I know it's hard, but it'll get easier. We haven't pushed this far before.
[ Istredd usually takes him in very small steps and this is more like an entire leap. He wouldn't do it if he didn't think Mat could handle it. Or that it wasn't necessary. It is. Sometimes this is the only way. ]
Yennefer went through something similar, when we were young. She's always had power, but channeling it wasn't always easy, her breakthrough came later than others.
[ Yennefer probably won't appreciate him giving a little bit away of her, but she'll understand too, when she gets his reason for it. Mat respects her, looks up to her. She is one of the most powerful mages here and that's without her natural-born Chaos, when she gets it back, it'll be a big difference. If she went through a struggle like his, he can get through it too, and become like her. ]
You're almost there, Mat. Believe that you can do it. See your way through this and reach for it.
[There's a great deal of difference between his little ice sculptures and frozen patches and this. Even the feel of it, the physical strain. Like struggling to lift a too-heavy rock with bare hands. But a rock that's only a bit too heavy, one that rocks and teases as though it will be lifted.
Under it all, the old fears linger. That he, Mat Cauthon, could truly do anything of note, anything worthy of praise. That he, a fool and a coward, could ever even think to try and wield power like this. It's not for him. Whatever power in him is dark and vile and will use him instead. Like everything else, if he truly touches this power it will turn rotten and dangerous.
But Istredd's words cut through Mat's own insidious inner voice. The honest encouragement there. This man believes in him. All this time teaching him and Istredd believes in him. Fuck everyone who's called him useless or worthless or good for nothing. He'll show them.
Focusing on that, he does his best to follow the instructions. Reach for it. Grab that power he can feel, take it in his metaphorical hands and hold it fast. He calls on every little scrap of advice everyone has ever given him - breathing techniques, visualizations, clearing his mind of everything but the task at hand. His mind struggles against the idea, never easily quieted, but he tries to channel that, too, into his efforts.
With an audible cry of exertion, something clicks into place. Sheer force of will and spite and the push of earnestly offered encouragement and support tip something over. Mat takes the weight of the spell, holding the water himself.
At least until he can't hold on, and his control slips but not the strength of the magic.]
Oh shit!
[It's all Mat has time to get out before it all bursts, water exploding everywhere within the containment of Istredd's shielding.]
[ Istredd remembers what it was like to be so frustrated when learning. The problem with magic with Chaos is that there always is an undercurrent of fear. You want to push, but pushing could kill you. So it became a balancing act. He was far more patient as he tried relentlessly until it worked, but he talked Yennefer through her more constant frustration at it not coming easily to her. Now it does, but it takes that lack of fear. She and Mat have similar backgrounds of being treated like dirt too. He can see that in them.
He watches and sees as Mat starts to get it, starts to absorb in what Istredd is pushing at him. It can blow up on both of them, but he is ready for that. Istredd's eyes widen and he smiles when he can almost feel something in Mat snap. He's pushed past the wall and it means the space fills with his power, and Istredd can only keep the protection shielding within their space. So they can't blow out the walls.
It doesn't stop them from getting wet head to toe though, and some of the room as well, but Istredd only ends up laughing as wipes the water from his eyes. They are even brighter blue at the moment and he reaches out to put a hand on Mat's arm. ]
You did it, Mat!
[ So yes he lost control at the end, yes they will probably have to dry off the room before anyone can come in it again, but Istredd isn't focusing on that part. He's focusing on the success. ]
[Mat's stunned for a moment, sopping wet, his hair flat and plastered to his head. He'd done that. Him.
It's not the watery accident he's stunned over, but his initial success. He'd most certainly felt it. All that power, rushing through him like spring melt down the mountain. It's enough to humble even him into silence for a moment.
He manages to nod, ignoring that he's dripping from every limb - not to mention Istredd's in the same state - and that the room is now a mess. He'd made that mess. No, it wasn't the intention, but fuck it, he doesn't care. He felt the moment that dam gave way and he broke through whatever holds he'd placed on himself.]
Uh...sorry.
[He tries to be sheepish. It doesn't work very well.]
Don't be sorry. Magic mishaps are normal while training.
[ Istredd's seen plenty of mistakes much worse than this. He didn't set fire to the castle. It could have been worse. There may be some grumbling but it's part of magic, things not always going perfectly. He'll help them clean it up. It's funny that being soaked head to toe feels like a triumph, but it does. ]
You did. And the world didn't end. It only got a little wet. But you can do it again, you know that now.
[ Istredd thinks this is why teaching has ended up rewarding for him in a way he didn't expect. Wilhelm getting control of his fire, Mat able to push back a serious wall, it's worth all the effort to see them blossom. He smiles at him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Istredd usually takes him in very small steps and this is more like an entire leap. He wouldn't do it if he didn't think Mat could handle it. Or that it wasn't necessary. It is. Sometimes this is the only way. ]
Yennefer went through something similar, when we were young. She's always had power, but channeling it wasn't always easy, her breakthrough came later than others.
[ Yennefer probably won't appreciate him giving a little bit away of her, but she'll understand too, when she gets his reason for it. Mat respects her, looks up to her. She is one of the most powerful mages here and that's without her natural-born Chaos, when she gets it back, it'll be a big difference. If she went through a struggle like his, he can get through it too, and become like her. ]
You're almost there, Mat. Believe that you can do it. See your way through this and reach for it.
no subject
Under it all, the old fears linger. That he, Mat Cauthon, could truly do anything of note, anything worthy of praise. That he, a fool and a coward, could ever even think to try and wield power like this. It's not for him. Whatever power in him is dark and vile and will use him instead. Like everything else, if he truly touches this power it will turn rotten and dangerous.
But Istredd's words cut through Mat's own insidious inner voice. The honest encouragement there. This man believes in him. All this time teaching him and Istredd believes in him. Fuck everyone who's called him useless or worthless or good for nothing. He'll show them.
Focusing on that, he does his best to follow the instructions. Reach for it. Grab that power he can feel, take it in his metaphorical hands and hold it fast. He calls on every little scrap of advice everyone has ever given him - breathing techniques, visualizations, clearing his mind of everything but the task at hand. His mind struggles against the idea, never easily quieted, but he tries to channel that, too, into his efforts.
With an audible cry of exertion, something clicks into place. Sheer force of will and spite and the push of earnestly offered encouragement and support tip something over. Mat takes the weight of the spell, holding the water himself.
At least until he can't hold on, and his control slips but not the strength of the magic.]
Oh shit!
[It's all Mat has time to get out before it all bursts, water exploding everywhere within the containment of Istredd's shielding.]
sorry for the wait the mingle set up took a bit
He watches and sees as Mat starts to get it, starts to absorb in what Istredd is pushing at him. It can blow up on both of them, but he is ready for that. Istredd's eyes widen and he smiles when he can almost feel something in Mat snap. He's pushed past the wall and it means the space fills with his power, and Istredd can only keep the protection shielding within their space. So they can't blow out the walls.
It doesn't stop them from getting wet head to toe though, and some of the room as well, but Istredd only ends up laughing as wipes the water from his eyes. They are even brighter blue at the moment and he reaches out to put a hand on Mat's arm. ]
You did it, Mat!
[ So yes he lost control at the end, yes they will probably have to dry off the room before anyone can come in it again, but Istredd isn't focusing on that part. He's focusing on the success. ]
Did you feel it? The moment it worked?
No worries!
It's not the watery accident he's stunned over, but his initial success. He'd most certainly felt it. All that power, rushing through him like spring melt down the mountain. It's enough to humble even him into silence for a moment.
He manages to nod, ignoring that he's dripping from every limb - not to mention Istredd's in the same state - and that the room is now a mess. He'd made that mess. No, it wasn't the intention, but fuck it, he doesn't care. He felt the moment that dam gave way and he broke through whatever holds he'd placed on himself.]
Uh...sorry.
[He tries to be sheepish. It doesn't work very well.]
But I did it!
no subject
[ Istredd's seen plenty of mistakes much worse than this. He didn't set fire to the castle. It could have been worse. There may be some grumbling but it's part of magic, things not always going perfectly. He'll help them clean it up. It's funny that being soaked head to toe feels like a triumph, but it does. ]
You did. And the world didn't end. It only got a little wet. But you can do it again, you know that now.
[ Istredd thinks this is why teaching has ended up rewarding for him in a way he didn't expect. Wilhelm getting control of his fire, Mat able to push back a serious wall, it's worth all the effort to see them blossom. He smiles at him. ]
I'm proud of you, Mat.