"It's not that I think you'll do something stupid, I think you don't value yourself as highly as you need to. And not value in terms of what you're capable of, like your magic, which I know you've been told is important in the service of others. But you're more than your magic and your use to others." It is so much easier to see this in someone else than in himself, but that's part of why he does understand. Istredd sighs and decides the better approach is personal.
"I was raised in a similar way." He knows he has discussed this with Kell but it's relevant. "With the Brotherhood, you were expected your entire life to be loyal, to only live for it. When they called, you came, no matter what. Even those who thought they were rebellious, they came when fingers were snapped at them. What we could do for them, it was the only thing that mattered." Istredd got away but did he? He got away to do his studies but it was for them, he got to avoid courts and active participation back home, but none of his money was his, everything he earned was branched from their influence.
"It's led me to struggle with finding value in myself separate from that. Someone else is always more important, some cause is always bigger than me." Istredd has created his own bigger causes, and identified the people he considers more important, and he still has an instinct to think about that first. "It's taken a lot of work on other people's part to try and change that mindset." It drives Lucifer insane.
"But I see that in you and it worries me, because you're so young, Kell. I don't want you to waste decades like I did thinking your only value is what other people can take from you. You're as important as Rhy is, Kell."
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Date: 2023-12-18 08:51 pm (UTC)"I was raised in a similar way." He knows he has discussed this with Kell but it's relevant. "With the Brotherhood, you were expected your entire life to be loyal, to only live for it. When they called, you came, no matter what. Even those who thought they were rebellious, they came when fingers were snapped at them. What we could do for them, it was the only thing that mattered." Istredd got away but did he? He got away to do his studies but it was for them, he got to avoid courts and active participation back home, but none of his money was his, everything he earned was branched from their influence.
"It's led me to struggle with finding value in myself separate from that. Someone else is always more important, some cause is always bigger than me." Istredd has created his own bigger causes, and identified the people he considers more important, and he still has an instinct to think about that first. "It's taken a lot of work on other people's part to try and change that mindset." It drives Lucifer insane.
"But I see that in you and it worries me, because you're so young, Kell. I don't want you to waste decades like I did thinking your only value is what other people can take from you. You're as important as Rhy is, Kell."