms, staring out at the plants around them, sun on leaves, a breeze pushing up under vines.] There is none. [A repetition. If he keeps saying it, it'll have to stick.] He was supposed to be a change. Someone that didn't know my story. That had to follow me. [He knows what it sounds like, okay. He knows. He's telling Istredd, anyway.] I got plenty of that here, I don't need him, already watered down by Castiel and the Winchesters. He didn't need me as a parent and I couldn't use his power so he would've just been one more problem.
[ Istredd listens without comment or judgment because he knows that the way Lucifer thinks is not always what he actually believes or wants. Unlearning billions of years is near impossible, but he does try. His next question is gentle. ]
[Istredd's question could have been no more than a whisper and it still would've cut right on through.
His reaction is instantaneous, glaring daggers at Istredd, a near-snarl to his voice.] I'm not-- ['Upset' gets lost just as quick and there's a buzz of power to his skin, the hairs of his arms standing up. He jerks his gaze back away, not saying anything, but mostly managing to stuff the upsurge of energy into a box that wouldn't harm Istredd by proximity. Not that it should on a normal basis anyway, but. Well.
[ Istredd is aware that he probably doesn't actually know how many times Lucifer may have almost killed him accidentally. He has a lot of power that he has to control and as he regains his grace it'll continue. But he has faith in him which is why he doesn't even flinch. He meets Lucifer's dagger glare with understanding and runs his fingers through Lucifer's hair when he looks away. ]
Why bother pretending with me? Your son was here and there was potential to make a relationship, enough that you agreed to meet in the Horizon. He's gone and that opportunity is lost. You're allowed to feel sad and regretful and mad about it. I am the last person you have to pretend with.
[Because he's so impossibly, agonizingly, truly upset, Istredd, that's why.
It's not about trying to pretend with Istredd. It's trying to pretend with himself.
He doesn't want to. There's no reason to, so why does he have to?! This wasn't even him screwing up. He didn't fall into Dad's playbook. This wasn't even... even like Istredd and the kids, who he nearly lost to the happenings of this worlds itself. It was just machinations of the universe still making him always wonder in the back of his mind if God was in the background pulling his strings and making Lucifer dance to his script.
This time Istredd does receive a full snarl.] Shut up.
[ Istredd's eyes narrow and he does his mental math, his side thought process when he decides whether it's worth it to push Lucifer or better to back off. He has to consider what his motivations are and the best way to it. Sometimes even when it comes to the most emotional of things, his mind mixes it with logic. ]
I have an idea that might help.
[ A complete turn in conversation, an abrupt detour. He is an expert at taking the winds out of Lucifer's sails and he suspects fighting will do no one any good. At least not each other.]
We shouldn't do it here. Come back to the room and meet me in the Horizon.
[ Still completely unafraid, he touches Lucifer's face despite his snarling. ]
[It's not the 'trust me' that does it. It's that Istredd still touches him when Lucifer very well could actually sever his hand at the wrist with his teeth. That the venom is there, the want to just simply lash out at this fool of a mage even daring to reach out to the monster under everyone's bed.
His raised hackles don't ebb but his reddened gaze meets Istredd's and there is no vocal agreement, barely even a mental agreement. But the feeling is there. Understanding and acknowledgment and acceptance.
He does not go back with Istredd though. It's... better that way on a multitude of levels. He blinks out of the garden, the sound of billowing wings, and then Istredd is alone.
But Lucifer will be in their room when Istredd arrives, pacing a hole in the floor between the beds.]
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no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 03:12 am (UTC)[He can't bundle it down and what's the point anymore, anyway. He reaches tentatively out to Castiel but he knows--he knows down to his bones, woven through his grace, the call and familiarity that had been there when Jack arrived, is gone. The kid wouldn't have hidden himself. No one would know to hide him from Lucifer, not so long later.
He knows and it wasn't even like Wanda's problem--where she didn't know what to do, didn't know how to react to a version of her son. Lucifer was willing to try. Jack was willing to try.
The universe didn't allow them.]
Gardens.
[He could move. He's not particularly willing from where he's bent himself into a shadowy viney patch. Essie even watched him for a few moments, considering, but didn't bite at him before darting off to a new hiding-nap spot.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 03:41 am (UTC)He doesn't actually care that they're in a semi-public place since they are off to the side, and none of that avoiding PDA matters in a situation like this. Istredd reaches out very gently to put a hand on his shoulder when he gets to him, crouching down. He doesn't ask what happened. That is up to Lucifer, he knows when to not push. ]
Can I?
[ He shows Lucifer that he'd like to hug him and give him some more physical comfort, but he is respectful of his lover's boundaries and doesn't know what mood he's in right then. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 03:49 am (UTC)[It's barely there but the agreement comes through clearer in the bond, despite Lucifer's nearly-burrowed over, hunched state. When Istredd does hug him, the tension and unusual emotional spikes don't fade, but they don't worsen either, so it's clear that Istredd isn't A Problem.
It might be..... awhile. Lucifer's got his knees up, arms folded over, head down. But eventually, Istredd will get a murky answer.] Jack's gone.
[Lucifer has no care for Jack Townsend. So it should (hopefully) be obvious that he Does Not Mean Thorne's Jack.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 03:55 am (UTC)He waits, he doesn't push. Istredd surrounds him with the love and support that's become natural to share with him now. When Lucifer does eventually speak, he's confused at first. He knows it's not their Jack, and there is only one other Jack he knows of. ]
Your nephew?
[ Istredd met Jack too and he seemed like a very sweet and innocent creature, also an angel considering his father. Of course, Istredd thinks Castiel is his father, not Lucifer. But in his current ignorance, he can still see why that would happen, as Lucifer's grown close to Wilhelm. Maybe he reached out to a family member without so much baggage. ]
I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:00 am (UTC)Something splits. Cracks. Shatters.
Lucifer's arms shift to bracket his head without dislodging Istredd and he's shaking with laughter but there's nothing humorous about it.] He's my son. Not Castiel's.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:14 am (UTC)He was sent back.
[ It's the only obvious answer. If anyone was being captured they'd all know, although Istredd doesn't know that Cirilla is being kidnapped so they can do just as much damage within their own ranks truthfully. But the gone seems very final. Lucifer's never told him exactly that he's dead or destroyed or whatever it is in his sphere, but Istredd already guessed. Which means this was his only chance to be with his son.
It's a terrible reality. ]
He could come back.
[ It is the smallest of fleeting hopes but it has happened here a few times. It's possible. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:30 am (UTC)[Istredd's hope is more laughable than what Lucifer's already feeling.] Sure, yeah. I've already been allowed one more second chance for myself. Clearly I can't have another for... more. For more than just myself. And Michael. Hell, Castiel, of all the dullard, abysmal angels. Why should I be allowed this. The kid wouldn't even tell me what I did to him and yet still...
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:37 am (UTC)Istredd's never wondered about his parents or cared to find them, but he knows family, even if complicated and negative, is vitally important to Lucifer and his perception of the world. ]
He was willing to meet with you, whatever you did, it wasn't unforgivable.
[ Jack seemed like a sweet person so maybe it would have been unforgivable to most, but not to him, and that's all that really matters. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:49 am (UTC)[It's really a testament to Lucifer's disatrous mental state that he cannot maintain speaking one way or the other--thoughts or aloud--in even a single sentence.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 04:59 am (UTC)Istredd sees the break of him being unable to stay in words or telepathy as a concern and leans his own head down on top of Lucifer's.
It's a risk to talk freely out here so Istredd puts up his instinctive audio bubble around them but with an extra spell. An illusion also blankets the two of them out of view. It's the best he can do to shield Lucifer's visible breakdown and words from any outside attention for now. It's some protection he can give.]
That's as much about their issues as yours.
[ Meaning the fact they'd be the kind of people to threaten the life of their enemy's child puts them as much in a villain role in Istredd's eyes. It's unfortunate. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 05:18 am (UTC)Doesn't even care, really. Thorne can screw themselves.
What are they going to gain except for one more thing to use over Lucifer, now gone? When they have so many more known, pressing outlets? Lucifer can't hide his connection to Istredd. He can't hide Wilhelm. Maybe Kell is fine, but he's more connected to Istredd so it just webs on through.
Isn't this, really, how Thorne wins over all its Summoned? Lucifer thought he'd be above it, separate from the web, the spider dancing atop.
What a joke.
That even he was susceptible.
Maybe Thorne does know what they're doing with their Summoning Ritual after all.] I don't know how bad it was for him originally. I never met him before here. Bad enough, from what I could tell. We were separated when he was born. Myself thrown into another world. [That he didn't even know existed. How great! It was! To find out your Father drafted multiple worlds by literally being trapped in another one and then having an alternate abomination of your older brother, cheerily proclaiming killing 'his Lucifer' to Lucifer's face. Good, great times.] None of them here would have known him. I only even got his name from Michael before he showed up I-- [He actually leans in, presses up against Istredd's side, ever a cat as much as some winged creature, brushing into him. Affection, maybe. Necessity, more likely.] I know what I did to him even without him saying.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 05:27 am (UTC)He puts his arm around Lucifer and holds him close, that silent leaning in toward his affection being reassuring, since it is more open than simply letting it happen. This is what he can offer and it means something. Istredd did know about the alternative worlds, Michael mentioned that they existed when discussing their father's creations.
He doesn't need to ask why Lucifer kept this secret. The mess of complicated feelings and pain wouldn't be easy for Lucifer to express even to him. Plus, it's Istredd. He would have a hard time not meddling and trying to convince Jack to reach out. ]
What did you do?
[ Usually he would not push but it feels like Lucifer wants to admit to it. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 06:22 am (UTC)Because at any other point maybe it would be fine. Just simple pain. But there was Dean, and the Mark, and the First Blade.
A combination Lucifer feared for himself, not to mention his own son, in the same faction as Dean.
And Lucifer's own answer, allllll coupled together ringing its own similarities:] I glutted his power. [Just as Dean would have, though likely without being able to use it.] Michael had been confused and surprised we were on speaking terms when I was referencing Thorne's Jack. The kid was........ cagey, around me. [But not hopeless. Not without growth. Without.... understanding... that Lucifer himself didn't understand.] My power. Born through him. And me, so lacking. I wasn't weak at his conception, nor at his birth. His little homegrown family no doubt turned him against me and I... well. I bet you I saw opportunity. I saw a battery, greater than me. Cut out. And torn. Into myself.
[Somewhere along the way he's leaned back, one of his arms outstretched, making a grasping and squeezing motion, all aggressive lines in his face but his eyes--his eyes always lie, almost as much as his mind. Lucifer is following a script, a path he can easily see for himself, but he's seen just as much--if not more--while being here the last year that Istredd will easily make out the parts of him shadowing between the lines.
He knows what he would've done, pushed. He never did it here, just as he never went for Michael, nor Castiel. Part of him thinks without an angel blade it wouldn't cut the right depths. Another part knows it wouldn't be enough, not really.
And maybe there's just the slimmest, most useless part of himself, that simply doesn't understand what the point of it all is on another world.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-04 02:52 pm (UTC)This you did not do that. Maybe that's why Jack wanted to see more of you, you've changed.
[ Everyone has acknowledged that Lucifer changed, including Lucifer himself. It was gradual but it's a solid foundation. Istredd can only guess at what Jack saw, but it makes sense to him. He probably wanted to believe it but if they had the chance, he knows Lucifer would have proved it to be true. That is a cold comfort, or none at all, because they had the option but never got to do it. ]
You have it in you to be a good father, separated from the downfalls of your sphere, look at Wilhelm. He would have seen that eventually.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 01:20 am (UTC)It doesn't matter. It's safer for him to not be here.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 01:38 am (UTC)[ Istredd knows that Lucifer has a tendency to hunch back into his former self when in an emotional state of mind like now. As if he can somehow make himself go backwards to not caring when all he's doing is caring very strongly. ]
They look to you because you treat them like people, not like kids. At that age, everyone thinks they know better, but you're more willing to listen to them.
[ Lucifer's open-minded about others in a way not everyone is. Istredd can see why their youths are drawn to him. He holds Lucifer's hand still, running his thumb back and forth along his knuckles. ]
Maybe you're right that it's safer, but I am sorry that you lost him.
per usual, Lucifer fixates
Date: 2023-06-05 01:57 am (UTC)[Purpose and duty and still so heavily woven through him no matter how much he's shaken it off.]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 02:06 am (UTC)You're the one who said 'what's the point in him,' so if you believe that everyone does have a point, so does he. What's his point, Lucifer? To you.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 02:26 am (UTC)He sinks he chin down to his arms, staring out at the plants around them, sun on leaves, a breeze pushing up under vines.] There is none. [A repetition. If he keeps saying it, it'll have to stick.] He was supposed to be a change. Someone that didn't know my story. That had to follow me. [He knows what it sounds like, okay. He knows. He's telling Istredd, anyway.] I got plenty of that here, I don't need him, already watered down by Castiel and the Winchesters. He didn't need me as a parent and I couldn't use his power so he would've just been one more problem.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 02:55 am (UTC)Then why are you so upset?
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 03:06 am (UTC)His reaction is instantaneous, glaring daggers at Istredd, a near-snarl to his voice.] I'm not-- ['Upset' gets lost just as quick and there's a buzz of power to his skin, the hairs of his arms standing up. He jerks his gaze back away, not saying anything, but mostly managing to stuff the upsurge of energy into a box that wouldn't harm Istredd by proximity. Not that it should on a normal basis anyway, but. Well.
Always a flight risk, Lucifer.] Shut up.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 03:14 am (UTC)Why bother pretending with me? Your son was here and there was potential to make a relationship, enough that you agreed to meet in the Horizon. He's gone and that opportunity is lost. You're allowed to feel sad and regretful and mad about it. I am the last person you have to pretend with.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-05 03:33 am (UTC)It's not about trying to pretend with Istredd. It's trying to pretend with himself.
He doesn't want to. There's no reason to, so why does he have to?! This wasn't even him screwing up. He didn't fall into Dad's playbook. This wasn't even... even like Istredd and the kids, who he nearly lost to the happenings of this worlds itself. It was just machinations of the universe still making him always wonder in the back of his mind if God was in the background pulling his strings and making Lucifer dance to his script.
This time Istredd does receive a full snarl.] Shut up.
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Date: 2023-06-05 03:52 am (UTC)I have an idea that might help.
[ A complete turn in conversation, an abrupt detour. He is an expert at taking the winds out of Lucifer's sails and he suspects fighting will do no one any good. At least not each other.]
We shouldn't do it here. Come back to the room and meet me in the Horizon.
[ Still completely unafraid, he touches Lucifer's face despite his snarling. ]
Trust me.
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Date: 2023-06-05 04:12 am (UTC)His raised hackles don't ebb but his reddened gaze meets Istredd's and there is no vocal agreement, barely even a mental agreement. But the feeling is there. Understanding and acknowledgment and acceptance.
He does not go back with Istredd though. It's... better that way on a multitude of levels. He blinks out of the garden, the sound of billowing wings, and then Istredd is alone.
But Lucifer will be in their room when Istredd arrives, pacing a hole in the floor between the beds.]
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From:perfectly healthy normal things
From:totally normal!
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From:in the mental outtake of my mind: Lucifer just pushes Istredd off the wall: The End, credits roll
From:LOL RIP
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From:wrap here?
From:Perfect! awww cat's cradle for two
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