Judging from the ease he throws himself into dangerous, even potentially deadly situation, nobody in their right mind would suggest that Kell is a coward. There are things that he fears. There are thing that he dislikes, that annoy him or disgust him. And then... there are other things... Things he'd rather not think about, things he tries his best to push so far down his mind they barely resemble anything at all. He can put a great deal of effort into his avoidance. He can find himself enough occupations so he's left with no time and no space for thinking. So he can skillfully weave his day away from those thorny, prickly issues he'd rather not see and not notice. He's such an expert at this, he can fool even himself at times.
But with his book finished, printed and delivered to the shops, Kell has nowhere to run. He must, finally, face the issue that he hasn't talked with Istredd for a while. He knew something was wrong, something had happened. So maybe he is a coward after all. For pretending that he does not see the empty chair at meals or avoiding Horizon altogether. For stubbornly clinging to the notion that older, wiser and more dependable mentor figures cannot possibly get hurt in utterly crazy circumstances they just went through. Trying to erase any hint at a thought that not only something bad could happen to Istredd, could happen to Lucifer, or Kyle. But that something already did.
With heart heavy as if another mountain descended on him, Kell drags himself to stand in front of the door to Istredd's and Lucifer's room in hope that either of them is inside. Stands there like a complete moron in the empty corridor, just lucky no castle staff or other Summoned pass to inquire why is he staring at the closed door with a such dread. Before finally bringing himself to knock.
"Istredd? It's Kell." A pause, brief enough so he does not turn around to flee. "Can I come in?"
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First week of October
Date: 2023-10-08 05:53 pm (UTC)But with his book finished, printed and delivered to the shops, Kell has nowhere to run. He must, finally, face the issue that he hasn't talked with Istredd for a while. He knew something was wrong, something had happened. So maybe he is a coward after all. For pretending that he does not see the empty chair at meals or avoiding Horizon altogether. For stubbornly clinging to the notion that older, wiser and more dependable mentor figures cannot possibly get hurt in utterly crazy circumstances they just went through. Trying to erase any hint at a thought that not only something bad could happen to Istredd, could happen to Lucifer, or Kyle. But that something already did.
With heart heavy as if another mountain descended on him, Kell drags himself to stand in front of the door to Istredd's and Lucifer's room in hope that either of them is inside. Stands there like a complete moron in the empty corridor, just lucky no castle staff or other Summoned pass to inquire why is he staring at the closed door with a such dread. Before finally bringing himself to knock.
"Istredd? It's Kell." A pause, brief enough so he does not turn around to flee. "Can I come in?"