Kell looks away, and Istredd can watch in real time how his muscles tense, his jaw sets, slowly, but surely clamming up in reaction to criticism. It is in the best intentions, and it is very true, but Kell doesn't see this. He doesn't want to see or hear any of it.
"I have my studies, the teashop and my writing. Neither of those thing have anything to do with Rhy. We live together, but we don't sit on each other's backs day in and day out. He's not even in my book."
But it doesn't matter, does it? Those are all things Kell would drop for Rhy at moment's notice. No matter how much he protests about it now.
"I have, and I do." He's just being contrarian now. "And I would really appreciate if everyone stop telling me what I should and shouldn't want. I think I can figure it out for myself well enough."
Telling him he can't have things he wants when he was home. Telling him he should want things now that he is here and he can. That what he wants is never right. It was not right then, it is not right now. Even if those are not the same things. Even if his clutching to Rhy is as much about Rhy himself, as it is about Kell being terrified by how little he knows who he even is without Rhy.
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Date: 2023-12-12 10:55 pm (UTC)Kell looks away, and Istredd can watch in real time how his muscles tense, his jaw sets, slowly, but surely clamming up in reaction to criticism. It is in the best intentions, and it is very true, but Kell doesn't see this. He doesn't want to see or hear any of it.
"I have my studies, the teashop and my writing. Neither of those thing have anything to do with Rhy. We live together, but we don't sit on each other's backs day in and day out. He's not even in my book."
But it doesn't matter, does it? Those are all things Kell would drop for Rhy at moment's notice. No matter how much he protests about it now.
"I have, and I do." He's just being contrarian now. "And I would really appreciate if everyone stop telling me what I should and shouldn't want. I think I can figure it out for myself well enough."
Telling him he can't have things he wants when he was home. Telling him he should want things now that he is here and he can. That what he wants is never right. It was not right then, it is not right now. Even if those are not the same things. Even if his clutching to Rhy is as much about Rhy himself, as it is about Kell being terrified by how little he knows who he even is without Rhy.