It is telling that Istredd tenses instead of leans into the touches for once, although he does manage to force himself to relax. By a tiny bit. It's more a sense of general discomfort since this is not a topic they talk about. Once you become a mage, the past is over with, and you focus on the rest of your life. No one wants to address what they went through because it is understood to be cruel but necessary.
Istredd isn't stupid but he also has always played along with that song and dance, and while he's always been vocally critical of the Brotherhood, just as Yennefer is, he's still one of them. "Of course it's not just. I haven't even told you everything that happens." He takes a deep breath in and out and reaches up to rest his hand on top of Lucifer's on his shoulders.
"Listen, Lucifer. I never had family, I was never loved, I was raised in fear, ambition, and isolation. And even if I wanted to have a family now, I can't. That is terrible, I agree, but the truth is, I am one of the lucky ones." Because he lived, he's not an eel, he didn't die from Chaos or in the most recent battle the mages were forced into, where Yennefer almost died. He's spent a fairly peaceful life as a scholar, he's very lucky. "So I don't dwell on the unfairness of the past."
In that way, he is letting the Brotherhood off the hook, but it's also how he moves forward. "There are terrible people in the Brotherhood, but some of them are just me in a few hundred years. We all came from the same place." Istredd wants to think he's different but is he? It's not as if he's pushed for reform or tried to save the young mages there now. He ran away and stayed there as long as he could.
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Date: 2023-06-15 05:48 am (UTC)Istredd isn't stupid but he also has always played along with that song and dance, and while he's always been vocally critical of the Brotherhood, just as Yennefer is, he's still one of them. "Of course it's not just. I haven't even told you everything that happens." He takes a deep breath in and out and reaches up to rest his hand on top of Lucifer's on his shoulders.
"Listen, Lucifer. I never had family, I was never loved, I was raised in fear, ambition, and isolation. And even if I wanted to have a family now, I can't. That is terrible, I agree, but the truth is, I am one of the lucky ones." Because he lived, he's not an eel, he didn't die from Chaos or in the most recent battle the mages were forced into, where Yennefer almost died. He's spent a fairly peaceful life as a scholar, he's very lucky. "So I don't dwell on the unfairness of the past."
In that way, he is letting the Brotherhood off the hook, but it's also how he moves forward. "There are terrible people in the Brotherhood, but some of them are just me in a few hundred years. We all came from the same place." Istredd wants to think he's different but is he? It's not as if he's pushed for reform or tried to save the young mages there now. He ran away and stayed there as long as he could.